My Soul Loves: Hidden Creek Series #1
Page 37
“Well, yeah, I guess, if you want to get technical about it.” I grinned and shrugged. “But it’s not like I’ve had any formal training as a nurse. It’s a very easy mistake to make.”
He put a hand up to my face, his thumb stroking back and forth over my cheek. My gaze dropped to his mouth.
“I want to kiss you, Ava, but I need to ask you something first.”
“Okay, but hurry,” I said, making him smile.
“This morning,” he began, “when Priscilla was here.”
I winced. “Oh. Yeah. I’m really sorry about that. I would’ve stopped her if I’d known she was going to ask you those questions.”
“Why?” he asked, running his hand along the length of my braid.
I frowned, wondering why he had to ask. “Because she put you on the spot and you had to say things to placate her.”
He tilted his head. “You mean like when I said I had honorable intentions and wouldn’t be with you if I wasn’t serious about us?”
“Yeah. That,” I said, my shoulders slumping. “I’ve been so determined not to make you feel any pressure, and then Priscilla goes and puts it all out there.”
His eyes narrowed. “What kind of pressure are you talking about?”
I looked down, plucking at the knots on the bed’s comforter. Now I was the one being put on the spot. So much for keeping my feelings hidden until he could catch up.
I shrugged one shoulder self-consciously. “Pressure to—you know—feel the same way I do. I don’t want you to feel bad if you aren’t there yet. I mean, it either happens or it doesn’t, and we have plenty of time to find out. Priscilla is the one trying to rush things, not me.”
He was quiet for a long moment and I shifted uncomfortably, halfway expecting the “I just need some time” line.
“Exactly how do you feel, Ava?” he asked instead, his voice low and rough. “It would help if I knew.”
I was so surprised by his question that my eyes flew up to meet his again. He looked curious, maybe even.….hopeful?
I exhaled slowly, gathering my courage. “Well I hope you aren’t expecting me to say I’m falling in love with you,” I said quietly, watching for his reaction.
He looked disappointed, there was no mistaking it, and I suddenly found a whole lot more courage. Could it be that Jude was ready to hear what I was finally ready to tell him?
I scrunched my face up, my heart pounding. “And the reason I’m not going to say that is because I’m already way past the falling part. I’ve pretty much already gone splat.”
His eyes heated instantly and I could tell he wanted to smile, but he held back. We just stared at each other for a few seconds, and then he broke the silence.
“So….in other words?” he prompted.
I swallowed audibly. I wanted to tell him, I really did, but saying those three little words—it was terrifying.
“I’ve never said it to anyone other than my family,” I whispered.
His lips curved up just a tiny bit. “Me neither.”
“Really?” That was hard to believe, because I had no doubt he’d been involved in way more relationships than I had.
He nodded. “Really.”
I licked my lips nervously. “It might seem like it’s too soon, but I’ve known for a while now.”
He reached over and wrapped his hand around my knee. “Me too.”
I forgot to breathe as my heart did a long, slow roll. Was this really happening?
I closed my eyes on a shaky exhale, then opened them to look directly into his. His smile had grown and he raised a dark brow, waiting.
“Together?” I asked hopefully. “On the count of three?”
“We don’t need to count,” he murmured, leaning closer. “We can just say it.”
And so we did.
“I love you.”
Our words and breath mingled as I met his mouth halfway. The kiss was light and sweet because we were both smiling too much for anything else. I pulled away just long enough to tell him I really did love him so so much and was glad to finally be able to say it. Then he pulled me close and kissed me as if his goal was to make me forget any other males existed, either on this planet or in the universe.
And for me, they didn’t. At least, none like Jude Keller.
By the time the kiss ended, my heart was racing and my whole body tingled with awareness and desire. I gave him a slightly dazed smile, then let my head fall to his chest.
“I should go,” I sighed. “You’re making me forget all my good intentions.”
He groaned, his arms tightening around me. “I wish you could sleep here again, but I guess that would be asking for trouble.”
“Yeah, it definitely would,” I murmured, listening to the steady beat of his heart under my ear. Was that heart really mine? Had Jude really told me he loved me?
“I do love you, Ava,” he said, as if he’d read my mind. “Don’t ever doubt that, and don’t start thinking this is too good to be true. You know what happened the last time you did that.”
I propped my chin on his shoulder and looked at him. “You know me pretty well,” I admitted. “When I wake up tomorrow I won’t know whether this was real or just a really great dream.”
He gave a low chuckle. “Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to make sure you know it’s real,” he promised, his eyes glinting.
“Oh yeah?” I raised my brows and gave him a knowing look. “Think you’ll have time before you leave for work?”
He looked surprised, then sheepish. “How’d you know I was going to work?”
I poked his chest with my finger. “Because I know you. You didn’t have a lot pain today, and it’ll be even better tomorrow. Plus, I don’t think you can handle another day of sitting around chatting with well-meaning visitors.”
He let his head fall back with a moan. “You are so right about that. Work is way easier than what I’ve gone through the last two days.”
