by Alexa Land
“Is your dad coming to the show?”
“My whole family is.” Christian raised an eyebrow, and I asked, “Why do you look surprised?”
“I watched part of the rehearsal today. Skye told me there were some last minute changes to make the show more passionate, but I hadn’t quite expected such raw sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s fantastic. But I think if I were in your shoes, I’d have a hard time doing that in front of my dad.”
“Is your father kind of uptight?”
Christian grinned and said, “No. Not even a little. He’s actually a rock star, and I suspect he probably slept with hundreds of men and women before he finally fell in love with his boyfriend Gianni and settled down. Even still, I’d be embarrassed to get up onstage in front of him and just go for it the way you guys are, but then I’m in no way a performer.”
“I really believe in what Dare and Haley are trying to do here. They want to portray a relationship between two men in the most honest way possible. The sexual aspect is just one component of the bigger picture.”
“They’re definitely achieving that.” Christian took a sip of his drink, then asked, “Out of curiosity, what does your boyfriend think about all of this?”
“I warned him ahead of time that we were changing the show, and that Haley and I would be kissing and would have a lot of body contact onstage. He’s watched us rehearse three times this week, and he hasn’t said anything, so I assume he’s okay with it.”
“Would he tell you if he wasn’t?”
“Yeah, definitely.” Wouldn’t he?
Shea and Duke returned to the warehouse a few minutes later. They were talking animatedly as they carried several sheets of plywood through the huge loading door, which we’d left open to air out the smell of spray paint. They’d both volunteered to move the sets during the show and were debating how best to rotate the three-sided displays, since the backdrop was going to change in front of the audience while we were dancing.
Though not quite as tall as Finn, Shea was a big, muscular guy with the same dark hair and bright blue eyes as his older brother. Those eyes lit up when he spotted his husband. As soon as he and Duke put down the plywood, Shea wound his way across the warehouse, and when he reached Christian, he wrapped his arms around him and kissed him before saying, “That cityscape looks fantastic. Have you talked to Dare about what he’s going to do with the set pieces after the show?”
“Actually, Quinn had a great idea. He suggested auctioning off the individual panels at Nana’s charity fundraiser next week, with the understanding that the winning bidders won’t be getting them until after the show in mid-October. We just need to take some photos of them, so people know what they’re bidding on.”
Duke reached me a moment later and cupped my cheek as he said, “I’m glad to see you actually sitting down. You seemed sore after rehearsal, and then you went straight to helping with the backdrops.”
“I’m fine. My ankle aches a little, but it’s no big deal. I’m planning to ice it before we go to Finn’s house tonight, and then I’ll be good as new.”
I’d stopped wearing a brace at the beginning of the week on the advice of my physical therapist, and I was doing twice-daily exercises to help strengthen my ankle. While it had healed well, there was still some lingering soreness. With just three weeks until the show, we’d been practicing twice as long and twice as hard. Since I was onstage for the entire ninety-minute performance, I was actively involved in almost every aspect of rehearsal. I felt it not just in my ankle, but my entire body. I planned to take a few days off after our debut to recuperate, but until then, I needed to keep pushing myself.
Duke asked, “You sure you’re up for dinner? We could always reschedule.”
I smiled at him and said, “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”
He wrapped his arms around me and said, “You danced for four hours today, with minimal breaks. Yesterday, you rehearsed for five hours, then went to work at the club and danced some more. How long can you possibly keep this up?”
“As long as it takes.”
“But you have to be hurting.”
“Sure, but these long rehearsals are necessary. There have been a lot of changes to the routine, and Dare and Haley will probably continue to fine-tune it right up until the curtain rises, so we’ll keep rehearsing as much as we possibly can.”
Duke looked like he wanted to argue with me, but instead, he said, “Let’s go home so I can take care of you for a couple of hours before dinner.”
“But I was going to help you and Shea build the next set piece, so Christian can start painting it.”
