by Jenny Hale
She left them to it and found her dad and Pop-pop waiting for her in the kitchen. With a thud, she set her computer and notebook on the table, both men looking at her expectantly. As she took in their faces, she thought about all Gram had built, how the bakery had been her dream-turned-reality, and the weight of its future fell heavily on Noelle’s shoulders. She put her game face on and took in a deep breath.
“I’ve made some headway regarding the final changes,” she said, sitting down. “But it’s going to take everything we’ve got. We need to finish the transformation as soon as possible. And I’ll be tied up with caring for William Harrington most of that time. I’m gonna need your help.”
Gus and Pop-pop were focused, serious, ready to tackle this. Pop-pop nodded. “Tell us what you’ve got.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“You wanted to see me?” Alex said, standing in her doorway, his voice hollow like he was holding back his emotions, the gray morning light filtering in on his face. The warmth that Noelle had once heard wasn’t there anymore. Why? She longed to hear it, and the absence of it made her want to grab him and make him explain. Was his work really so important to him that he’d put it over everything else—over Christmas, over her, over Lucas?
She stared at him, trying to get him to look her directly in the eye, but when he did, his strength seemed to falter, so he looked away. She’d noticed staff members through her window this morning, taking boxes out of the house, and she wondered if those boxes were full of his things headed for New York.
“Your grandfather wants to see your grandmother,” she said. “I’m taking him. I’d like you to come with us—William asked specifically.”
His lips were in a straight line and she could see the tensing of his jaw as he fumbled for an answer.
“You’d said you wanted to go,” she said softly.
“I hear you,” he said to her surprise, his face surrendering his emotions. “I haven’t said anything, but I’ve thought a lot about what you said about my grandfather. The past is the past, and I’m trying to see him for who he is now. I know he wants me to visit my grandmother with him… But I can’t. I won’t be here tonight.”
“We don’t have to go tonight. I was planning to go in a few days, perhaps.” She opened the door wider to allow him to enter, but he stayed in the doorway.
“I’m leaving for New York tonight,” he clarified.
She had to keep her mouth from dropping open. “Just like that? Were you even going to say goodbye?” A surge of anger and sadness exploded within her, and she couldn’t help herself; the words just came tumbling out. “I have a little boy who adores you. I’ve never seen him talk to anyone like he talks to you. He was asking for you last night. I made up a flimsy excuse as to why we couldn’t knock on your door. You were just going to leave and break his heart?” Noelle dared not express her own feelings about him, of how he didn’t think enough of her to stay, even just until Christmas. She swallowed, trying to alleviate the lump that had formed. She felt lost all of a sudden, the moment becoming painfully real, and she knew in her heart this wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be leaving.
Scrambling to hear his soothing voice telling her it would all be okay, she looked up at him, but his eyes were distant again, his face unchanged, and she knew that he’d made up his mind. Unexpectedly, her tears surfaced. She looked away, blinking to keep them from spilling over and embarrassing her completely. It was clear that he didn’t feel the same way.
“So this is goodbye then,” he said evenly, and for just a moment, she saw something flash in his eyes, giving her hope despite his words, but then it was gone, taking her heart right along with it. “Tell Lucas I’ll keep in touch. If… that’s okay with you.”
She nodded, unable to speak for fear that the tears would turn to sobs.
“Goodbye.” He turned away and, without looking back, headed down the hallway.
She watched him go until he was out of view. Slowly, she shut the door, walked numbly to the sofa and slumped down into it, unable to think, and then she allowed the tears to fall.
Noelle found William in the grand living room. She hadn’t spent any time there, the space so large that it swallowed them up. William was at the back, behind the formal furniture, at the oversized window that overlooked the rear grounds. He tipped his head just slightly as she walked in, letting her know he’d heard her enter, but he kept facing the window.
