by Ash Harlow
Adam’s hands slid up to her shoulders and started to knead the muscles. “So, I’m guessing there was an incident.”
Chapter Thirty
“After lessons were finished one day, one of the kids lured me away from any supervising staff and into a group who were hanging out to have some fun. They took me to the pool and goaded me to get in. I’m sure you can understand the pack dynamic that was taking place.” The grip on her shoulders tightened. “Ow, too much.”
He released her and tugged her head back to rest against his shoulder. She could feel his warm breath near her ear.
“They pushed me into the pool. Honestly, I sank like a stone. Finally, I pushed up to the surface for air, and I heard their laughter … felt a hand on the top of my head. I was pushed down and held under again. They did this over and over. My lungs were burning. I thought those boys would drown me. Soon I realized they were holding me under until I stopped fighting, and they’d let me up for air. So I’d struggle a little, stop, and they’d let me go. Finally I threw up in the pool, and they left me alone,” she gave him a sheepish grin.
“Crap. Tell me, did you have anything good happen in your life?”
Yes, you. “It’s relative. What’s good for me is ordinary for others. I’m lucky—my thrills are cheaper.” Until love came along with the luxury price tag.
Adam pushed himself away from her, got to his feet, and held out his hand. “Come on, you.”
She took it and he pulled her to her feet. “What are we doing?”
“Strip.”
“Strip? Like, take my clothes off?”
He nodded, as he pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the towel. “Your turn.”
“What are we doing?” she asked again.
“We’re going into the lake. I’m going to teach you how to float.”
“No, no!”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ve got a theory.” Although she faced him, her feet pointed toward the track on full flight alert, and he knew before she did that she wanted to run. “Stay.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good. Step toward me.” He reached quickly for her shirt as she moved in close. “Off with this. In fact, off with anything you don’t want to get wet.”
“Please, Adam, listen to me. I really can’t go into the lake.” By the time her words were out, he had her stepping out of her bike shorts. He was crouched, lifting her leg, her hand rested on his shoulder for balance and all the time she kept a running litany on why she wouldn’t be going into the lake.
“What a load of nonsense you talk sometimes, Marlo. Now listen…”
Suddenly, she laughed. The sound was abridged and filled with stress. “Are we at the part where you tell me you won’t do anything I don’t want you to do?”
“No, we’re skipping that part today.” Her fists were two tight balls. “Open your hands for me?” She unfurled her fingers, and he took hold of them. “Clammy. A bit nervous here?”
She nodded. “Much.”
“We’re going to walk into the lake together, up to about chest depth, and I’m going to teach you how to float. Every expert would probably call this abuse, seeing as you’ve just had a panic attack over this very thing, but I’ve been thinking about it, and I believe you like to be pushed.”
Her eyes went wide as she tried to tug her hand away. “You’re going to push me in the water?”
Adam laughed. “No, I wouldn’t do that. Do you trust me not to harm you?”
“It’s a bit late now!”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Yes, I trust you not to harm me.”
“Good, come and stand in the water with me while I talk to you. We’ll only go in up to our shins, okay?” He could feel her reluctance in each delayed step but she stayed with him, without pulling away or stopping.
“It’s cold.”
“It’s refreshing. Kick your feet about a bit while I tell you what we’re going to do.” He waited until she started to swirl her feet a little through the water. “Are you hurting anywhere?”
“No.”
“No, because water doesn’t hurt. Now I want to explain something to you. Together we’ve experienced a couple of traumatic incidents, and you seem to do really well at recovering, facing your fear, and moving past it, if you’re challenged a bit. You’re very courageous—”
“I’m not.” It would have been easy to slip her sweating hands from his clasp.
“You are.” He squeezed her fingers tighter, his hold firm until she relaxed a bit. “The problem is that you’ve spent your life doing everything alone. You haven’t had the opportunity to ask someone for help, but, when you’ve allowed me to help, we made some pretty big steps. I believe you trust me enough to let me show how easily you will float in the water.”
“Oh, God, nervous here.”
“That’s okay, I’m not. Here are the things you have to remember. You don’t need special magic to float. We simply float. Our body density is similar to that of water, so floating is what we do. The key is to relax. Now we’re going to walk out a bit deeper, and I’m going to prove to you that you float. We won’t go out beyond chest-deep; you’ll always be able to touch ground, and your head will be well clear of the water when you stand.”
“My mouth is dry.”
“We’ll blame that on the panic attack. Now, come with me, little fish.”
Marlo laughed.
“Laughing is good, but standing around naked with you ankle-deep in water is giving me all kinds of ideas, so let’s move on to the practical side of the lesson before I ditch the whole float thing and ravage you on the lake shore instead.” Holding one of her hands, he turned to the middle of the lake and started toward deeper water. After two steps, he could feel she wasn’t following and gave her arm a tug without stopping to look at her. “Come with me,” he insisted as he took another step.
This time she followed. “It’s really cold.”
