Everyone else still worked at the other end of the garden. The two of them stood alone, in their own little bubble. Her breath caught.
“We should run together,” he said. “I go out on Sunday before church, around nine thirty. A few laps around The Meadows. If you feel like it any time, just meet me there. Tomorrow?”
“I’d love that.” The words slipped out before she could stop them, and she nearly slapped her hand over her mouth. “I mean, I love to run, though I’m more a sprinter than a distance runner. What I’d really like is to drive out to Portobello and run on the beach.” The hurried correction with far too much explanation didn’t sound convincing, though it happened to be true. “But we’re going home from the early service then, and I couldn’t leave Mum.”
“Maybe once she’s better you can?”
If only. She said nothing, just gave a tiny shake of her head.
“What’s going on, Sarah? Every time I ask you to do something with me, you refuse.” His voice stayed gentle, but his sharp gaze lacerated her. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you wanted to avoid me.”
Her heart hiccupped.
Fraser had no way of knowing how she longed to run with him. She longed to accept his offer of help. She could sink into his strong arms and let him share all her troubles. But it wasn’t an option, and he hadn’t offered anyway.
Just silly girly dreams and a sleepless night talking. She knew better. Letting herself see more of Fraser would only cause heartache.
She looked away. “Nothing’s wrong. I told you, I’ll be taking Mum home from church.”
He took a step back, and his expression hardened. “Come on, Sarah. You owe me a straight answer. We get on well together. You’re interested in sports and outdoor things like I am. You must know I want the chance to spend more time with you and get to know you better. If the answer will always be no, say so now, and I’ll stop asking.”
Help me, Lord. Make me strong enough to say no.
“I feel as if you only want to date me so we can go running and crag hopping together. All the outdoor stuff you love. What if I wasn’t able to run or even walk? Would you still want to date me then?”
“But you can run.” His brows pulled together in a puzzled frown. “Shared interests are important. I don’t know if I’d choose to get involved with a girl who couldn’t do those things. They’re a big part of my life.”
“You want a straight answer; I’ll give you one.” The pain of not being the girl Fraser thought she was vibrated through her. She practically spat the words out. “You want a girlfriend who can do what you enjoy, but God gives us no guarantees. You could date an Olympic gold medallist, only to have her crippled by illness or a car accident. I’ve seen the way you’re great with the able-bodied kids, but back off from the ones who aren’t.”
Fraser crossed his arms with an exasperated snort. “I’m well aware life has no guarantees. And I’ve done my share of helping out with special needs. Didn’t Cat tell you our older brother Brodie has cerebral palsy?”
Sarah loosed a long shuddering breath. She’d made a fool of herself, saying more than she should.
“I’m guessing your mother is sicker than you’ve said?” His voice softened.
Throat closing, she nodded.
No more questions. The answers hurt too much, and she didn’t want Fraser’s interest to turn to pity.
Clearing her throat, she wiped her dirty palms on her jeans. “Let’s see if those hoses behave better now. Otherwise I’ll lose the argument with everyone who said straight lines would be better.” Before he could reply, she scurried away.
So she was a coward. She hadn’t told him any of the truth. But Fraser just proved she’d been right with all her reasons not to let herself have feelings for him. She wasn’t the sort of girl he wanted. She had to stop whatever was developing between them. Stop it now.
They’d work together for the next few months. That’s all.
Nothing more.
Maybe if she kept repeating it, she’d begin believing it.
Chapter Five
Fraser let Sarah go. He wouldn’t try to hold her or push her for more of an answer.
It didn’t stop him remembering the longing he’d heard in her voice, how much she wanted to run with him. Thinking of the way she’d swayed toward him when he caught her, then forced herself straight. Or knowing that though she’d been angry, she hadn’t said a definite no.
He’d guessed right. Her mother had something more than a temporary illness. But Sarah glowed with health. She shouldn’t have to give up her own life.
Having a disabled family member could mean losing out on things, he knew that. When he chose to stay home one summer and help Mum with his brother in his teens, he’d forfeited his chance at a rugby scholarship he desperately wanted.
At the time, he’d vowed never again.
It hurt to think of Sarah facing the same tough decisions. In their talks at school about walks and climbs, he’d glimpsed sadness in her eyes, as if that was something she’d had to leave behind. One of the reasons he’d persisted in asking, hoping she’d say yes.
“Fraser, come and help! You’ve tied this hose in knots,” Charlie shouted.
Lifting a hand in acknowledgement, Fraser watched Sarah and the two teens fight the worst snarls in one of the hoses as he walked over.
Maybe it was time to complicate his simple life…just a little. This was one of those nudges from God he’d learned though hard experience not to ignore.
She’d been near to tears when she ended her phone call, and he’d felt something he’d never felt before, the desire to charge in and fix it. He wasn’t much of a white knight. He’d messed up with Brodie often enough. But surely any help was better than none.
Lord, show me what I can do for her. I won’t push in where I’m not wanted, but there must be something I can do.
Right now, she didn’t seem too appreciative. “I can do it,” she gritted out as he tried to take over with the tangled hose.
