Anything Your Heart Desires

by AJ Adaire

  “Not until college. Then, figuring out I wanted to be a cop added an additional layer of concern. I was afraid that being a lesbian could prohibit me from getting a job. I was so worried about it that I finally confided my secret to my mother. Her name is Josette.”

  “Was she was okay with it? What’d your mother say?”

  “I don't doubt that she’d have wished a different life for me. But when I told her, after we cried together, she hugged me and told me to be strong and to be true to who I was.”

  “Your mom, Josette, she sounds nice. Did you tell your dad?”

  “No, my mom told him. His name is Ben. I’d say he was less than thrilled. To his credit, he let me know that he still loved me. He was okay as long as we didn't talk about it. It's like what he didn't see himself wasn't true or could at least be denied. When I got shot I recovered at Amanda and Mallory’s place while my parents stayed with Nic and Dana. Living with all of us made it difficult for Dad to ignore the facts and to put it out of his mind. Luckily, as Dad came to know my friends, it was pretty interesting to watch him relax and realize they are just people who care for each other. When Mom and Dad left, my father hugged each of them goodbye and told every one of them that he loved them.” Jo shrugged. “He told me, too. Of course, I already knew it. Still it was a huge step for him. We were all sobbing by the time we watched them drive away.”

  Fascinated by Jo’s story, so different from her own reality, Stacy prompted Jo to continue. “So, you've never taken a girlfriend home?”

  “No. I've had a couple of relationships although I haven't been seriously involved enough with anyone to bring them home with me. It's hard being a cop's partner. There’s shift work for one. Additionally, cops see some ugly things. We're not easy to love. I think I probably haven't had a real date in two years or more. Although I will admit to having had a couple of one night stands here and there, and a few short term relationships. I rarely do that though because I don't really enjoy sex without some sort of emotional involvement. To me, sex without involvement—it's like wearing shoes without socks. It's functional, but more comfortable if you have both.”

  “Now there's an analogy for you.” When Stacy chuckled, Jo grinned. “So would you say you'd never feel like settling down?”

  “No, just the opposite. I'd love to be in a relationship like my friends have. I just haven't met the right person yet, I guess. I know that I keep hoping that I will, one day. I'd say I have a lot of love saved up for someone special. I’ve been saving it up all my life.”

  Stacy reached out and gave Jo's hand a squeeze. “I hope you find what, or should I say who, you are looking for.”

  “What about you?” Jo asked, “Anybody serious in your life?”

  “No, my life is much like yours.” Stacy pulled up the hood on her coat and adjusted her collar tighter. “I've been on my own for the past three years. I've had a couple of relationships that didn't last. In my line of work, I just don't meet many people. So unless someone writes 'for a good time, see Stacy, 454 Main Street’ on a bathroom wall somewhere, it probably isn't going to happen. Of course, it would help if I went out to places where other people congregate once in a while, maybe join a gym, and get out in public more. It's just not worth the hassle to me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Stacy puzzled over how to answer the question. “In the past, it seems that things start off fine. Then, as soon as a guy gets what he wants, things seem to change. I don't know, maybe it's me who changes.”

  Jo hesitated wondering if her next question was too personal. She and Stacy seemed able to broach any subject head on so she asked without embarrassment. “Tell me if I’m overstepping by asking you this. Do you miss sex?”

  “Not really that much. I guess I'm just not a very sexual person. I like the touching and the kissing. The rest I can take or leave. What about you? Do you miss sex?”

  Jo stopped. “I think I need to rest a bit. There's a bench over there where you can sit. Let's sit down.” They walked over and sat down facing each other, Jo in the companion chair and Stacy on the bench. Stacy helped Jo prop her leg up on the bench.

  Jo pursed her lips. When she felt ready she said, “When I look at Amanda and Mallory, and Dana and Nic, I envy them. Not their sex lives specifically although God, Dana, and Nic seem to be in perpetual heat for each other. I envy the relationships those two couples have individually, as well as their friendship with each other. They're building something together. I know I’m their friend and that they love me. Sometimes I feel the void of being the only single one when I’m with them.”

