by Meg Evans
A heavy silence settles over us. Rita purses her lips and starts bouncing her legs as if she wants to hide her nervousness. “Just don’t walk alone. Always have someone with you.”
Is that really her fabulous advice?
“Are you telling me that I should live like that for the next, what, six months? A year?” I furrow my eyebrows. “What kind of life is that—being constantly scared to go out by myself? Plus, I won’t have someone with me at all times. It’s not doable.”
“He’ll leave eventually; you can trust me on that.”
I don’t trust her even an inch. They both have an agenda, and as much as Dorian’s made me feel that he cares about my well-being along the way, she hasn’t. I’m only a stranger to her, who is messing with her cousin and unconsciously thwarting their plans. She’d like me to be out of the picture so that they can peacefully finish what they have started, without me disrupting.
“But who is he, and why the hell did he pick me to follow?” I demand. She looks away without responding. “What if I run into him again? How am I supposed to defend myself?”
“You won’t run into him if you don’t walk by yourself. It’s that easy.” Rita glances back at me.
A surge of irritation sweeps through me. Her resistance toward telling me the truth is unbelievable. “Do you think that will calm me down?” I glare at her. “That guy held a knife, or at least something resembling one, and was ready to use it on me!”
Rita jerks to her feet and turns her back on me like she can’t stand my eyes on her anymore.
“Rita, I’m begging you, tell me what’s going on.” I get up from the couch as well and come over to her, continuing in a desperate voice. “Not too long ago my cousin’s friend went missing. There’s another girl who’s magically vanished, too. Do those cases have anything to do with that man?” I take one more baby step. “Was that all his doing? I need to know this, Rita.” I’m standing one step away from her. The mass of her wavy black hair is right in front of my eyes. “He followed my cousin today all the way home. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her!”
“Zara, simply ask her not to go out—”
“—By herself. I’ve heard that already,” I cut her off, even more irritated. “It’s not a solution to the problem. I don’t want to live in perpetual fear. What if he’s lucky and manages to get my family or me? What then? How should we defend ourselves?!” My voice grows louder. Her advice is ridiculous, and she’s obviously aware of that, since she refrains from trying to convince me otherwise. I can’t hold back my resentment anymore. “Tell me!”
“It will end soon.” Rita swirls around to face me, remaining rigid. Her alabaster skin is paler than ever. Her emerald-green eyes are shadowed by secrets, just like Dorian’s are.
“You know who he is. You went looking for him right after you dropped me off here.” I won’t let her stall me; I need to know the truth. “Is he responsible for what happened to those two girls?” Heat fills my chest.
After my questions, silence surrounds us. It tells me more than a hundred of Rita’s words would. Even though she’s impossible to read, I have my answer.
“Please,” I say, grasping her arms on both sides. Maybe she’ll finally budge and help me understand everything.
“Stop asking me; it’s Dorian who decides everything,” Rita says, trying to pull away from me.
“Is he the one who forbade you to speak?”
Strange, because it’s always her who seems to be the guardian of their secrets, and whenever Dorian is about to say too much, she freaks out…
“Those are the rules. You have to live with that.”
The word rules makes me see red; I can’t keep my fury in check anymore, and I lash out. “I can’t believe that you don’t give a damn that some maniac is out there, walking the streets of Keizer right now, free to do whatever he feels like! You know very well that he wants to hurt me, don’t you?!” How can she be so indifferent to my life possibly being in danger?
“If you don’t want to get hurt, then stay away from us!” she finally snaps back. Her chest heaves. Apparently, I’m not the only one whose triggers have been pulled.
Under the influence of emotions, she’s spilled out something that she’d probably never have said out loud under normal circumstances. There’s something hidden in her advice. A message. Are they the ones who want to hurt me, then?
“Why is that?”
The roar of an upcoming car is Rita’s rescue; the headlights break through the curtains. She runs up to the window and peeks out at the approaching vehicle. The engine fades. A car door slams. It’s him.
