by Emma Lea
What she did know was that he made her body sing in ways no one had before. There was something so electric between them that couldn’t be denied and her body yearned for his. But was that enough to build a relationship on? They hadn’t even gone out on a date yet so how could they be sure that they would survive the real world? What they had was protected from outside influences, but the real test would come if they went public.
And then there was the tour.
It was mere days away now. They only had one more gig before they boarded the bus and headed off with Lily Ames. By this time next week, they would be doing sound check in a stadium and trying not to freak out. Would what she and Nate had survive the long absences and rigors of the tour?
His album was just about to drop too and he was about to head out on his own promotional tour. Sure, his was a much more cut down version, playing festivals and small gigs with other artists, but there would still be the groupies and the late nights and the distance.
Stevie rolled away from Nate, slipping out of the bed and heading into the living room. She needed a distraction or she was going to drive herself crazy.
She padded through the dark apartment and realized they never had made dinner. Her stomach growled and she changed direction for the kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out some bread and cold chicken. She made a sandwich, slathering mayonnaise on the bread before topping it with chicken and then some Jarlsberg cheese.
With a cold bottle of soda in one hand and her plated sandwich in the other, she made her way into the living room and sat in one of the big armchairs. The blinds were open and afforded her a beautiful view of the city and she was happy to sit and eat her sandwich and watch the world go by.
She had no answers to her earlier questions, but the one thing she did know was that she wasn’t ready to call it quits with Nate just yet. Whether she was in love with him or not was immaterial. She liked being with him, she had fun in bed with him and loved waking up beside him. She was not ready to walk away from that.
They would have some short breaks on the tour and she hoped that they would coincide with time off for Nate as well. It’s not like they wouldn’t see each other for three months. There were even one or two dates when he would be joining them to perform ‘No Good for Me’ and those were hotel days, meaning they wouldn’t have to sleep on the tour bus, which in turn meant that they could have naked time together.
She smiled as she finished the last of her sandwich and reached out to put the plate on the side table, knocking off a stack of papers in the process.
“Shit,” she whispered as she slid off the armchair to pick up the scattered documents.
There wasn’t a lot of light to see by, but she recognized the logo of Gordon and Sparks, a major Nashville record label. She pulled the stack of paper closer, realizing that it wasn’t the only record label in the pile.
She stood to her feet, clasping the stack against her chest and walked over to the dining table, flicking on a light on the way. She sat down at the table and began reading through the documents. They were contract offers, record deals, recent ones.
Hadn’t Nate already agreed to sign with Derek? If so, what were all these?
Dread curled in her stomach. Was Nate seriously considering backing out of his deal with Derek? She knew it was an uncharitable thought, but he’d done it to her before. She knew they hadn’t signed anything, but still, they had shaken hands on it. Was it disloyal of her to doubt Nate’s integrity? Could she trust him to honor the agreement he had with Derek, especially in the face of all these offers? And they were genuine offers, promising him the moon. Would he be able to walk away from them to sign a contract that was a whole lot less lucrative?
“Hey.”
Stevie looked up to see Nate standing in the doorway, his eyes still sleepy and his hair a mess.
“Hey,” she murmured, searching his face.
“You found the offers,” he said, coming to sit down opposite her.
“I did,” she said, pushing them away from her. “I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have looked at them.”
He shrugged. “I don’t mind,” he said.
She bit her lip and closed her eyes briefly before looking up at him.
“Are you going to take one?”
He exhaled a breath and looked down at his hands that were clasped on the table. “I have to be honest,” he said. “When Mabel first told me about them I said no, but she wanted me to take a look at them anyway.”
“They’re very generous,” Stevie said, feeling like the other shoe was about to drop.
“They are and I would be an idiot to not consider them. Even the one from Rocksteady is worth consideration.”
“So… what does that mean for Derek?”
Nate stood and came around to her side of the table, taking her hands and pulling her to her feet.
“I made a commitment to Derek and I’m going to stick by it.”
“But these other offers—”
“Look good on the outside, but I still think what Derek is building will be better. I like the idea of Derek’s boutique label and the opportunity to build something with him.”
Stevie felt the tension leak from her body as he folded her into his arms. He was staying true to his word. Maybe he really had changed and there was a chance that there could be something between them.
Chapter Twenty-One
Stevie really didn’t know what she was doing. They had a gig that night, their last one before the tour started, and she really should be at home packing. Carson had called and said he needed to see her and, of course, she’d agreed to meet him. Now she wished she hadn’t as she sat at the table in the fancy restaurant sipping her water. He was late.
“Would you like to see a menu?” the waiter asked for the third time.
She sighed. He looked at her sympathetically, assuming she had been stood up, but she knew the truth. Carson had been waylaid by something that couldn’t wait an hour to be dealt with. He would be there, the question was just when and if she would still be waiting when he finally arrived.
