by Maya Banks
“I’ll not pretend I’ve not loved you, Keeley. In public, aye, I’d never do anything to bring you shame. In private, however, don’t expect me to pretend you didn’t give your innocence to me.”
Her smile was sad. “Nay, Alaric. I’ll not pretend either. But ’tis for the best not to dwell on impossible matters.”
“Let us cease this kind of talk. I find it makes my heart heavy.”
“Then wrap yourself around me and keep me warm until I must rise and return to my cold bedchamber.”
“Aye, lass. I can do just that.”
CHAPTER 20
Dawn was creeping across the sky, bringing with it ugly fingers of regret that the night was over. Keeley lay sleeping against him, her head nestled in the crook of his arm.
Her arm was thrown possessively over his midriff and her breasts were flattened against his side.
Slowly he grazed his fingers up and down her bare arm as he inhaled the scent of her hair just an inch from his nose. He loved touching her. Loved her smell. Loved the feel of her next to him. It was a feeling he’d enjoy waking to for all his days.
Instead he had to look forward to another woman in his bed. Someone who didn’t have Keeley’s sweetness or her fire. Or her infuriating stubbornness that amused him to no end.
He turned into her, gathering her tight as he buried his face in her hair. She stirred quietly next to him and stretched, her body tightening against his as her back bowed.
As he drew away so he could look down at her, her lips split into a wide yawn and then her eyelashes fluttered as the lids opened. At first her eyes were cast in cloudy sleepiness, but then they warmed as she smiled up at him.
Unable to resist, he stroked the line of her cheek with his fingertip. At her lips, he paused and she kissed the tip before returning her gaze to his eyes.
“Good morn,” he murmured.
She snuggled closer to him. “I hate ’tis morning already.”
Dread pulsed in his throat. “Aye, I hate it, too. But we must hasten you back to your chamber before ’tis discovered you’re here.”
She sighed and rose up on her elbow, her hair spilling over her shoulder, covering her plump breasts. When she would have pushed herself even farther away from him, he caught her by the waist and rolled her until she was atop him.
Raising his head, he caught her lips, so full and sweet. Soft like the finest silk. He kissed her as he’d never kissed a woman, allowing the full force of his desire and his regret to spill over.
As she pulled away, her eyes dark with all the things he felt most, he smoothed a hand over her cheek, then thrusting his fingers into the thick pelt of her hair. “You have no equal, Keeley. I want you to know that.”
She smiled and lowered down to kiss him one last time. “You have no equal either, warrior.”
He sighed. The time had come. She must return now before the keep came alive with activity and the halls were filled with those attending the needs of the laird and his lady.
“Dress quickly, lass,” he urged. “I’ll give Gannon his instructions.”
As she hurried over to slip her dress back on, Alaric went to the door and cracked it open. Only Gannon was outside in the darkened hallway. Nary a window or a torch illuminated the path.
“Gannon,” Alaric whispered.
Trained to be alerted by the slightest of noises, Gannon roused himself and was on his feet in a mere moment.
“Is something amiss?” Gannon demanded.
“Nay, I have need of something.”
Gannon waited.
“Take the tub from this room into Keeley’s. Have water brought up for a hot bath. Make sure no one knows where she spent her night. While you are belowstairs, I’ll return her to her room.”
Gannon nodded, and Alaric looked back to make sure Keeley was fully dressed. He didn’t want her embarrassed by Gannon’s appearance so he strode across the room, shielding her from view with his large body while Gannon set about dragging the tub from the chamber.
Keeley lay her cheek against his chest and he rested his chin atop her head. When the chamber door closed behind Gannon, Alaric drew away and clasped her shoulders.
“Come. I’ll see you to your chambers. You should be abed when the water is brought up so it appears you have just awoken.”
She bit her bottom lip and then nodded. Before he gave in to the temptation to hold her a moment longer, he guided her toward the door and into the darkened hallway.
They ducked quickly into the chamber just as Gannon was exiting. Alaric held up a finger for him to await him before urging Keeley toward the bed.