“Dorian’s back,” Rita exclaims in relief.
She rushes at breakneck speed to the front door and opens it for Dorian before he even makes it to the porch steps. She’s in haste to have him finally relieve her of my cross-examination and face it himself. It doesn’t bother me; quite the opposite—a sense of satisfaction rises in me.
“Dorian, we have a guest,” Rita announces first thing when he steps in the foyer.
“Zara?” he guesses.
With a hunger of an addict, I zip to the foyer to get my fix — him.
Dorian’s dressed in a tracksuit, looking like he’s just returned from an evening jog. He takes off his hood, exposing his chiseled face. I can’t help but dart past Rita and jump into his arms. I breathe his scent deep into my lungs; he smells fresh, like the night’s crisp air. I’m safe now. Nothing else matters. I don’t care about Rita’s frown: she doesn’t exist to me now. I need him, his embrace and warmth, his protection.
“Is everything all right here?” Dorian asks, not reciprocating my hug.
“No, nothing’s alright,” I say, squeezing out every last drop of air separating us. “I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“Everything around me. I had hallucinations again. I saw that man standing behind me in the bathroom mirror.” I tilt my head and look into his clear blue eyes. “What’s going on with me? You must know, but you don’t want to tell me.”
Dorian, who’s been standing stiffly, now strokes my head. He gently runs his fingers through my hair to comfort me. “Everything will be fine.”
I trust him. I love the feel of his body against mine. I could stay like this forever.
“Who is that man, Dorian?”
“His name is Rafael.”
“Dorian!” An admonishing growl escapes Rita’s mouth.
“I’ve known him for a long time,” Dorian continues, regardless. “Rafael belongs to the kind of people who believe in certain ideas to the bone and are ready to sacrifice everything for those beliefs.” He tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “He belonged to an affiliation that supported and shared his views, which was like a family to him. United under the same set of rules and customs.” With every sentence he utters, Rita’s face goes whiter and whiter. “Unfortunately, recently he got kicked out of that group. Now he won’t cease until he’s proved to the members who excluded him that they made a mistake and should let him come back. He’s overzealous and unpredictable in his actions, so determined is he to make his point.”
My heart thunders in my chest. “What are you trying to tell me?”
“Rita are I are in the process of explaining things to him so that he won’t be a bother soon.”
He’s a tad better at explaining things to me than Rita was, but I’m still not satisfied with his elucidation. It’s not specific enough. He’s giving me only specks of truth.
“Do you and Rita belong to that group too?”
At my question, they lock their eyes. A brief uncertainty flashes in Dorian’s gaze, while Rita nervously flattens her cashmere sweater.
“No, but it doesn’t matter.” He peels my arms from his sides and frees himself of my clasp. The time for tenderness is over.
“The police should track him down. He’s dangerous,” I say to Dorian, who’s now taking off his hoodie. I can see his strong muscles through the fabric of his shir
t. My palms itch with the longing to touch his skin.
“Dorian, it’s pointless, she doesn’t understand,” Rita says, pushing her hands through her hair in frustration.
“The police…” Dorian says unenthusiastically. “You could report Rafael, but what are you going to say?” He sends me a questioning look.
“That a suspicious and shady man who has lately shown up in our neighborhood carries a knife on him and therefore is a grave threat to our society.”
“Perfect! Sounds like a reasonable report,” Rita interjects. “Now, it’d be better if you went back to your place. You’ll be much safer there.”
Rita is very passive-aggressive. Even though she’s doing it in a nice way, she’s still throwing me out. It’s no secret to me that she wants to be left alone with Dorian. She probably doesn’t want to have any witnesses while telling him off and asking what he was thinking by revealing Rafael’s identity to me. It makes me wonder again: who actually decides things in this duo?
“What is that thing he had, anyway?” I turn to Dorian. That question has been bothering me since I saw it for the first time, inches from my head.
