by Tillie Cole
“Yeah,” Levi replied, “me and Elsie come here a lot.”
“Great!” Lexi said and walked inside. The minute we entered, Lexi beelined for a small cluster of sofas and we all sat down.
“Poetry?” Rome Prince asked as he looked around the room. His eyebrows were raised as if questioning why the hell we were here.
“Broaden your horizons, babe,” Molly said to her husband and rolled her eyes.
“Put it this way, cuz,” Ally sat forward, “ain’t no one in here gonna recognize you and Aust and accost you for autographs. I’m thinking in this place, to these people, football players are akin to the anti-Christ!”
Axel laughed and pulled his fiancée back, just as a server came to give us drinks and the emcee announced that the floor was open for readings.
I watched speaker by speaker, and I felt completely overcome with nerves. Levi’s arm was tight around my shoulders, when he asked, “You okay, bella mia? You seem tense.”
I nodded my head and smiled. “I’m good, just tired.”
Levi eyed me strangely, but I sipped at my coffee, hearing an opening on the stage. My heart beat in my chest, and my hands shook with nerves, but I abruptly forced myself to my feet. Our family and friends all paused in their conversations to look up at me, but I sought out Lexi, who nodded her head and encouraged me with a smile.
“Elsie?” Levi questioned and sat forward. Leaning down, I pressed a kiss to his forehead, his face confused, then turned to the stage. The lone microphone stood underneath the glare of the bright spotlight, but I moved forward, forcing myself to do this.
It was something I had to do.
I stepped onto the stage, and from my jean’s pocket, pulled out a piece of paper. My words were written in my usual black handwriting, and I held on to that paper tight, just to do something with my hands.
I took in a deep breath, and when I did, I looked up. I looked up and immediately sought out Levi who was sitting on the edge of his seat. His gray eyes were huge and his expression was shocked as he watched me on this stage.
The room was silent, waiting for me to talk.
I scanned my eyes around the room, seeing all the attention was on me. The crippling fear took hold. My breathing came harder, the sound echoing through the room.
I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes and remembered why I was up here. I wanted to face my demons. I wanted to stop hiding my voice. I needed to show the world that no matter how far I’d been brought down, I wouldn’t be kept down.
I would rise.
And I’d be heard, on my own terms.
Forcing my eyes to open, I focused on the tiled floor and read the title aloud. “Sweet Soul,” I said, internally wincing when the words echoed through the mic.
Inhaling again, I lifted my eyes, and this time, Levi was on his feet. I could see that he was terrified for me, but at the same time, I could see the utter pride glaring in his eyes. That pride caused me to lower the paper.
Because I knew this poem by heart. It was him.
All of this was him and me:
“Born into silence, a world with no sound,
Living in coldness, words trapped and bound.
Kept in dark pain, by fears and by rain,
The needles brought poison, venom to vein.
Snatched in the night, in darkness she fell,
Taunted and tortured, muteness her cell.
Voices inside, a loop in her mind,
Like daggers they pierce, no scars would they find.
Tempted by sharpness, immersed in the flood,
Two strikes to the flesh, the welcome of blood.
Brought back to fear, no heaven she met,
A shadow she fled, hard streets cold and wet.
Alone and afraid, long endless nights,
‘Til pure he came, no malice, just light.
Took into warmth, heart torn and too low,
A smile and a jar, Leander and his Hero.
He gave her the world, a life so unknown,
Heart finding beat, their fate it was sown.
Fear pushed aside, no victim, no choice,
He gave her the moon, her twin soul, her voice.
She gave him the shine, a stitched up heart hole,
The blessing to her, the purest sweet soul.
She, the silent girl, bereft and alone,
He, the silent boy, who through love, brought her home.”
As the poem came to an end, the mic echoed my last word. The house dropped to silence, but then broke into loud claps. My heart slammed in my chest, and I looked up to see Levi pushing through the crowd, tears flooding his face.
