by B. L. Berry
“Oh, God.”
Simon quickens his pace, sucking and licking and nipping my body with his teeth over and over again. The struggle to move is matched by his need to control me.
And before I know it, he’s pushed me to the brink of insanity. My head rolls back onto the pillow and I see … no, I actually feel stars.
Simon slows his tongue as I continue to writhe under his gentle and methodical touch. He knows how to love me tender. But frankly, as much as I adore the tenderness, I want it rough.
“Elyse, if I don’t have you right now I’m going to explode.” And as if he reads my mind, he flips me over and pushes me forward so my chest is flat on the bed.
I barely have a moment to come down from the high I just experienced. So I arch my back and buck my hips subtly underneath him. Simon swiftly crawls up my body and holds his weight above me. I look over my shoulder and watch him as he studies my face.
“Simon,” I whisper, nodding my head in invitation.
His eyes scan my exposed back and he grabs a condom from the drawer of my bedside table. He kicks off his pants and boxers and makes quick work of the foil wrapper. I roll to my side and fervently stroke his long cock. With heated eyes, he presses me back down into the mattress and positions himself between my thighs before pushing inside my body. Simon pauses as I adjust to his length then leans down, kissing my back before sinking his teeth into my shoulder.
Pain and pleasure sear my body. Driven by need, we don’t bother going slow. My untempered heat clashing against his leaves me breathless. Our pace is uninhibited. Animalistic, even.
I meet Simon thrust for thrust and watch him over my shoulder. With a kitten smile upon my lips, I purr at his skilled touch. Little does he know there’s a feral lioness harbored deep inside waiting to pounce on her prey.
“What?” he asks, looking down at me inquisitively. “Why are you smiling?”
With all of my strength, I buck my hips and flip him off of my back. He softly laughs in surprise and I crawl up his body, straddling his lap. Simon groans and rests his hands behind his head as I lower myself onto him.
“Fuck,” he gasps. As I rock back and forth against his body, we start to moan and pant in time. He bites his lip as he watches me from his hooded eyes. “Touch yourself.”
The intensity in which he watches me is such a turn on. “Only if you’re touching me, too.” I bring his hands up to my breasts, giving them a little squeeze before I let go and bring them to my clit.
“Jesus, your body is incredible, Elyse. You look so beautiful riding my cock.”
Simon slides his hands from my breasts down to my hips and I toss my head back and moan. He guides my body, controlling the pace, bringing me closer and closer to relief.
“Fuck, I’m close.”
It doesn’t take long before he seizes underneath me and I collapse on top of him in a breathless mess of sensation.
“Wow.” His hot breath against the sheen of sweat on my neck sends a chill up my spine.
I feel satisfied and I feel used. Used in the same way you love your favorite novel. You read it over and over and over again until the spine is broken and the glue unhinges, causing the pages to spill out onto the floor in a hopeless mess. But the love from this man is different from Jason. Jason allegedly loved me to the point of carelessness and has now left me in pieces. But Simon loves me hard and fierce.
We clean ourselves up and I curl against his body underneath the light bed sheet. Sweat is sexy and all, but it’s too damn hot for the comforter.
“Stay right here.” Simon kisses my forehead and quickly jumps out of bed. I admire his perfectly muscular backside as he dashes into the other room momentarily before returning with a rich black leather box. He gives me that lazy boyish smile I’ve come to love so much and I can’t help but notice the confident glint in his eye. I prop myself up on my elbow and examine the box he’s placed on the bed between us.
“Simon …” My voice trails off. I recognize the packaging instantly from daydreaming and window shopping up and down the streets of North Michigan Avenue during my college years. It’s Bvlgari. And whatever secret Simon has kept inside this box is nothing short of luxurious, and absolutely too much. Way too much. Whatever is inside that box … it’s just too soon.
My heart slams against my ribcage and I know he can hear the hitch in my breathing. I lift my gaze to meet his, to tell him that I can’t move this fast, but the words never arrive. I simply stare at him, alit with panic and mouth agape.
“I know what you’re thinking but I want you to have it. You deserve it.” He reaches out and takes my hand in his. I adjust myself so I’m sitting on the bed to face him, the delicate bed sheet wrapped around my body. “You actually deserve so much more than this, Elyse. But the instant I saw this I thought of you. There was no way I couldn’t not get it for you.”
He squeezes my hand and I gently squeeze back, finding the exchange reassuring. Most girls would be over the moon to receive jewelry. And knowing his history and how sure he is of us, I can’t bring myself to turn his gift down.
“Go on, open it.” His excitement is palpable and I give a shy smile before letting go of his hand.
The box is encased in the softest leather my fingertips have ever graced.
Slowly, I lift the lid and I’m taken aback by the beautiful sapphire necklace edged with dozens of sparkly diamonds. “I … I can’t accept this, Simon. It’s too much.” I take his hand and place the box in his palm. This is far too expensive.
“Stop that. You can and you will.” Simon offers me a megawatt smile that incinerates any doubts I just had. Carefully he takes the necklace out of the box and unclasps it. I swing my long knotted blonde locks over my shoulder and shift on the bed so my back is toward him. He presses his lips softly to the back of my neck.