Shea said, “Don’t worry about us, we got this. Go get some rest, Quinn. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Well, okay. Take care, guys.” Duke said goodbye to our companions and picked me up, and I told him, “You don’t have to carry me.”
He kissed my forehead as I wrapped my legs around his waist. “I know, but let me have my fun.”
We scooped up my backpack on the way out, and when we were in his truck and headed back to San Francisco, I said, “Thanks for helping out today, Duke.”
“You don’t have to thank me every day.”
I grinned at his profile and said, “Let me have my fun.”
He smiled at that. “It’s fun to thank me?”
“It’s fun to let you know you’re appreciated. Between building sets and volunteering with the shelter’s fundraiser, you’ve been going nonstop these past few days.”
“I like feeling needed.” I rested my hand on his denim-clad knee, and he glanced at me and asked, “Are you sure you don’t want me to reschedule our plans for tonight? Finn and Chance will understand.”
“Please don’t cancel. I’m looking forward to it, and I’m not nearly as broken down as you seem to think I am.”
“Is there any part of you that doesn’t hurt right now?” When I hesitated before answering, he added, “Be honest.”
“My arms don’t feel too bad. I haven’t had to do much hammering and sawing since you started helping us build.”
“Why isn’t the rest of the troupe helping? There are a dozen dancers in all, but usually it’s just you and Dare staying after rehearsal and working on the sets.”
“Because they all need to get back to their jobs. It’s already tough for them to make a living while devoting so much time to rehearsal. Take Haley, for example. He looks after his disabled mom and his three younger siblings, works two part-time jobs, and still makes time for the troupe, including choreography and sewing our costumes. Dare and I have the most free time, since he cut back on teaching classes to get ready for the show, and I just work a few evenings a week. We’re all doing as much as we can.”
“Not everyone. A couple of those guys are clearly doing the bare minimum.”
“But that’s fine, too,” I said. “They’re already taking a lot of time out of their lives for rehearsal, and they’re not getting paid a cent. If they don’t want to build sets or sew costumes or whatever else on top of that, it’s understandable.”
“But it just leaves more work for the few who volunteer for everything, like you.”
“It’s okay though. Like you said, it’s good to feel needed.”
A minute later, Duke said, “I knew you overdid it today. I could tell by the way you were carrying yourself.” I’d been absently massaging the top of my right thigh through the red sweats I’d pulled on after rehearsal.
“Okay, yes, my muscles are sore. But hey, at least I’m not working tonight.”
“What do you think about taking a leave of absence from the club, just until after the show?”
“I’d hate to leave Preston short-handed. Some of those dancers don’t have the best work ethic, so he relies pretty heavily on the handful of us who he knows will actually show up when we’re supposed to. The club owner gets down on him when there are a lot of empty platforms around the dance floor, and I don’t want him to get in trouble.”
“It’s frustrating that you never put your needs first,” he said. “If Preston can’t get enough go-go boys to show up for work, that’s his problem, not yours. Something has to give, and it’s not going to be the dance troupe, especially with just three weeks left before your debut. That leaves the job at the club. With your savings, you could afford to take some time off.”
“I’ll think about it. I’d still have to finish out this week, though. I can’t give my manager zero notice, that’s not okay.”
“I suppose you’re right.” I glanced at his profile two or three times as he was merging onto the Bay Bridge, and after a minute he said, “Is there something you want to ask me?”
“Are you really okay with the changes to the routine? Haley and I haven’t actually kissed yet, because we didn’t feel like we needed to rehearse that over and over again. But there’s a lot of touching now, and there will be a kiss when we’re onstage, so I’m wondering how you’re feeling about all of that.”
“I’m enough of a grown-up to get that you’re both performers, and that you don’t have romantic feelings for your costar.”
“But still,” I said, “does it make you uncomfortable?”
“I’m trying not to let it get to me. You’ve only rehearsed the finale in bits and pieces, so it doesn’t seem all that sexual yet. But….”
