She’d never known anyone as kind as Foster, and she’d never find another like him. Imagine, the sheriff’s wife thought Foster needed a wife. He didn’t want one or he’d have one already. He liked his quiet solitude and she’d invaded it tenfold. More than tenfold and the best way to thank him was to leave him be.
Her heart squeezed. He’d become more than a stranger to her the last few days. She’d learned one thing in life; you can’t always have what you want. Life was full of difficulties and sometimes just being safe from beatings and awful men was enough. Love would have been nice but with Molly in the picture, her hopes dimmed. She could claim to be a widow but more lies just didn’t set well with her.
The howling of the wind outside reminded her she had time to come up with a plan. Foster would know about the towns nearby. He might even take her to one of them. She smiled. Imagine that big bear of a sheriff had a wife. She’d never seen anyone as big. Albert wouldn’t have a chance to escape his fate this time. She didn’t feel bad for him at all.
Molly began to cry and Ginger untied the front of her dress and fed her. The cold came in with Foster and he glanced at her but quickly looked away. She smiled.
“They are on their way. I knew he was a bad seed but murder? I figured him too inept to do it. I’m sorry you ever got involved with him.”
“Me too. I led him to your door and I apologize.” She sighed.
“He would have come anyway. He was broke. I think he planned to winter here then steal the horses. How, I have no idea, the damn fool can hardly sit a horse. He’s gone and hopefully it’s forever.” He put more wood on the fire.
“Thank you for trying to defend my honor. You didn’t have to lie about me being your wife. There will be questions once I’m gone.”
“Is that what you want to do? Leave come spring?”
“Of course.”
He poured himself some coffee, sat down and stared at it. He looked to be deep in thought. He probably regretted claiming her. It was said on impulse and by now Albert had probably convinced the sheriff the truth about her. It hurt knowing she would just bring embarrassment to Foster.
She finished burping Molly and put her back down to sleep. Getting up, she went to the door and opened it. The winter storm was raging, blowing one direction then another. The cold went right to her bones and she instantly had snow in her hair and eyelashes. What an amazing sight. Warmth came behind her and she felt Foster’s strong arm snake around her middle and haul her back against him.
“What are you doing?” His warm breath blew into her ear.
“Just looking. It’s been storming inside and out today.” He gently led her inside and closed the door.
“It sure has, but now the storm inside is over.” He turned her until she faced him and encircled her with his arms. “Your life hasn’t been easy.” His big brown eyes were so full of concern, tears trailed down her face.
“I’m sorry. I’m not much of a crier, but lately I’m a watering pot. I have so many emotions running through me.”
“Here, let’s sit and you can tell me.” He pulled two chairs in front of the fire. He waited until she sat before he did. Putting both elbows on his knees, he leaned forward. “You know you’re safe here, don’t you?”
She dashed her tears with the backs of her hands and nodded. “I do thank you for that. I owe you so much I can never repay.”
“Who’s asking for repayment? I happen to like your company.” He smiled.
“It’s nice of you to say, but I can tell you enjoy living alone with the cat. I’m, we’re an intrusion. It’s my own fault I allowed Albert to touch me. I could have said no. My decision hurt so many people, including Molly. I mean, I’ll do my best by her. What that will be I don’t know yet, but I will keep her safe no matter what. I put you in danger, I mortified my aunt, and I enraged my father. I’m disappointed in myself, yet I feel proud all at the same time. It makes no sense.”
“Actually it does.” He took her hand in his large one and gave it a squeeze. “We’ve all done things we regret and sometimes it leads us down a different path than we imagined and yes people can get hurt along the way but that wasn’t your intent. Don’t forget you had help. Albert preys on people for money. Did he ask your aunt for money to stay quiet?”
Startled she nodded. “How?”
“It’s his way of life. He’d rather play games with other people’s lives than make an honest dollar. I’m sure your aunt could have quietly found you a husband if she paid Albert off. I’ve lived alone by choice, mostly due to Albert and his father. I know there are good people in the world, but I can’t stop wondering if I’ll end up treating a wife and child the same way they treated my mother and me. I’m a grown man and I know better, but something always holds me back from loving someone.”
