That was all it took.
A deep, fiery burn shot through my body, and I pushed that feeling at him as I closed the distance between us, launching myself at his nearly naked body. I wrapped my arms and legs around him like a boa constrictor and squeezed, grinding my body against him. Our mouths were all over each other; breathing seemed trivial.
I wiggled my hips up and down until I successfully dislodged the towel and growled with approval as I heard it drop to the floor. He returned the sentiment by slamming my back against the wall, leveraging himself harder against me. I raked my nails down his back, drawing blood. He fisted his hand in my hair and extended my head back forcefully before nipping my neck. I pushed back against his chest until he released his hold on me, allowing me to see his face; his eyes glowed amber.
“Bedroom. Now,” I ordered.
I was on my back in his bed before I got the second word out. He hovered over me, making me even hotter as he eyed up every inch of me.
“Interesting...,” he said as his eyes locked on mine. Then he grabbed my top and quickly ripped it in two. Apparently pulling it over my head would have taken too much time.
His chest rumbled as he stared down at what he'd just bared. That sound signaled the end of our little intermission, and we fell right back into it—biting, grinding, pulling, licking, scratching, sucking. I said and did things I couldn't believe, and he seemed to approve of every one of them. I wanted Cooper in a purely animal way—no rules, no inhibitions, just raw sex without emotion, and I was stunned by how strong that desire was. The tiniest shred of my consciousness was uneasy, creating uncertainty as to whether or not I really was the one who wanted Cooper.
Cooper didn't seem too fazed by anything other than my underwear. While my mind raged against my hormones, he slid his hand down my body to my panties, lingering slightly at the edge. He played with it, sliding his finger slowly underneath it before withdrawing it repeatedly. It made me crazy, my hormones winning out over rationale. With his last pass, he grabbed the elastic and violently tore the flimsy, black fabric from my body.
The surge I felt that time was not the rush of anticipation; it was panic—my conscious mind and PTSD had finally kicked in full-bore.
I screamed and scrambled out from underneath him as I worked my way up the headboard, frantically grabbing for coverage of any kind. I yanked the sheet off the bed and wrapped it tightly around me, leaving only my arms exposed. My breathing was erratic, and Cooper—who was on his hands and knees entirely too close to me—wasn't breathing at all. His expression was odd; he looked bewildered, but there was still hunger in his eyes just below the surface.
He tried hesitantly to reach for me, but I stopped him.
“I'm sorry, Cooper. I don't know what's happening,” I sputtered as I tried to get out of the bed while keeping myself covered. “I didn't mean to...I didn't mean for this...”
I bolted out of his room, tripping on the sheet. Crashing into the door frame, I managed to stay upright enough to stumble around the corner and into my room, slamming the door behind me before I locked it.
“What the fuck was that?” I whispered to myself in the darkness of my room.
Sex, Ruby...It was going to be sex. Now, it's nothing.
“You,” I cursed accusingly into the empty room. “You did this?”
No, not me. We...we did this. Look in the mirror, you'll see what I'm saying.
I turned on the bedside lamp and walked over to my standing mirror. An unfamiliar face stared back at me. Not so much the face itself, but the eyes—my eyes. They were purple, as if Scarlet's blood red had bled into my baby blues and created an entirely different pair. It was a sobering realization; we really were becoming one.
“Ruby,” Cooper called from outside my bedroom door. “Let me in.”
My body flushed once again with heat and I turned my head slowly towards the door, wanting to rip it from the hinges to get to him. I slammed my eyes shut and fisted my hands like a child trying to convince herself that there really wasn't a monster in the closet trying to get her. It wasn't the monster in the closet that I was worried about. Scarlet and I were navigating a difficult course with our new lack-of-boundaries situation and I was hellbent on staying in the driver's seat.
“Not a good idea, Coop,” I ground out, jaw clenching.
“I didn't mean to...,” he tried to explain, trailing off at the end of his sentence. “I just need to know you're okay.”
