by Dave Hazel
“Thanks Jake. You really don’t know how much I needed to hear that,” Mykal said with a sigh. When he exhaled he felt like he let out the weight of the world that had been resting on his shoulders.
“Same here Myk,” Boris said. “I’m here because of my actions and I shouldn’t even be alive. I’m happy cuz I’m here with two close friends.”
“Thanks to you too buddy. Whew,” Mykal sighed again. “You really don’t know what a relief it is to hear that you two don’t blame me.”
“With that said though,” Boris chuckled and smirked. “I’d give anything to be working the missile field right now. That boring ass job that we complained so much about, remember?”
Oh yeah, and I’d gladly put up with the silly shit you morons used to pull,” Jake snickered and some of the men were drawn over to listen to them. Others wanted to share in the humor to take their minds off of the bleak situation they were faced with.
“Well, we did have to make it interesting,” Mykal laughed. “Or we woulda gone outta our minds with boredom.”
“What are you guys talking about?’ Lieutenant Finley asked.
“Just some of the stuff we used to do to keep ourselves busy back in the old days of missile field security,” Mykal snorted.
“It was like every single tour of duty there was something going on with these guys,” Jake laughed and pointed to Mykal and Boris. “Before I became the Crew supervisor I was their squad leader, their immediate supervisor. So I had to deal with it then too.”
“But we actually looked forward to going to work,” Boris giggled.
“That I will give them,” Jake laughed. “They were good at their job, but when boredom set in, innocent bystanders beware,” Jake said which caused Mykal and Boris to laugh.
“You gotta admit Jake, every tour of duty was an adventure,” Boris laughed his exaggeration.
“Like what kind of things did you guys do?’ Asked Marine Corporal Adkins who was standing near them.
“They did all kinds of shit from big things to little things,” Jake laughed. “And it seemed like the guy who took over as squad leader when I got promoted, Denny Felps, it seemed like that poor guy took so much abuse,” Jake snickered while Mykal and Boris continued to laugh.
“Yeah Denny, that poor guy,” Mykal laughed. “We put him through the ringer, but he had a great sense of humor about it and would laugh after he got over being pissed off.”
“Remember the snake?” Boris laughed.
“Yeah, see we’re out at a missile site miles away from anywhere and it’s a secured site so it’s fenced in,” Mykal explained. “When people come out to the site they have to call in their information over the radio or they can go to the phone box on the gate. It’s a metal box that has a land line directly tied to the desk. Me and another guy found this dead bull snake. It was a pretty good size bull snake. So we put it in the phone box and the next people who came to our site we made them give us their information over the phone. Obviously they open the box and this big snake falls out on them and they freak out and run away and we all had a big laugh. Now Denny, our squad leader is deathly afraid of snakes, but he’s laughing and having a good ol’ time cuz he’s not near the snake. The snake is outside and he’s inside.”
“You have to understand, the rooms we sleep in when we’re off duty at the site are pitch black,” Boris explained. “They keep the windows painted black so the guys sleeping during the day time aren’t disturbed by the light. The shift leaders sleep in a room to themselves because he has a second weapons locker for the people off duty. And Denny was particular about his bed. He always made his bed and made it with the blankets tucked in tight so when he went to sleep he just slid right in and could barely move.”
“Now what had happened, Boris and Kurt went to get the rifles for shift change and they put the dead snake in Denny’s bed down near the feet and to the side,” Mykal said and started to laugh.
“Yeah, Kurt even pulled the blankets tighter so Denny wouldn’t notice. We know Denny and when he goes back to the room he’s done for the night. He goes straight to bed,” Boris laughed and caused others to start laughing.
“So about a minute after he goes back there and shuts the door, once he shuts off the light we know it is pitch black in there,” Mykal laughed. “You can’t see a thing. So we go back there by the door to listen and we figure he’s gonna yell and cuss us out. But after a couple minutes of silence you hear this scream, like a woman being murdered kind of scream,” Mykal laughed and had to stop.