I stepped off the stage, my head low, when suddenly Levi was before me, his finger under my chin. I lifted my eyes on a deep breath, and was met with disbelieving eyes. The gray eyes I loved.
“Baby,” he rasped, unable to speak. I watched his mouth work, but he had no words. This time I would be his voice.
“I wanted to show you what you mean to me. And I wanted to do it proudly, not hiding my words.” I brought my hand to my chest. “It came from my heart. I wanted to speak from it too.”
“Elsie,” Levi croaked and pressed his mouth against mine. I could taste the salt from his tears on his lips. He broke away but his hands were in my hair, his warm breath drifted across my face. “I’m so proud of you, bella mia. So proud that I have no words… that poem… your beautiful voice… the bravery to get up on that stage.”
“Was because of you,” I whispered, the tears leaking from my eyes. “All of this. What I am now and who I’ll be one day… is because of you.”
“No,” Levi shook his head. “You don’t understand. You did that for me. I was Leander, Elsie. I was the drowning man. But where he lost Hero’s light in the storm, you let yours shine for me. You brought me from the dark. You brought me home safe.”
Sighing, I fell into Levi’s arms, knowing that I’d conquered my fears. I’d been given my voice back. I had a reason to live.
And live we both would.
One shy lost soul had found one silent lonely heart.
We were both no longer lonely.
We were both no longer lost.
We were found.
And we were blessed.
Epilogue
Levi
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Eighteen years later…
“It’s just through here, come on.”
Jackson and Penelope came barreling through, Penelope pushing her twin brother, Jackson, out of the way.
“Penelope, quit pushing your brother!” I scolded, but it was to no avail as our boisterous six-year-old daughter jumped into my arms, almost knocking me to the floor.
Jackson ran up behind, gripping onto my legs. “Where’s Mommy?” Jackson called, his cute voice just slightly off key.
“I’m here, baby boy,” Elsie called as she came out through the trees. I smiled at my wife, swatting away the mosquitos from her bare legs. She looked beautiful as always dressed in her cute black jean shorts and white fitted t-shirt. Her blonde hair sat on her shoulders, and in her arms, she held a crate of four mason jars.
Jackson ran over to her and held on to her waist. I watched my blond son with blue eyes smile up at his mom, their special bond unbreakable.
When Jackson and Penelope were born, we knew there was a chance that one, or both, would have hearing problems. Penelope came out first and was in perfect health, but it was clear from early on that Jackson had no hearing in his left ear, but luckily, like his mom, he had some hearing in his right, almost one hundred percent.
It made me adore him more if possible, because like his mom, he had a slight inflection to his voice. But unlike his mom, he would never grow up thinking he should be ashamed of it or hide it. Elsie was teaching him to be proud, as the head counselor at Kind, she would ensure that our baby boy never was ashamed to be exactly who he was—without apology.
Jackson was shy and reserved like me, unlike his sister who was as loud as the
y came. “Papa, look at me!” Penelope demanded and I tapped the end of her button nose.
“Y’all keep shouting like that and you’ll scare them away.”
Penelope’s huge gray eyes widened to a comical size and she pressed her finger to her mouth. “Shh!” she said, just as loudly as she’d screamed, but I laughed all the same, her dark hair all frizzy around her head because of the humidity.
Elsie’s hand pressed on my back as she caught up. Leaning down I pressed a kiss on her lips. When I pulled away, it was to see Jackson pulling his tongue out at his sister behind my back. His cheeks beamed with red when he saw that he’d been caught.
He was completely my son.
“We need to go down near the creek,” I said and pointed toward the sound of the flowing water. “They tend to be near water.”
Holding the net in my hand, I put Penelope on the ground and she immediately put her hand in mine. “Ready?” I asked and they all nodded their heads.
As we walked, Penelope pulled on my hand, and said, “Tell us again. Tell us about the jar you made for mommy.”