Disappointment flowed through her. Everything he said was understandable, including the part where he wouldn’t give his heart to another. Damn her romantic heart and dreams. “Thank you for trying to assuage my guilt. I’ve been blaming myself so long; I didn’t look at it any other way.”
“I admire you. I don’t know anyone who’d walk miles to give birth to a baby. You have gumption.” His voice lowered as he gazed into her eyes.
She quickly glanced away. No more pretend dreams. “Molly seems to be thriving and for that I’m grateful.”
“She is a little doll. You’re a good mother to her.”
“I’m trying and will always try to do right by her. She’s all I have left. We’ll have a good life, I expect.” She still couldn’t look at him with her eyes full of doubt.
“I need to take care of some things out in the barn. Get some rest. You were up with Molly plenty last night.” He gave her hand another quick squeeze before he stood and put on his coat and hat. She gave him a quick smile before he left.
He was right, she needed to rest.
Chapter Four
Christmas was tomorrow and here he was hiding out in the barn. He’d shot a buck earlier and they would have fresh venison for their feast. Ginger sure knew how to cook. He’d never had better. He never had cause to celebrate Christmas before and he wasn’t sure what else was needed. There wasn’t time for presents. He smiled. He’d never really wanted to give anyone a present before. He had one thing of value but it wasn’t appropriate to give to Ginger.
She wouldn’t want it anyway. She was so determined to leave him. She never mentioned him claiming her as his wife and Molly as his child. What had he expected? A declaration of love? A happy ending? He knew better. He wasn’t sure how it happened, but he couldn’t let her leave, not without telling her how he felt. The lilt of her voice, the way she cocked her head to one side, exposing her beautiful neck, her care of Molly, the list could go on forever.
Damn it was cold, but he needed to cool off. Last night he lay on the floor with Patches watching her each time she fed Molly and to his horror, it aroused him to see her full breasts. What he wouldn’t have given to be able to just touch them. He could hardly look at her this morning for fear she’d see his desire in his eyes. He didn’t want her disgust. The curves of her body did things to him he couldn’t explain. Things he didn’t want.
He decided long ago to forego love and family for sanity. The volatile relationship his mother had with his stepfather turned him sour on marriage. Any time he’d tried to get close to a woman he always ended up sorry he even tried. However, Ginger made his heart pound painfully against his chest, she took up all his thoughts, and she made his pants feel too small. He shook his head. He knew better than to act like a randy cowboy.
He was no good for her anyway. She needed someone who knew how to love. Someone who knew how to be gentle and giving. He wasn’t sure he knew how to do any of it. He was often away from the house for days at a time when he was rounding up horses. No, he wasn’t husband material. Somehow, he’d have to keep his eyes off her. As if it would be possible.
He left the barn and a gust of wind almost toppled him. He prayed Younger
made it back to town unharmed. As for Albert, he could just go to hell. He grabbed more wood from the front of the house and opened the door. The wind took it and it banged hard against the house. Before he could drop the logs, Ginger was there trying to wrestle the door closed.
“Leave it, you shouldn’t be exerting yourself. I have to go back out anyway.” His voice was gruffer than he would have liked, and he noticed a sense of sadness as he passed by her. Damn women could be so sensitive. He made three more trips and finally took off his coat. “I think we have enough wood. You never know. Montana winters can be bad. I’ve been snowed in before.” She shivered. “We’ll get through. No worries.”
“I have complete confidence in you, Foster. You are a capable man and I’m lucky I ended up at your ranch. It seems naive now that I’d even find the cabin but I had no choice. I do believe to have been blessed.”
His heart fluttered at her smile. He had to look away. He crossed the room and began to stack the wood neatly. The cabin had always seemed adequate to him, but now it was too small. There was a lack of breathing room. How the heck was he supposed to be a gentleman and not think wicked thoughts about her? Was it wicked if he really cared for her? At least he had something else to think about instead of her luscious breasts.