“Don’t be a sissy. It’s invigorating.” When he reached waist depth, he turned to face the shore. “Here.” He shifted her so that she stood against him with her back to his chest. “There’s a basic technique to this, and we might have to walk out a little deeper so that you stay against me until you’re floating. That way I can still reach under you and support you in the small of your back. Okay?”
She didn’t answer.
“Marlo, speak to me? Are you still with me here?”
She nodded quickly. “Sorry, yeah, I’m just, you know, trying to do that breathing thing.”
“What breathing thing?”
“Oh, just the inhale-exhale one that most living people use.”
“Oh, that breathing thing. I’m proud of you, keep it up.”
“How do you know about teaching people to float?”
“At home, I help out at the local public pool in summer, teaching the kids to swim. Quit stalling and get up close to me.”
Marlo moved in closer to him. “Is that a gun in your pocket, officer?”
He laughed. “I’m not wearing shorts. There are no pockets, and there’s no gun. Stop distracting me.” He nestled her back into him and pretended neither of them were naked.
“Oh, so you’re pleased to see me?”
“Still not distracting me, Marlo.” Very much. “We are going to do this, so from this moment on, I want you to relax and concentrate on not fighting me.”
She gave him a small nod.
“I’m going to support you the whole time, and I’m only going to keep you on your back for a count of three. Soon I’ll get you to rest your head back on my shoulder, and I’m going to walk backwards. Keep your feet in place instead of following my steps. Your feet will naturally come off the ground, and you’ll start floating. I’ve got your back and your head, so there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll count to three and set you back on your feet. Okay?”
“Oh, God…really…now? Are we doing it?”
“Yes, my brave little fish.” He kissed
the top of her head as he eased her back until her head was resting on his shoulder, her cheek against his. “Okay here?”
“Uh-huh.”
He could hear her breathing had quickened. “Slower breaths, Marlo.”
As she slowed her breathing, he started walking, at the same time sliding one hand down to support the small of her back, holding her steady with his other arm across her chest. When her feet lifted, he encouraged her to relax, all the time keeping the same backward pace. As soon as she started to float, he counted to three and immediately put her back on her feet.
“Did I float?”
The optimism and excitement in her question hit him hard. How was he going to leave this? He took a deep breath. “You did, honey.”
“Aw, man.” She splashed the surface of the water with both hands.
‘Aw, man’ was right. “Let’s go again. Head back.”
As she rested her head back on his shoulder, he could see she was still grinning. He walked backwards and her legs lifted. “Stick your tummy out so that your back arches a bit.” When she did, he carefully moved his hand from across her chest up to support her head and slid her head from his shoulder. Gradually he moved the hand from the small of her back up to support the other side of her head. Slowly, he counted to five.
When she stood, she faced him, her eyes bright and her cheeks flushed with excitement. “Let’s do it again,” she suggested with more enthusiasm than he’d ever received from a child.
After a few more tries, he was able to release her to float alone. He watched her, all glorious and relaxed, her hair fanned out in the water around her head and couldn’t believe that he was giving this up to return home.
She stood to her feet and looked at him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, come here.” He wrapped her in his arms. “I’m so proud of you for doing that. How did you like it?”
“I love it. The water feels sensual, and lying there, floating on your back is…relaxing. I can’t believe I find it relaxing.”
“Good, make sure you come out here and do it often.” He touched a finger to her mouth. “Your lips have gone blue, so I think it’s time we headed back. We’ll be racing the setting sun as it is.”
Adam started to prepare dinner while Marlo showered. She appeared back in the kitchen, towel-drying her hair.
“I raided your veggie garden—it’s loaded with stuff. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Not a bit.” She took a sip from the wine he’d poured her. “I could get used to having a man in the kitchen every night.” She was trying to keep things light, but every word she said reminded her of what she was about to lose.
He waved the knife at her. “You forget that this man hasn’t had you in the kitchen yet.”
“Is that a threat, Master Chef?”
He shook his head. “It’s a promise.”
Marlo laughed. “Have you got your laptop handy?”
“Sure, what do you need?”
“Could you show me on the online maps where you live in New Zealand? That way I can get a feel for where you are, physically, when you leave. It gives me some idea of where to place you in my head. I need all the things in my head to have a place, because if they’re loose, popping in and out as it suits them, it can be a bit chaotic. I know it sounds daft, but it’s something I do when the dogs leave for new homes. Makes me feel I’m still connected to them.”
“Sure. Actually, there will be photos on there, too. Let me grab the laptop and you can look through while I’m making dinner.”
He set the computer up for her at the kitchen table and opened an image folder. “Here you go. Have a look through these, and I’ll show you the map after dinner. That way I can give you a bird’s-eye tour of the area. The photos are pretty random. Shout out if you need any explanations.”
She started to make her way through the photos. How odd to be looking at all these smiling people—strangers—from Adam’s life, familiar to him and alien to her. It struck her that she’d been intimate with someone about whom she knew so little.