I laughed and shook my head. “You wanna hear that story again?” Elsie asked Penelope and our daughter nodded her head.
“I like it. I like hearing about the light, and the shed and all the smiles.”
Squeezing Penelope’s hand, I said, “Okay. When I met Mommy, she didn’t really speak, but she wrote me a note that said she was afraid of the dark.”
“Like me, Mommy?” Jackson asked and Elsie nodded her head.
“Yeah, just like you, Peanut.”
“Go on, Papa,” Penelope pushed.
“Well, in Seattle we don’t get no lightning bugs, at least I’ve never seen them. But because I’m from Bama, I knew how to make lightning bug jars.”
“Because Nonna Chiara used to make them for you when you were little?”
“Yeah,” I said and pointed to the woods. “We used to come to woods just like these and catch the brightest lightning bugs we could find with my net.”
“These exact woods?” Penelope asked dramatically.
I shook my head. “Not these exact one’s, but they look the same.”
“These are Aunt Molly and Uncle Rome’s woods, Penny. Papa told you that before. You never listen!”
I inhaled through my nose when they started arguing again. Then they stopped, like nothing had even happened. Penelope turned back to look up at me and flashed me a toothy smile. “What else, Papa?”
I held in my laugh, but I caught Elsie chuckle from behind. Penelope tugged on my arm goading me to speak. So I did.
“Because we didn’t have lightning bugs, I couldn’t make the real thing, so I wanted to give Mommy a homemade one.”
“Like Aunt Lex had made for Dante?”
“Yep,” I agreed. “So I did. Mommy watched me as I emptied the glow stick into the jar, and she kept it with her every night after that, putting it in her window so I could see she was okay.”
“She does that even now!” Jackson said with excitement and I looked to my wife. She gave me her secret smile. Because that same damn jar still sat on our bedroom window back in Seattle, and Elsie had insisted that, for all of these years, she kept it lit. The jar barely gave off light anymore because it was so well used, but she wouldn’t part with it.
I wouldn’t let her anyway. It was our light that never went out.
We turned a corner and the creek came into view. I heard a quiet gasp come from Elsie when she saw the cluster of lightning bugs up ahead.
“Look,” I instructed to Penelope and Jackson as we crouched down in the long grass. “Y’all see them?”
Penelope’s hands went to her mouth as she did. Jackson’s little hand rested on my shoulder as he watched in silent fascination.
“They’re so pretty. Mommy, can you see?” Penelope said and moved to Elsie’s side, cuddling in to her arm.
“I can see, baby girl.” She looked from our daughter to our son, and asked, “Should we go get some for our jars?”
“Yes!” they both whispered in unison, and Elsie handed each one a mason jar along with the mesh lid.
“Now we have to be real quiet, okay?” I said to both of their excited faces. I couldn’t help but smile as they stood, bent forward, tiptoeing through the grass after me.
Elsie was laughing too, but I could see in her face that she was just as excited. I’d promised her this trip years ago, but my playing football for the Seahawks and her work always got in the way. It’d taken us quite a few years to fully heal and achieve our dreams, but that was fine. We’d seen the world together, and every year we’d fallen even deeper in love. We had our twins eventually, our two sweet children making our lives complete, whole, all we’d ever hoped and dreamed.
I’d retired from football this year, moving on to help Austin develop Daisy’s Smile and Kind centers nationally. We were both driven to do more, to expand on the couple of centers we had. Both the husbands of wives who the centers could have provided help for if only they’d existed before.
I came to a stop when we reached where the bugs flew, and Penelope giggled seeing them flying around. “Papa! They have lights on their butts!”
Jackson’s peeled laughter at his sister cut through the night, and we all started laughing too, until the bugs flew up higher.
“Quick, hold out your jars,” I instructed. Penelope and Jackson both did as I asked. I laughed to myself when Elsie held ours out too.