“You know, I can only see a blur of green and white, but I like the light on my face,” he said, once she’d reached him. “So many times I sat with my back to this window, never bothering to pay attention to what was on the other side of it. And now that I understand a bit more about how to live my life, I can’t see it. All I want to do is look out and view the yard.” He turned to face her. “He’s missing it, Noelle. Alex has got it all right here and he’s missing it. I can finally see this life as it truly is and I’m too old to enjoy it, but he isn’t.”
“Who says you’re too old?” she protested with conviction. She respected William. He was right: he’d figured out how to live; he knew what was important, and she didn’t want him to think for a minute that he couldn’t enjoy himself. She liked being with William, and she needed to get her mind off everything for a little while. “Come with me. Let’s go Christmas shopping.”
“I can’t. I can’t see where I’m going. I’ll drag you down.”
“Nope. You’re going. Get your coat.”
“Do you hear that?” Noelle said with a smile, as she helped William out of the back of the car. He’d insisted on calling his driver so they wouldn’t have to find a place to park. The driver had let them out of the black sedan just outside the mall.
“Hear what?” He tugged his coat together at the neck as an icy breeze blew.
Her smile widened. “Christmas. Listen. I hear Santa’s bells and music and people talking—it’s amazing. I just love it.”
The car pulled away, leaving them on the step to the walkway beside one of the restaurants. It was full of people heading in for lunch. She helped him up onto the sidewalk.
“I hear the car driving away, which means that we’re stuck here until you text my driver, and it’s cold.”
“Perfect! It’s supposed to be cold at Christmas.” She took his hand, walked him over to one of the benches and dragged his fingers in the tiny bit of snow that had settled with the flurries. “We even have snowflakes falling.”
“So how am I going to help you pick anything out when I can’t see it?”
She could tell that he felt helpless because of his failing eyesight. It occurred to her then that, given his upbringing and career, he’d always been in control. It must be awful to lose a little of that; perhaps that was why he’d been so edgy when she’d first met him. “Don’t worry. You’ll be able to help me.” She linked her arm with his and started walking slowly toward the candle shop. “We’re shopping for my mother first. She loves candles. You can help me pick out the scent.” She took him inside, the smell of peppermint, caramel, spruce, and vanilla all mixing together in a delightful aroma that could only be found at this time of year.
Noelle picked up a large jar and took off the lid. “How’s this one?”
William inhaled over it and then coughed, choking on the scent. “No,” he said, shaking his head and coughing again.
“Not a fan of floral, then?” She giggled, grabbing another one. “This one better?”
He leaned in and sniffed. “That one’s not bad.”
“It’s Pumpkin Pie.” She set it to the side and opened a third. “Is this one better or worse?”
William put his hands on the jar and smelled it. “Oh, I like that one.”
Noelle was glad to see him loosening up a little. “That’s Salted Caramel. You’re definitely a food-scent man. You’d love the smell of my grandmother’s bakery. It always smelled like the most delicious cakes and pies. As a girl, my tummy would rumble the minute I got inside, just from the aromas.”
&nb
sp; He seemed lost in thought, and so far away all of a sudden.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said, snapping out of it.
She was glad to see him pondering the wonders of the season. “Let’s buy this one and then get a drink, shall we?”
Lucas sat in the wide bathtub that evening, amidst a breadth of bubbles with suds in his hair. “So Alex isn’t coming home anymore?” he asked, his little eyes sleepy but concerned.
Noelle had managed to get through picking him up from her parents’ and dinner before he’d asked. He’d run into the mansion and she could tell he’d been searching for Alex. He’d even stopped at Alex’s office and looked in. He hadn’t said anything then, but Noelle knew the question would come. Finally, when she’d filled the tub for his bath, he asked about Alex. With a deep breath, she told him that Alex had gone to New York, trying to keep her voice even as if it was a totally normal thing for him to leave. She knew it was just her way of trying not to upset her son, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew better.
“That’s right,” she said. “He said he’d keep in touch with you, though.” The words felt acidic on her tongue as she said them because she knew it was probably a lie. How would he keep in touch? Send him emails?
