by Maia Starr
“All the time,” I said with a giggle.
“Hm,” he said, raising his brows and lowering them dismissively. “Ever questioned a higher-up who had the ability to rip your limbs off?”
“All the time,” I winked. “Who's giving you trouble?”
“One of the representatives from the plenks. They have been following us around since this alliance began. We're supposed to be showing them how to hunt.”
I sat up and stole another sip from his glass, if only as a chance to be closer to him. “And what's the problem?”
“They get in the way,” he laughed. “The wilds are dangerous. We've stressed that over and over again, but the Gilds will try and run off on their own. Now imagine me chasing game and then running face-first into a Gild who is frantically trying to escape a poisonous mite!”
I laughed into my hands and rolled my eyes in sympathetic irritation. “And what do you get in return for teaching them how to hunt?”
“You,” he said, softer now, finally looking at me.
Kaayde wasn't the type to make frequent eye-contact. Not with me, anyway. But now he was piercing me with a stare.
“Then you're lucky,” I teased.
“And what about you?” he said, reaching over and brushing my curls behind my shoulder. “Who’s giving you trouble?”
“Ah,” I waved him off. “My boss at the SAEW. She says I’m subversive.”
Kaayde gave a derisive laugh. “Imagine that.”
“Hey!” I laughed. “What are you basing that on? I've listened to everything you've said to me since I got here. Which hasn't been very much, to be honest.”
Kaayde took another drink. When he was done, he put a calming hand on my shoulder and said, “I know, I'm sorry.” He paused. “I don't say that often, I hope you know.”
I snorted. “I believe it.”
He nodded, staring down into his drink and then looked back up at me. He reached a hand out and set it on my cheek. We held the moment there, and then he pulled me in and kissed me. It was a soft kiss, free of sexuality, but sweet and meaningful. It was the first time he’d ever given me butterflies.
Pulling away, he explained, “I’m not easy to live with.”
“I’m not either,” I chimed in, feeling my face going hot.
“I know,” he laughed and then his features went serious. “I don’t mean to push you away, Ivy. But if I’m honest… you make me nervous.”
“Sexy nervous?” I inquired, and he shook his head.
“Just… nervous.”
I swallowed. “Why?”
“I don’t trust people easily, and you’ve given me a lot to distrust. Not you, I guess, but the circumstances you’re coming into. This alliance. And then you say you are subversive to the authorities, but who are your authorities? The Gilds? The SAEW? What do you have to be subversive to if you’re a breeder?”
“Lots of things,” I simplified.
We spent the rest of the night talking, and by the end of it, he had invited me into his arms to steal his warmth. We fell asleep together, and it was…nice.
It was a pleasant evening. One I hoped to repeat over and over again, but it never happened. It seemed every inch closer I got to Kaayde, he would rip away two feet more.
The first time I realized things simply weren’t going to work was some time after that. I was laying in the bed sometime past two in the morning, and I heard wet footsteps slapping against the ground outside of the bedroom. It was Kaayde, rustling around again.
“You heading out again?” I called from the bed, my groggy voice cracking as I yelled.
Kaayde stepped into the doorway and set a hand onto the smooth stone frame.
“Yes,” he said, and I watched him, feeling indignant that he didn’t want to share anything further.
“Stay,” I offered and tried to sound soft and warm as I flipped the blankets down for him.
His eyes grazed the open space on the mattress before looking up at me: his eyes squinting carefully as we made eye-contact.
He was incredibly sexy. Sleeping with him had long ago stopped being a duty I was trying to fulfill and started being a personal goal. I wanted him to desire me.
But he didn’t.
We hadn’t had sex once since I arrived.
“I thought we could explore the mainlands today,” I offered with a smile, sitting up in the bed. “We haven’t spent a lot of time together since I arrived. I haven’t even been outside of Titan.”
He shook his head, and I tried not to look too disappointed.
