The grief had finally left their dad but he hadn’t been there to lean on. Ever.
When he didn’t answer Breezy, she looked up at him, for all the world looking like she had meant her words of comfort.
“You can at least lean on me,” she said with conviction. “We’re parents together. That’s what parents do.”
He brushed a kiss across her cheek and sighed. “Yeah. Parents.”
And parents were called Mom and Dad. It was natural for the twins to begin to see her as mom, him as dad. He thought that in time they would need that connection. Look at Brody, a kid who’d never had a mom. He was still looking for her.
“Thank you.” He finally croaked out the words.
“Do you have water in that fridge over there?” She nodded toward the fridge at the far side of the room.
“Yeah.” He pulled her with him to open it and grabbed two bottles.
“Is this where you go when you’re upset?”
He looked around the room. It had started with a punching bag and he’d built it into this. “Yes, this is where I go.”
“Try going to a friend once in a while.”
She smiled up at him and he felt like a puzzle with the pieces coming together. He brushed a hand across her cheek, tangling his fingers in the silky strands of blond hair. With caramel eyes, melting, darkening, she looked up at him. He leaned, tilting his head to find the right angle as he closed his lips over hers.
She kissed him back, her free hand going to the nape of his neck, sliding into his hair. He tried not to need people.
He couldn’t lie about needing her. He needed to pour his hurt into her and have her hold him until it started to heal. He brushed his hand up her back and she stood on tiptoe, her lips soft beneath his.
He eventually pulled back. He had a lot of questions about himself, about her, about the future. They’d have to figure out the answers. Because Lawton had planned this. He’d told Jake when he mentioned making the two of them guardians that he thought they’d both be single, even twenty years from now. Single and lonely, waiting for the right person to come into their lives, so they’d make the perfect guardians for the twins.
Lawton hadn’t meant to leave them now. Jake leaned back into the woman standing close to him. Her arms circled his neck and she placed a kiss against his chin.
“Let’s go for a ride,” he suggested, amused when her eyes widened.
“Ride? In your truck, you mean?”
“Horses. Come on. It’s warm and there’s no rain.”
She was his rain. He needed to soak her up like the land after a long drought. For today, maybe just for the moment, he needed her close. Later he’d figure out what to do with these feelings.
She pulled back on his hand as he tried to tug her toward the door. “I’ve never ridden a horse.”
“You live in Texas. It’s time to learn.”
How long had it been since he’d flirted with a woman? Or even let down his guard long enough to enjoy being around a woman? How long since he’d taken a few minutes to relax, to not worry about who was taking care of things? He needed this. And she must have realized because she allowed him to lead her through the barn.
“I’m not sure if this is a good idea,” she said as she stood in the doorway that led to the corral.
He winked. “You’ll do great. I’ll be right back.”
With two lead ropes he trudged through the corral to the gate. He whistled and the horses looked up, ears twitching as they watched him. He shook a bucket of grain and that got their attention. The small herd, just five of them, headed his way. He opened the gate and culled the two they would ride. A big chestnut he’d been riding lately and a small bay gelding for Breezy.
After the horses were saddled he led her to the corral and helped her up. She put her left foot in the stirrup and swung her right leg over, landing with a thud in the saddle. She looked down at him, unsure, unsteady but with a definite spark of adventure in her eyes.
“You’ll do great with Montego.”
“Montego?” She brushed her hand down the horse’s neck, still looking more than a little nervous.
“Bay.” He grinned. “Montego Bay.”
He gave her a short riding lesson and then he swung himself into his saddle and rode up next to her. He’d closed the gate to the field and opened the gate leading out of the corral. There were plenty of back trails, and with some daylight left they’d have a good ride.
“Where are we going?” She rode next to him and he had to give her credit, she didn’t look like it was her first time in the saddle. She had a natural ease, holding the reins lightly, her heels down and her legs relaxed.
But he could see the slight tremble in her hands, the occasional clenching of her jaw.
“Not far.” He nodded toward the hills in the distance, a half mile back. “There’s a pretty stream at the base of those hills. Sometimes there’s a deer or two, so don’t get too relaxed and drop your reins. If you horse starts, go with the motion and keep a firm hand.”
Her eyes widened. “Will he startle? I thought he was gentle.”
“He’s as gentle as they come, but any horse can startle. Get used to the feel of him. Even with a saddle you’ll feel him tense. Right now you can feel that he’s relaxed.”
She rode for a few paces and nodded. “Okay, I’ve got this.”
“That’s good. Never think you’ve got this. Be confident, but always expect the unexpected.”
Expect the unexpected. She was the unexpected and she’d sure caught him off guard. He’d expected her to take the money and run, not be tied down to two little girls she didn’t know.
He hadn’t expected her to be all-in the way she’d proven to be. She’d even made herself at home in Martin’s Crossing.
But these weren’t the thoughts he wanted to go over again. He needed to clear his head. He eased a look in her direction and shook his head. Yeah, he needed to get it together. Because he was thinking of kissing her again. That couldn’t happen.