“I'm a little freaked out right now to be perfectly honest. You just saw me naked, we came dangerously close to having sex, and my eyes are a disturbing color. Not a banner night at the Dee household, I'm afraid.”
“Technically, I have seen you naked before,” he countered with a hesitant laugh.
“Not helping,” I replied dryly.
“I know...I'm sorry. What can I do?” he asked, sounding a little unhinged himself. “Just let me in. I need to talk to you, not your door.”
“Oooooooh, sorry. No dice. The door will be acting as my stand-in for this one, Coop. If I get so much as a peek at you, our 'dangerously close to sex' status will no longer apply.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Yes. Yes, I am, but I'm quite certain that isn't why I just tried to hump your brains out. Something is weird about all of this, Coop. Scarlet's trying to run the show. I think she wants to get laid.”
Finally. What is it that you would say to that, “Thanks, Captain Obvious?”
“So you just want to get laid?” I asked.
“No, I don't 'just want to get laid', but I clearly wasn't going to turn it down, if that's what you mean,” Cooper replied.
“No. Not you, Coop. Scarlet,” I explained. “She's making rather rude remarks about my observational skills at the moment.”
“Sounds like someone else I know. Maybe you two aren't so terribly different after all,” Cooper added.
Why don't you two just fuck and get it over with?
“Because it's not like that,” I groaned.
If that delusion makes you sleep better at night, I won't ruin it for you.
“I don't want to fuck Cooper!” I cried defensively.
“No offense, Ruby, but it certainly just seemed like you did,” he chimed from the hallway. I needed to get control of the situation in a hurry.
You know your fan club would grow exponentially if you'd just do it, Ruby. I'd be happy. Cooper would be very happy...
“What do I need to do to make you go away?” I asked her. “And no, Cooper, I'm not talking to you.”
I need to mate. The full moon is coming. I'll let you off the hook tonight, but you'd better figure something out soon. You have exactly four nights. If you don't give me what I want, I'll slowly drive you crazy to the point of grabbing some random in the street and screwing him on the hood of a car.
“Fuck,” I whispered, sweat streaming down my back. A cold, panic-driven sweat.
That's the spirit, Ruby. Now you're getting into it.
“Weren't you leaving?”
For now. Don't disappoint me, Ruby...I can be a bit vengeful.
“No shit.”
“Are you two done having your private conversation yet?" Cooper asked, tapping gently on the door. "Can I come in now?”
I wasn't sure that I was ready to see him yet, regardless of Scarlet's concession for the evening. If I had been perfectly honest with myself, I would have been forced to acknowledge that Scarlet really wasn't the only one who wanted Cooper in that moment. A little part of me seemed on board for most of the interaction. Luckily for me, I was amazing at lying to myself when the situation warranted, and that one did.
I slowly made my way to the door and cautiously opened it just wide enough to see a shadowy Cooper standing only inches away. Since the sheet was still wrapped around me, I assumed that Scarlet was making good on her part of the agreement. Thinking about eventually making good on mine horrified me.
“Can I come in?” he asked softly, not moving.
&nbs
p; “Are you dressed?”
“More than I was a minute ago,” he said jokingly. His comedic relief would have been untimely and annoying from anyone else, but Cooper had a way about him that always bought him a pass.
I decided that his word was good enough for me and stepped aside, allowing him to push the door open on his own. Once he entered the room, I quickly noticed that his definition of dressed was a little looser than mine. He'd thrown on some thin sweatpants that were too big in the waist, so they sat painfully low on his hips. I clutched the sheet a little tighter to me.
He smiled, noticing the gesture.
“I'm not planning on ripping that off of you, if that's what you're worried about,” he informed me. “Though my track record this evening isn't so stellar.” The smile he wore slowly died. “I'm sorry, Ruby. I never meant to scare you...you seemed so into it. You know I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt you.”
