by J. E. Taylor
Rob was silent. “Maybe you should tell him.”
“Why would I want to do that?” I gasped.
“Isn’t facing your attacker one of the ways to put something to rest?”
“You’ve watched too many episodes of Hill Street Blues,” I said and he laughed.
“Still, if he doesn’t get that he did something wrong, someone should tell him so he doesn’t do it to another girl.”
His logic was maddening and dead on, but I wasn’t sure I was the girl for the job.
“He was beat to hell,” I whispered.
“Good,” Rob answered almost immediately. His fierce tone made me sigh and smile at the same time.
“Forever my protector?”
He laughed. “I guess.”
“Thank you.” I sniffled. “I need to try to get some sleep.”
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“Bye.”
I hung up the phone and before I had a chance to roll back in place, it rang again.
“Did you forget to tell me something?” I asked with a laugh.
Silence and then a throat cleared. “Hi, Jamie.”
His voice. Shit. I couldn’t form a syllable, never mind a word.
“I need to talk to you,” he added, when I didn’t speak. “In person.”
That drew a sarcastic laugh. “Why?”
“Because my best friend just beat the shit out of me, and I don’t know why beyond the fact it had something to do with you.”
I lay quietly staring at the ceiling. My internal debate tampered with Rob’s words. “I work tomorrow at four. I’ll be there at three-thirty.”
“Where do you work?”
I told him, against every screaming fiber and then I hung up the phone and wrapped my arms around my body before the shakes overtook my entire form.
I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR frame and Mr. Henry looked up from his desk. The minute I walked into the school, I headed for his office.
“Do you have some time today?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady, but I didn’t succeed.
Instead of looking at his calendar, he just waved to the chair and I took it. He stood and closed the door, sliding into the seat next to me.
“What happened?” He didn’t pussy foot around, he knew me well enough by now to know I was rattled.
“Eric stopped by the house yesterday and my dad told him to leave. Then he called me last night. His best friend beat him up and he wants to know why.” Words tumbled from my mouth like holding them in any longer would destroy me.
His hands reached out and clasped mine. I hadn’t realized I was shaking until his steady grip held my hands still. When I met his gaze, he said, “You will be all right.”
I laughed and pulled my hands free. “I agreed to talk to him today. I highly doubt I’ll be all right.” I swiped at the wetness claiming my eyes. “Everything I was afraid of happened when I saw him.” The admission rocked me more than voicing my fears had.
Mr. Henry slowly sat back in the chair. “Why did you agree to see him?”
“Because my friend said, if he doesn’t know what he did, maybe I should tell him.”
Mr. Henry’s eyebrows rose in contemplation. “That might not be a bad thing, but it depends on where you’re meeting him.”
“I’m meeting him in the parking lot where I work. I didn’t want to agree to see him anywhere but a public place. I’m not that stupid.”
He smiled. “Smart girl. Promise me you will not get into an enclosed space with him.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“Talk in the open, away from the doors of his vehicle and near enough to where people are, so if he does something drastic, you can call for help.”
“Drastic? What would he do that was drastic?”
“You need to be prepared for anything.”
The way he said it shot my paranoia indicator through the roof, and made me question the sanity of my decision.
“If he truly doesn’t understand what he did, then it is a good idea for you to let him know what he did wasn’t acceptable.”
I gave another nod and my eyes dropped to my hands.
“My concern is if he does know what he did.” Mr. Henry locked his gaze with mine. “That could put you in danger even in a public place.”
My physical welfare wasn’t my greatest worry. I was more concerned over my mental state, which right now was rocky at best, but I gave him a nod, acknowledging the fact that I might be in mortal danger if Eric was that unstable.
Deep down, I didn’t believe he would hurt me on purpose, and I prayed like hell that my instinct was right.
Silence Chapter 29
I pulled into the parking lot and my heart leaped into my throat. Eric was already there, straddling his bike, so I could cross the threat of being pulled into his car off the list. I pulled in next to him and took a deep breath. Without hesitating, I climbed out of the car and locked the vehicle before turning towards him.
I leaned against the driver’s side door, cursing the fact my legs were shaking.
He pulled off his helmet and propped it on his lap, meeting my gaze before he engaged the kickstand.
“You look good,” he said and I kept quiet. He swung his leg over the seat and stood but before he could approach me, I put my hand up, stopping him. He propped his helmet on the bike and shoved his hands in his pocket.
I studied the bruise on his face before meeting his questioning gaze.
“I miss you,” he whispered.
“You don’t have a clue what you did, do you?”
His eyes blinked rapidly as he tried to figure it all out. “What did you say to Sam?” he asked instead of answering my question.
“I told him the truth.”
He crossed his arms and dropped his gaze. “About everything?”
“Yes. Including the fact you raped me.”
His mouth dropped open and his arms dropped to his side and he stared at me with that incredulous expression that clinched the fact he didn’t realize what had happened. In some ways, that made me feel better, but in others, it just yanked at the heartstrings still attached.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I said no. Several times.”