I guessed, “But you still kind of want to punch Haley in the face, right?”
“The thought had crossed my mind. That’s not okay, though! I’ve turned into such a caveman since I met you. I used to think I was a lot more evolved than that, but apparently not.”
“We all get a little primal when it comes to the people we care about.”
“But you’d never think like that, if the situation were reversed,” Duke said. “I can’t even imagine you getting jealous and possessive.”
“I’ve never really been the jealous type, but that doesn’t mean I’d enjoy watching you making out onstage with some guy.”
Duke said, “I’m trying to be an adult about all of this. So, seriously, just keep doing what you’re doing, and don’t worry about Fred Flintstone over here.” I smiled at him and kissed his cheek.
*****
We pulled up in front of Finn and Chance’s place at seven sharp. Beforehand, I was treated to two hours of pampering by Duke, including a full body massage. I’d also taken a long, hot shower and iced my ankle, so I was feeling worlds better. But still, I was glad the most strenuous thing I’d have to do that evening was sit around a dinner table and hoist a cocktail.
Finn and his family lived in a boxy, converted warehouse in an industrial part of town. While the outside could best be described at minimalistic, the interior was warm and welcoming. The majority of it was one big room, with high ceilings, honey-colored hardwood floors, and an open, industrial kitchen off to the right, tucked beneath a balcony that fronted a row of small offices-turned-bedrooms. The back wall of the building was all glass, overlooking a spacious patio and an unobstructed view of the bay, while the brick wall to my left held a huge, colorful mural. I knew it was Christian’s even before I spotted the name ‘Zane’ in the corner, which he used to sign all his artwork.
Finn’s husband Chance was a beautiful brunet with a slender build, pale skin, and soulful blue eyes. He worked as a professional photographer, and dozens of his gorgeous photos decorated their home. He was also his kid brother Colt’s legal guardian. When we arrived, the dark-haired teen was playing a video game on a laptop with a red-haired, freckled kid named Cory, who was Chance’s half-brother, or something like that. I got a little lost in the branches of their elaborate family tree.
And then there was Elijah. I’d been told the tiny, blue-eyed blond was nineteen, but he looked much younger. He sat off by himself with his knees pulled up to his chest, reading a thick textbook, and he glanced up and nodded when Chance introduced us. On the drive over, Duke had explained that Elijah and Colt used to date, and that Finn had become Elijah’s legal guardian, because the kid had been a runaway with no one else to turn to. That had to be awkward, living with his ex-boyfriend’s family.
Elijah seemed completely isolated, even in a room full of people, and I found myself wanting desperately to be his friend. I knew Finn and his family cared about the kid, but he just looked so fragile, and his eyes were haunted, in a way that resonated with me, deep down. Even without knowing the particulars of what he’d run away from, I understood, and I wanted him to know I did.
At the same time though, I knew at a glance that it’d be way too easy to overdo it and freak him out. So I reeled in the urge to give him a huge hug, and instead, I plucked three cookie pops from the bouquet I’d begged Duke to make for our hosts. I gave two of them to Colt and Cory as I joked about ruining dinner, and then I crossed the room to Elijah and said, “Please accept this raccoon on a stick, from one hot blond to another.” When he grinned, it felt like a total win.
He took the treat from me and asked, in a soft voice tinged with a faint southern accent, “Where’d you get the raccoon cookie?”
“I coerced my boyfriend into baking them for tonight,” I said as I sat down in the club chair beside his. “It’s part of a woodland-themed cookie bouquet. There are also bears, pine trees, and a ton of squirrels. But I happen to think the raccoons are the best, because of those little masks. They’re like, nature’s Hamburglars.”
When Elijah burst out laughing, I wanted to do a fist-pump. Apparently it was fairly unusual, too, because every member of his family stopped what they were doing to glance at him. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to notice, and he asked, “Why a woodland theme?” He started to raise the cute critter to his lips, but then he took pity on it and chose to save it.