She climbed beneath the covers and Alaric sat on the edge, simply watching her for a long moment. Then he bent and pressed his lips to her forehead.
“I’ll treasure last night forever.”
“As will I,” she whispered. “Go now, Alaric. Parting is all the more difficult for the hesitation.”
He swallowed and stood abruptly. She was right in that regard. The longer he tarried, the more tempted he was to say to hell with everyone.
Without a backward glance he left the chamber. Gannon awaited him, and Alaric gave his instructions in a terse voice.
“See to her bath. Make sure she is undisturbed. Pass the word that she is tired and feeling unwell and will remain in her chamber for the day. There is no work for her to be done this day.”
“Aye,” Gannon said with a nod.
Alaric watched him go and then stepped back into his chamber. He closed the door behind him and leaned heavily against it, his heart thudding like an ax to wood.
Being with Keeley had been the sweetest of pleasures, but having her and knowing he was forbidden her was an agony that surpassed any wound of the flesh.
Keeley hunkered lower in the now cooling water and drew her knees to her chin. The heat had soothed the aches in her body, but naught could be done about the ache that still resided in her heart.
She shook her head and turned to lay her cheek on her knees. Last night had been the single most wonderful night of her life. It was a moment to cherish. She’d spend a lifetime reliving every touch. Every touch.
There was no place for sadness now.
And yet she couldn’t shake the heavy feeling in her chest.
A knock sounded at the door, and Keeley closed her eyes, hugging her legs a little closer. If she ignored the summons, they’d go away surely.
To her horror, the door swung open. Just as she was frantically searching for a way to preserve her modesty, Maddie stuck her head around.
Keeley slumped against the back of the wooden tub. “Oh, ’tis you. I nearly had failure of the heart.”
“I heard you were ailing. I wanted to come up and see if there is anything I can do.”
Keeley smiled, or tried to. The result was her eyes stinging and watering. She sniffed but as soon as the first tear trickled down her cheek, she was done for.
Maddie look horrified and then her features crinkled in sympathy. “Oh lass, whatever is the matter? Now, now, let me get you out of that tub. ’Twill be all right.”
Keeley allowed Maddie to help her from the tub, and then wrapped in a drying linen, she sat in front of the fire while Maddie dried and combed out her hair.
“Now tell me what’s prompted your upset,” Maddie said gently.
“Oh Maddie. I fear I’ve made a huge mistake, but ’tis the truth I don’t regret a minute of it.”
“Would this have something to do with Alaric McCabe?”
Keeley turned her tearful gaze to Maddie. “ ’Tis so obvious? Does everyone know of my shame?”
Maddie enfolded her into her arms. “Shh. None of that.” She rocked back and forth, soothing Keeley with motherly noises.
“I gave myself to him,” Keeley whispered. “He’s to marry another and I went to him anyway. I couldn’t resist any longer.”
“You love him.”
“Aye. I love him.”
Maddie made a sound of sympathy. “ ’Tis no sha
me in giving yourself to a man you love. But I must know, did he take advantage of you, lass?”
There was an edge of anger to Maddie’s tone and Keeley ripped herself away from the older woman. “Nay! He is as tortured as I am. He knows he must marry Rionna. We’ve both tried to ignore what is between us. ’Tis I who went to him last eve.”
Maddie reached to trail her fingers down the locks of Keeley’s hair in a soothing manner. “ ’Tis hard when the heart must be denied. I don’t have words to tend the hurt. I wish I did. But you are a good lass, Keeley. You mustn’t allow the ills done to you in the past to influence you now. You aren’t a whore. You have a good and loyal heart. The McCabes are fortunate to have you.”
Keeley threw herself in Maddie’s arms and hugged the other woman fiercely. “Thank you, Maddie. ’Tis the truth I’ve never had dearer friends than you and the other women of the keep. I’ll never forget your kindness—or your understanding.”
