by Tillie Cole
Before I knew what I was doing, I had written, “No girlfriend?”
Levi’s cheeks, this time, turned positively scarlet and he shook his head. He didn’t say anything in response, but I took it that, like me, he didn’t mix much with the opposite sex.
Squeezing his hand until he looked up at me, I repeated the action of pointing to myself, and holding up two fingers. Levi exhaled as in relief, and whispered knowingly, “You too.”
I smiled an understanding smile, and we both sat in silence. I had no idea what to do next, and I could see Levi searching for something, anything, to say. “Elsie?” I met his eyes when he finally did. “Did you finish high school?”
Feeling the blood drain from my face, I acted on instinct and tried to stand and leave the room. But Levi kept hold of my hand. “Elsie, wait,” he said, and gently held my arm. Shamed, I turned in his direction and he explained, “I didn’t ask that to make you feel bad.” He shifted on his feet, and said, “I ask because I think you’re smart too. And…” He sucked in a breath, and rasped, “and I think you deserve more from life than you’ve had so far.”
Every part of me tensed, but I saw nothing but sincerity in his expression. Shoulders sagging, I kept my head low, but slowly shook my head. I hadn’t finished high school, I’d ran before could.
Levi’s hand released mine, and he stepped closer, so close that his spiced smell enveloped my senses. I saw his fingers clenching and unclenching, then he lifted a trembling hand, only to lay it softly under my chin.
Guiding my head upward, my eyes collided with his, and he said, “Ain’t no reason to be ashamed, Elsie. We all have demons.” He paused like he needed a minute, and added, “Believe me, I got a whole ton in my past. But there ain’t no shame to be had, not in front of me. I get that life can sometimes get in the way.”
One by one, my muscles relaxed, until I had leaned into his hand on my face. I took comfort in his touch, I spent minutes with his hand touching my skin, until I stepped back, needing to get away. Tonight, all of this, had been a lot to take in, and I was tired.
I stepped back, and I could see that Levi knew I was leaving. Walking to the desk, I scribbled out, “Thank you for tonight. I loved the story of Hero and Leander.”
Levi read it over my shoulder. “You’re welcome.”
Picking up my jar, I went to walk to the door when Levi called my name. “Elsie?”
Looking over my shoulder, I saw Levi holding out a book in his hand. I frowned, wondering what it was. As I took hold of the book, Levi explained, “It’s a book of poems.” My eyes snapped to his, as the words left his lips. He put his hands in the pockets of his sweats. “I took a poetry class last year. I don’t need it no more and thought if you like poems, and you’re still needing to be in bed and rest…” he trailed off, sucking in the bottom corner of his lip, as he did.
I didn’t know how to react. I held the book tightly in my hand, and moved forward until he looked down at me from his tall height. His face was apprehensive. Unable to do anything else, I timidly rose on tiptoes and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek.
I heard him inhale sharply. Feeling my face heat, I darted to the door. As the door opened and I stepped outside, Levi followed me to the yard and said, “I’ll watch, to make sure you get in safe. I’ll see you’re in your room when you stand in your window.”
Smiling a goodnight, I rushed through the house. Entering the room that I was staying in, I placed the poetry book and the jar on the dresser top, and moved toward the window to show Levi I was in and safe. As I stepped across the floor, I stopped and a thought came to my head.
My heart beat in tandem with my quick steps as I went back to the dresser and held the neon jar in my hands. As I arrived at the large window, I saw Levi standing in the shadow below. My hands trembled as I stared down; then, with painstaking slowness, I placed the fake lightning bug jar on the window ledge. Its light still shone brightly.
I waited to see what Levi would do. When he stepped into the path of moonlight, his expression soft and gentle, I could see he understood.
This jar was my light.
In minutes I was in bed and asleep. The glow from the jar kept all the haunting memories from my mind, and the nightmares from my sleep.
It was the first night I’d slept right through in years.
Chapter Eight
Levi
“Why you so damn anxious to get home?”
My leg was bobbing up and down and Ashton slammed his hand on my knee to stop it. Turning to my friend and teammate I pushed his hand off.