“My thought process basically consisted of, ‘well, who doesn’t like squirrels?’ Later on, I realized my logic was faulty, because anti-squirrel prejudice is actually rampant in our society. But by then, Duke was fully committed to the woodland theme, so it was too late to bail out.”
Elijah grinned and said, “Did you buy the sweater to match the cookies?”
I looked down at my snazzy red sweater with a raccoon knit into the front of it and said, “Oh no, I already owned this.”
“Seriously?”
“Dude, do you have something to say about my righteous raccoon sweater? Because this is bad-ass!”
“If you say so. Where’d you find it?”
“At a yard sale! Oh my God, they’re so much fun! They’re like, a huge scavenger hunt, except you don’t know what you’re looking for when you start off.”
He grimaced a bit. “So, that’s a used raccoon sweater.”
“Yeah, but it still had the tags on it, because who on earth besides me would ever wear such a thing?”
“I have absolutely no answer to that.”
“Yeah, me neither, actually.”
After a pause, he said, “Finn mentioned you’re a ballet dancer when he was talking you up earlier. I’m curious, are you able to stand en pointe?”
“Yup.”
“I’ve always wanted to ask, doesn’t that hurt? Because it looks incredibly painful.”
“Hell yes it hurts! Here’s a little secret about ballet: it all hurts.”
“So, why do you do it?”
“Because some things are worth suffering for.”
“Is it, though?”
I said, “I think I love ballet in part because it’s difficult, and because it pushes my body to its absolute limit. It’s hard to explain, but I get a deep sense of satisfaction out of excelling at something so challenging.”
“That makes sense.”
“I also happen to think ballet is one of the most beautiful things in all the world.” I lowered my voice and admitted quietly, “And when I dance, I feel beautiful. It’s the only time I do. Or it was, before I met my boyfriend. He makes me feel beautiful, too.” I grinned shyly and glanced at Duke across the room, who was chatting with Chance and Finn around the long, stainless steel bar that fronted
the kitchen. “Ballet also makes me feel powerful, and in total control of my body. I needed that desperately when I was a kid. I guess I still do.”
Elijah met my gaze, and a look of understanding passed between us. I knew right then he’d been hurt, the way I had. Or possibly far, far worse.
After a moment, he said, “I’ve never seen ballet performed live. I’m curious now.”
I said, “I’m doing a show in three weeks, so I’ll send you and your family some tickets if you want. Just be forewarned, the show gets a bit adult in parts.”
He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, and the sleeve of his huge, pale blue cardigan fell back to reveal a delicate charm bracelet. His voice grew even softer when he said, “That, um…that might be a bit uncomfortable for me.”
“Okay. Then how about coming with me to watch the San Francisco Ballet perform?”
“I don’t know. I don’t do well with crowds.”
I got up and bowed deeply, then said, “In that case, I cordially invite you to the patio for an uncrowded and family-friendly performance of one of my very favorite routines.”
Elijah’s eyes went wide, and he stammered, “Um, you really don’t have to do that.”
I’d obviously crossed the line from friendly person to scary lunatic as far as Elijah was concerned. I tried to tone it down a little by dropping to one knee, so I wasn’t standing over him, and I said softly, “I’m a lot, I know. When I meet somebody I want to be friends with, like you, I usually try too hard and just make it awkward. But there’s one thing I can do well, and that’s dance. Yeah, I know it’s weird to want to dance for you, but weird is kind of what I do.”
“Why do you want to be my friend?”
“Because you laugh at my jokes, and because you think that cookie is too cute to bite its head off, which makes me think we have a lot in common.”
He glanced at the cookie pop in his hand and said, “I’m actually considerin’ shellacking it, so it’ll last forever.”
I tilted my head toward the patio at the back of the building and said, “Come on, let me show you what ballet is all about. I already embarrassed myself with the raccoon sweater and the bizarre request to dance for you. Let me achieve the trifecta of awkwardness by actually going through with it.”