Swiping the net through the bugs, I brought it back to the jars, tipping it upside down watching as a few bugs landed in each jar. Penelope and Jackson’s eyes were huge as they watched the bugs dance in the jars in their hands.
“What now, Papa?” Jackson asked, all wide eyes. I could hear the nerves in his little voice.
“Take hold of your lids, and when I move the net, put it on the top. Yeah?” I asked and they both nodded their heads. “On the count of three… one, two, three!”
I moved the net and the twins slammed the lids on the top. I screwed them on tight to be sure, and lifted the wire handle for them to take. The minute they held them in the air, the lightning bugs shone from the glass, causing them both to squeal in excitement.
“We got real lightning bug jars!” Penelope shouted and then turned to me. “Can we run and show Daisy? Can we go show Aunts Ally, Molly and Lex and Uncles Axe, Aust and Rome?” Shaking my head in laughter at my daughter reeling off everyone who was just over the garden while we all visited at Rome’s house, I nodded my head.
“Just don’t run too fast. Make sure we’re always behind you,” Elsie said, and the twins ran off, their jars in the air as they giggled their way back to the yard.
I watched as their lights told us where they were, when Elsie’s hand slipped through mine and she offered my jar with the other. I took the wire handle and held it up to the dark.
“What do you think?” I asked as we started walking back to the garden, hearing the twins shouting for their aunts and uncles to come see their jars in the distance.
Elsie was holding up her jar and she laid her head on my arm. “Just as pretty as you promised they’d be.”
“Good,” I said and slipped my hand from hers and put my arm around her shoulders instead.
“Though not as good as my homemade jar in our window.”
I looked down at her and frowned. “You like that old jar of glow stick juice better than the real thing?”
Elsie shrugged. “It’s my real thing. That jar has kept me safe in the dark for years.” She put her arm around my waist and cuddled in closer. “And it led you back to me. It’s my jar, the jar that reminds me every single night of where we came from.” She looked up at me and smiled so big my heart swelled. “And how blessed we are now.”
Checking no one was around, I pulled my wife to a stop, and turned her in my arms. On instinct she tipped her head up toward me, waiting for my kiss. In seconds I had my lips on hers and she sighed as our lips moved against each other’s. When I pulled
back, we were both breathless.
“You’re still as beautiful as you were when I made you that jar all those years ago,” I told my wife and watched as her eyes softened in the true lightning bug glow.
She lifted her hand to run through my hair. “And you’re still the sweetest soul that ever lived.”
Seeing the love she had for me in her pretty blue eyes, my heart melted when she pressed her palm to my cheek and her forehead to mine. Bringing my hand up to her cheek, she smiled as we silently said that we loved one another.
Because even though Elsie now had her voice, we both knew that sometimes, just sometimes, words were wasted. This, right here, was just for us. It was our best expressed ‘I love you’.
Just like our little homemade lightning bug jar that still sat on our window’s ledge, our light would never fade out.
And because we had each other, we would never ever drown.
The End
Playlist
Hero — Family Of The Year
Little Moment — Rathborne
Shine —Benjamin Francis Leftwich
Poison & Wine — The Civil Wars
Let It Go — James Bay
My Everything — Owl City
Let It All Go — Birdy
Only You — Josh Radin
Anymore Of This — Mindy Smith
Heavy Rope (Acoustic) — Lights
Stars — Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
Here With Me — Susie Sue
No One’s Gonna Love You — Band Of Horses
My Girl — Tiago Lorc
I Will Rise — Cattle & Cane
Lift Me Up — Mree
Dream — Priscilla Ahn
Hurricane — Kayleigh O’conner
Moonshine — Sara Haze
Black River — Amos Lee
Can’t Help Falling In Love — Haley Reinhart
Start Again — Conrad Sewell
Fireflies — Colin & Caroline
Wonderful Life — Katie Melua
Storm Song — Phildel
Lost & Found — Katie Herzig
Lost Boy — Ruth B