I nodded. “I get it, and I’m not surprised—I expected you to go back quickly. But I’m still afraid you’re going to overdo it.”
“I won’t. I’ll be at my desk most of the time. We need to finish up the bid for that student center at the college. The deadline is Friday.”
“Desk is good,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t get to the office and find a million other things waiting for him as a result of his Monday off. “Just know your limits. Listen to your body and don’t push it.” I gave him a warning look and one more poke. “I’m trusting you. Don’t let me down.”
He smiled and grabbed my finger. “I’ll be good. Promise.” He rubbed his other hand up and down my back. “Thanks for letting me stay here.”
I nodded. “I know you would’ve been fine on your own, but I needed you here for a little while.”
His eyes searched mine. “You’ll be okay by yourself, right? You won’t be jumping at every little noise?”
I shrugged. “I might do a little jumping every now and then, but I trust the security system. And Abigail would be foolish to try anything else so soon.”
“Let’s hope they find her before she can come up with another plan.”
“Yeah, that would be a relief for sure. Until then, I promise to be careful and do the things you asked. I have no desire to go back out to the woods, anyway.”
His hand slid beneath my shirt, warm on the small of my back. “When this is all over, we’ll go back out to there together. Face the fear and all that.”
I nodded and raised my hand to trail a fingertip across the arch of his brow, down the side of his face, and along his jaw. That woods was going to haunt me for a long time. Not because of my own ordeal, but because it was where I’d come so close to losing the man I was in love with.
“Stop thinking about whatever it is that’s making you look sad,” Jude ordered, reading my mind yet again. “We both survived, sweetheart. Concentrate on that. And on the fact that I’ll go to sleep tonight with a huge smile on my face because of you.”
I s
miled gratefully. “I’d much rather concentrate on that.”
He dipped his head to hold my gaze. “I love you, Ava.”
“I love you too. So much.”
Our kiss was soft and lingering, then I promised him I’d have breakfast ready at six-thirty and reluctantly said good night.
Jude wasn’t the only one who went to sleep with a smile on his face.
Chapter 33
Iwas scrambling eggs the next morning when my phone rang. I was immediately worried, because it was way earlier than most people would call. I slipped it out of my pocket and when I saw the sheriff’s number on the screen, I quickly shifted the skillet and turned off the burner.
Deputy Clauson identified himself, apologized for calling so early, and then told me he had news about Abigail.
“We just got the call a few hours ago,” he said. “Her body has been found at a vacation cabin in Vermont. It’s a place her parents owned when she was a kid.”
Wait…..did he just say…..her body?
I lowered myself slowly onto a chair, my hands shaking and my heart thudding in my ears. I struggled to concentrate as he went on to say she’d died in bed, after taking a bunch of pills and drinking a bottle of vodka. Their best guess was that it had happened Saturday night. The same day Andrew had shot Jude.
I sat completely silent as the deputy explained how Abigail had broken a window to get into the cabin, and from the looks of things, she’d been holed up there ever since leaving DC. The guy who owned the cabin next door had gotten into town last night for a vacation, and when he saw the neighbor’s lights on, he’d stopped by to say hi. When no one answered, he’d gone around back and found Abigail’s car parked up close where it couldn’t be seen from the road. He’d also spied the broken window and wisely called the police. They were the ones who had found the body.
I absorbed the information as best I could, but the only thing that truly registered was the fact that Abigail had taken her own life. Somehow she’d found out about Andrew being arrested and then she’d used pills and alcohol to escape. How was I supposed to feel about that?
My first thought was that I wouldn’t have to worry about her vindictiveness ever again. The fear of what she would do next was gone, and I couldn’t deny a sense of relief at that knowledge. But on the heels of relief I felt an almost overwhelming sadness. Crushing regret. This was someone I’d known, someone I’d worked closely with for two years. How could I rejoice in her death?
To call it tragic was an understatement. Abigail had been a brilliant girl, with so much to offer. If not for her obsessive jealousy over Ian, we might have become friends. Our occupation gave us a lot in common, plus, we were the only females on the team. We should have been able to form a bond.
Instead, she’d decided Ian was her savior and I was the enemy—the one who would end up ruining her happiness if she didn’t do all she could to stop me.
I tried to focus. Deputy Clauson was still talking, giving me more details on the case. He said taking the pills the same day Andrew had been arrested indicated Abigail had been monitoring things from afar, and I agreed. She’d probably tapped directly into the department’s communications network to make sure she’d know if anything went wrong with Andrew’s abduction attempt. Then, when she’d realized it was over and Andrew was in jail, she’d chosen to give up on life.
The deputy said there were no signs of anyone else having been at the cabin with her. She’d died alone.
Her choice of the cabin made me wonder if the Sutton family had had some good times there, before things fell apart for their family. Had Abigail chosen to go back for that reason? Had she known she might die there if Andrew didn’t come through for her?
In spite of all she’d done, I grieved the girl and the potential that was now lost forever. I’d kept my distance from Abigail as a way of showing I didn’t want Ian for myself, but now I regretted not trying harder to get to know her.