My mind independently flashed to a few weeks earlier when Cooper was still a ticking time bomb and had gotten violent with me on two occasions. Apparently those memories played across my face, and he dropped his gaze to the floor in recognition.
“I know you wouldn't,” I said softly as I moved tentatively towards him. I wasn't sure contact was such a great idea, but he was hurting and I just couldn't stand it. He'd been so different once he was sober again—protective and loving. He deserved it in return.
I managed to wrap my arms around his waist while keeping my sheet in place and lay my head in the crook of his neck. His arms wound around my back with one hand coming up to cradle my head.
“Hey, you...no hair pulling this time,” I teased.
His chest shook beneath me as he laughed; it was all he could do.
“Glad to see your eyes are back to their old color,” he replied.
“Me too. I'm not sure violet is a good shade for me.”
“Violet? I would've called it more of a berry shade.”
“And you'd have been wrong,” I said, stifling a laugh. “Any chance that either one of us is getting any sleep tonight?”
“I hope so. I'm exhausted.” He gave me one last squeeze before letting go, making his way to the door. “Goodnight, Ruby.”
I caught his hand before he got all the way into the hall.
“Stay with me,” I blurted out before realizing what I was saying. I was unsure if I was asking or telling.
He looked at me with equal confusion, hesitating in my doorway. I took a deep breath, giving myself a much needed moment to stop and think about what I was doing. Think first, act second.
“Stay with me,” I repeated with a little more softness. “This whole night has been weird, and it feels so unresolved to me.”
“Well, that's one way to resolve it,” he said as the corner of his mouth curled up slightly. I frowned my disapproval. “I didn't actually mean it, Ruby.”
I tugged his hand gently, and he slowly followed me slowly back into the room, closing the door behind him. I let go so I could rummage through the mess on my floor for some shorts and a t-shirt. Once I scored some black soccer shorts, I tried to pull them up while keeping the sheet in place. It seemed silly since Cooper had just seen me in all my glory, but I felt the need to keep some level of decorum. Things were not like that between us and I was determined to try to keep some boundaries between us. Perhaps dragging him back into my bedroom for a sleepover wasn't the best way to send that message.
As I wriggled into the lightweight fabric, I made my way over to the nightstand to turn off the lamp. In the cover of darkness, I dropped the sheet and grabbed a shirt. With my back to the bed, I quickly pulled it down over my head.
I slid into bed and looked over at Cooper, saying nothing. I couldn't explain why I wanted him to stay with me, so I didn't try. It was uncharted territory for us in a way, which was impressive since we'd covered a lot of ground in the short time we'd known each other. The bottom line was that I loved Cooper, and, selfish though it may have been, I needed the comfort he gave me when I was feeling off. I smiled and snuggled into his side.
“She's in heat, isn't she?” he asked bluntly, and very much out of nowhere.
“Excuse me?” I asked, pushing up onto my elbow to stare at him in the darkness.
“Scarlet. She's in heat, right?”
“Oh, yeah. I guess you could call it that. I never really thought of it that way, but that seems to be the short of it.”
“I thought so,” he said, eyes fixed on the ceiling.
“What do you mean you 'thought so'?”
“Your eyes turned that weird purple color in the hallway. I figured Scarlet had to have had something to do with that," he explained, turning his attention back to me. "Then you jumped my bones."
"And that's all it took to figure out what was going on?"
"Well, when you factor in that the full moon is near, then yes, it was enough. All females powerful enough to breed go into heat at this time, which would explain why the two of us were sweating like maniacs tonight. You don't need to have someone out to check the heating system; it's not the problem. You can blame your hormones.”
“My hormones?" I asked incredulously. "Are you saying I'm going to turn into a whore whenever there's a full moon?”
"Whore seems to be a tad harsh, but you will want to mate."
“But this doesn't make any sense, Cooper. Full moons have passed since my Change and I haven't had this problem. Not once.”