“You can. But why struggle when you don’t need to. I got this hose in a mess; I should be the one to fix it.” He grinned. “Derek and Moira need your help, too, by the look of things.”
With a little eye-roll she obviously meant only him to see, she left him to it.
The hoses did behave at last. Five minutes later, they were both unrolled and clipped down at either end, marking out the garden’s wide entrances.
“Well done, team! We did it.” Sarah pumped her fist in a victory wave. “While you start to lay out the path’s curves, using those broomsticks to get the width right, I’ll fetch the tools we need for the next step.”
He followed her to the jumble of tools leaning on the church wall.
“You look tired. Slow down and let us do more.”
She held the bundle of tools in front of her like a shield. “I’m fine.” She glanced up, as if to check she’d convinced him.
His raised eyebrow and lopsided smile should tell her she hadn’t.
“Okay, I’m not fine,” she muttered. “Mum had a bad night, and I didn’t get much sleep. If I slow down, I might stop. If I stop, I might not get started again. And we have to get this garden preparation done today.”
“You could sit in a chair alongside Mary and order us about? You’d enjoy that.”
She laughed. “So you think I’m bossy, do you?” Mock offence crinkled her tone, but she didn’t protest or resist when he took the bundle of edging tools from her.
When they rejoined the others, Mary pushed herself from her seat beside the wall and tapped her watch. “It’s after eleven. Morning tea time. Into the church hall, everyone.”
Sarah picked up an edger and stuck it into the ground beside the hose.
Mary shook her head. “Fraser, take that off her. Catriona was very particular, Miss Sarah. Told me she knew you wouldn’t stop for a break.” The old lady grinned, almost hiding her bright eyes in a network of laughter lines. “I’ve been instructed to u
se force if necessary. Please don’t make me.”
Sarah laughed ruefully and raised her palms in surrender. “I give up. Just one more cut here first.…”
As she bent to pick up the edging spade again, Fraser captured her hands to stop her.
Something passed between them in that touch, something that hit him soul deep. The laughter faded from her eyes as she stared at him, giving a quick indrawn breath.
He didn’t feel much better. The simple touch knocked the air from him and sped his heartbeat. Being around Sarah felt like running full steam into a wall of opposing front row forwards. Or losing his handhold on rock fifty feet above the ground.
They were the only times he’d experienced anything quite so forceful. Never from just touching a girl’s hand.
But touching Sarah wasn’t “just touching a girl’s hand”.
He held her hands, gazing into her eyes, not attempting to hide how much he cared, how much he wanted her to let him in so he could help her.
She stared right back for a moment that stretched. Then she pulled away. Immediately, he released her hands.
“Let’s go to tea.” His voice rang too hearty in his ears, but no one else seemed to notice. He stepped forward to take Mary’s arm.
“You have two arms, use the other one for Sarah,” she whispered with a low chuckle.
The idea of being match-made didn’t seem so bad now. Shame Sarah didn’t feel the same.
If the only thing stopping her doing the outdoors things she so obviously loved with him was worry about her sick mother and reluctance to accept help, he had an easy answer. Mary or Cat or his mum would be glad to sit with an unwell parishioner.
He turned to check on Sarah. She walked a few feet behind with Charlie and Fiona, joking as if whatever happened between the two of them hadn’t occurred.
Made a kind of sense. Every good teacher needed to learn how to turn off their personal emotions so they didn’t get in the way of engaging with the kids. The thing with Sarah was, she didn’t seem to switch those feelings back on again.
“She’s following with the others,” he told Mary, unsure if he was relieved or disappointed.
“You sound grateful.” Mary quirked her head in a question, like a little sparrow.
The old lady saw and heard too much.
He wondered how much to tell her, shook his head, and smiled. “There are only so many refusals us men can take before our delicate little egos shrivel up and die, you know.”
She laughed. “I thought you were made of sterner stuff, Fraser Maclean. Bàs no Beatha, isn’t that your clan slogan?”
“It is.”
“Death or life.” She twisted her neck to peer up at him. “The Israelites had to make that choice before they could enter the Promised Land. God gives us that choice every single day as well. I choose. You choose. Sarah does, too. That single choice affects everything we do.”
He nodded slowly. Choosing to keep it simple and avoid complications had been wrong. Because he had a feeling that if Sarah ever let him into all the secrets she hid, life could become very complicated indeed.
All he could do was wait for her to make another choice. He couldn’t make her take more from life.
No chance to talk to Sarah in the hall. With both teams there, things got noisy, and Cat pulled her to one side. He did hear her laugh once or twice. Pathetic to admit it, but he prayed they weren’t laughing about him asking her out again. The line he’d given Mary about fragile egos had an edge of truth.
After morning tea, they danced around each other. Probably no one but sharp-eyed Mary would notice how Sarah avoided him. Easy enough to do when they focused on working.
Laying out the two hoses to mimic the path’s edges sounded easy, but didn’t work in practice. For some reason, the spacing was constantly off, and moving the curve of one hose to right it made another curve wrong.
Sarah stayed patient and said nothing, but something in the tight way she held herself suggested she was ready to pull her hair out.
“Charlie, Fiona, will you please be more careful. You’ve moved your hose to completely the wrong place.” Moira’s high-pitched voice rang out.