If he complicated their relationship this way, how would they manage to go on, raising the girls together? He hadn’t thought of that before, because for two weeks he’d been trying to figure out how to manage being parents together.
He’d been trying to figure out how to trust her in their lives and trust that she wouldn’t leave.
Now he had to face that they were in a situation that required them to be more than parents. They were in each other’s lives. Day in, day out, counting on each other, turning to each other. It was a given that someday one, or both, of them would want to settle down, get married. To someone else.
But this relationship, allowing it to become a flirtation, or even casual dating, that would only end in disaster. Because if it ended, they would still have to face each other every day and still be the best parents they could be to the twins.
Kissing her again was the last thing he should be thinking about.
* * *
After the ride Breezy sat on the step to the tack room and watched as Jake unsaddled and brushed the horses. He’d insisted she should watch this time, and next time he’d let her help. So she watched, because who wouldn’t want to watch a cowboy in faded jeans that fit just right brush a horse? She watched as he lifted hooves and cleaned them with a pick. She watched as he untied first one horse and then the other and led them to the gate.
“You’re quiet,” he said when he returned. He reached for the jacket he’d left on a hook and tossed it to her. “It’s getting cold.”
“Thank you. I was just thinking that I feel okay and I’ll probably go back to Lawton’s.”
“There’s no reason you can’t stay here,” he said, holding out a hand and helping her to her feet.
“I know, but my stuff is at Lawton’s. And I can’t run in
fear.”
They walked out of the barn. He flipped off the lights as they left. He’d been right, the air was colder. The sky was steel-gray, no evidence of the setting sun. She shivered in the warmth of a jacket that smelled like Jake.
“You have to start calling it your place, Breezy,” he said quietly as they walked. The dog had joined them and it raced ahead, chasing something, then came back.
“Easier said than done.”
“Yeah, I know. I think we’re both having a hard time taking possession. Of the twins, the house...” He paused.
She filled in the empty space. “Lawton and Elizabeth’s life.”
He only nodded, his gaze faraway. An arm went around her waist, pulling her close to his side. “You don’t think it’s Joe, do you?”
She shook her head. “Too tall.”
“Good.”
They walked in silence and Breezy knew she was in trouble. She knew the comfort from his arm around her waist was trouble. It anchored her in a way that a plant, a nativity, an ornament only hinted at. It made her feel as if she had found a home, and it was in Jake Martin’s arms.
That was when she knew that she really had to make her escape back to Lawton’s.
Chapter Thirteen
Breezy went home the next day, and life slipped back into an easy routine. During the day the girls were often with her, and in the evening they went back to the Circle M. Jake sometimes stayed around while they were with her. He would work outside and then they would eat dinner together in the evenings before he took the girls home.
Breezy poured through the recipes Marty had given her. She made casseroles, soups, breads and anything else she thought Jake and two little girls would eat. And they did.
Christmas was a little over a week away and she had shopped in town, finding gifts that she wrapped and put under the tree. She had shopped at the antique store and found small things to put around the house to make it feel like her home. A braided rug for the kitchen, a picture in her bedroom, a pretty clock for the living room.
She and Jake had developed an easy friendship. And wasn’t that what they needed in order to raise two little girls? It should have been one of their first rules, to be friends. But their friendship could easily get blurred around the edges because, even as their friendship grew, Breezy remembered how it felt to be held by him. And every now and then when they stood too close or accidentally touched, she knew that he felt it, too. It was an indrawn breath, a moment of stillness, a certain connection when their eyes met.
But another rule seemed to be that they not mention that attraction for fear that it would undo their friendship.
On a cold Friday night they met in town for the annual Christmas block party. The stores were open late. Duke was serving hot drinks and pie. A few vendors had set up around the park, in tribute to their German ancestors selling handmade toys and crafts, brats and other treats. The Christmas lights were lit up and each building was decorated.
Breezy found Jake at a vendor buying bratwursts for him and fries for the girls. He had them in a stroller built for two. From several feet away she watched as he pulled off his gloves to pay for the food. He tested a fry before handing them to the girls.
He must have sensed that she was there because he nodded at her. She greeted the twins first. It was easier. It gave her heart time to calm down, to realize she wanted what she couldn’t have. Hadn’t she learned that it could only lead to a world of hurt?
She squatted in front of the stroller, kissing first Rosie and then Violet. “You girls look perfect tonight, like cotton candy.”
They were dressed in puffy pink coats, pink stocking caps and pink gloves. Their jeans were tucked into pink-and-brown boots.
“Candy!” Rosie shoved a fry in her mouth.
“Too big a bite, little girl.” Breezy opened her hand and Rosie gave her a look and kept chewing. “Okay, but small bites.”
Rosie took another fry and bit a small piece off the end. “Small bites.”
“Bites.” Violet giggled.
“Do you want a brat?” Jake asked.
She stood and turned to the vendor. He was looking past them at people starting to form a line. “Yes, that would be good.”