“Could be fun,” I said back in a sing-song tone.
“We should talk,” he said, stepping about a foot farther into the room.
“Shoot,” I said, making a gesture with my fingers. “About what?”
Kaayde paused for a long time, drawing in a heavy breath before clarifying, “This arrangement.”
“Alright,” I said slowly.
“It isn’t working.”
“Ouch,” I laughed. Well, to be fair, you’re not giving me much of a shot,” I snorted and looked up at him playfully.
“And when I do, all we do is argue,” he sniped, keeping the same hard expression on his face that had been plastered there since I’d arrived.
“Um, surprise! That’s what we call being in a relationship,” I laughed.
“Not for me it isn’t,” he said.
I may have been sent in as a 'breeder,' but I was one of the SAEW's top agents. A spy. I was the one they sent to retrieve information about the real relations happening between the two factions here on Cadir. Of course, the Parduss didn't know that.
I was recruited when I was seventeen: ten years ago now. My recruiter sold me as incredibly likeable, but cunning. He said I could make anybody like me: charm anyone. I was perfect for sleuthing. Eventually, I'd worked my way up from teenage mole to an interrogator and sometimes investigator for the SAEW regarding alien relations.
It had been two weeks already since I’d come to the mainlands and I had only seen Kaayde a handful of times. Him sneaking out in the night had become a common practice—so common that I started to wonder if he was already in a relationship. If I was just the human thrust onto him to breed with.
I’d tried everything to get on his good side: to see what he liked.
I tried being chatty and bubbly—cute girl.
I was persistent, forward, sexy—take-charge girl.
Then I thought he might like the coy girl. Innocent, but curious.
Nothing that worked on my other jobs seemed to penetrate Kaayde’s distrust in me or in the alliance. So, I quit trying altogether.
Now I was just myself. Just Ivy, trying to get to know him and connect with him on some level. This didn’t seem to work, either. In the fleeting moments that he was home, we would barely speak.
“Well, try and get to know me,” I said, arguing back a little now but still trying to sound like we were just playing. “You might find that I don’t annoy you as much as you think.”
“That’s doubtful,” he scoffed, and I smiled.
“Kaayde!” I shouted with rolling eyes, patting the side of the bed once more. “Try me!”
Reluctantly, Kaayde made his way deeper into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. He turned his midsection, straining to look at me without actually turning to face me.
He began, “How long were you on the plenks before yo—”
“—No, no, no!” I interrupted, putting a hand up toward him. “Not about the plenks or the Parduss or the alliance. Ask about me. Let me go first, okay?” I mumbled, and he nodded in agreement. I pulled in a warm breath and asked, “Kaayde?”
He sighed. “Yes?”
“Were you close with your parents?”
“No,” he snapped.
I coughed awkwardly into my hand. “Okay… um, do you have any siblings?”
“No.”
I blinked. “What is your favorite memory?
“Killing the Gild warriors in the fire battle two years a
go,” he said with little emotion.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. “Okay, see, Kaayde, this is why things aren’t working between us. I’m trying here, and you’re just purposely being hostile. You have no interest in telling me the truth.”
“You’re right; I don’t. I can move you if you like.”
I blinked and watched as he stood up and walked across the room.
“Moved me?” I repeated.
He nodded. “Your assignment. I’m going to try and get you transferred to another hunter, which you should like, considering how much you like to eat—”
“—Rude,” I interrupted, but he just kept talking.
“—Around here. The exchanged is going to take place today, so gather your things up and—”
“Wait, wait!” I cut him off again. “That’s it? You give up? Just like that, you’re done with me?”
Kaayde shifted his weight and looked uncomfortable.
“But… I want to stay,” I said, sounding almost confused. I fixed a stray hair behind my ear and stared down into the blankets. His words stung and I could feel the hurt registering on my face.
On other jobs, this would hurt less. On other jobs, he would just be rejecting a character I was playing. This was the first time I wasn't playing a role.