“I uh—”
“Stevie! I’m so sorry I’m late,” Carson bent down to brush his lips on her cheek in the old familiar way.
She shot a look to the waiter, who was visibly impressed by her lunch companion, and smiled. “We’ll take those menus now,” she said sweetly.
“Of course,” the waiter replied handing over the leather bound folder. “Would you like to see the wine list?”
“Just water for me,” she replied, glancing over the menu.
“Bring a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc,” Carson said.
Stevie looked up as the waiter walked away. “You’ll be drinking that by yourself,” she said. “I’m singing tonight.”
He shrugged and smiled. “You’re upset.”
“You’re forty minutes late.”
“I said I was sorry. Something came up—”
Stevie folded her menu and sat in on the table in front of her, resting her elbows on it. “There is always something,” she said, “but you called me. I have a hundred and one things to do today and I’ve just wasted forty minutes that I’m never going to get back.”
He at least had the decency to look remorseful. “I know and I really am sorry.”
She took a breath and sat back in her seat. “So what is it you wanted to see me about?”
“We didn’t get to finish our conversation the other night,” he said.
“What conversation?”
“The one where I was explaining that I made a mistake by letting you go.”
Stevie’s eyes widened. “Carson, you know I’m seeing someone—”
“Well, actually, I don’t. You didn’t give me a straight answer. What you said was that it was complicated. I want to help you uncomplicated it.”
“What are you saying?”
“Are you ready to order?” the waiter reappeared with a bottle of wine and opened it, pouring a sample into Carson’s g
lass and letting him sniff and taste before filling the glass.
“I’ll have the Thai Beef Salad,” Stevie said.
“The steak for me,” Carson added and they waited for the server to leave before resuming their conversation.
“I don’t understand what you want from me Carson,” Stevie said, “The reasons we broke up haven’t changed. You are still a senator and I’m a country singer about to go on tour.”
“But what if I said that that didn’t matter? That your career was your own and I wouldn’t interfere in any way?”
Stevie lifted her glass and sipped the water while she tried to calm the raging sea of emotions within her. Carson was safe, reliable, and predictable. He was a good man with strong ideals and convictions. He was ambitious, but he had integrity, a rare find in a politician. And she did love him. They had been together a long time, had lived together and shared their lives. But she knew that she wasn’t in love with him and that a life with him, although comfortable, would never ignite her in the ways that being with Nate these last few weeks had. Not that she was saying she was in love with Nate, just that the dynamics were different…not better, just different.
“Carson, I—”
“You don’t need to give me an answer now,” he said, cutting her off. “I just want you to know that you have options. We were good together Stevie, don’t you remember?”
“Of course I remember,” she said, “and Carson you know that I will always love you, but there were also valid reasons why we didn’t work out before. We want different things.”
“Not that different,” he said, reaching across the table to take her hand.
She searched his eyes and found the truth there. She knew that he loved her, and he missed her, and the life they had begun to build together. It was her fault that they hadn’t worked, she was the one to change the rules. When they first started dating, a career in country music was not even on her radar. She’d given that dream up. Even when she moved to Nashville and they started living together, she was content with her life as a studio musician and the desire to perform and tour were long forgotten. But then the opportunity had fallen in her lap and all those dreams that she had thought were dead, suddenly breathed with new life.
“Are you really sure you understand what a life with me would mean?” she asked. “I’ll be gone for three months this time, but what about when we start headlining our own tours? I won’t be able to schedule them around your public appearances and official events. Do you really want that life? The two of us on different trajectories?”
“I want you, Stevie,” Carson said, pleading with his eyes, “however that comes.”
“No Carson,” she said, slipping her hand out from underneath his. “It’s not fair to either of us to settle for anything less than the best. You need a wife who can be by your side, who can stand beside you when you address your constituents, someone who can help build your career. I’m not that person, I can never be that person.”
He sat back and looked at her and she felt like he could see right into her soul. “It’s Nate isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question. “You and Nate are together. You’re in love with him.”
She resisted the label, shaking her head. “I don’t know what I feel for him,” she said softly, “but we are together, in a fashion, and it’s enough for now. I’m about to leave on my very first tour and I don’t have time for a serious relationship, that’s not what I want. What Nate and I have right now works.” She shrugged. “Whether I’ll want more in the future? I don’t know, but I don’t want to rush into anything. I’m in a good place in my life right now and I just want to enjoy it.”
Carson sighed. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself, Stevie?”
That was the question, wasn’t it?
Nate stepped out of the store and into the bright Nashville sunshine. He slipped his sunglasses on to cut the glare and lifted his head when a flash of blonde hair caught his attention across the road.
Stevie.
She was coming out of a restaurant and he lifted his hand to get her attention when he realized she wasn’t alone.
Carson Giles.