“What?” I asked. Ashton looked at Jake who was sitting in front of me on the team bus. We’d just played at USC, winning by six points. I’d scored a touchdown and was fairly happy with my receiving game. But from the minute we got on the plane back home, and now on the bus back to college to pick up our cars, Ashton had been right, I was desperate to get home.
My friends both waited for a response. I didn’t give one.
Ashton rolled his eyes, and asked, “You coming over to the party tonight?”
Checking my phone, I saw it was nearly midnight and shook my head.
Jake sighed, but the pair of them dropped the subject. They were now getting used to me not turning up to anything.
“You see Harper after the game?” Jake leaned across the table between us to ask.
I shook my head and stared out of the window. Jake kicked my leg under the table and I slammed my eyes to meet his. He smirked. “She was looking for you. I told her where you’d be.”
Truth was, as I was coming out of the locker room, I saw her walking down the hallway toward me. I’d pretended not to see her and fell into step with our offense coach all the way back to the bus taking us to the airport. I had nothing to say to the girl.
And it sure wasn’t her who was occupying my thoughts day and night. It was Elsie. Ever since the other night in the pool house, I hadn’t been able to get her out my mind. The very next day I’d had to travel away for this game. I looked in her room before I’d left to say ‘bye’, but she was fast asleep. Staying up that late, and her still being sick, must have wiped her out. I didn’t want to wake her up when she slept so peacefully. The jar was still by her window though, clearly refilled with one of the glow sticks I’d given her. And my heart had almost burst when, also lying beside her in bed, was the poetry book.
I’d checked in with Lexi a few times every day, and she’d said that Elsie had kept to herself; slept and read. Lexi thought Elsie’d been feeling down for the last few days. As much as I didn’t want Elsie to be sad or on her own, a part of me was real hopeful that the reason she’d been down was because I was gone.
The lights of the Husky Stadium slowly came into view as we turned a corner. I grabbed my bag, ready to get the hell off this bus. My leg bounced again as the bus pulled into the stadium car park, and I was up on my feet the second we stopped.
Jake punched my arm getting in line behind me to exit the bus. “You gotta take a pill or something, Alabama? Thought you were gonna jump out the window to get off this friggin’ bus.”
Shaking my head at my friend, I said, “Just tired, man. Need to get home.”
“What you doing tomorrow? You wanna come round and watch the Seahawks’ game at our house?”
“Nah,” I said to Ashton. “Gonna help Lexi with Dante. Austin don’t get back until Monday, and she has to work.”
Austin and Rome were away in Cincinnati playing the Bengals. But I wasn’t helping Lexi. In fact, she’d told me she had to be in her center all day. Lexi took Dante with her when she could. She’d also asked me to stay with Elsie, but there was no way I was telling these guys about that. They wouldn’t understand what was going on. They wouldn’t understand why I’d helped her that night, instead of partying with them.
I was keeping Elsie to myself. Was no one’s damn business anyhow.
Shooting off the bus like a damn dart, I threw my friends a wave and jogged across to the Jeep. I ignor
ed the cheer bus pulling behind us. I heard Jake’s girlfriend trying to call me back. I ignored the fans that had gathered to congratulate us on our win.
I just needed to get home.
In seconds I was out of the parking lot, en route to our place. I made it home in record time, pushing the speed limits on every road. Pulling into the driveway of our house, I parked my Jeep and walked round to the back entrance. The house was dark and silent. This late, Lexi would be in bed.
Opening the gate to the backyard, I walked toward the pool house door, stopping to glance up at Elsie’s window. My heart lurched when I saw her curtains were open and that lightning bug jar was shining out over the yard from its position on the center of the ledge.
I gripped the strap of my gym bag tightly, unwilling to stop staring at the jar. The wind licked around the yard, cold air whipping at my face.
Inhaling deeply, I set back off for the pool house when a sudden movement caught my eye. Snapping my head back in the direction of the window, my chest tightened when I saw Elsie. She was dressed in dark pajamas, and her long golden hair hung down over her chest. The jar didn’t give off much light, but it lit up her face enough for me to see the most beautiful smile gracing her pretty lips.