“And you hear all this thumping and bumping and screaming, not yelling, but screaming, ‘I’m stuck, I’m stuck. There’s something in here,’ he screamed,” Boris picked up where Mykal stopped. “You hear things falling and being knocked around. The poor guy, cuz we’re all outside his door laughing at him.”
“He finally opened the door and his balding hair is all over the place, he’s standing there in his underwear and looks like he coulda been crying,” Mykal laughed which caused Jake to laugh even louder.
“His bed and mattress were flung all around the room,” Boris said in hysterics. “He knocked over the dresser. He looked at us at the door laughing and knew we did something. Kurt said to him, ‘Hey Denny, we can’t find that dead snake. Do you know where it is?’ Denny screamed and yelled ‘it touched my friggin legs,’ and ran down the hallway in his underwear flailing his hands like a little girl,” Boris roared. “So while he was running around half naked, yelling hysterically, we went and took the dead snake away.”
“Poor guy,” Mykal laughed. “Even after we assured him we took the snake out, he said he couldn’t go to sleep and had to leave the bedroom light on all night.”
“Oh, that’s cruel man,” Winnie said. “I hates snakes too. I woulda had a heart attack if’n a snake, dead or alive, woulda brushed against my leg in the dark.”
“Yeah, but Denny caught all kinds of hell from us,” Mykal laughed. “Even at times when it wasn’t intended for him. Small things like some times the toilet seats were black so someone put black shoe polish on the seat and Denny got it.”
“Another time someone put cellophane wrap over the toilet bowl and put the seat down,” Boris laughed. “There was a maintenance team at our site to eat lunch and we were hoping one of them would piss in there so it would get all over their legs,” Boris laughed and doubled over wiping the tears from his eyes. “But Denny went in there and took a crap and he had to clean up the mess. He was pissed off.”
“The poor guy, “ Mykal laughed. “No one owned up to it and since there were so many people at the site, and they were being loud and obnoxious, so we were able to convince Denny that maybe one of the visitors did it,” Mykal laughed. “But we knew it was Kurt and Larry who did it cuz they told us,” Mykal continued to laugh with Boris. “One time we took some of his Oreos, cuz Denny loved his Oreo cookies and he brought them out to the site. We took the icing middle out and replaced it with white tooth paste.”
“I thought he was gonna puke,” Boris said and wiped his eyes. “We promised him we only did it to one, but there were two others in there like that. He was pissed. After he nearly threw up from the second one he jumped up and yelled, ‘Is nothing sacred around here?’ and that was the same day,” Boris had to stop when his laughter overwhelmed him.
“I know what Boris is gonna say,” Mykal laughed. “Denny hates hot stuff. He doesn’t like anything spicy. Tobasco sauce will send him to the emergency room,” Mykal laughed his exaggeration. “Larry got this super-duper hot sauce that was supposed to be like twenty times hotter than Tobasco sauce. It was made with Habanero peppers and some other stuff,” he paused to let Boris continue.
“But that was the same day Kurt took this ridiculously hot sauce and put it in the opening of Denny’s tooth paste and since it was clear, he spread it all over Denny’s tooth brush. When Denny got up that morning and was getting ready to brush his teeth, Kurt like an idiot stood there and took forever to wash his hands and was ta
lking to Denny so he wouldn’t look at his tooth brush. Kurt said as soon as Denny started to brush his teeth, he stopped, growled real loud and did kind of like a muffled scream. He didn’t even say anything and just started chasing Kurt. He chased him outside and all over the site yelling and swearing at him. Denny knew Kurt did it and his mouth and gums were on fire. Denny was chasing Kurt around, tooth paste foam around his mouth, yelling ‘I’m gonna kill you, I’m gonna kill you, you rotten bastard,’ and Kurt’s laughing like crazy running and yelling, ‘what’s wrong Denny, what’s wrong?’ But Kurt was laughing his ass off so he knew Kurt had something to do with it.”
“When Denny stopped chasing him he tried to wash his mouth out, but he said it kept getting worse, it kept getting hotter and burned more. Denny said his mouth burned for a couple of hours,” Mykal laughed wildly. “All around the outside of his mouth was red where the tooth paste was. I guess the stuff is so hot it will burn your skin. Aw, that poor guy.”