“It’s a dagger.”
Rita shudders at the word.
“It looked like one taken from the royal treasury,” I say, unfazed by Rita’s freak-out; I’m pretending she’s invisible.
“Those are gems.”
“Dorian! That’s enough!” Rita can’t take it anymore. Any resistance she’s been holding back now breaks free. “I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doing, but you’re breaking all the rules, one by one!”
Dorian’s gaze roves over Rita’s face. He’s sizing the situation up, deliberating whether he may tell me a bit more or if it’s better that he stops. “That’s all as for Rafael.” He remains calm in spite of Rita’s blow-up.
“I still don’t get why he’s been following me. Today he stuck to my cousin and walked behind her all the way to our house.”
“Let’s say that he think’s you’re someone else,” Dorian says.
“Who?”
Before Dorian can open his mouth again, Rita grabs a vase standing on a small square table in the hallway and slams it against the wall. With a loud smash, the vase shatters into dozens of pieces. It was a purposeful act to drown out whatever Dorian was about to say. We can’t ignore her anymore. Not without further damages.
“Zara, you know more than you’re supposed to,” Dorian says, without even looking at the vase remnants; he gets Rita’s message. “I don’t want any casualties in this house, so let me walk you home.”
He stalks over to the front door and motions me outside. Rita attempts to follow us, but he slants her a freezing look, giving her a clear sign that she’s not allowed to.
Ice spreads through my stomach. He’s just turned up, and yet in less than five minutes we’ll be apart again. Every step we take fills me with panic. I don’t want him to leave me. I need him. Without Dorian my inner peace is in disarray. I feel like there’s a ruthless monster in my chest who tries to claw my heart out whenever he’s away.
“Dorian,” I say in a low voice, stopping on the last step at the bottom of their porch, “please, don’t leave me alone.” I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him tight. I need his closeness like the air.
“I have to.”
“I’m begging you,” I cry, and coast my eyes over his face. Pure despair is speaking through me, inspired by some sort of inexplicable madness. “You don’t even have to touch me. I just want you there.”
Dorian cups my cheeks in his hands and locks his eyes on mine. Dry-mouthed, I wet my lips and gulp. His words say one thing, but his eyes suggest another. A lurch of excitement grows within me.
“We can get into the house from the back. Cynthia sleeps with ear plugs on; she won’t hear anything. As for Maddie, even if we ran into—”
“Let’s use the front door.” He doesn’t let me finish. I’ve convinced him.
“But…”
“Do you trust me?”
At first I want to object, but it dawns on me that there must be something about Dorian’s request that I don’t understand, as is always the case. I follow him. Adrenaline rushes through me while we’re tiptoeing through the dark house. I’m breaking one of the primary rules set by Cynthia, and it gives me some sort of a guilty pleasure. No remorse or regrets; my inner rebellious child is set free. I even feel like giggling as we sneak along the hallway.
Several steps away from my bedroom, Dorian grabs my hand and pulls me to a halt. “What does it feel like?”
“What?”
“Breaking rules. Exciting?” His lips curve in a smirk.
“Very much indeed,” I say slyly.
When I close the door behind me and stretch out my arm to turn on the light, Dorian stops me. “Are you afraid of the dark?”
“Not with you.” I leave the room shrouded in darkness.
We comfortably settle down on the bed, both on our sides, facing each other. Dorian rests his head on his hand. There’s almost no space between us. I soak up his luscious scent, my body trembling. He examines me thoroughly with his eyes. We stay quiet, but it’s not an awkward silence; we both need it to organize our thoughts.
“You told me a lot, regardless of Rita’s objections. Why? She’ll make a fuss about it,” I whisper, breaking the silence.
“Well, you’re not the only one who likes breaking the rules.” A shadow of a mischievous smile creeps across his lips.
“Is there anything else you’d like to tell me, without Rita flipping out and throwing plates against the walls?”