I was just... myself.
I could feel the anger bubbling up in my throat as I spat, “You aren’t even trying!”
“I don’t like you, Ivy,” he said sharply. “I don’t trust you, and I don’t like having you around. I’ll find an Atherien who is a supporter of the humans coming into the camp. He’ll treat you well.”
He’ll treat me well?
The thought kept repeating in my mind. I wanted to say: what do you care if he treats me well? I wanted to cry, or hit him, or declare an internal war and vow to make his life a living hell as long as I was in the Atherien camp.
Instead, I got up and started packing my things furiously, throwing them into my luggage so fiercely that some of them fell right back onto the floor.
“Fine! Let’s go now!” I sniped as I threw my belongings.
Kaayde watched me uncomfortably, looking like he wasn’t sure whether he should be lecturing me for being a child or apologizing for being an asshole.
“I’m trying to give you a better—”
I cut him off again, dismissing him with a wave. “You’re doing this for yourself, Kaayde. I think we’ve already established that. And frankly, I’m relieved!”
He cocked a brow and watched me make my way toward the door. “Is that right?”
“That is right,” I said and slipped my combat boots on. “Frankly, I’m not that crazy about you, either. I’ll be happy to be with someone who isn’t afraid to have a little fun. You know, Kaayde, to fuck? Or hell, to laugh? Yeah. That sounds pretty ideal to me.”
I watched as Kaayde’s eyes flick to life: widening with rage at the things I was saying. He set his jaw and didn’t take his eyes off of me as he marched up and grabbed my shoulder, squeezing it until I felt his hot grip bruise my skin.
“I’m glad we’re finally seeing things eye-to-eye,” he said furiously.
“Get your hand off me,” I seethed and pushed away so that my back tapped against the door behind me.
Chapter Four
Kaayde
“And where’s Ivy now?” Z’echs asked as we gathered at the thick brush of the wilds, getting ready to hunt.
With a loud sigh, I shook my head and said, “Who knows?”
Z’echs laughed. “Shouldn’t you know?”
I offered him a bewildered, if not comical expression and he laughed even harder. “I’m at my wit’s end,” I said exasperatedly.
Getting Ivy transferred to a new mate was impossible. I had all but been a complaining child to Veynore: begging him to switch her over to someone else, but he shut down every request.
I regretted ever bringing it up to either of them. Now Veynore was furious that I’d questioned him and Ivy wasn’t even speaking to me.
She told me once that her superiors told her she was subversive and I was beginning to understand why.
As soon as I told her I wanted her transferred, she became cold: colder still when she found out the transfer hadn’t gone through. We spent days not talking. It had been four days, and she hadn’t even come home.
“That’s not what a good husband does,” Z’echs teased me, flexing so that his claws protruded from his fingertips.
“Ugh, don’t say that,” I snorted, watching him from the treetops above.
This was how Z’echs and I hunted. I would watch from above, and through unspoken words, I would direct him toward the nearest prey. Except today there hadn’t been any silence between us as I droned on about my problems with Ivy.
“Don’t say human words; you know I hate that,” I scolded.
Z’echs narrowed his beady eyes and looked up at me with a wry grin. “You might like her if you give her a try,” he said, making vulgar gestures
“I already…” I swallowed hard and looked down sternly at my friend. “I already had someone.”
Z’echs nodded and looked up at me, offering pitying eyes which I loathed. “Nobody forgets Tifayy,” he said, speaking of my dead partner. “But she lived a long life. Longer than yours! You should be glad she wasn’t killed in the war. Besides!” he said cheerfully, “shouldn’t you want it even more then? It’s been… how long since she died?”
“Decades,” I said, breathing incredulously through my nose.
“Decades!” Z’echs yelled back at me. “What you had was…” He shook his head: his loud voice chasing away the Finneras we were trying to hunt. He ignored them and looked up to the thick branch I was perched on.
