Damaged and the Outlaw

by Bijou Hunter

  When everyone looked at me, I rolled my eyes like I didn’t care who he banged. I did care though. In fact, I wondered who Vaughn was with that very moment and it was killing me to think of him with someone else. The idea that I hadn’t mattered and he’d do another chick made me want to scream at the world.

  Returning to Ellsberg, I had a plan to give up men and avoid my sickness. Instead, I met Vaughn who was amazing and frustrating. He offered me a chance at happiness, yet was living on borrowed time. Life saw me digging my way out of a shithole and it kicked me back down. No matter if life envisioned a long term plan for me, I was holding a grudge.

  Chapter Fourteen – Vaughn

  The Bad News Bears or whatever the hell the MC was called must have broken every speed limit to avoid getting caught by us. We chased until the Kentucky state border and Kirk called us back. I would have followed them to hell because the fuckers had ruined the lies I told myself. Spilling their blood might make it worth losing out on the fantasy of Raven and me. For a man with limited time, I needed every moment of the lie.

  Kirk made threats against the club and he didn’t wait for Cooper to okay shit. This led to tension between father and son. I felt the stress on Cooper when we stood outside an abandoned storefront in downtown Ellsberg. Tucker pretended to be pissed off too, but he kept checking out his phone to see messages and pics from Maddy. Fatherhood made the idiot rather adorable.

  “I bought this place so I’ll have my own spot,” Cooper muttered, arms crossed tightly, eyes narrowed like the building was his enemy. “The old timers want to hang at Whiskey like it’s the good old days. We’re the new guard and we need a new place.”

  “It looks like a store.”

  “Pop has a bar. I want an office. I have three years left of school and a kid on the way. I need a place where I can study and have kids running around and still do my business. This place will be that.”

  “Who’s doing the work?” Tucker asked, fiddling with his phone.

  “Tad’s wife Toni is doing the plans. She was an architect years ago. Lark’s stepbrother is in charge of the construction. Dylan had the contract to work on the city’s projects, but Daddy Fucktwat got it cancelled because someone forgot to kiss his ass. Anyway, Lark asked me to help Dylan out. Batted her lashes and everything.”

  We walked inside the place and I figured it wasn’t much to get excited about. An old bakery with an office in the back. The place smelled like old bread and maybe mold.

  “He’s going to tear it down to the studs and build it back up. Put the official shit in the front. Get me a chick to do the books and crap. In the back, I’ll have a spot for the kid and an office for me and Farah. I want to separate my business from my home. Having guys show up to talk at my place isn’t happening anymore.”

  “Crack the whip,” Tucker said, patting his brother’s shoulder, before playing soccer with a beer can on the ground. “Being downtown is cooler. Better places to eat.”

  While watching Tucker kick the can into the back, I considered asking Cooper about the Devils. One glance at his frown and I decided to keep my mouth shut. Judd didn’t say anything either. Not then, but later as we hit balls at the batting cage, the enforcer got chatty.

  “Fuck this waiting around shit. I know Cooper wants to make the right decision, but he’s not making any damn decision. He wants Kirk to signal the right move. Who says there is a right move? Life doesn’t work that way. Right. Wrong. Life just is. Instead of fucking around, we need to make a decision and do something.”

  Swinging the bat, I hit the ball square on. “I should be the one who does something. Go there and handle what needs handling.”

  “Man, they’d see you coming. No way do they make these moves and not worry about you coming for them.”

  “What makes you think they wouldn’t worry about you?”

  “True, but I could have another reason for traveling.”

  Studying his face, I saw Judd the enforcer, but he was more than just a killer these days.

  “What about Tawny? I asked, taking a swing and missing. “Fuck.”

  Glancing at Judd, I saw the newer Judd who was frowning.

  “Love’s a burden,” he muttered.

  “Your woman is a burden?”

  “I hold her life in my hands. I fuck up and it’s not just me that pays. My mom can live without me. She survives without Waylon in her life. She could go on if I was dead or wronged her. Tawny’s not Mom.”