When I hung up the phone, I just sat there crying, not even attempting to stop the tears. I felt guilty for having so many good things in my life, when Abigail had decided she had absolutely nothing worth living for.
There was so much I would have done differently if only I’d known that her tough, confident exterior was mostly fake. Maybe none of it would have made a difference—maybe she would have pushed me away no matter what.
But maybe not. Maybe I could have helped somehow. Been a friend.
I’d never know now.
I got up and walked past the pan of half-cooked eggs to the stairs. I needed Jude.
***
He was dressed in sweats and a fresh T-shirt, sitting on the edge of the bed trying to get his shoes on. I knew bending at the waist was the most painful position for him right now, so I quickly dropped to my knees to help.
“Morning, sunshine,” he said, tousling my hair. “Good timing.”
My face was hidden from him, and I dreaded looking up. I tied one shoe, then slipped the other one on.
I cleared my throat. “I just got off the phone with Deputy Clauson.”
I felt him stiffen. “And?” he asked warily.
I tied the shoe and finally raised my head to look at him. His eyes immediately narrowed with concern and he stood up, pulling me with him.
“What’s wrong, Ava? Do they know where Abigail is?”
I nodded. “She’s dead. She took pills. They think it happened the same day you got shot.”
He stared at me for a long time, his eyes reflecting the same mix of emotions I was feeling.
“Wow. That’s the last thing I expected to hear.” He exhaled slowly. “Tell me everything Clauson said.”
We sat down on the bed and I told him the whole conversation, or at least as much as I remembered. When I finished, he put his arm around me and drew me against his side.
“Man. There was really no good outcome for her after what she and Andrew did, but this was definitely the worst.” He rested his cheek against the top of my head. “She must have been having trouble for a while, and losing Ian sent her over the edge.”
“You would have never known it,” I said, wiping my eyes again. “I knew she was suspicious of me where Ian was concerned, but otherwise she seemed so tough and in control. And confident. The way she dressed, the red hair and tattoos—she wanted to stand out. She was an in-your-face kind of person. It’s crazy to think she’s gone. That she chose to die.”
“There had to have been a lot of turmoil on the inside. She was just really good at hiding it.”
I breathed him in, growing calmer as he held me. I shared my conflicting reactions with him, the relief versus the sadness, and of course he understood.
“I admit, my first thought when you told me was that now you’re safe. I was second-guessing leaving you here alone, because I couldn’t stop thinking about how we’d underestimated her before. So, yeah, I’m glad to have the threat completely removed.” He gently smoothed my hair away from my face. “That doesn’t mean I don’t wish it would’ve turned out differently for her. I could never feel good about someone feeling so hopeless they think their only option is to take their own life.”
“I should’ve been a better friend to her. I should’ve realized she needed help.”
He grunted softly. “It’s always easy to come up with things we could’ve done differently after the fact. You can’t dwell on it, babe. You saw the Abigail she wanted you to see. The rest was her secret.”
I nodded against his shirt. “Logically I know that.”
“Have you talked to Ian?”
“Not yet.” I reluctantly pulled away from him and stood up. “I need to finish breakfast so you can get going, then I’ll call him.”
“I can stay here today,” he offered. “If you have a computer I can use, I can do some stuff remotely.”
“I have all kinds of computers you could use, but I’ll be okay. I’ll talk to Ian, then get to work. I need to keep my mind occupied so I don’t keep going over everything.”
I smiled, full of love and gratitude. “As long as I know I’ll see you again this evening, I’m good.”
He wrapped his arms around my shoulders in a tight hug. “There’s no way you won’t see me this evening.”
I enjoyed the comfort of his arms for a minute, then stepped away, feeling stronger and calmer because of him. I looked up and smiled fondly. “We’d better get moving. I’m going to have to start all over on your eggs.”
Chapter 34
Aweek and a half later, on Friday night, I was spending extra time on my hair and makeup, getting ready for dinner with Jude and a group of his co-workers. It was a gathering to celebrate getting the contract for the student center at the college—the bid the firm had been working so hard on for the past month. The owners of Owens Construction, whom I had yet to meet, would be there, along with most of the other project managers and administrative staff.
Jude had been asked to head up the new project—his biggest one to date—and I was terribly proud. I was also glad he wanted me to attend the dinner with him, even though meeting all those people made me nervous.
I’d immediately started digging through the row of still-zipped garment bags I’d hung in the back of my closet, searching for something appropriate to wear. I’d been pleased to find a little black dress I’d recently worn to one of my mom’s fundraising dinners. It was the kind of dress that fit most any occasion, and it was also comfortable, which was a nice bonus.
I usually dreaded getting dressed up for formal dinners, but it was much different this time, knowing it was for Jude and not my mother. Plus, I was beyond ready for a little change of pace. The days since I’d found out about Abigail’s death had been crazy and draining. Too many gut-wrenching phone calls with a grieving Ian. Too much time spent convincing my family I was fine and the threat was over. Too much time getting my servers all back online and covering for Ian with our contractors because he was having trouble putting in the time he normally did and we were falling behind on some jobs.