  Stacy tipped her head in agreement. “I can understand that. Both couples seem to have wonderful relationships.” After a few seconds when they were quiet, Stacy asked, “Nobody steady for you, then?”

  Jo shook her head. “I was married to my job. I worked shift work. It's hard to make and sometimes even keep friends when you do that, let alone establish a relationship of any significance. And like I said, to me sex without commitment isn’t what I want.”

  “Do most lesbians feel that way?”

  Jo tossed back a quick response, answering Stacy’s question with one of her own. “Do most heterosexual women feel the same way you do about sex?”

  “No, probably not. I know some of my friends feel very differently. They're always talking about wanting to have sex with their guy.”

  “The same can be said for my team as well.” Jo smiled. “It's why you can't refer to the lesbian lifestyle. People are people, Stacy. Everyone is different. For most of us, I think it's safe to say we all, gay or straight, want someone special in our lives. Don't you think?”

  “Yeah, you're probably right. Hey! I'm freezing. Ready to go home?”

  Just for a moment, Jo wished. “Yes, let's go home.”

  “Have you walked far enough today? May I give you a ride back?”

  Jo turned to look back at the shop, amazed at how far they’d come. “I think I’d appreciate that.”

  Stacy pushed Jo back to Oui, Madame. They decided to put the chair in the alcove behind the desk in the outer office of the shop.

  Nic smiled at Stacy. “I see you gave my friend a workout today. How far did she go?”

  “Don't talk about me like I'm not here,” Jo said as she made her way around the desk. “I went to the bench a block and a half down. I was so tired out, Stacy had to push me back.”

  “Good for you, Jo. I'm very impressed.”

  “Yeah, I'm a little impressed myself,” Jo admitted with a grin. “Because we were chattering away, I wasn’t paying attention to how far we’d gone or how much pain I had. It helped knowing I had a ride home when I got tired. Tomorrow I'll go farther.” She grinned at Stacy. “Assuming I can get a lift home when I'm done.”

  “That's a promise.”

  When the two women headed across the street, Amanda came out of the back office and stood behind Nic who was seated at the desk. She leaned her forearm on Nic's shoulder and they watched together as the two women made their way to Stacy's apartment.

  “How long do you think it'll take the two of them to realize they're good for each other?”

  “I don't know if anything more than a friendship will develop. Stacy's straight.”

  “So was Dana once. You two worked it out. Maybe they will too. I like Stacy a lot. Besides, she's good for Jo. Jo needs someone to help her find her way and I think Stacy could do it. She's very good with her. Jo is calmer, more relaxed, when she's with her.”

  Turning to face Amanda, Nic cautioned. “We can't interfere more than we already have. It's up to them now.”

  “Yes, you're right. It is.” Amanda said a small prayer that her friend would find happiness. Giving Nic's shoulder a squeeze, Amanda returned to the back office to finish her work.

  Chapter 7

  JO AND STACY RETURNED to the apartment after their walk. They made tea, and with cups in hand they went into the living room. “So, let's see what's in the box.” Jo pointed
to the large brown box sitting like an elephant in the middle of the room.

  Stacy got out her box cutter and slit open the top of the cardboard container, reached in, and pulled out the directions before lifting the trainer out of the box. She looked over the instructions before handing the directions to Jo. “Does this make sense to you?”

  Jo studied the directions then slid from the sofa to the floor and scooted over to the device. “Well, I think the instructions are more complex than necessary. It looks like you just secure the bike in here after you replace this piece with the supplied part, and then you’re good to go.”

  “Let's go get your bike and bring it back to try it.”

  “Before we do that, let's first look it up on the Internet and see if we can learn any additional information about this thing.”

  “Good idea! You're not only cute you're smart, too. I'm surprised you're not beating women off with a stick.”

  Jo laughed and just shook her head. “Yep, that's me, the total package.” Jo tried to get up. “Uh oh.”

  Concerned, Stacy approached Jo. “What's the matter?”

  “I think I might need a bit of help getting up. The sofa slides if I push against it. Can you get me a kitchen chair?”