“Foster?”
He turned to her. “What?”
“I was asking if you had any Christmas memories you’d like to share with me.” Her lips tempted him.
“It was just another day of chores. I knew it was Christmas because of the decorations in town and the other kids talked about the pennies and oranges that were left in their stockings by Santa Claus.”
“Same here. It was a day to drink extra so any money we might have had for a meal went for whiskey. One time we had a neighbor who took pity on me. She came to get me one year. I had a fine time. There were platters of food and sweets. I’d never seen the like. Under the tree lay stacks of presents, and they gave me one. Mrs. Bunting made a new scarf. I remember my happiness when I wrapped the red scarf around my neck.” Her smile dimmed. “My father came looking for me and made a scene. He grabbed the scarf from my neck, threw it to the ground and stomped on it all while Mrs. Bunting and her family watched.” She gazed at Molly. “I don’t even know why I asked. It just brought up bad memories.” She shrugged her shoulders.
“The good thing about life is you sometimes get a second chance. A chance to make new memories. What do you say we sing a couple of those Christmas songs?”
“What a lovely idea, Foster,” she gushed, her eyes glowing.
They sang song after song until they could think of no more. He couldn’t remember a better time. He’d thought her attractive before, but nothing compared to her beauty when she was happy.
“You’re staring at me. Is something wrong?” she asked, her voice full of worry.
He shook his head. “No, in fact I was just admiring you. You’re beautiful.”
She pressed her palms to her reddened cheeks. “You need better eyes, Foster. I suppose my plainness made it easier for Albert to turn my head. All he had to do was pay attention to me.” Her body sagged.
“It’s not true, you know. You are far from plain. Both you and Molly are very pretty. I have no idea why anyone would think otherwise. You’ve been handed some bad blows but here you are, safe with a new daughter. You’re a fierce one.”
Ginger shook her head. “You somehow give me the confidence to feel fierce. Oh, Molly needs to be fed. She sure has a healthy cry.” She got up and began undoing the front of her dress before she even got to the bed. The lamplight made her red hair radiate with highlights of all colors of red and a bit of blonde. She sat and cooed to Molly and he looked away.
She stirred him like no other but they really didn’t know each other. He put his hand in his pants pocket and fingered the thin gold band he’d put in there. It would be so easy to ask her to marry him, yet it was plain crazy. He’d be tied to her forever and what if he changed his mind? Worse, what if she changed her mind? She was in a bind and she might accept his proposal to have a roof over her head. His chest tightened.
She’d be there until spring. Perhaps there was no hurry. He just wanted to give her something for Christmas. He didn’t deal well with feelings, and being alone was a sight better than being undecided. No more telling her she was pretty. He didn’t need the hassle of a wife and child. There, it was all figured out. Why did he feel so lost?
“It’s getting late,” she whispered from the bed. “I’m going to go to sleep once Molly is done here.”
“Fine. Good night.” He grabbed a few furs and blankets and put them on the floor. He stripped off his shirt and took off his boots, his spine tingling the whole time. Glancing toward the bed, he realized she watched him. Damn, now his pants were too tight again. He laid down with his back to her and closed his eyes, listening to her sing to Molly. Did his mother ever sing to him? Maybe once upon a time, but once she married his stepfather the singing stopped. He heard the rustling of her taking off her dress and he made himself concentrate on his breathing. In and out, in and out.
***
Ginger woke to silence and immediately looked for Molly. It had been a sleepless night. Molly cried incessantly and nothing helped. In the wee hours of the morning, she finally settled down.
“Shhh,” Foster whispered. He sat near the stove with Molly in his arms and she slept. It was a breathless sight to see such a big strong man cuddle a tiny baby. If she didn’t already care for him, this moment would have done it. Her heart felt near to bursting.
Maybe she’d been led to this place for a reason. Maybe she and Foster were meant to be together. He thought her pretty, he enjoyed her company, and he was sweet with Molly.
