by AJ Adaire
“Come on, let's get you into your truck. You can sleep off a little of this overdose of alcohol.” Nic and Jo helped Meg into the passenger seat of her truck. By the time they got Meg loaded into the vehicle and closed the door, Meg was already passed out. Jo pressed the key fob, locking the doors of the truck. Nic and Jo returned to their friends who had, by then, settled their bill and were waiting for the two of them to return.
“I'm sorry, people, Nic and I got her loaded into her truck. I'll drive her home.” Jo turned to Stacy. “I hate to ask you this…do you think you could follow us in my truck?”
“Sure.”
“I'm sorry.”
Amanda jumped in. “It wasn't your fault. You and Nic handled it very well. In her condition, it could have turned ugly.”
Stacy took Jo's hand. “She's right. Come on, let's get her home.”
Outside in the parking lot, everyone hugged goodnight. “I'll see you on Monday, Nic. Thanks.” Jo waved to the others. “Goodnight, everyone.”
Stacy hugged each of the women in turn. “I had a great time, thanks for including me. Dana, I'm so glad you got good news.”
Jo added, “Yes, I hope this little incident won't make us forget that this was a happy occasion we were celebrating.”
Nic pulled Jo aside. “Do you think we need to follow you?”
“No, she'll have slept some of it off by the time I get her home. I'll be okay. But thanks for offering.”
Nic gave a wave to her friend and joined the others for the trip home.
Jo unlocked Meg's truck and slid into the driver's seat. She needed to move it forward about six inches in order to reach the pedals. She checked to see that Stacy was ready before they pulled out to make the fifty-five minute drive to Meg’s home.
Meg woke up about ten minutes from her house. She was extremely contrite that she had ruined Jo and her friends' celebration.
“Look, Meg. I’ve told you this before. I didn't lie to you. Stacy and I are not involved, although I will admit that if I thought there was a remote possibility, I would decide to move in that direction. If I make that decision to be involved with her, you need to recognize that I’m completely free to do so. I've told you that I'm not interested in a relationship with you at least twice now. I made a big mistake that day I slept with you. I apologize that I didn't say no before that happened. For one last time, it will never, ever happen again. I can't make it any clearer than that.”
“I hear you. Please don't stop being my friend, Jo.”
“I hope that won't be necessary.”
Jo parked the truck in front of Meg's house and helped Meg get to the door. She slid the key into the lock, opened the door, and flicked on the lights. She handed Meg her truck keys. “Go take a couple of aspirin and drink a big glass of water. You're going to have a headache tomorrow that I wouldn't wish on anyone.”
Jo watched Meg go into her house. Stacy pulled up behind Meg's truck and Jo walked over, opened the door, and leaned in. “Want me to drive?”
“No, I'm fine. Get in. Let's go home.”
Jo settled into the passenger seat of her truck. “Well, that was a dramatic ending to an otherwise enjoyable evening. I'm sorry Meg ruined our fun.”
“It wasn't your fault that she got soused and acted like an idiot. I have to admit that I can't blame her. You're just so darned irresistible. I’m sure she just couldn't help herself.”
Jo laughed. “Yeah, right.”
Chapter 18
STACY PARKED ABOUT A block from the apartment. As they made their way home, she noticed that Jo was favoring her leg though not quite limping. She linked her arm through Jo's knowing she had neither her cane nor the wheelchair to lean on as they walked home.
Once inside, Stacy checked the time...one thirty-five. “If you can get ready for bed before I fall asleep, I'll give you a quick massage.”
“Oh yeah, I'd really appreciate that. I have to admit that my leg held up pretty good considering the work out we gave it.” Jo grinned, meeting Stacy's green eyes with a warm gaze of her own. “I had a wonderful time with you tonight.”
Stacy was the first to move. She started across the room with a destination of Jo's arms around her and Jo's lips on her own. Before she was half way there, the phone rang.
She turned to look at the offending object. “Who could that be?” Jo's immediate concern was that it was Meg calling.