  “She’s a tough broad. Tawny, I mean. Not that I think you should go blazing into Tucson and handle my issues, but Tawny isn’t the lost little girl she once was.”

  When Judd said nothing, I dodged the incoming pitch to walk to the gate. “What?” I asked when he just stared at his hands.

  “She’s still doing therapy and can go by herself now. She’s stronger in a million little ways, but I see this look on her face sometimes. I see that and I know. She’s not with me in Ellsberg. Her mind is back in the dark place and I feel her slipping away. Even with the meds and the shrink, my angel needs me to keep her strong. For me, it’s a burden, but one I can’t live without.”

  Normally, I would tell Judd that he was whipped and mock his lack of balls. Not this time. The look on his face wasn’t one I saw often. In that moment, I knew his angel held his life in her hands too. They only existed together and were useless apart.

  Out loud, I’d say they were idiots. Truth be told, I envied them. I wanted a woman for real. I wanted a specific woman, but I didn’t have a right to her. Raven needed a man who gave her hope. A man she could trust and I wasn’t that guy.

  “Fuck,” I said, leaving Judd to sulk. “If I don’t go there to kill them, they’ll come here to kill me. Doesn’t make sense to spill blood in Ellsberg.”

  “Leave it to Cooper,” Judd said quietly, his voice barely audible over the noise around us. “For a little while longer anyway.”

  “Not much longer. There are too many people here I need to protect.”

  Raven remained in my thoughts as we finished up at the cages. After Judd left to pick up Tawny from Farah’s house, I drove around town without a destination. Eventually, I stopped at the parking lot outside Big Bob’s Skating Center.

  Inside, Raven was training with her roller derby team. As much as I wanted to watch her, I remained outside. I thought about her husky voice and the way she smiled for me. The chick was tough. Thunderdome, roller derby, taking a shot at those assholes, she could handle a guy with my giant ego problems.

  Parked behind a van, I had enough cover to watch Raven leave the practice. Her blonde hair was tied up into a messy ponytail and she wore another tank top and shorts. Casually sexy, Raven was perfect. If I ever got the Devils thing dealt with, I was making her mine. At the very least, I was taking my stalking to the next level.

  Chapter Fifteen - Raven

  Even with the air conditioning on full blast, I was overheated and cranky. A long day in the sun with Bailey and Sawyer left them tanned and me crispy. Once I woke up from a nap to find my skin the shade of tomato, they babied me as much as possible. I’d relaxed in the hot tub while they coated my red face with lotion. As the moon appeared, I stumbled upstairs to pout alone.

  Staring at the TV, I wanted a cigarette. I wanted to call Lark and whine. I wanted to get Vaughn drunk and take advantage of him. This last image made me laugh. Even if I could maneuver his drunk ass up the stairs and into my bed, I was too sunburned to have him touch me.

  Hours later when I heard a knock at the door, I barely mustered up the strength to answer. Through the small front window, I found Vaughn leaning against the railing outside the apartment. He wore a wife beater and tight jeans that clung to his hard body. He clearly hadn’t shaved in days, looking rough and sexy as hell. In the light of the moon, I saw his wolf tats and imagined his warm skin under my touch.

  Opening the door, I stepped out then closed it behind me. “Stop by for a booty call?”

  Vaughn’s miserable expression made me w
ant to hug the jackass. Despite my urge to comfort him, I was angry that he ignored me for over a week then showed up looking to bang.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said in a pained voice.

  “What about?”

  “Remember the friends with benefits thing? I need you to be the friend part now.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Can we go inside?”

  “No.”

  “Why?” he asked as the muscles in his jaw twitched. “You got a fucking guy in there?”

  “Yeah and I’m not looking to do a three-way. Now, fuck off.”

  “You sure moved on quick.”

  “Oh, you haven’t fucked anyone since you ditched me?”

  Vaughn shrugged. “A few chicks, but they didn’t count. Besides, I used plenty of Purell.”

  “Eat shit, Vaughn. You have other friends. Go hassle them.”