“But he wasn’t the only one who got caught,” Boris said. “Anyone who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time was at risk of--”
“He means anyone who got stuck working with them,” Jake laughed.
“We had this one kid, Franklin Perry,” Boris laughed and shook his head. “He was a real pain in the ass. We actually played more pranks on him, than anyone else, except for Denny. Denny was great cuz he wouldn’t hold a grudge and would laugh about it later. But our stuff on Franklin was more disgusting than anything else. He was a smoker when he first started with us and I don’t know how many times we got him with loads in his cigarettes,” Boris laughed. “You know, the things that explode when they’re lit. So he lights his cigarette and BOOM! Then a couple of times we took his cigarettes, took about half the tobacco out, put in about seven match heads and then put the tobacco back in. When he smoked it a big ball of flame went up in his face. Then there was a couple of times where we did the same thing but instead of match heads we put dead bugs in there. The little idiot smoked dead bugs and just looked at his cigarette and smoked away. One time we tried it with live bugs, but as he was getting ready to light his cigarette this long centipede come crawling out of the end of his cigarette and he yelled throwing the cigarette down. He quit smoking, cold turkey, right then and there.”
“So we actually helped the guy quit smoking,” Mykal laughed. “Franklin always had to have ice cubes when he drank his Coke.”
“Oh yeah,” Boris laughed. “One time Larry got two dead frogs. They were little ones and he put them in the ice cube tray. Franklin was watching TV and he felt something hit his lip and he freaked out when he saw the two little frogs cuz his ice cubes melted. Franklin honestly thought the two little frogs jumped into his drink to get outta the heat,” Boris laughed. “We never told him any different. He thought the little frogs wanted to jump into his cup to cool off from the heat. He couldn’t explain how they jumped from the floor to the end table where his cup had been sitting, but he was convinced they wanted to be inside his Coke to cool off. Since they were dead, the little idiot said they drowned because his drink was too cold.”
“You gotta be kidding me,” Adkins said and shook his head.
“You wouldn’t believe all the stuff we’ve done with dead animals and live animals,” Boris laughed. “Out at the actual missile site, the alarms aren’t supposed to go off on anything under forty pounds. That’s bull. Birds and rabbits and skunks and whatever else is out there will cause the alarm to go off and then we’d have to respond to the alarm and make sure there aren’t any bad guys trying to get to the nuke. There are some times you go out there and chase a rabbit off the site and then you’re back out there a half hour later. So most of the time you have to kill the animal or you’ll be running out there all night. But one time me and Kurt, that big galoot, I say that cuz you should see him running,” Boris laughed. “Anyway, Kurt and I actually caught a smaller rabbit. We had it pinned in the corner of the fence and used a plastic bag to catch it. Plus we both had gloves on. So we brought it back to Mykal. We were working the late shift.”
“I said let’s put it in the classified drawer,” Mykal laughed. “We have a locked drawer where we keep Secret and Top Secret material. We didn’t wanna kill it. The thing was so cute. In a couple of hours Denny would be getting up and when you come on duty, you have to account for all the weapons, codes and controls and have to make sure everything is there. It’s just part of the daily job. So Denny, he just got up, it’s early in the morning, like a little after six o’clock. He sat on his chair and opened the classified drawer and out jumps this live rabbit. Denny yelled, his cup of coffee goes flying and he fell backward off his chair. Me, Boris and Kurt are laughing our asses off. Kurt says, ‘hey Sarge, you got rabbit shit all in your drawer.’ And from the floor without missing a beat Denny says, ‘Believe me, I got more than that in my drawers. I just shit myself.”
“The next tour we were driving down the road and we hit something,” Boris said. “And you really didn’t think about it cuz you’re always running over rabbits or hitting birds. But we knew we hit something and didn’t know it until we got back to the site and saw a smaller owl stuck in the grill. It was still alive,” Boris laughed and Mykal joined him in his laughter. “We tied a string to its leg and tied it to the inside of the weapons cabinet. Of course Denny opens the weapons locker and out flies this little owl right in his face.”