Suddenly, she wanted to stop. She didn’t want to see these people and this landscape Adam was returning to. They all held parts of him too. But they’d held them for much longer so that their rights to him seemed proprietary and she was an interloper. Clearly he would find it easy to return to New Zealand. Once he was back among these people, she knew she would be easily replaced.
She clicked the arrow for the next photo and stopped. Adam and Emma—it had to be her. They were on a beach, where the sand was all white and the sea and the sky an impossible blue. Emma wore a bikini, and Adam wore board shorts. Both were tanned. Well-tanned and wet. They looked fresh from the sea, and the sun glinted on the stretch of water behind them so that it sparkled like a diamond-encrusted carpet.
Adam was leaning back as he hugged Emma to him. He had lifted her high up on his body so that his hands were linked under her buttocks to keep her in place, off the ground. Her knees were bent, relaxed, and she leaned over his tipped-back head, her hands cradling each side of his face, their noses touching. Love.
The moment caught was spontaneous and private, and she was amazed anyone had been on hand to capture the shot. She was an accidental voyeur, gate-crashing a most intimate scene and it pierced her with envy. It seemed impossible that anyone else could experience that joy.
“You’ve gone very quiet over there. Do you want me to come and give you a commentary?”
Hell, no. “No, you keep cooking. You can give me a slideshow later.”
“Ah, that picture. It’s difficult for me to look at, too, but for different reasons. Someone at the resort took it on our honeymoon.”
Marlo hadn’t realized he’d come up behind her until he spoke, and she jumped when he rested a warm hand on her shoulder.
“I don’t know what you’re feeling right now. Maybe the photos of Emma and I don’t bother you at all. But I’m certain that if the situation was switched and I was looking at a photo of you so clearly in love with another guy, I’d be feeling anxious and more than a little twinge of envy.”
Marlo fought the urge to rest her cheek on his hand. “If I’m honest, that photo makes me feel covetous of what the two of you had.”
He slipped his fingers from her shoulder and returned to the bench.
He went back to chopping the parsley. Damn, how had he let this happen? Giving her the photos to look at was vying for top billing with some of the most idiotic things he’d done. Here, let me take the back of your head so I can rub your nose in the happy life I had. And he would really love to give her what that photo illustrated…like that was possible.
What the fuck was wrong with him? Until this stage of his life, he’d always stuck with the program, planned well, did the right thing by everyone to the best of his ability.
Now it seemed like he had this stick of dynamite inside him that had been lying dormant since birth and when he got off the plane in LA, someone lit the fuse. Probably one of those bored-looking security guys did it for a laugh. And that fuse had run and fizzled and sputtered a bit, then—BAM!—detonation. Poor Marlo had been whacked by the shockwave.
He had chopped the parsley with such fury that it was turning to mush. Start again. If he raised his head a little, he could see Marlo behind him, reflected in the kitchen window. She sat still, staring into space. Oh, crap. He turned the gas burner off the stove and went to her.
He straddled her lap on the chair, resting his forearms on the back to take some of his weight. “Hello, my little mermaid.” She smiled. Good sign. “Sending you alone through my photos was pretty insensitive. We’ll go through them together, after dinner. I really want to show them to you. I want you to know my life, because you’ve told me so much about yours.”
She watched him as if trying to read something in his face, reaching a conclusion before speaking. “They made me feel lonely.”
Epic fail. “We don’t have to—”
“I want to, with you. They’
ll help. Thank you.”
After dinner, they sat at the table together, going through the photos on the laptop. He had turned her on her seat and hooked her legs up over his thighs, keeping his hand on her as much as possible, trying to keep that lonely feeling away. He did his best explaining the people and the occasions, and Emma.
“Last year, I dated a woman for a short time, but she wanted me to erase every trace of Emma from my life. I can’t do that, and Emma doesn’t deserve to have her memory erased. But I have moved on. Emma is dead, I’m still alive, and I intend to live.” He reached for a lock of her hair and let its natural curl spiral around his finger. He twirled it, and, when he stilled his finger, the hair stayed in place, linking them.
Was she merely a little blip in his life after Emma? He was showing her the farm. It looked stunning, green and rolling. Voluptuous cows with bulging udders lived outside year round, feeding on pasture, the way they were meant to. Adam looked like his father. She knew that now. His brother was more of an amalgam of both parents. They were all tall and naturally strong-looking men, with lean muscle built through labor rather than a gym.
And what a surprise. The back of the farm reached to the coast. The landscape grew harsh until there were stands of native bush with trees and birds that had names she could hardly get her tongue around. In parts, the bush went down to the shoreline of the beach. The area was private, with a little waterfall that fell and fed a stream flowing to the sea. And he showed her the boundary that marked out the few acres he’d bought with the funny old cottage on it, right near the falls. One day, he might build a new house there, but right now he was in love with the cottage. It kicked that little twinge back to life, the one that put a pincer on her heart.
When they went to bed that evening, he held her against him, keeping that connection. She rested quietly in his arms as he told her how proud he was of all those leaps of faith she’d taken and how her life would get better. In spite of his confidence, she knew that wouldn’t happen until Justice came back. Until Adam came back.