  “I can’t talk to them about this,” Vaughn said and the tone of his voice startled me. “They would just say who gives a shit. They would give me the guy response and I need something else.”

  “Look, I’m busy,” I said, struggling to tell him no.

  Vaughn stared at me and I saw such pain in his eyes. “My mom is dying, Raven. I need you to tell me what to do.”

  Seeing Vaughn so vulnerable, like a kid rather than a man, I felt like someone punched me in the gut. Any strength I felt against him disappeared.

  “Come inside,” I said, pushing open the door.

  A second passed as Vaughn realized I’d been lying about another guy. I saw something shift in his expression. Whether feeling relief or male cockiness, he walked inside and sat on the couch. I got us two beers and joined him.

  “You’re all pink,” he said, rubbing my burned nose with his thumb.

  “What happened with your mom?”

  “My cousin Caleb likes to call and taunt me. Sometimes, he’ll text to say someone got married and how I never will because I’ll be dead soon. Just crap like that. Tonight, he called to tell me that I would outlive my mom.”

  Despite my need for separation, I took his hand. “What’s wrong with her?”

  “She’d had a heart attack years ago. Since then, she’s had problems off and on. Last night, she had another heart attack and they don’t think she’ll last much longer. Caleb said if I wanted to tell her goodbye that I needed to get my ass out there within the day.”

  “They’ll kill you though.”

  Looking like a little boy lost, Vaughn shrugged. “I know, but maybe I can tell her goodbye first.”

  “Or maybe they’ll kill you the minute you arrive. Are you sure your mom is really sick?”

  “Yeah, Caleb gave me the number to the hospital and had the doctor tell me my mom’s status.”

  Unable to say the right thing, I just caressed his hand and tried to ease his pain.

  Vaughn exhaled slowly. “For most of my life, it was just me and my mom. When she met Ted, things changed and I didn’t get to spend time with her. It was like she was an extension of him, but I never knew if that was what she wanted or if it was how things had to be with him. They’d known each other in high school then he blew her off. She bounced around from one loser to another until she had me. I know she was lonely, but I missed her when she ended up with Ted. I missed the old her anyway.”

  Vaughn turned to me and studied my face. “When I was little and would get scared because of gunshots or our neighbors were fighting, she would let me sleep in her bed. I knew she would die to protect me. I trusted her, but Ted ended that when they hooked up. I haven’t spoken to her since I left Tucson. This would be my last chance. Tell me what to do, Raven.”

  I felt pressure to say the right thing, but I didn’t know the answer. I only knew I didn’t want Vaughn to die.

  “Look, either your mom is a bitch who chose the club over her son or she’s the woman you remember from when you were growing up. If she’s that bitch, she doesn’t deserve you dying to say goodbye. If she’s the mom you love, she wouldn’t want you to die. A good mom would want you to live.”

  “It’s only a matter of time before I get killed. Some bastard was scouting my place today. So far, the idiots who’ve tried to kill me were sloppy. Eventually, someone with half a brain will make a move. Why not just end this shit and do it on my terms.”

  “It’s not on your terms though. They’re setting you up and you might not get to see your mom anyway. Also, think about Kirk and Cooper. They did a lot to protect you all these years. If you let the Devils kill you, all their work would be for nothing.”

  Vaughn stared at me then whispered, “But it’s my mom.”

  Wiping angrily at my eyes, I knelt next to him and pulled him against me.

  “You’re breaking my fucking heart, Vaughn,” I said, stroking his cheek. “I know you love her and want to say goodbye, but no words will ever show her how you feel. If she loves you half as much as you love her, she’ll know how you feel. In your heart, you know the real her too.”

  Vaughn wrapped his arms around my waist and I flinched without thinking. He frowned up at me like a rejected child.

  “I’m burned all over,” I said, kissing his forehead. “I’m sorry I can’t give you better advice. I just don’t think you should go.”

  “Judd would say the same thing, but he’d tell me I was a fucking idiot for even considering it.”

  Caressing his face, I wished to take away his pain. “What’s your mom’s name?”

  “Michelle,” he said, giving me a little smile. “She has dimples.”