Lucas made a fist and sunk his hand under the bubbles. “He won’t be here for Christmas either?”
She shook her head, feeling just awful.
Lucas was quiet as the water made lapping sounds against the tub. Then, after he’d washed his arms, he set the washrag in a wad on the edge of the tub and looked up at her. “I’m gonna miss him, Mom.”
“I know,” was all she could manage. She was trying to remain strong for him, but she wanted to cry right there.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Noelle went to Pop-pop’s first thing in the morning. She needed to start early if she wanted to maximize her time at the bakery before she had to tend to William. The flooring repairmen were coming today to assess the damage, and they’d start as soon as the plumber had fixed the leak. It was early and the walkway to Pop-pop’s front door was a sheet of ice, worrying her. She hoped he wouldn’t try to walk on it himself. She let herself in with her key—both she and Heidi had a key—and called his name, knowing he was up.
Pop-pop woke every morning before sunrise and made a cup of coffee. Then, he sat and watched the travel programs on television. She’d asked him once if he ever wanted to go to any of the places he’d seen. He’d said, “If you watch the travel channel, you don’t need to go,” but she’d wondered if he really would like to see the world. She shut the door behind her and followed the roasted, chocolaty perfume of coffee to his favorite chair in the back room.
The living area was extraordinarily tidy, just like when Gram had been there. Their décor was simple, with just a sofa and two chairs, a coffee table and a small television on a stand in the corner, but the chairs both had quilts thrown over the backs and there were throw pillows waiting to make each spot comfy. A lamp in the corner of the room cast out a dreamy yellow light, making the room seem as though it were lit by candlelight. An early-morning glow filtered through two windows on either side of the room, illuminating the photo of Pop-pop and Gram that was on the wall opposite. Pop-pop was standing behind her, his arms around her, and Gram had an adoring look on her face as her eyes met the camera, making it look as though she could see Noelle standing there right now. Turning away before the emotions rose too high, Noelle smiled when she saw that the television was tuned to a show about Barbados.
“Morning!” he said, as chipper as ever. “Ready to clean out that dresser?”
“Yes,” she said, so glad to see a friendly face.
He got up. “Let’s get you suitably caffeinated first,” he said with a wink. Then he led her past the small Christmas tree he’d put up in the corner, strands of colored bulbs shimmering in the dim light of early morning.
“It’s been a year, Noelle,” he said, pouring the steaming liquid into one of Gram’s mugs. “A whole year, and I still haven’t been able to go through her things.” He handed her the sugar and then reached into the fridge to get the cream.
“Why do you have to?” she asked. “If her stuff reminds you of her and makes you happy, there’s no need to disturb it.”
He considered her perspective over a sip of coffee before topping off his cup.
“You were quite able to offer me the dresser, so I don’t think you have some sort of unhealthy attachment or anything. You just miss her.”
He smiled, holding his mug in his weathered hands. “I did find a few more things for you in the bedroom. I was saving them until I had a chance to give them to you.” He scooted his mug closer, looking down into it. “You know, when I met her, she was quite shy, not really opening up to me, but I could tell there was so much there.” He met her eyes. “I told her, ‘Sophia, I am crazy about you and if you don’t go out on a date with me, it will kill me. You don’t want that on your conscience, do you?’ She’d smiled that gorgeous smile of hers and, even though I could see the reluctance in her eyes, she agreed. A few years later, she said, ‘You are the reason that it never worked out with anyone else. You are the greatest man I’ve ever met.’” When Pop-pop swam out of his memory, his eyes were glassy as they landed on Noelle’s mug.
“You are the greatest man,” she said, giving him a hug.
“Grab that box over in the corner and follow me. I’ve emptied it out—it had old magazines in it,” he said, as they made their way down the short hallway to the bedroom.