At me.
For me.
Her head ducked down when she saw me looking, but I nervously waved my hand. Elsie looked down at me through the protective curtain of her hair. I stood there. She stood there. And neither of us moved.
I wanted to speak to her again. My stomach flipped with anxiety when I realized I wanted to tell Elsie that I’d missed her.
I’d missed this silent pretty girl.
I’d never even thought of a girl this way before, never mind missed one.
The wind surged again. Using the blast of cold air to wake myself up, I lifted my head to admire Elsie, who was still peering down. Again I waved my hand, this time motioning for her to come to me.
In the neon glow of the jar, I saw her eyebrows furrow. I shifted my stance to stand directly under her window. Elsie, seeing me below, opened the window, the wind immediately whipping her blonde hair above her head into a halo. I swallowed at how beautiful she looked.
Elsie’s eyes were fixed on mine, and with arms wrapped around her waist, she peered out of the open window. When the wind dropped, I rasped, “Come down.”
My pulse raced so fast; my blood rushed so quick through my ears that I could barely hear. I didn’t want her to say no. It had cost me a bucket of nerves to ask her to come to me.
Elsie stepped back from the cold, but otherwise didn’t move. My heart sank knowing it was a no. Nodding my head, I moved from back toward my pool house, disappointment coursing through my veins.
Just as I reached my door, the sound of the kitchen door opening behind me grabbed my attention. I looked over my shoulder, to see Elsie approaching; pen and paper clutched tightly in her hand, her cute ass little Ugg boots on her feet, and my hoodie drowning her smaller frame. A fierce wave of possessiveness crashed over me on seeing her wearing my hoodie again.
Thoughts began circling my head. I wondered if she was wearing it because she was cold, or was she wearing it because it was mine? Because it gave off my scent? Because she wanted to be close to me?
The thoughts melted away the second Elsie arrived at my door. Her head was tilted down toward her feet, and even with her face hidden by her long hair, I could see a pink shade on her skin.
Her nervousness, the nervousness that matched mine, warmed something in me. “Hi,” I said, trying to find something to say. Something short so she wouldn’t hear the shaking of my voice.
Elsie lifted her head and smiled, mouthing, “Hi.”
She held her pad of paper tightly to the chest, her body slightly swaying from side to side. She looked so shy, and so damn pretty.
Forcing myself to move when she shivered, I opened the door to my pool house, moving aside to let her through.
Elsie brushed past me. I almost groaned as her arm pushed past my stomach. Clearing my throat, I shut the door and threw my bag on the floor. Needing a distraction from that touch of her arm, I went to the kitchen area and put on a pot of coffee.
When I felt like I could breathe again, I turned round, to find Elsie still standing near the doorway. She was completely still, and my heart swelled at seeing her silent vigil, probably racked with as many nerves as me.
As I looked at her, I knew that if it were any other girl stood here with me now, I’d have waited for her to speak first, to lead the conversation. I’d listen, afraid to speak, too nervous to move. But Elsie’s silence forced me to take the lead. And it was okay. Because as nervous as I still was with Elsie, I could talk to her. Even though it was hard, I could talk. That was another first right there.
The only sound in the room was the coffee pot brewing. Knowing I needed to speak to her again, to see those blue eyes fixed on me, I moved to the end of the bed and sat down. I caught Elsie flick a glance at me, and I pressed the spot beside me. “You wanna sit?” I asked. Elsie inhaled deeply, but nodded her head.
My chest constricted when she moved beside me, the smell of coconuts slamming home when she lowered herself down. I listened to her breathing, and it made me feel real relieved when I heard that the sickly crackle in her chest had faded to almost nothing.
Elsie didn’t move, a damn statue beside me, so I asked, “You feeling better?”
Elsie slowly lowered her pad of paper and wrote, “Yes, thank you.” She hesitated a second, before writing, “I can’t remember the last time I felt this good.”