While they waited, she pushed the girls’ stroller to the side, making room for the crowds that were starting to form. It surprised her, to see so many people in this little town. There were people admiring the lights, people walking in and out of shops.
Jake handed her the brat and then his gaze slid past her. She looked in the same direction, not sure what he saw. There were people. Few of them were familiar to her. She saw Joe walking in the crowd, talking to a member of the church. Farther in the distance she saw Brody walking with a young woman.
“I’m sorry. Can I leave the twins with you for a minute?”
Breezy shrugged as she finished a bite of brat. “Sure. Is something wrong?”
“Tyler Randall is here. He’s the man in charge of Lawton’s company. I’m surprised to see him here.”
“Go ahead. We’ll wander around. I’m sure we’ll find stuff we want.”
He grinned at that, then he leaned a little closer. For a second she thought he might kiss her. Instead he brushed his finger across her cheek. “Mustard.”
“Oh.” She managed a smile and then she watched as he walked away, her heart beating a million miles an hour.
After finishing her brat, she pushed the stroller down the sidewalk, admiring local arts and crafts. She stopped at a lighted tent filled with handmade wooden toys. A rocking horse caught her eye. Two rocking horses. They couldn’t have just one or there would be fights.
As she admired the horses, Oregon entered the tent. The other woman joined her. “They’re precious.”
“Yes, I think they would make perfect Christmas gifts for the twins.” She flipped the price tag and was surprised by a price much lower than she would have expected.
“How are things going?” Oregon asked as she looked at painted wall plaques.
“Good. I’m still learning but I think we’re managing,” Breezy answered as she waved to the vendor and pointed to the two rocking horses.
“You’ll always be learning. Lilly is almost twelve and I’m always one step ahead of her or two steps behind.”
“So you’re telling me it doesn’t get easier?”
Oregon shrugged “There are easier moments.”
“How’s your shop doing?” Breezy listened to the man tell her the price of the horses and she pulled out her wallet. “Aren’t you open tonight?”
“I am. I wanted to take a few minutes to browse so Joe is watching the shop.”
Breezy paid for the horses and asked the vendor to hold them for her until she could arrange free hands to carry them to her car. She and Oregon walked out of the shop together.
They were strolling toward a hot apple cider stand. Oregon stopped walking, her hand on Breezy’s arm to bring her to a halt.
“What’s up?” Breezy pulled the stroller back so she was closer to her friend. Oregon glanced around, her bottom lip between her teeth. “Oregon?”
“Someone bought my building.”
“They did what? Are they going to make you move out?”
“No, they bought it and signed the deed over to me,” Oregon explained.
“Who?” Breezy looked around to make sure they weren’t attracting attention. Fortunately they’d found a somewhat quiet spot. In the distance a small group stood on a corner caroling. A car honked and someone laughed. But she and Oregon were alone.
“I’m not sure. A lawyer showed up the other day and told me the building had been bought and that I was the new owner. I’m not sure what to think.”
“I think you’ve been given a wonderful opportunity. Now you don’t have to worry a
s much about the winter slowdown after Christmas.” Breezy knew that had been on Oregon’s mind. She had some internet business from her website, but from what Oregon had told her, it wouldn’t have been enough to cover expenses.
“Yes, a great opportunity. But who does something like that? Who gives a young mom a new van, a church a five-figure check and me a building?”
“Someone with a big heart and a lot of money?”
Oregon was looking at her, dark eyes suspicious. “Some people think it might be you.”
Breezy laughed. “It isn’t me. Not that I don’t consider myself bighearted, but I’m barely registering my new circumstances enough to allow myself to write a check for groceries.”
They started walking again, the hot cider luring them in.
“I’m really thankful,” Oregon said, her voice soft. “But I’m also suspicious.”
“Don’t be. Whoever is doing this is obviously trying to help people at Christmastime. I think that’s what Christmas is all about. I know that there were a lot of years when I wouldn’t have had Christmas, period, if someone hadn’t donated money.”
“It must have been tough,” Oregon said.
Tough. Yes, she guessed it had. It had been tough. And frightening at times.
“It was tough,” she agreed. “But it wasn’t always bad. Maria usually found a way to get us a room, usually efficiency apartments. She made sure I studied. She would find school books at used book stores. She made sure I got my GED.”
They bought hot apple cider and headed for the light display. There were lights in the shape of the nativity, the wise men and a star that stood on a tower above the entire display. There were camels that seemed to move, shepherds in a field and angels singing.
If everything continued to go well she would live here for a long time. She would visit this park every Christmas, and shop in these same stores where people knew her name.
She stood listening to the carolers on the sidewalk in front of the church and she realized that most importantly she seemed to have found herself here in Martin’s Crossing. She had found a home. A place to belong.
The star, dozens of feet up in the air, twinkled in the night as snow flurries drifted down. They were big flakes, the kind that didn’t last long, but looked so beautiful as they fell.
A Rancher for Christmas Page 13