  “Nonsense. I'll help you.” Before Jo could protest, Stacy was behind her and had quickly slid her arms around Jo's torso. “Okay, on three.”

  Jo pushed up with her good leg as Stacy lifted. Jo could feel the softness of Stacy's breasts pressed against her back, and she felt herself respond. She hurriedly stepped away. “Thanks.”

  Stacy turned away, her face flushed. She looked down to assure herself that her erect nipples were not showing beneath her T-shirt. “No problem.” She quickly headed off down the hallway towards her computer while Jo followed at a slower pace.

  “Look,” Jo said, pointing to the picture on the screen of the same trainer Stacy had purchased. “In his review of the product, this guy indicates that the instructions are screwy. He says to ignore the thing about the extra wheel. You just clip the bike in with the supplied pin. Most wheels will accept it. They all seem to suggest smoother tires are quieter. I'll use my racing bike instead of my mountain bike so I don't drive you crazy.”

  “Let's go get your bike.”

  “Now?”

  Stacy stood up. “Why not?”

  “We can take my truck. I won't need to install a rack on your car to hold the bike that way.”

  They made their way to Jo’s house. Jo turned off the pickup. “Come on in for a bit. I want to get a couple of books for you to read. Then we'll get my bike.”

  While Jo went to her bedroom to look for two books by her favorite author of lesbian romances, Stacy looked at the pictures on Jo's mantle. Stacy studied a family photo of Jo and a beautiful woman who looked like an older, slightly heavier version of Jo, and a distinguished looking man standing near another woman who appeared slightly older than Jo. Stacy assumed she might be Jo's sister. On the opposite end of the mantle was a picture of Jo in uniform, hat tucked under her arm. She looked to be much younger, maybe in her twenties, with short hair and a broad smile. She was pointing to her badge.

  Jo emerged from her bedroom, two books in hand.

  “You have an attractive family, Jo. You look like your mom. I love your hair short like it was in this picture.”

  “Thanks.” Jo seemed a bit embarrassed as she handed the books to Stacy. “These are two books by one of my favorite lesbian authors. If I had to choose, I guess I'd have to say I like this one the best.” She pointed to the first. “This one is about second chances. You may find it interesting because both of the characters talk about their individual realizations that they’re attracted to women. In fact, one of the characters is in her thirties and just figuring out that she's gay.”

  “That late in life?” Stacy took the books Jo offered.

  “You might be surprised. It’s a lot more common than you’d suspect. Add that topic to your list of questions for us to discuss. Let’s get back to discussing the book. The dialogue between the two main characters is fun to read.” She pointed to the second book. “This one is about betrayal of the worst kind and forgiveness. After reading these two books, I shouldn't have to answer any questions about what lesbians do in bed.”

  “Oh. Um…uh, thanks.”

  Seeing Stacy's apparent embarrassment, Jo put her arm around her and gave her a friendly squeeze. “Trust me here, we'll both be less embarrassed this way. Now, let's go get my bike.”

  With some effort they managed to get the bike up the stairs and into Stacy's apartment where they set up the bike and trainer in Stacy's office. “You try it first,” Jo said. “I can't afford to break my good leg!”

  “Geez, thanks a lot,” Stacy said, giving Jo a playful smack on the arm. “Okay, I’ll sacrifice my health and safety for the cause.” With a quick smile, she got on the bike and began to pedal. “I'm glad my bedroom is at the other end of the apartment just in case the spirit moves you to exercise in the middle of the night. It's not as loud as a vacuum cleaner, but it’s certainly noisier than the microwave. Luckily, I have no neighbors who will be disturbed by it. Come on, your turn.”

  In response to Stacy's offer to help to steady her as she climbed up on the bike, Jo responded, “Thanks. I think I can manage.”

  Jo grimaced as she made one complete rotation of the pedals. Stacy watched as the determined woman started to pedal. After less than a minute, she had to stop. Beads of perspiration dripped from her forehead more from the pain than from the exertion.

  Stacy helped to steady Jo as she dismounted.