When they entered, Noelle felt the prick of emotion once more. Pop-pop had made the bed. It was perfectly organized, every pillow in place. Gram had always badgered him to make the bed. “He’s the last out of it,” she’d said, only half serious, her love for Pop-pop evident, “but I have to go back in and make it.” One time, he’d said that no one made it as beautifully as she did and she’d rolled her eyes humorously at him.
Noelle set the box on the bed as Pop-pop opened the first drawer. It was full of Gram’s sweaters—dainty cardigans. Noelle closed her eyes, remembering how Gram would throw them around her shoulders like a shawl when she was chilly. Carefully, Noelle set her mug on the surface of the dresser and lifted a perfectly folded pile of sweaters out, noting that it had been Gram who’d folded them.
“Where should I put them?” she said, the importance of making the coffee shop work swelling in her stomach. Gram had told Noelle once that she’d started the bakery with all the money she and Pop-pop had. She’d wanted to have a café-style location where people could enjoy themselves, meet up, and have a treat. They’d gotten married in a simple ceremony in the park, and she’d worn a thin little dress that she’d made herself. They had no money to start their life together, but they were deliriously happy.
“Put them over on the chair,” Pop-pop said, pulling her from her memories. She set them down and then emptied the rest of the drawer.
The second drawer had an eclectic grouping of things: books, Gram’s glasses case, more clothes—all neatly arranged. Pop-pop instructed her to put the things in the empty box, piling the clothes along with her sweaters on the chair. At the back of the drawer was an insubstantial paper box about the size of a shoebox. She looked at Pop-pop but he shook his head with a baffled frown.
Carefully, she opened it. It was full of old memories: postcards from friends, stamps, a letter from a little boy she’d sponsored overseas, a few bookmarks that Noelle remembered making in school… She grabbed her coffee and sipped on it as she thumbed through the rest of the contents, happy that Gram had kept all this. Pop-pop sat quietly beside her on the bed.
“Why don’t you keep this box. She’d have liked you to have it, I’m sure.”
“Thank you.” She felt like she’d just gotten a little Christmas present from Gram.
They continued sorting until the dresser was empty, and Noelle picked up the box of Gram’s things, so glad she’d come today to get them. She held them in her arms as if
she were giving Gram a big squeeze. Just as she was leaving, Pop-pop told her he’d get started right away on the dresser for her.
“Oh!” he said, stopping her at the door. “Let me get those few things that I’d found for you. It’s not much—just a couple more teacups and another piece of her costume jewelry. I know you’d taken those when we divvied some of her things.” She followed him into the kitchen.
Pop-pop gingerly set two teacups into her box. One had a delicate pink floral design, and Noelle remembered Gram using it. She smiled at the memory. Then he opened a drawer and dug around inside it, removing a small velvet ring box with no insignia. “You know how she loved that jewelry of hers,” he said, shaking his head, his emotion showing. “I found this at the back of one of the kitchen drawers. Not sure how it got separated from her other jewelry.”
Noelle set her things down on the kitchen table and took the small box from Pop-pop, opening it gently. She peered down at an enormous square white stone surrounded by more white stones—diamonds? On either side of the silver surface of the band were leaves that looked as though they’d been hand designed. There was something very familiar about it, yet she knew she’d never seen it before. Then her mind went back to William’s story. It couldn’t be… Her lungs felt like all the air had been pushed out of them, and her fingers starting to tremble slightly. She worked to keep them still as she pulled the ring from the box and inspected the band. Engraved in the band were the letters HHA. She looked up at Pop-pop’s unbothered face, swallowing to try to keep herself from being nauseous, but it didn’t work.
“You don’t know where she got this?” she managed, praying that she’d found it in some old antique shop or something.
“Nope. I’ve never seen her wear it. I wonder how in the world it got pushed way back in the kitchen drawer.” He shook his head with a chuckle as he picked up the box and handed it to her. “Oh well,” he said. “It’s yours now. Maybe you’ll wear it.”