He blinked again, his eyes darting everywhere but at me, and when they landed on me, they filled with the heavy truth and he looked truly horrified.
“You always promised you would stop when I said I didn’t want to go farther. That night you didn’t stop, and I was saying no. I even tried to push you away as you...” I couldn’t finish and I dropped my gaze to the ground.
Silence blanketed the space between us, and I blinked the mist out of my eyes, gaining control over the conflicted swirl in my core. I had to lock my legs in place so I didn’t step into his arms, like every fiber of my being demanded.
I looked back at him. “You nearly destroyed me.”
His hand covered his mouth and tears built in his grey-blue eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he said from behind his hand, and I think he meant it, but it wasn’t enough to ever let him back into my life.
“I should go.” I started to turn away.
“Jamie?” The question in his voice pulled my gaze to his. He couldn’t quite form the words, but I got it from the plea in his eyes. He wanted another chance to make up for all the hurt he caused.
I responded with a slow shake of my head. “Goodbye, Eric.” There was no leeway in my tone.
I turned and walked toward the building without a glance back.
Silence Chapter 30
Before I even knocked, Mr. Henry was on his feet, his face painted with concern and I smiled. Relief settled into his features and he waved me to the chair.
“He didn’t have a clue,” I said as Mr. Henry closed the door.
He took a seat and exhaled, like he had been holding his breath since yesterday.
“A little worried?” I raised an eyebrow.
He laughed and gave me an open shrug. “J
ust a little. Especially after what happened to that other girl recently.”
My amused smile dropped thinking about Corey’s ex. For the first time since I heard the news, the sadness of her death bled in. Now I understood Mr. Henry’s hesitation and warnings yesterday. I just never connected the dots. “Yeah. I knew Sherry; she was sweet and didn’t deserve to die. You know, he asked me out before he started dating her.”
His eyebrows rose.
I shrugged. “I guess I dodged a bullet there.”
He didn’t smile at that analogy, instead he leveled that soul reading gaze in my direction, the one that always seemed to be able to pull the words from my deepest hurt and I clenched my jaw at the sudden flurry that encompassed me.
“He didn’t know,” I shrugged. “And he apologized.” I blinked the hotness from my eyes, hell bent on not resorting to tears. “He looked completely horrified and equally devastated.”
“And that surprises you?”
I nodded. “I always assumed he knew exactly what he was doing, and meant to destroy me like that. Thinking he knew what he was doing made it easier for me to hate him. He did a lot of calculated things, but I’m no longer sure what happened that night was preplanned.” I sighed. “It sucks that I don’t know if he was sincere yesterday, or just trying to cover his ass.”
I glanced down at my hands folded in my lap.
“He said he missed me,” I whispered and that shattered the wall. My shoulders shook with the silent sobs, tears escaped like a river, because I missed him, too. I missed the days before I found out about his dirty secret, the days before he thoughtlessly took my virginity. The laughs, the fun, and the way he looked at me, even the way he touched me.
“I missed him, too.” The verbal admission in this safe environment was enough for me to choke on. Mr. Henry sat patiently waiting for me to speak again, and when I got my shit together enough to continue, I met Mr. Henry’s gaze.
“I think he was hoping to try to get back together,” I said and took the handkerchief Mr. Henry offered. “But no matter how much I missed what we had, and even if I could figure out a way to forgive him, I will never get over the extent of his fuck ups.”
I wiped my face dry. “And there would never be a time I would trust him.”
Mr. Henry offered me a smile of support.
“So, I said goodbye.” And with that, I folded my hands in my lap, my tell that I was done speaking.
He nodded acknowledgement. “I am proud of you.”
The lump formed in my throat again because I didn’t feel worthy of his praise. “Thanks.”
I WALKED OUT OF MR. Henry’s office feeling lighter than I had in months. When I crossed into the courtyard, Rob’s gaze found mine and he moved toward me, ignoring whatever conversation he had been in.
No words were passed, and I welcomed his arms as they wrapped around me.
“You need to get out of here?”
I looked up at him and smiled. I didn’t need to, but I wanted to. “I could use a ride and some fresh air,” I said and we slid out to the car. I knew there would be hell to pay, but I really didn’t care, I wanted to lounge in the warm sun. Not to avoid life, but to embrace it for the first time in years.
We pulled into Henry Park after grabbing donuts and soda and I got out of the car, grabbing our mini-breakfast and hoofed it to the tower. Rob followed and stopped at the stairwell as I climbed up the five stories to the top.
I was out of breath as I stood looking over the valley, waiting for Rob. He arrived a minute later, equally out of breath.
“We need to quit smoking,” he said, leaning against the wall, huffing and cracking open his soda. He chugged it down, and after he’d drained the last drop, he let out a giant burp that echoed in the stone building.
“That’s attractive,” I said and grinned, before I downed my soda and did the same.
“Such a lady,” he said through a mouthful of donut.
We laughed. Whether we were laughing at each other or with each other, I wasn’t sure and I really didn’t care. Laughing with my friend was exactly the medicine I needed.
STRETCHED OUT ON THE grass, we watched the clouds drift above us.