“This is exactly where it’s meant to be. Where I’m meant to be.” With care, he brings the delicate gold chain up and over my neck, securing it at the perfect length. The charm falls just above my breasts and the sapphire and diamonds catch the light perfectly, sparkling brilliantly across the room.
“You are my sun, Elyse. I don’t know how it happened, or when, but my every waking thought revolves around you. You shine brilliantly and keep me centered. Focused. When I’m with you, I know that everything is as it should be.”
I turn to face him, speechless.
I want to tell him that if I’m his sun, he’s my moon guiding me out of the darkness. But it all feels trite in comparison and I don’t want to let him in on just how deeply Jason cut me.
My eyes shift from Simon to the jewels around my neck and then back to Simon again. When I finally speak, my voice is soft and unsure.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything, Elyse.” Silence lingers between us, but he sits there admiring me, making me feeling beautiful. “You know, my father once told me you could never truly touch a woman if you only use your hands.” He looks at me knowingly and I can’t help but smile, thinking of all the ways he’s touched me physically, emotionally and every way in between.
“I never really understood what he meant until just now. Although I think he had it all backward because, without ever lifting a finger, you have touched me in ways I’ve never imagined possible.”
And just like that, I want to surrender myself to him in every way imaginable. “Well, your father sounds like he was a very smart man.”
“He was. And he would have loved you.” Simon reaches out and brushes a loose strand of hair from my eyes and I pull myself closer to his chest.
We forget about dinner reservations. We forget about plans.
And I manage to ignore any reservations I’ve ever had about us.
Ten
Ninety-Three Million Miles
The blare of my ringtone cuts through my dream like a hot knife through butter. Which is unfortunate because I was flying. Literally flying ten thousand feet in the air, catching the cold air
in between my fingertips. The feeling was exhilarating. Like the first death defying drop of a roller coaster where your heart leaps into your throat. Or the moment you realize how much richer your life is when he’s around. It is all rather reminiscent of the rush that flooded my body when I opened the Bvlgari box and set my eyes on that ridiculous sapphire for the first time.
Either way, it’s a pity it was only a dream.
I snatch my phone off the nightstand and answer it in a groggy, annoyed groan. If it’s Olivia needing a ride, she’s just going to have to call a cab, expenses be damned.
“Elyse…” His breath is shaky and his voice cracks at my name.
“Simon?” I sit up panicked and look across the room to see it’s nearly twelve thirty in the morning. “Is everything all right?”
“I just … I’m sorry for calling so late. I’ve had a really shitty day and I’d really like to see you.”
I smile inwardly that he finds comfort in my presence but hate that he sounds so broken. “You’re back in town?” I know he’s traveling for work. At least he’s supposed to be.
“Yeah, my assignment got cut short. My plane landed a little bit ago. I was planning to surprise you in the morning but after everything that’s gone down today, I don’t want to wait that long. Can I come over?”
My heart seizes at his request. My dad used to tell me that no good phone calls came after midnight. Now that I’m older, I know that late night calls are either to inform me of someone’s death or are of the booty variety. And while I’d like to think we’re beyond that stage in our relationship, you just can’t be sure.
“If I had known you were getting back early, I could have picked you up at the airport, babe.”
“I know, I’m sorry I didn’t let you know sooner. I just didn’t want to interfere with any plans you had made.”
“It’s okay. The only thing I had planned was dinner with Olivia and she wasn’t feeling well, so I’ve been laying low all night.”
“So is that a yes?”
“Of course it’s a yes. Come on over.” I can’t hide the smile in my voice.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. Do you still have the key I made you?” With him coming and going so often with work, it just made sense. It’s not like I’ve invited him to move in with me or anything.
“Yeah,” he barely whispers.
“Just be sure to use the chain lock once you get in.”
“Okay, I’ll see you soon.”
“Sounds good. Bye, babe.” I place my cell phone back on my nightstand and walk through my dark apartment to unhinge the chain and retreat back to my pillow before it has a chance to cool.
I must have fallen back asleep quickly because I wake to the weight of Simon sitting down on the edge of my bed. I roll over to face him with a sleepy grin but he doesn’t reciprocate. Instead, he steps out of his charcoal sweatpants and pulls his navy NYU shirt up and over his head, then discards it to the floor before pulling back the covers to join me.
The heat of his body electrifies my insides as he wordlessly curls up beside me, his sadness slowly giving way to relief.
“Hi, you,” I whisper into the darkness.
“Hi,” he whispers back.
I sit up to give him a soft kiss, but I’m taken aback when I catch his red, swollen eye in the glow from the streetlight streaming through the curtains. A dark circle has formed, bruising all the way to his upper cheek.
“Oh my god! What happened?” He looks like absolute hell. Simon winces as I brush my fingers over his skin. My eyes search his face for answers, but none come and he says nothing. “Did you get in a fight?”
He grimaces, then takes my hand in his and pulls me toward him. I lie down next to him, wrapping my arms loosely around his waist. I don’t want to inadvertently bring him more pain.