Maddie stroked Keeley’s hair and returned her hug. “Gannon has told the others that you’re tired and ailing. We all agree you’ve done much in your time here. Why don’t I go down and ask Gertie to send up something to eat. I’ll come sit with you if you like, but you should go to bed and have a long rest.”
Keeley nodded and slowly pulled away. “I’d like that. ’Tis the truth I’m tired and sick at heart. I haven’t the strength to smile this day and pretend naught is the matter.”
Maddie patted her hand. “Hie yourself to bed and let me take care of the rest. Your secret ’tis safe with me. I’ll not even be telling Lady McCabe. ’Tis your concern who you share your affairs with.”
“Thank you,” Keeley said again.
Maddie rose and gestured toward the bed. “Go now. Make yourself comfortable. After a night of loving, I imagine your appetite ’tis monstrous.”
Keeley blushed and then laughed. “Aye, it is to be sure.”
Maddie smiled and exited the room, closing the door behind her. Keeley pulled on her nightdress and then burrowed under the covers. It was a cold day and her chamber had a chill despite the fire Gannon had thoughtfully tended.
As she waited for Maddie, she stared up at the ceiling, grateful she wouldn’t bear the day alone. Her heart already ached enough without the burden of solitude. Sometimes ’twas best to share with a friend. She missed the friendship that she and Rionna used to share.
Keeley had lived a long time alone, but now that she’d found the companionship—and camaraderie—of other women, the idea of going back to the silent cottage was more than she could bear.
She wanted to be part of the McCabe clan. As painful as it would be, knowing Alaric was close but never to be hers. But she wasn’t willing to be a coward and flee to sulk and lick her wounds in solitude. She was tired of being alone.
She wanted to belong.
Moments later, Maddie returned, not only with Mairin but Christina as well. The women burst into Keeley’s chambers, their smiles warm, their laughter vibrant.
Christina was ablaze with joy as she recounted Cormac’s marriage proposal. Maddie glanced over at Keeley and then reached to squeeze her hand. Keeley squeezed back and smiled fondly at Christina.
The lass was overjoyed, and Keeley allowed that happiness to seep into her soul, bringing with it a measure of comfort she desperately needed. She gathered the blankets to her chest and watched as Maddie added another log to the fire. Food and ale were delivered, and soon the women’s laughter filtered into the hall and beyond.
At his chamber door, Alaric paused and listened to the honeyed sound of Keeley’s amusement. He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Then he turned and strode rapidly down the hall toward the stair, ignoring the increasing discomfort in his side.
CHAPTER 21
“Keeley! Keeley!”
Keeley turned her head to see Crispen bolting across the great hall toward her. She braced herself, having become well acquainted with the way Crispen “greeted” her.
He flung himself around her, nearly knocking them both to the floor, but Keeley’s preparation kept them upright.
She laughed and pried him away from her. “What are you about, Crispen?”
“Will you go outside and play with us in the snow? Will you, Keeley? Mama can’t go. Papa has forbidden her outside the doors. She’s not happy, but Maddie says ’tis good because Mama is ungainly and as round as a pumpkin and she might fall on the ice.”
Keeley hesitated, nearly laughing at the flood of words from the lad’s mouth.
“The storm is over and the sun’s out. ’Tis a beautiful day. Papa has been out training since dawn. We can play on the hill and Gannon and Cormac can come along.”
“Slow down,” she said with a chuckle. “ ’Tis the truth I’d welcome a bit of fresh air.”
Crispen’s face lit up. “Then you’ll come? Really?” He all but danced out of her reach and around the hall.
“If you’ll give me a moment to don warmer clothing, I’ll be glad to come out with you as long as you have the laird’s permission.”
Crispen nodded eagerly. “I’ll go ask him now.”
“Very well. I’ll meet you back belowstairs in a few minutes’ time.”
She watched as Crispen dashed out of the hall at full speed and then shaking her head, she headed toward the stairs to don clothing appropriate for the bitter cold.
When she returned, both Cormac and Gannon stood in the hall surrounded by Crispen and several other children. They looked wearily in her direction as she approached.