“Denny made a noise I never heard before,” Mykal said and laughed wildly. “It was kinda like a yell, a scream and a grunt all at once. He was falling backwards swatting at his face with both hands. We’re standing there laughing our tails off and there is this little owl flapping around trying to get away. Denny looks up and yells ‘You friggin guys are gonna kill me. I’m too damn young to have a heart attack.’ But afterward, he laughed about it and thought it was funny. Denny was great like that.”
“Then Denny said, ‘Hey when is it my turn to watch a prank being pulled on someone?’ And I loved Denny like a father. He was great,” Boris said. Tears began to fill his eyes. It didn’t have to be said, most knew and for those who didn’t know, they guessed Denny had died at some time just by the expression Boris gave.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN 12/15/1983
1. Thursday, December 15th 1983
0603 hours, Inside a mountain, Other side of Towbar’s world
“Are they still out there?” Mykal asked with a yawn after Boris woke him from his fitful sleep on the cold hard floor.
“Oh yeah, they’re still out there. Every once in a while it sounds like they’re trying to talk to us, but no one can understand what they’re saying. Nordad and his men, nor the Elves have any idea what it is they’re trying to say. The Elves said they tried to talk to them in a couple of different languages, but nothing.”
“Well thankfully they haven’t tried to bust in,” Mykal nodded while stretching his aching body. “Hey Diaz, how much food do we have?”
Lieutenant Finley spoke up before Captain Diaz. “My guess is about Three to four days if we stretch it to the max. And that is because we took food supplies from those soldiers we killed. I’ve personally been monitoring our food consumption and we may have to cut back a bit more.”
“Are you kidding me?” A voice called out followed by a chorus of moans and grumbling.
“I know, I know,” Finley said with a sympathetic smile. “But this is about survival men. And keep in mind we have this three to four days of food only because we took it from those men we killed before coming into the mountain,” he repeated to make sure all the men understood their situation. “Otherwise we would have very little food left.”
“So what you’re saying Sir, is we might have to be forced to eat some of the dead Goblins,” Army Ranger Sergeant McPherson called out playfully.
“I’ve had to do that before,” Boris said somberly. The Army Ranger’s statement struck a nerve. “It wasn’t Goblins though. Me and three others had to eat a Soso to survive.” Boris stared into space co
mmanding the attention of everyone when they could see he wasn’t joking. “I know what it is to nearly starve to death. A man will do anything he can to stay alive.”
“What’s wrong Boris?” Jake asked after the long awkward silence that filled the cold gloomy room.
“I was just thinking about Kurt,” he sighed and looked down when he sensed everyone looking at him. “He was my best friend ever. He was my family,” he said with a sad smile. “Him and Denny. But they were killed,” he said for those who didn’t know.
“Do you think we might have to resort to cannibalism?” Marine Sergeant Azarski asked. His face expressed disgust.
“No!” Diaz asserted firmly. “It will not come down to that. We will fight our way out first. For my religious convictions, I will not, I repeat, I will not eat the flesh of another human.”
“Well Captain Diaz, they’re not human,” Nordad replied. “They are Goblins. Foul little creatures. If they are anything, they are more like animals than they are human.”
Mykal saw that Boris was going to continue talking about cannibalism, but with a wave of his hand he stopped Boris. Mykal knew this wasn’t something they needed to be concerned with at the moment. “I agree with Captain Diaz. We’re going to get out of here before it comes to that.”
“Time will reveal all,” Blair gave a slight smile.
The three Elves didn’t appear to be worrying over the situation. They said they were concerned but it didn’t show. Their ‘carefree, take it as it comes’ lifestyle rubbed some of the older men the wrong way, but they dared not voice their frustrations. Mykal, Captain Diaz and Lieutenant Finley wouldn’t allow a division to start with their allies.
“Well what is our plan?” William spoke up. “How much longer are we going to just sit here?”
“Well we’ve been here just a little more than sixteen hours,” Mykal said after he looked at his watch.