“I don’t want to get into details but I had a disagreement with one of the photographers I was traveling with. It escalated quickly and he threw a punch when I wasn’t expecting it. I’ll be okay but you should see him. The ass didn’t stand a chance against me.” He laughs a low, empty, lifeless laugh.
But this isn’t funny.
“Let me grab you an ice pack.” I crawl out of bed and pad to the kitchen. When I get back to the room, his hands are covering his face.
“A bag of frozen peas is the best I could do.” I wrap the frozen vegetables in a tea towel and gentle touch his face. He winces at the contact. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Simon shuts his eyes tight and subtly shakes his head. He says nothing for a few moments, but I’m pretty sure he wants to let me in. His breathing levels out and just when I think he fell asleep, his voice fills the void between us.
“He said something about Carrie.”
“Carrie?” My heart falls.
“Yeah, my wife. Her name was Carolyn, but everyone called her Carrie.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.” Though I’m not entirely sure what I’m apologizing for.
“He alluded to fucking her corpse and giving her a more powerful orgasm than she ever had when she was alive.” I blanch at his comment. “I retaliated with some colorful commentary of my own and his best comeback was his fist.”
“That’s horrible!” I gasp, feeling my heart fray at the seams.
He says something I can barely hear but then reaches out and thumbs the necklace he gave me, examining it thoughtfully. “You’re wearing it.”
I wish he didn’t sound so surprised. And truthfully, I haven’t taken it off since he gave it to me.
“Of course I’m wearing it. It makes me feel closer to you when you’re not around.”
The ends of his lips curl up genuinely with ease and he lifts his hand to tilt my chin toward him. Without hesitation, Simon kisses me like the fate of the entire universe depends on it. But instead, the entire universe slips away as we lose ourselves in each other.
Our lips move in time for minutes, maybe hours. There are no wandering hands or insinuations for sex, but each time his lips touch mine, a riot stirs deep within my heart. I’m not hungry for his love. I’m starving for it. I’ve endured twenty-seven years without a love this intense and I’m going to savor every last second of it from now until the end of time.
When he finally pulls away, his eyes speak volumes of need and desire until he closes them, pressing his forehead against mine. “I needed that, Elyse. Thank you.”
I lace my fingers in between his and bring our joined hands up over my heart. “And I need you … right here.”
Simon softly sighs and we settle into each other, my curves molding perfectly into the lines of his body. Neither of us move, knowing we are exactly where we are meant to be. He holds me in his arms until we both fall back into sleep’s painless embrace and whatever troubles we both carried throughout the day disappear.
In the wake of emotion, my heart fills with bliss. I remember his words to me … you are my sun, Elyse. I can tell he loves me in the same way the sun loves the horizon in the morning. Warmly and brightly, lighting up the darkest of moments with a fire so bright, over and over and over again.
My eyes flutter open to the morning light streaking through the blinds and out over my bed. The sunlight has traveled ninety-three million miles to illuminate his handsome face in this single moment. This moment that I am certain I’ll never forget.
Silently, I roll over and watch the gentle rise and fall of Simon’s chest. He’s beautiful and at peace. Simon doesn’t stir when I curl up against him, placing my ear over his chest. Whatever loneliness I felt up until this point slips away as his heartbeat breathes life back into my soul. Simon may be asleep, but he’s not sleeping. Without even knowing it, he is holding my entire world together. I don’t want to know what life is without him.
I absentmindedly trace my index finger over the lines of his stomach ever so lightly, careful not to wake him. My heart sees him with unrivaled clarity. The same way the impossible seems possible the precise moment the sun crests the horizon, welc
oming a new day. A clean slate. A fresh start. A second chance at what I deserve.
One man.
One hundred thousand feelings.
In fact he may be my most favorite feeling of all.
I still my fingers and rest my palm on his stomach, realizing I’ve just etched heart after heart on his skin. My subconscious knows what I’m too terrified to say aloud.
And it’s in this moment I finally realize it.
I’ve fallen in love with this man.
Eleven
A Sorta Meeting
“I’m so sorry I’m late!” I pant as I pull out the metal bistro chair and slide onto the cushion, tucking my floral skirt underneath my legs.
“It’s fine.” Olivia downs the last of her mimosa and signals the waiter for three more. She leans over to give me a hug in true Olivia fashion.
Olivia looks around, surprised to see me alone. “Is Simon parking the car?”
“He couldn’t make it. His editor called this morning and he has to cover a story down in Tampa. The guy who was supposed to be writing the piece on the new stadium fell ill, so they sent Simon instead.”
Olivia purses her lips, clearly displeased.
“I figured you’d be mad.”
“No, I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.”
Me, too. “We both figured you would be. So …” I fish my phone out of my purse, find his name on my contact list, hit dial and set it to speakerphone, then place it in the middle of the table.
She gives me a confused look.
“Hey, baby. I miss you already.” Simon’s voice croons through the phone.
“I miss you, too.”
“Is Olivia with you?”
“Hi, Simon,” Olivia chirps dryly.
“Hello, Olivia. I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it this morning.”