“I know, Rubes, but things have changed. You've said before that Scarlet has more control than she used to. Maybe whatever shifted enough to let you two integrate has triggered this."
I bit my lip to stifle my kneejerk response, which was to argue the veracity of his observation. Instead, I tried to really work through what he was saying. It was true that things had been entirely different after Sophie healed us. I didn’t wear my ring anymore, mainly because I didn't need too. We were no longer extremes of one another—we were finding common ground. Why that common ground necessitated me sleeping with someone once a month was beyond me, but I had no desire to ask Scarlet in that moment. Yet another discussion we needed to have.
"Maybe you're right," I whispered. "I have no idea how I'm going to get around this one, Coop."
"I think you may have some one night stands in your future,” he joked, pulling me back into his side.
“Shit.” I exhaled loudly in an effort to calm the rising anxiety I felt. A one night stand was so not going to be in my future. Ever.
“Yeah, well...don't worry. We'll figure something out.”
I let the reality of my situation sink in for one more moment before I diffused it the only way I knew how—humor.
“Well, Coop,” I said, sighing theatrically as I started. “Thanks for not fucking me tonight.”
He choked on a laugh.
“My pleasure, Ruby. My pleasure.”
10
Though I was completely exhausted from a night of shenanigans, I couldn't sleep. Perhaps it was the lingering heat, or the half-human chainsaw sawing logs next to me, but I was totally restless. Something just wasn't sitting right with my being.
I eased out of the bed, so as not to rouse Cooper, and made my way over to the bay window. Perching myself on the built-in bench, I looked out at the city. The sky had opened up and rain lightly spattered the large panes of glass before me. I gazed at the droplets as they stuck to the window, not heavy enough to roll until multiple drops accumulated and wove their way down the surface in a jagged, wandering path. It was soothing. I watched, thinking how nice it would be to go through life with no direction, no responsibilities, no pressures or accountability. I longed for a life lacking external and uncontrollable forces.
I traced the droplets' paths as they meandered down the pane slowly, sometimes pausing before continuing on their way, or awaiting another aqueous passenger to join their journey. It was when I watched one single drop resist the downward pull of the others that collided with it that I realized my observations wer
e completely wrong.
The water wasn't free at all.
It sat helplessly awaiting the impulse of another to drive it, pull it—force it in a different direction. It was very much how I felt. I was never one to sit back and let the world dictate my life. I went to college as a blind student integrated into “normal” classes. I took the world head on when I gained sight, refusing to hole up and wallow in the events that created it. I ventured to a new place and started a new life without anyone supporting me, other than the finances I inherited. I was nobody's victim.
But as the months went on after my Change, the reality that my life was no longer only governed by the choices I made and the universe at large slowly crept in. Instead, I felt like I was in a bizarre game of pinball, being shoved, slapped, and prodded in directions I'd have never chosen for myself. Scarlet was blackmailing me into sex, Sean was doing whatever it was that Sean did in the name of keeping me alive, and the Rev was the wild card. Why was I the target of his insanity? What did he need revenge for, and what did that have to do with me?
I didn't like being vulnerable to his mental assaults, having no clue how to defend myself against them, and I was pretty sure they did nothing for my reputation with the PC. It was undeniable that the Rev and I had a connection of some sort, but why we did had me completely baffled. I'd never even seen him before that first night when he came to me after viciously attacking that woman in the alleyway. In reflection, it was like he was performing for me, announcing his presence. Was it a challenge?
I knew nothing about pack dynamics, rogues, and other little wolfy nuances that I probably should have by that point, so I made a point to ask Cooper about it in the morning. He'd been involved with one of the most notorious packs in the world, and I knew he learned a lot by blending in and keeping his senses heightened to the goings-on around him. I didn't really want him to know every sordid detail of my visions; I was trying to keep him in the dark on the off chance that knowing would bite him in the ass later on. I decided that I'd present him with the dilemma and let him choose for himself. I would not do to him what was being done to me. A hypocrite I was not.
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