“How long have you been holding her?” She smiled.
“Almost two hours now. I wanted you to get some sleep.”
“Oh my, that’s a long time. Thank you. I think she knows she’s safe in your arms.” Their gazes met and held for a moment before Foster frowned and looked away.
“If you’re up to taking her, I have a path to make through the snow to the barn and hopefully one to check on the horses.” He handed her the baby with minimal touching and put on his coat and hat. He walked out of the cabin without another word.
She stared at the door, disappointed. She’d read him wrong last night. Once again, she took something as simple as friendship and romanticized it. When was she ever going to learn? It made her sick to her stomach. He didn’t think of her that way. She didn’t blame him. She tried to remind herself he liked to be alone but somewhere along the line hope budded and her imagination followed.
“Merry Christmas, Molly.” She kissed the baby’s forehead and set her on the bed. Quickly she put on her dress and began to make breakfast. She’d earn her keep, and it would feel less like a friendship and more like an employee relationship. Tears burned as she swallowed the huge lump in her throat. Happy endings were for other girls, not for her. Perhaps if she was more educated, or prettier, or whatever Foster liked… She sighed as her heart dropped. Somehow, she managed to make breakfast and have everything ready for when Foster returned.
He came in looking chilled to the bone. She quickly helped him off with his coat and hung it up for him. “Thanks.” He continued to the table and sat down. “Looks good.”
She poured them both coffee and sat at her place, across from him. “Merry Christmas.”
He nodded. “Merry Christmas. Thank you such a fine meal.”
“It’s the least I can do to earn my keep.” She watched him nod and sadness whirled around her. She’d never grow up and be realistic. Her stupid heart wouldn’t let her, it just ached. Why did everything have to be so hard?
“Tell me more about your ranch.”
“Why?” His question stunned her.
“No reason. Just making conversation.” Her face heated and her appetite fled.
“I’m surprised Albert didn’t tell you all about it. He planned a big payday and he
asked you to join him,” he said, his voice laced with bitterness.
“I don’t like the direction this conversation is going. You saw how Albert treated me. Did you see a couple in love? A couple who wanted to be together? Have I once asked you for money? I admit I knew about this place, but even though you don’t like me, I’m glad I came for Molly’s sake. She’s alive because of you. She wasn’t thrown out in the freezing snow to die. I know I’ll never have much to give her but I gave her a chance at life.” The wind began to howl. “I wish that incessant wind would just stop. As soon as it stops we’ll be leaving.” Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly as she willed herself not to cry. Despite her efforts, tears started to flow and she got up and went to the bed, pretending to check on Molly. Her shoulders shook and she didn’t fool him. He had to know she was crying.
She’d been a complete fool and now she was crying. She couldn’t summon up an ounce of dignity. It all became too much. Albert taking advantage of her, being sent home in disgrace, her father’s abuse, threats, and now Foster thought her capable of stealing his land.
“I’ll be back.” The door opened and closed.
Now she needed to get ahold of herself. Taking some warm water, she washed her face and brushed her hair. Thankfully, Molly still slept. It didn’t matter if her heart was broken; they were stuck with each other for a long while. The cabin was too small to harbor bad feelings.
She made quick work of the dishes, cut up venison, potatoes, and carrots and put them on the stove to cook. She also put together a peach cobbler. Thank goodness for jarred fruit. It took a while but she finally calmed, fed Molly and sat petting Patches, waiting for Foster to come back. It was his home and he should be able to be in it without a weepy woman in it.
***
The horses were fine but he stood out in the freezing wind watching them. Why had he treated Ginger like that? Damn his big mouth. He knew she had nothing to do with the plan to take his ranch. He was just grasping at any excuse not to like her. Somehow, while he held Molly last night he knew he loved them both. He pictured himself teaching a young Molly to ride a horse. He also pictured Ginger in bed with him. He wanted her in his life, not only his bed.
Silver Belles and Stetsons Page 4