  “Pathetic. I used to be able to ride for hours. Now I can't manage a minute.”

  “You’ll improve. Here, let's keep track. That way you'll document your progress.” Stacy pulled a tablet from the stack on her desk and handed it to Jo. “Now, ice or heat?”

  “Well, heat feels better, although ice is probably better for me. It helps with the swelling.”

  “Lie down here and I'll get you some ice.”

  Stacy returned a few minutes later with a plastic bag filled with ice wrapped in a towel.

  “Thanks.” Jo accepted the ice Stacy offered and applied it to her leg. “It seems all I do is thank you. You've done so much to make me comfortable here. Certainly, I'll pay you for what you've spent for the chair and trainer.”

  “Nope. They are all part of the package.” Stacy pulled out her desk chair and sat down. “After spending last night and most of the day today with you, I'm convinced that because of our deal I'll end up with the information I need for my book and maybe a good friend to boot.”

  Jo returned Stacy’s smile “Yes, I'm sure that at least the latter is a given.”

  Chapter 8

  THE FOLLOWING MORNING JO entered the kitchen where she found Stacy with her head buried in the novel she’d given her. “I love this book. I can see why you like it.”

  Jo leaned over her shoulder. “Let me see where you are. Hmm.”

  “Hmm, what?”

  “Just hmm.” Jo checked the temperature of the kettle. Pleased to find the water was still hot enough, she poured some into her cup and added a tea bag. “Got any questions for me this morning?”

  Stacy didn't answer Jo's question, so tea in hand, she slid onto the stool at the counter opposite Stacy and sipped the warm liquid as she watched Stacy read. She repeated her question.

  “Huh? Oh, let me just finish this chapter.”

  Jo reached over, took two tissues from the box at the end of the counter, and prepared to hand them to Stacy. She didn't have to wait long.

  “Oh, no,” she said looking up with tears brimming in her eyes. A large tear ran down her right cheek as she grabbed the tissues Jo offered. Stacy sniffed a few times and blotted her eyes. “Oh, that's not fair! They were so happy and perfect for each other.”

  “Not to worry, it's a romance. They all have a happy ending. The main character will eventually be happy, trust me.” Jo promised.


  “Don't you sometimes wish life could imitate art? Wouldn't it be great if we could all be guaranteed a happy ending?”

  Jo propped her chin on her hand and studied Stacy. “What would be your happy ending if you were writing your story?”

  “Interesting question. Wish I had an interesting answer for you.”

  “Okay, would you want, wealth, fame, children? What would make you happy? Let's say you were given three wishes. What would you wish for?”

  Stacy closed the book and pushed it aside. She smiled. “No, not wealth or fame. They are fleeting. These are wishes just for me?”

  Jo nodded.

  “I guess I'd start with health. Without good health, not much else matters, does it?”

  “Humph! You're preaching to the choir with that one,” Jo grinned ruefully, and patted her injured leg.

  “I guess I'd ask for happiness or at least contentment for my second wish.”

  “And the last one?”

  Stacy sighed. “The last is the hardest, isn't it?” She ran her hand over her chin and around the back of her neck. “Can I wish for three more wishes?” Her voice was bright as she gave Jo a warm smile.

  Jo laughed, as she shook her head, denying the request. “Sorry. Come on, play fair.”

  “Gee, I guess I would wish for true love. But I don't want any of that Romeo and Juliet kind of love. Nor do I want a lover who cheats. I want a romance that gives me joy. A reciprocal joy, because I like to give as well as to receive. For example, it made me happy to give you the trainer and to help you walk farther by having the chair available to you. Showing kindness to you made me feel good. Sometimes it would be nice to be in a relationship where I’d be on the receiving end. You know, give and take. I’d feel good both ways.” Stacy waited for a reaction.

  “Three good choices, for sure.”

  “What about you, Jo? What would you wish for?”

  “Would you believe me if I said that I'd wish for the exact same things?”

  “Why not?”

  Jo shrugged. “I wouldn't want you to think I was dodging the question. But I do think your answer was perfect.”