Grinning, she made it a point to enthusiastically greet each of the children and then she asked if they were ready to proceed outdoors. Surrounded by their lively chatter, she stepped into the cold and shivered as chill bumps prickled up her spine.
“ ’Tis cold today!” she exclaimed.
“Aye, ’tis,” Cormac grumbled. “Too cold to be standing still watching over children.”
Keeley slanted a sly smile in Cormac’s direction. “ ’Tis likely Christina will be joining us.”
His expression brightened and then he glanced rapidly in Gannon’s direction and adopted a more bland look.
“Come on!” Crispen urged. He tugged at Keeley’s hand until she gave in and hurried up the hill toward the area where the children played.
Teams were quickly formed and Keeley groaned when she realized the game was tossing balls of snow at one another with as much force as they could muster.
Thankfully for her, Gretchen was on Keeley’s team and she was quite adept at hitting her target. The boys howled with outrage every time Gretchen pelted one of them in the face.
Breathless with exertion after an hour of steady warfare, they called a truce and stood, hands on hips, gasping for air.
Crispen and Gretchen were whispering in low tones and kept staring over at Cormac and Gannon.
“You ask,” Crispen muttered.
“Nay, you ask,” Gretchen demanded. “ ’Tis your father’s men. They’ll more likely do it for you.”
Crispen jutted his chin out. “You’re a girl. ’Tis fact girls always get what they want.”
Gretchen rolled her eyes and then punched him hard in the arm.
“Ow!”
Crispen glared at her and rubbed his arm. “We’ll both ask.”
Gretchen smiled serenely and the two ran in Gannon’s direction. Keeley watched with interest when the two warriors visibly recoiled. Then they began shaking their heads and making negative gestures. They frowned, then scowled, and the children argued on.
It wasn’t until Gretchen’s expression turned from fierce determination to pitifully woeful that the men began to look uneasy. Her big eyes shimmered with tears and her chin quivered.
“Oh dear. They don’t stand a chance now.”
Keeley turned to see Christina approaching, her eyes twinkling with amusement.
“Gretchen isn’t opposed to using womanly wiles if it gains her what she wants. A more clever lass I’ve never m
et,” Christina said ruefully. “If she can’t beat capitulation from someone, she’ll turn on the pitiful eyes.”
“I’m dying to know what they want,” Keeley said.
“Whatever it is, it looks like they’ve been successful.”
Cormac looked up and his eyes brightened when he saw Christina. Gannon turned in the direction of the keep while Crispen and Gretchen trailed Cormac as he walked over to where the two women stood.
“Gannon’s going to fetch his shield!” Crispen crowed.
“His shield?” Keeley asked.
“Aye,” Gretchen said. “To slide down the hill on.”
“ ’Tis a sin to abuse a shield thusly,” Cormac muttered.
“ ’Tis good fun to ride down the hill atop them,” Crispen piped in.
Gannon appeared in the distance, the sun glinting off the large shield that he bore up the hill. When he reached the crowd of children they cheered.
Intrigued by the notion of sliding down a hill on a warrior’s shield, Keeley leaned closer to examine the object. ’Twas certainly large enough to hold a child or even a small adult.
“How does it work?”
“ ’Tis placed down like so,” Gannon said, placing the outward face onto the snow. “Then someone climbs atop and another gives them a push down the hill.”
Keeley’s eyes widened. “Is it safe?”
Gannon sighed. “Not if we allow them to slide into the loch or the courtyard where the men are training. The laird would be furious.”
“Then we must go the other way,” Keeley said, pointing away from the keep and the stone skirts.
Cormac eyed the next hill, sloping upward from the slight crest they were standing on. “Aye, the lass is right. We’ll need to go over the top of the next so we stay away from harm.”
“Yay! ’Tis a much steeper hillside to ride down,” Crispen cheered as they slogged up the rise through the snow.
“Me first!” Robbie cried as soon as they were looking down at the valley below them.
“Nay, ’Twas my idea and I did the asking,” Gretchen protested. “ ’Tis only fair I go first.”