“So, are you going to tell me what happened yesterday?”
I shrugged.
He propped himself up on his side and his hand landed innocently on my stomach. His intense eyes met mine, prying without words.
“He didn’t know, and he apologized.”
“Do you think he was bullshitting you?”
I thought about it and slowly shook my head. “No. He was hoping to patch things up.”
Rob’s eyes dropped and he slowly lay back on the grass. His expression thoughtful, yet unapproachable at the same time, as if he was shoring up his walls for bad news. “Does that mean...”
“No,” I said, cutting him off before he could finish the question and he glanced at me, surprise etched into his features. “I haven’t forgotten everything he did. Even if his feelings had been genuine, there is no way back from what he did, and there’s nothing he could ever do to make me trust him.” I offered a forced smile. “A relationship can’t exist without trust.”
Rob’s eyes closed and a slow sigh escaped. When he turned his gaze in my direction, he sent me the softest of smiles, like I had just said the right thing for once. “I thought maybe something... happened.”
“Why?”
“Because that light’s back in your eyes. “You’re almost that girl again.”
“Almost?” I teased, but I knew exactly what he was saying. I felt more like myself than I had in years. I guess spilling my soul on Mr. Henry’s floor actually had more benefit than I gave him credit for. It lightened the load and lifted the darkness.
Half his lip curved. “Almost.” He leaned in, and the kiss reminded me of the one in my neighborhood, except this time, I pulled him closer and the kiss transcended. His tongue played with mine, teasing, tantalizing, and when he pulled away from me, the effects burned in his irises, like a blue flame dancing along a log before it fades into the wood.
“If you keep kissing me like that, I won’t be able to be just your friend.” The seriousness in his gaze made my smile fade. “And you’re graduating soon,” he added, like that was the worst thing in the world.
I knew where he was going with this conversation. He was shoring up his heart like I had done for so long. I understood, and I reached up, cupping his cheek as we stared at each other. The debate of friends versus something more raged in his eyes as much as it raged in my heart.
I trusted him to treat me with kindness and care. I trusted him with my secrets. I trusted him more than any other guy in my life except for my father. But could I trust him with my heart?
I ran my thumb over his cheek and then gently traced his lips with my finger before meeting his gaze. I couldn’t help it, I pulled him back to my lips. He sighed and gave in when my tongue swiped his.
The scent of fresh cut grass drifted around us and his hand slid under my shirt, cupping my breast and I didn’t stop him. His touch felt natural and right and when his thumb ran softly over the flesh at the edge of my bra, it sent a thrilling tingle through me. The gentleness of his touch warmed me more than the sun, and this time when he parted from my lips, he dipped to the V of my shirt, tasting my flesh before running his tongue up the side of my neck.
I shivered and he chuckled, taking my earlobe between his lips. His nibbling tickled and I squirmed under his teasing touch. He pulled away and gave my breast a soft squeeze before he removed his hand from under my shirt and sat up.
I straightened my clothing and sat up as well, giving him a sideways smile.
He waved at our surroundings. “Public place.”
I smirked.
“I don’t think the parks and rec department would be too happy with me if I stripped your shirt and sucked your tits in the wide open, no matter how much I want to.”
I started to laugh and he waggled his eyebrows at me.
He stared out over the valley, and his smile faded. “I’m not sure this will work.” His statement hung on the air along with his sigh, and he folded his arms over his knees, glancing at me. “God knows I’ve loved you for years, and I will probably be beating myself up tomorrow, but let’s just say I value what we have enough not to fuck it up, and we both know I would.”
I bit my lip and mist flared in my eyes, but it wasn’t born of betrayal. This was more a reflection of truth and relief that whatever happened I wouldn’t lose my dearest friend.
His hand threaded through mine and he squeezed. I squeezed back.
“I’ve settled for this ‘friends with benefits’ thing for far too long. To the point the friend part is more important than any of the benefits. Don’t get me wrong, you can still fire me up to the point of insanity, and I gotta be honest, I still want to sleep with you, but...” He met my gaze and brought my hand to his lips. “But I want you to be happy.”
I scrunched my eyebrows in his direction. “You don’t think you can make me happy?”
He stared at me for a second too long.
“I’m too damaged,” I whispered and before I could drop my gaze, he grabbed my chin, holding me in place and forcing me to look at him.
Rob slowly shook his head, holding my gaze. “No. You are beautiful, and everything I’ve ever wanted, but I’m man enough to admit kissing you isn’t enough for me. A year ago, I would have jumped at the chance to date you. But we weren’t as close as we are now. If we started dating now, I’d want more, and we both know you aren’t ready for that. I know myself well enough to know I’d end up being a real dick about it, too. I’m not patient and I’m kind of a sex hound, in case you hadn’t noticed.” He gave me a shoulder shrug and a twist of a grin. “I’d ruin whatever this is that we have right now, and I know this is what you value the most.”
I could always count on Rob for telling it like it is and that’s why I loved him. He knew how to cut through the bullshit and get right to the heart of the matter. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right and I squeezed his hand.