Elsie looked up at me, and I could fully see her face. The darkness from under her eyes had disappeared and there was a warm tone to her light skin. Her hair was clean and appeared thicker, but best still, her blue eyes were bright. The whites of her eyes the color of snow.
Feeling like I’d probably just given my admiring thoughts away, I felt my face burn. The coffee pot dinged telling me it was ready, and I pointed toward the kitchen. “You want a coffee?”
Elsie nodded her head, and followed me into the kitchen area. I busied myself making two mugs, handing Elsie the cream and sugar. She poured in cream, but no sugar, and I watched, mesmerized as she took a sip.
Seeing me looking, Elsie looked surprised. I quickly dropped my gaze, chastising myself for not being able to stop in staring.
Because she fascinates you, I heard my inner voice saying, but ignored it, then moved to the small table and chairs behind us. I sat down and Elsie followed, sitting directly opposite.
The silence was thick with tension, the ticking of the clock in my room filling dead air. Clasping my mug of coffee, I asked, “You do much while I’ve been gone?”
Elsie let put down her coffee to write on her pad. She turned it for me to read. “I watched you.”
“You watched me play?” I asked, my heart firing off like cannon.
Elsie nodded her head, and wrote, “On the TV. Lexi invited me to watch it with her. She explained to me what you play and,” she paused, her cheeks a rosy pink, and added, “how good you are.”
This time it was my cheeks that burned. My finger traced a thread of wood on the table and I prompted, “Did you enjoy the game?”
Elsie’s head tilted to the side. I looked up to see her tongue on her lip again. My heart lurched. I didn’t know why, but that action flattened me.
“I have never watched football before, so I didn’t understand much.” I nodded my head, when she slowly added, “But I liked watching you.”
Elsie dropped her head as she wrote that last part. But I couldn’t stop the flood of happiness that filled my body. And I couldn’t help the smile that spread on my lips.
Elsie peeked up at me, and smiled too. Her hand was laying flat to the table. I fought the urge to reach out and hold it. But when Elsie bravely lifted her head fully, and widened her smile, nothing could stop me from taking her hand in mine.
She gasped as I curled my hand around hers, but she didn’t let go.
In fact, she flipped her palm and linked our fingers. And we sat there for a moment, silent, simply staring at our hands. I just prayed she ignored the slight shaking of my fingers.
Taking another drink of my coffee to help calm my mind imagining kissing her lips, I noticed Elsie writing something else. When she turned the pad, it read, “There were a lot of people watching in the stadium.”
Placing my mug on the table, I nodded my head. “Yeah. It’s crazy. At first I didn’t think I’d be able to play in front of a big crowd.” I shrugged. “I’m not real good in crowds, or being the center of attention. But I learned to block it out. Learned to stay in the zone and not see the crowd, if that makes sense.”
Elsie wrote again. “You like playing football?”
I huffed a laugh, and replied, “I love it. I’m good at it.” I traced the knot of wood again. “When I play, I can block things out of my head. It’s just me on the field with the ball. I have one goal, to score touchdowns.” Sucking in a breath, I confessed, “It makes me forget, for as long as I’m on that gridiron… well, everything.”
The dull ache that forever sat in my stomach stabbed and I shifted on my seat. Elsie sat still, then she asked the question I dreaded most.
“Where’s your mom?”
My eyes read and re-read that question, and my throat closed up like it always did. A pair of dark eyes flashed through my mind, but I struggled to see the rest. The usual panic that came with that struggle set in. Before I could get to my feet, Elsie squeezed my hand, her touch pouring strength into my heart.
I breathed, I breathed, until I found myself saying, “She’s dead.”
Elsie’s grip hardened so much that it caused me to look at her face. She was stone, her eyes wide and glossy. This time I squeezed her hand. “Elsie?” My voice must have snapped her from whatever was haunting her mind.
Her chest was rising and falling so fast that I pushed her coffee toward her. Elsie picked up her mug and sipped the steaming drink. As she lowered her coffee, I could see her hands were trembling. I opened my mouth to ask why, when she picked up her pen. I waited, desperate to see what she would write, then she pushed the pad toward me.