“Special?” I finished with a cocked brow.
“Sure!” he called back. “Special. But you have someone new now. Not only should you be enjoying her for the sake of moving on with your life, but this is your duty, Kaayde. Don’t forget that.”
I blinked and went sullen: my natural state of being.
“Z’echs,” I said, and he looked up at me. “What I did to her…”
Without another word, he knew what I was going to say.
He drew his wings in close to his body and vaulted off the ground until he was perched next to me, staring down at the gathering prey in an overly-focused fashion.
“You need to forgive yourself,” he said, setting a hand on my shoulder but not looking at me. “The rest of us have.”
The silence hung between us for some time after that. I let out a heavy breath and went to move to find a new spot to hunt, but Z’echs slapped a hand on my wing and then pointed into the distance.
“Guess we know where Ivy’s been hiding,” he said sharply, and my eyes immediately shot toward the fair-haired girl.
She was marching through the forest with Xereris, another hunter.
She had been cold to me, as I expected she would be. I thought that was fine—something to be expected after the way I behaved. I thought I would enjoy the quiet once she was out of my house… but I didn’t.
I swallowed and exchanged an awkward glance with Z’echs, who was smiling annoyingly at me, taunting me silently as the two walked together.
“Hey!” he called out to Xereris and Ivy, causing them to look skyward toward our tree.
I hadn’t anticipated the sick feeling in my stomach as I watched Ivy climb onto his back: his arms looping under her legs to keep her secure.
“Azara!” Xereris called up to us.
Z’echs gave me a hard nudge and urged me down toward the ground. I followed him with two throws of my wings and landed harshly against the mossy ground.
“Boys night out?” Ivy teased, and I couldn’t help but smirk at the irritating comment.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like Ivy… I liked her very much, although I had to tell her otherwise. But the thought of being with someone after what I had done to Tifayy was too much to bear.
Still, wit
h every day that went by I found myself becoming more and more obsessed with the thought of being with Ivy.
“I should have known you were here, Z’echs,” Xereris joked, slapping my friend on the shoulder. “You’re chasing off all the game!”
“Hilarious,” Z'echs said with a roll of his eyes. “What are you two doing so deep into the woods?”
“Hunting,” Xereris said with ease, slipping a hand around her waist. The motion sent a stinging anger through me. “Though it’s not much use with you shouting like that.”
“Hey, Kaayde,” Ivy said in a mocking tone as she leaned deeper into Xereris’ embrace. She wore her hair down in long locks of honey and had on hiking gear and little armor.
“We’re talking now?” I scoffed, crossing my arms.
“Kaayde,” Z’echs said with a lecturing laugh before turning back to his conversation with Xereris. The two continued to chat loudly, and I leaned towards Ivy, narrowing my brows at her.
“Funny bumping into you here,” Ivy said with a menacing grin.
“You seem to be doing a lot of that lately,” I scoffed. “I think you’re stalking me.”
She laughed quietly and rolled her eyes. “You wish.”
“I have enough headaches, thank you,” I smiled.
“Oh stop it, I’m a joy, and we all know it,” she played back.
She had a way of talking that immediately charmed me and irritated me at the same time: a quick quip that was both arrogant and innocent that I couldn’t resist.
“I can’t believe you would let him take you here,” I whispered to her.
“What’s that?” Xereris said, cutting off our conversation. “Excuse me?”
“I said,” I spoke louder, “I can’t believe you would take her here. It’s dangerous.”
Just as the words came out, a large snap could be heard off in the distance. My ears flinched back at the sound, and I scanned the forest ahead. I was so used to the Gilds coming in to attack us that even the slightest snap of a twig could send me on edge.
“It sounds like someone is being protective when he no longer has business being so,” Xereris said, tightening his grip around Ivy.
The girl seemed intrigued by our conversation and looked up at me, fascinated. I clenched my jaw, knowing he was right.