  For the next hour, we drank too much beer while Vaughn told me about his mom. How she had tiny feet and a goofy laugh. How she liked his hair long and nicknamed him Hippy. How he loved when she sang to him even though she had a horrible voice and never got the words right. By the time he told me about how his mom nearly choked to death on gum while they played Twister, I was drunk off my ass. Vaughn probably wasn’t, but I didn’t know or care.

  He helped me stumble into the bedroom where I peeled off my clothes then tried to find a comfortable position with my tender skin. Dozing off, I thought Vaughn left, but something startled me enough to turn around. He stood next to the bed, looking lost again.

  “No sex,” I mumbled. “If you want to stay tonight, I wouldn’t say no. I just can’t have you rubbing against my skin.”

  Vaughn said nothing. He only stared so I turned back and closed my eyes. A few minutes passed before I felt the bed shift and he settled in behind me. Once the sheet was over us, Vaughn nuzzled my hair. He cuddled just behind me, but never touched me enough to cause any pain.

  I fell asleep smiling at how careful the big hunk could be. My dream wasn’t as happy. Vaughn was missing and I was driving around town looking for him. I kept crashing my jeep and my mom was in the backseat yelling at me. When I woke, I still felt the panic of losing him.

  Glancing back, I found Vaughn awake. He was thinking about his dying mom and a million other painful things. I turned over to face him and he gave me a weak smile. We watched each other for a few minutes then I asked what my groggy mind was wondering.

  “Did you miss me?” I whispered.

  Vaughn studied my face then nodded.

  “Why didn’t you at least text me?” I whispered when he said nothing.

  His thumb caressed my lower lip as he exhaled heavily. “I couldn’t tell you what I wanted to tell you, so I didn’t say anything at all.”

  Placing a hand against his chest, I felt the rough hairs and warm skin.

  “I understand,” I told him while cuddling closer. “I missed you too.”

  Vaughn cupped my face with his strong hand. “Your skin is tender.”

  Straddling him, I winced at the pain, but I didn’t stop. He was so beautiful and I’d missed him so much. Most of all, I didn’t know how much more time we had together.

  “Let’s pretend,” I murmured into his ear. Vaughn watched me like he was lost and I offered him the way home. “The world outside this be
d doesn’t exist. Everything before and everything that’s waiting to happen can’t touch us. There’s only you and me.”

  Even in the darkness, I saw the tenderness in his smile. “A world with just you and me sounds good, sugar.”

  Leaning down, I kissed him tenderly. Vaughn felt strong and powerful, but he was so careful all night. None of the hard fast fucking that we normally shared. Gently, he filled me again and again until we were blinded to everything ugly in the world. It was only us.

  Chapter Sixteen - Vaughn

  The phone sat nearby taunting me while I played house with Raven. I kept waiting for it to ring. Until it did and Caleb told me Mom was gone, I struggled with the urge to fly to Tucson and say goodbye to her and my life.

  Raven did everything she could to keep me distracted. She walked around naked, claiming her skin was too tender for clothes. It wasn’t too tender for me though and I spent hours tasting the burned skin. When I had Raven in my arms, I could forget about Tucson. When I was inside her, I could think of the now in Ellsberg. When she said my name, I didn’t imagine my mother asking for me.

  When she was away from me though, the urge to return to Tucson and face my fate was too strong to deny. Once I even headed for the door, but Raven jumped on my back.

  “I’m so horny,” she purred in my ear. “If you fuck me, I’ll let you call me another dumbass nickname.”

  Laughing and aroused, how could I tell her no? The girl knew how to get my mind off my past, but it took a toll on both of us. At one point while I stared at the baseball game and thought about the time my mom took me to a game, Raven handed me an ice pack for my crotch. As she reclined on the couch, she placed a hot water bottle on her pussy.

  “I think I’m fucked out,” she said, grinning at me. “After dinner though, I’m going to strip for you.”

  “You’ve been naked all day,” I mumbled, tossing the ice pack back in the kitchen and crawling to the couch. “I’ve seen it.”