Stacy rushed to pick up the phone before the end of the second ring. She checked the caller ID before answering. Concerned, she pushed the on button and said, “Mom, what's the matter?”
Jo was worried by the serious expression on Stacy's face as she listened to her mother.
“Where is he now?” Stacy asked.
After listening to her mother, Stacy told her that she would be there as soon as she could. She ended with, “I know, Mom. I will. I'll grab a couple of hours of sleep first. I'll leave here around dawn.”
“Be sure you rest first, Honey. Promise me. And drive carefully on the way down.”
“Don’t worry, Mom. I'll be careful, I promise.”
Stacy turned toward Jo, tears in her eyes. Jo quickly reached for and drew her close. “Tell me what happened.”
Stacy took a moment seeking the comfort that Jo offered her before she pulled back to say, “It's my dad. Mom thinks it's a heart attack. He's stable now. Mom wants me to come.”
“I'll come with you. It'll be easier if both of us drive.”
Stacy contemplated Jo's offer. After careful consideration, she declined. “No, I'll be okay. I really appreciate that you'd be willing to come with me. You have obligations here—both to your class and to the kids you're helping. I'd love it if you’d come home with me. However, I'd prefer it to be a time when you'll be able to see more of my hometown than the hospital waiting room. When we go, I'd want it to be a vacation. I want you to meet my family and my friends and see my favorite places. Besides, if you're willing, you could be more helpful to me here.” Stacy sought Jo's eyes.
Jo nodded. “Anything you need. How can I help?”
“I need to get that survey in by Friday. I'll be spending a lot of time at the hospital. I'll finish up what I need to do on the report and email it to you. Will you take care of the last parts of the translation and then submit it for me? I'll email the information you'll need to do that when I send the last part of the report.”
“Okay. I'd rather go with you. However, if you think I'll be more useful here, that's what I'll do. I'd do anything you ask.”
“Do you mean that?”
Jo frowned. “Of course.”
Stacy needed Jo, but not for sex right now. She wanted the closeness and the intimacy they’d shared earlier during their nap. Stacy knew she'd be away for at least several days and when she returned, she and Jo would vacation for a few days. If she could not convince Jo that she loved her enough that her stupid rule number two didn't apply to her, Jo would move back to her home. She hoped they would be friends. Their time together, as they had come to know it, would end.
Stacy crossed to stand in front of Jo. “I need you to hold me tonight. Just hold me. I need to get some sleep before I drive home. Can you do that for me?”
Jo smiled and pulled Stacy towards her, holding her ‘til she felt her relax. “Let me change. I'll be in as quick as I can.”
Stacy returned to her room and prepared for bed. She put on clean pajamas and slid into bed. As Jo had promised, she came in a few moments later. She was wearing a tee shirt and boxers.
“Which side do you want me on?”
“Which would be better for your leg?”
“Maybe I should be on your left side. That puts my good leg next to you.” Jo walked around the bed and slid in.
Stacy rolled toward Jo. They settled into a comfortable position with Stacy's head on Jo's shoulder and her leg casually resting on the thigh of Jo’s good leg. She needed to touch Jo, to feel her skin. She slid her hand under Jo's tee shirt and heard her sudden intake of breath.
Jo's skin was soft and smooth to the touch, and Stacy had an almost uncontrollable urge to allow herself the luxury of sliding her hand over Jo's belly then up to her breast. It just felt so natural to her to desire that. In her heart she knew she loved and wanted Jo. Now was not the time for them to make love. She wanted to give Jo time to absorb that she loved her and time to allow herself to love her back. She wanted Jo for a lifetime, and she didn't want their first time together, if there was to be one, to be rushed. “I want to tell you something, Jo. Before I do, I want you to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t say a word. I want to tell you something, and I need you to give me your promise that you won't say anything in response right now and that you won't move.” She stressed ‘won’t move’ to make it clear it was an imperative. “Promise?”
“Okay, I give you my word. I promise to hold my tongue and to be still although you're worrying me. What is it?”