“I’d like to tell you everything, and that’s the problem.” He brushes his fingers against my cheek, and his touch triggers goosebumps on my neck. “Because if I do, I won’t be able to take it back.” His lips look so soft and inviting; I wish we could sink into a passionate kiss right now, but I hold my impulse.
“So what?”
“Sometimes it’s better not to know. Believe in what you see. That way is easier.”
“I don’t want to take the easy way out.”
Dorian sighs heavily. “What do you feel when I’m close to you?”
“I feel peace.” I put my hand on his chest and drink in the heat of his body. “Your presence makes me believe that there’s no time and space—just you and me. Nothing else matters.” I run my palm up and down. “However, when you’re gone, then I feel like part of me is slowly dying.”
“Interesting.” He sweeps one loose hair off my face.
“And you?” I flick my gaze to him. His eyes seem to glow in the darkness.
“I…” Dorian takes my hand off his chest and tangles his fingers with mine; never before has he allowed himself to make such an intimate gesture expressing emotional connection. “I feel that everything will fall into place thanks to you.” He kisses each one of my knuckles. “Like you have something that I need to make it happen.”
It’s a perfect moment to touch upon this subject. I take a deep breath. There’s no reason to fudge the truth.
“I have a confession to make,” I say, and clench my fingers tighter on his hand, as if what he’s about to hear will cause him to run away. “Remember when you left me in your bedroom yesterday and went downstairs to speak with Rita?” Dorian nods. “I heard your conversation.”
“Did you eavesdrop?”
“I’m sorry.” I look down in shame.
“What did you hear?” He pulls my chin up until I look back at him. My cheeks are burning. Hopefully he can’t notice their crimson shade in the dark.
“You mentioned that you needed something that I had. What is that? I’ll give it to you.”
A dark shadow fills Dorian’s eyes. His features harden. Some kind of strange feeling radiates from him that I can clearly sense, yet not decipher. Multiple times, I’ve noticed that he’s imposed on himself some inner commandment which he relentlessly obeys and that prevents him from being transparent with me. Even when Rita isn’t ar
ound.
I penetrate him with my gaze, trying to read anything from his face, in vain. His expression is inscrutable. I’d love to gain his trust, assure him that no matter what his secret is, it won’t affect my opinion of him. Even if it was something dark, unforgivable, my heart wouldn’t let me judge him or hate him.
“It seems to me that you’re involved in something that you don’t like,” I ponder aloud. “But for some reason you won’t give it a rest. Same with regards to me. You want to have me close, but you keep a distance at the same time.”
I usually suck at drawing correct conclusions, but judging from Dorian’s serious face, this time I’ve hit home.
Dorian doesn’t say a single word; he just looks at me with that intense gaze. His eyes wander around my face, as if he’s trying to learn it by heart, to store every single feature in his mind. He slides his fingers into my hair. Holding my head close to his, he plunders my mouth. It’s a possessive kiss of pent-up desire. He’s drowning in need for me. I kiss him back, running my eager tongue along his, savoring his taste. It’s addicting.
Excitement sparks through me as he pushes me onto my back and gets on top of me. His body presses me into the soft bed. I place my hands on his strong back, his hot skin burning through the thin fabric of his shirt. The ache of a mad desire throbs between my thighs. I wrap my legs around him tightly and cling to him as though I want us to melt into one body. Every piece of me needs him. Craves him. I’d do anything to make him mine forever.
“I’ll give you whatever you want,” I say, without breaking our passionate kiss. “Just tell me what it is.”
Then I open my eyes. Dorian’s gone. I’m in my bed by myself, and the digital clock displays 6:27 a.m.
I rub my eyes. A second ago I was making out with Dorian, and now there’s nobody else with me. My heart is still beating fast, and my desire is still burning within me. What happened?
I get up and open the curtains of the closest window. My mind spins in bewilderment when I realize that it’s a bright and sunny morning on the other side, and that my clock isn’t acting up.