Charlie’s head shot up, and his chin jutted. “That’s not fair. I’m measuring very precisely before we move anything. And Fiona’s shaping our curves beautifully.”
His teacher’s ear picked up something in Moira’s voice. Frowning, he watched the middle-aged couple more closely. He’d heard her tone in the classroom and his sports teams, from the instigators, the kids who made themselves look good by stirring up trouble and ensuring someone else got the blame.
It didn’t take much quiet observation to catch Derek and Moira moving their line, so whatever the others had already measured became wrong. As if they deliberately wanted to sabotage Sarah’s project.
He scowled. Sarah had a vision for the garden. It showed in all she’d done, from her enthusiasm, to her carefully drawn plan, to her delicate watercolours of the finished garden. Being here at all, when her ill mother kept her awake all night, evidenced her dedication.
Whatever Derek and Moira’s reason was, they had to stop. Sarah might not let him help with her mother, or any other problems he suspected she hid, but this he could do.
“Derek, Moira, why don’t you start cutting the edging along here, where the hose is already laid out and pinned down? This job needs some skill and is important to get right.” He didn’t know enough about gardening to be sure his words were true, but it sounded like something that might appeal to them.
He took their arms to guide them where he wanted them. At first, they pulled back, fighting his gentle attempt to stop their game. Then they must have realised resistance was futile. With narrow-eyed glares, they allowed him to lead them to the boundary line and accepted the edgers he handed them.
Sarah threw him a grateful glance. Probably she’d figured out what was going on, too.
“We were doing a far better job than them,” Derek blustered.
Fraser’s jaw clenched. He’d like nothing better than to confront them with what they’d been doing, but they’d been so subtle about it they’d simply deny it. The best way to deal with this was to watch them and stop any more mischief.
“We don’t want to discourage the kids from volunteering, even if they don’t do the job the same way gardening experts like you would.”
Somehow, he managed to keep sarcasm out of his low-toned reply.
It worked. They smiled, and began to dig along the hose line. Maybe they only needed to feel appreciated.
Still, he’d make sure he kept an eye on them.
Seemed Mary had the same idea. She bustled over. “I’m so tired of trying to make those hoses do what they should. Will it fash you if I watch what you’re doing instead? I don’t want to be any bother.”
No one could say no to Mary when she played her little old lady card and beamed at them so sweetly. Once Derek and Moira agreed, she nudged him with a bony elbow. “I think Sarah needs your help.”
Mary probably didn’t mean it in the same way he did, but he agreed.
Sarah whispered a quick, “Thank you,” then kept him at arm’s length, quite literally, moving away as he approached.
Refusing to let it bother him, he didn’t stand too near. If he wanted her to trust him, he’d need to be patient. Give her plenty of time and room. But he caught her glancing at him then quickly looking away, too often to think it a coincidence.
With Derek and Moira unable to interfere, laying out the paths went far faster. By lunchtime, they’d marked the edges out with a line cut into the grass. By the time they stopped for afternoon tea, they’d skimmed out over a third of the turf where the path would be laid, leaving the surface bare.
He put down his spade with a relieved sigh. The sun had more warmth than usual for this early in spring, and his back protested at all the bending. While he gratefully gulped his tea, he noticed Sarah made another phone call.
Lord, please ease
her worry. Let her mum be better today.
The few times his mother had been ill, it felt like their household’s anchor line had been cut.
Once they finished their break, it didn’t take long for people to drift away. Derek and Moira were the first, saying their daughter was coming for supper and they needed to prepare. Then Fiona, with the more likely story that her mother needed her home to look after her little brother. Charlie gamely shifted another few feet of turf before calling it quits.
That left him, Mary, and Sarah. No matter how much his back ached from the digging and lifting, he wasn’t stopping until Sarah did.
“I promised Cat I’d wash up the tea things. You two will be fine together.” Mary gave him a completely unnecessary wink as she hurried off to the hall.
He glanced at Sarah to gauge her reaction. This too-obvious matchmaking would be more likely to scare her off than encourage her.
She shook her head and smiled. “You can recruit the entire kirk choir to sing your praises, and it won’t make any difference, Fraser Maclean.”
He knew that.
But the laugh in her eyes, the soft sweetness in her voice, and the genuine warmth in her smile still gave him reason to hope.
Chapter Six
Sarah could only laugh over their ridiculous situation as she leaned into her spade, slicing another chunk of turf from the future garden path. “Could they be any more obvious?”
Half the church seemed to be trying to push her and Fraser together. It wasn’t going to happen.
Despite a little hopeful whisper, this was definitely not a message from God. No need to reconsider her decision not to date, back when they first found out Mum’s diagnosis and all it meant.
Fraser smiled ruefully and raised his hands from his spade in surrender. “Not my doing.” He laughed. “Mary is a sweetheart, but subtlety isn’t her strong point.”
“She’s honest. I like her a lot. Not just her. Your sister. And your brother in law too.”
He shrugged and went back to digging. “Once they get married, they want to see everyone else paired off. Was it like this in your last church as well?”
Love Blossoms: 7 Spring-Fresh Christian Romances Page 23