Stacy snuggled closer, sliding her hand up Jo's side, her thumb resting just below Jo's breast. She wanted more, so much more. She rose up and quickly kissed Jo's mouth as she slid her hand up to cup Jo's breast. True to her word, Jo didn't move. Her only reaction was a quick intake of breath and a clenching of her hands.
Stacy could feel Jo's heart beneath her hand. She took a deep breath and risked her heart. “I love you, Jo. I love your heart and your kindness, your bravery, your determination. I love your looks, your smile, your body, and I love the way we can talk about anything and everything. I love the way you tuck my arm into yours, and the way you made tonight special by holding my hand instead. I know you have your rule against straight women. I swear to you Jo, I want no one other than you. If I were to live a hundred more years, I wouldn't leave you for anyone, male or female. There's no way for me to prove it to you. I’m sorry that I have no way to erase my history. I'm asking you to trust in me and believe me. I've never lied to you, Jo, and I certainly wouldn't start now with something this important. While I'm gone, I'm asking that you think about what I've told you and see if you can't add some sort of codicil to that rule of yours that might allow you to open your heart to me…to accept me into your life. I love you, Sweetheart, with all my heart, and it's my hope that you'll find some way to love me back.”
Stacy started to pull her hand away from Jo's breast. Jo reached up and stopped her by gently placing her hand on top of Stacy's. Jo pressed her hand down, willing Stacy to not move. When she felt Stacy’s hand relax, she slid her hand under her shirt to hold Stacy's hand in place against her breast, against her heart. Stacy sighed and snuggled against the woman she loved. She was soon sound asleep.
***
Jo remained awake for a long time listening to Stacy breathe. Was it possible that she could have this lovely woman? Could she trust that there wouldn't come a moment of realization after they had made love, after Stacy had answered her final questions about what it was like to love a woman, and after Jo completely surrendered her heart that Stacy would change her mind and realize that she just couldn't be with a woman? What would happen if Stacy's friends disowned her or if her parents turned away from her? Would she still want Jo then, or would history repeat itself?
Jo knew that it was too late to protect her heart. She knew that she already loved Stacy. Still, their love was new. If she turned away now, no doubt it would hurt. If they didn't go any further, maybe it would hurt less than it would if they were together for some time before Stacy had a change of heart and left her. Jo didn't think she could stand to face that rejection from Stacy. It was at least two hours later when she fell into a deep and exhausted sleep, still unsure of what she would decide.
Stacy woke up around three hours after she’d fallen asleep, still snuggled against Jo, her hand still cupping Jo's breast. She could feel the steady beat of Jo's heart beneath her fingers. Carefully she slipped her hand out from under Jo's shirt and reluctantly slid gingerly out of bed.
She went into her walk-in closet and pulled the door closed. She quickly packed her overnight bag with three days' worth of clothes and a few extra pairs of underwear before she quietly crept down the hallway to shower and dress for the day. She sat at the kitchen counter to write a note to Jo.
Jo,
It’s so early. I didn't want to wake you. I wanted to get started, to get a jump on traffic. I'm anxious to get to the hospital, to my mom and dad.
Thank you for keeping your word last night, well, really this morning. I feared that if you spoke, you would deny that you love me, and right now, with all that’s happening at home, I couldn't face it if you said that. I love you with all my heart and with all I have to give. You once offered me 'anything my heart desired' and I foolishly wasted that promise last night to get you to dance with me. Even so, I wouldn't want you to come to me that way—not because of a silly promise, or through some sense of obligation. I want you to come to me because you want me as much as I want you, because your life is better with me in it than without.
One of the things I have told you I admire in you is your bravery. Take the risk, Jo. Be brave and allow yourself to trust me, to love me. I promise it will be worth it. Scout's honor.
I'll call you when I get there and have more information. I'll return as soon as possible so I can have my final lesson of what it's like to be a lesbian. It is one lesson I've dreamed about more than once. If making love with you in real life is half as good as it has been in my dreams, I can't wait.