He followed her out, his hand on the small of her back in a gesture of familiarity. Nate lowered his hand, clenching his fist as he watched them step onto the footpath. The valet took their tickets and then they turned to face each other. Carson took Stevie’s hands in his and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and dipping his head to kiss her.
Nate turned around. If he continued to watch, he would do something stupid like storm across the road and put his fist into the senator’s gut, followed by an uppercut. He’d never felt jealousy so acutely; it burned through him, destroying all reason. All he could do was walk away and keep walking until the physical reaction had abated.
They had promised each other exclusivity and she had broken that agreement. He was beyond pissed. And the fact that she had gone back to him? It just made it so much worse, like rubbing salt into his wounds.
Fucking Carson Giles and his perfect face and success. Who was Nate, really? A washed up rock star trying to crawl his way back onto the charts. It was all too telling that the only success he’d achieved had been because of Stevie. His first album was practically written by her, his second was inspired by her, as was his current one. The two albums he produced without her were shit and had destroyed his career.
If she went back to Carson? He may as well kiss his career goodbye. He was nothing without her and he knew it.
Shit, shit, shit.
He ran his hands through his hair as he walked. He didn’t notice the other people on the sidewalk, he didn’t notice the shops and traffic or even the heat. He couldn’t get the image of Stevie in Carson’s arms out of his head. He wanted to scream at the universe that she was his, he wanted everyone to know it. But she wasn’t, was she? Seeing Giles kiss her only drove that home. She was moving on and leaving him in the dust, not unlike what he’d done to her.
Fuck, he was an idiot. Why would Stevie want anything to do with him after what he did? Of course she’d go back to Giles if he asked her to. Why wouldn’t she?
So what did that mean for him? He was supposed to sing with her tonight, to meet her on tour and sing with her in front of thousands. He was supposed to work with her at Derek’s label, how the fuck was he going to do that now?
Nate reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, swiping through his contacts until he found a number he never thought he’d call again. She answered after the second ring.
“Can we meet,” Nate asked.
They made a time and he disconnected, slipping his phone back into his pocket and turning around to retrace his steps.
Jace and Stevie exchanged a look. Where the hell was Nate? Their gig was supposed to start in five minutes and he wasn’t here and he wasn’t answering his phone. They’d all tried to call him but no one had had any luck getting through to him. A heavy rock sat in the bottom of Stevie’s stomach and she couldn’t help but worry that something had happened to him. She just couldn’t imagine another reason why he hadn’t turned up.
“You don’t think he’s had a car accident, do you?” she asked no one in particular.
No one answered her.
Mabel was pacing the small dressing room frantically, her ear glued to her phone as she tried calling him over and over again. Vanessa sat on the vanity tapping her drumsticks nervously against her thigh and Nadine sat cross-legged on the floor trying to meditate or perhaps she was hoping to contact him telepathically.
“What’s Plan B?” Jace asked.
“What do you mean?” Stevie asked.
“We have to go on. We still have to perform with him or without him. If he doesn’t turn up, what’s the plan? Do we do the song without him or cut it from the set list?”
“We can’t very well do it without him,” Stevie protested. “It’s his song.”
Jace shrugged. “And he’s not here.”
“He could be l
ying out in the street dead for all we know and all you can think about is the set list?” Stevie knew she was freaking out, but what other explanation could there be? The old Nate could have flaked on them, but the new Nate definitely wouldn’t have.
Jace walked over to her, stopping her pacing and rested his hands on her shoulders, dipping his head to look her in the eyes.
“Stop panicking,” he said. “If something had happened to him, we would know. He’s probably just caught in traffic or something.”
“Then why hasn’t he called? Why hasn’t he answered his phone?”
“His phone battery could be dead.”
Stevie crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. “What are the chances of that, seriously?”
“Maybe he lost his nerve,” Jace said quietly.
They had all noticed Nate’s bit of stage fright, not that anyone had commented on it. The performances they had done together had all been well received, but this was the largest audience yet. Stevie had never known Nate to have stage fright before, but she couldn’t deny that he did now. Was that why he wasn’t here?
Stevie hadn’t seen Nate all day. After her lunch with Carson, she’d headed over to his apartment hoping to catch him before the gig, but he hadn’t been home. She’d gone back to her own place to start packing and finish off all the other errands she needed to do before the tour started. She hadn’t heard from him even though she’d sent him a couple of texts, but she’d put it down to him being in the studio. Now she wondered if something else hadn’t happened.
There was one possibility that she had, up to now, refused to consider. While she was trying very hard to believe that Nate had turned over a new leaf, with each passing minute that he wasn’t here, she couldn’t help but look at the alternative. He’d bailed on them. For whatever reason, Nate had bailed leaving them in the lurch without so much as a wave goodbye.
“We do the song without him,” Stevie said, the stone in her gut turning to anger. “He said we could take credit for it and if he isn’t here to perform with us, then we do it without him.”