Stacy reread her note and signed her name. She had bravely put her feelings out there for Jo to accept or reject. There was nothing more she could do. She resisted her desire to go back and kiss Jo goodbye. She quietly left her apartment and started her journey home.
Chapter 19
JO AWOKE AROUND EIGHT-THIRTY. She listened for Stacy but was only greeted by silence. She put her hand to her breast, recalling the mixed emotions that Stacy generated when she slipped her hand under Jo's pajama top. Already her heart ached. All the thinking she’d done before she surrendered to sleep had given her no clearer a picture of what she’d decide. She touched her lips, recalling the kiss Stacy had placed there last night. Jo kept her promise not to speak or move despite the gargantuan effort it took. As Stacy's mouth gently covered her own, Jo had wanted nothing more than to pull Stacy into her arms and make love to her, to confess that she was already hopelessly in love with her, although too afraid to make a commitment. Her skin had hummed with the need for Stacy’s touch, and her heart ached with the need to confess her desire. Running her tongue over her lips, she imagined she could still feel Stacy’s soft mouth on her own. She thinks I'm brave. The truth is I'm a coward, through and through. How could she possibly love me? I'm an idiot.
Jo rolled over, inhaling Stacy's scent on the pillow. They had been too overwhelmed last night for her massage, so Jo was stiff this morning. Beginning her process for getting out of bed, she pushed herself to a sitting position and massaged her leg as best she could. She stood up and stretched out her tendon. Not too bad. With some effort, Jo made the bed before heading for the kitchen, calling Stacy's name as she went. She checked the bathroom and the office before she returned to the kitchen to make tea. I can’t believe she left without waking me. As she turned toward the counter, she saw Stacy's note.
Jo read the letter quickly from beginning to end, then went back to reread every line again as her tea water heated in the microwave. She paused when she came to the sentence I want you to come to me because you want me as much as I want you—because your life is better with me in it than without. The microwave chimed and Jo carried the note and her tea to the counter. Sliding onto a stool, she rested her fingers on the note, unconsciously tapping her fingers as she thoughtfully reviewed the past weeks they’d spent together. How her life had changed with Stacy in it. She replayed the conversations they'd had, the massages, the walks, the work they'd done together. Stacy and Jo had shared their hopes and fears with each other. Jo had to admit that she was never bored when she was with Stac
y. All those things aside, if she was honest about her feelings, she knew already that she was in love. One thought still nagged. What if they moved forward and then Stacy changed her mind about being involved with a woman?
Jo finished her tea and went into the office to do her exercise routine. To finish her workout she rode the bike. She completed three sets of eight minutes each with less rest than normal between each set. Checking her stats, she pumped her fist and uttered, “Yes!” She was pleased with the progress. Stacy had been faithful with the massages and more recently with the stretching. Jo had hoped that she would consistently improve if she were dedicated in her exercise program. Not naive enough to think that she'd return to her former level of mobility, she still maintained hope that she'd be able to return to most of her activities if she recognized her limitations. She was fortunate to have found someone who loved her despite her handicap. Someone who was patient with her inability to do some activities and willing to help her work to be the best she could be.
Stacy thinks I'm brave. In my mind, I've been an incredible coward. Last night and in her note, Stacy laid her heart on the line and I'm sitting here analyzing my risk. Jo thought back to when she’d held Stacy tight against her as they moved together around the dance floor, then recalled the response she felt when Stacy touched her breast last night. She knew the soft and gentle touch was not meant to urge her to respond sexually so as Stacy had requested, she had held herself in check. There was no doubt in her mind that she wanted Stacy. She didn't want what they had already shared to ever end, and she sensed that if they took their relationship to the next level, there would be no pulling back for her. Could I be more of an idiot? I’m scared, but I need to stop this nonsense and just tell her that I love her and want her, no matter how much I’ve tried to fight it. That's the simple truth. Jo returned to the kitchen and wrote, 'I love you, too,' on the bottom of the note Stacy had left for her and left it on the counter.