I blinked fast.
Shit was right.
I was told my entire life that my father took off right when Mom got pregnant…
* * *
“I guess I can chalk this up to backfiring,” Tucker said.
I looked down at the pool and hugged myself.
“I didn’t mean to screw anything else up,” Tucker said. “Christ. I just thought I could get a second to talk to you.”
“For what?” I asked.
“You’re my daughter.”
“You didn’t want me.”
“That’s not true. I wanted a better life for you.”
I looked at Tucker. “With Claire?”
“What?”
“Claire told me a bunch of times she wished she could have kept me,” I said. “And I remember times of her taking care of me when Mom was… gone.”
“That’s what I always feared,” Tucker said. “You being treated like that. And now you’re taking care of her. That’s not your job. I get why though.”
“Yeah, right. Because I’m just like you.”
I walked away, still fighting back tears.
I wanted to smack Claire across the face for this.
What was the point of this?
“Tell you what, Tinsley. I’m going to stop running my mouth and let you ask anything you’d like. Or if you want me to leave, I can do that too.”
“How long were you around?” I asked.
Tucker looked up. He slipped his hands into his pockets. “The day you came home from the hospital…”
“You met me?” I asked.
“I did. I was there. So was Claire. I was scared out of my mind. But then I saw you. And you were perfect. You looked like your mother. Everything felt… right. I told your mother I was sorry for what I had suggested. There was a feeling in my heart that said we could make it. Our little family. We could do it.”
“I guess that ending got spoiled.”
“The day we came home, our apartment was trashed,” Tucker said. “Your mother owed some bad guys some money and they came looking for payment. And if you hadn’t been born when you were, we would have been there. And they…”
Tucker took a deep breath.
“Why?” I asked. “Why are you telling me this?”
“So you have the entire story. Because I’m not perfect. I’m not a good person. But in some way I can’t help but imagine you and I being able to talk.”
“Finish your story.”
“We had to stay with Claire,” Tucker said. “And I went looking for the bad guys to pay them off. Because the last thing I wanted was for my new baby girl to get hurt because of her mother. I came back to Claire’s and you were there but your mother wasn’t.”
“Where was she?”
“She was at the trashed apartment. I don’t have to tell you what she was doing.”
“And what did you do then?”
“I left,” Tucker said. “I went back to Claire’s, told her what was happening. I kissed your head and apologized. I told Claire I was sorry and told her to take care of you. Then I left.”
“You left.”
“I was no better than your mother. I went out that night and got lost. So lost that I woke up in jail. And when I got out of jail, I floated around for a while. And then the rest of my life.”
“Only to be saved by Claire, right?”
“Something like that.”
“So why not sooner?” I asked. “You trying to talk to me? If you got yourself all cleaned up…”
“I wish I had an answer that would help you, Tinsley.”
“So again why tell me all of this now?”
“Maybe because I have the chance to,” Tucker said. “Maybe because soon enough you’ll have both parents… not together. But at least we’re alive. And we’re clearheaded. Trying to make sense of everything. And you… you were the greatest thing that ever happened to both of us.”
I laughed. “Now that’s the most bullshit cliché thing I ever heard. Your father of the year trophy is in the mail. You’re telling me what you want me to hear. You’re missing a lot of parts there. Because everything about this house, this town, it’s all fake. So just how fake are you, Tucker?”
I watched his face drop at the sound of his name coming from my lips. As though I were going to cry and call him Dad.
Not a chance in hell.
“I’m as real as I look,” he said. “I wanted you to have a good life. A better life.”
“Look at me now. I’m living rich. What’s the worry?”
Tucker swallowed hard.
Before the conversation could continue, the back door opened and Claire walked out, wearing a robe, holding a glass of wine.
I looked at her and my lip curled.
She set this up.
On purpose.
She told Tucker I wanted to talk.
And I walked into this mess.
This disaster.
This… fakeness.
“I think I’m going to get going,” Tucker said. “I just wanted to open the door, Tinsley. And believe me, if you slam that door shut and lock it and lose the key, I don’t blame you.”
“But if you want to know both of your parents, you can,” Claire said.
I nodded.
Tucker walked toward Claire.
He paused and kissed her cheek and then went inside.
I stared down Claire, my insides twisted up more than ever before.
“Are you sleeping with him too?” I asked.
Claire laughed. “Tinsley…”
“I think that’s a fair question. Just like why you keep stretching the truth. About your car accident. About Tucker. And then you told Tucker I wanted to talk to him…”
“I want you to know everything about your life,” Claire said. “Not my life. Your life.”
“Your life and my life have collided, Claire.”
“Yes they have,” Claire said. “And, no, I’m not sleeping with Tucker. I consider him more of a son than anything else. What happened between he and your mother was sad. They both couldn’t get over their own problems. And you were at the center of it.”
“And I still am,” I said.
“You never have to talk to him again. If you don’t want to. I just… I just keep playing everything in my head, Tinsley. All that I did wrong. All that they did wrong. And if there’s an ounce of a possibility that something good can work out, how can I not help?”
“Nobody asked for your help, Claire.”
I walked toward the door and Claire blocked me. She quickly reached for my face, stroking my cheek.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” she whispered. “Everyone asks for my help. Whether they speak it or not.”
I had plenty more to say but kept it to myself.
Because I realized this was who Claire really was. Maybe she wasn’t a bad person. But she liked to have her hands in everything. And I could see everyone not trusting her. People staying close to her not to be her friend but to make sure she didn’t backstab them.
“Go get some rest,” Claire whispered.
“I’ll try.”
“Don’t be mad at me.”
“What if I said it was too late?”
“Then I would say to pack your bags and go then. This is my house. My rules. My way. And I’ve done more for you since you arrived than anyone else in your life.”
“Meaning what? You bought me?”
“If that’s how you want to look at it, so be it.”
I felt those other hidden words ready to spew.
“Just know I love you, Tinsley,” Claire said. “I always have and I always will."
That moment I noticed some kind of sadness in her eyes. There was more. There was always more. That’s how the town functions. Not really built on lies but built on games.
And I could play games too.
I went inside and went to my room.
It was time for me to leave.
No, I couldn’t leave
BFH.
Not yet.
But I could leave Claire’s.
Just like she said to do.
I left the house without being noticed. Which wasn’t all that hard because of how big the house was. I drove down the driveway and was gone once again.
The plan formulated as I drove.
Call Gi. Stay there for a day or two. Keep it low key and simple. Then figure something else out.
My phone lit up on the seat next to me.
When I saw the name on the screen, I curled my lip for a second and then smiled for two seconds.
I had a better idea…
ten
ten
Kip met me outside his house with his arms open.
“You came back to me, girl,” he said. “I always knew you would.”
“Shut up, Kip,” I said. “I’m here because you texted me. And because you have a guesthouse.”
“How do you know about that?” he asked.
“You mentioned it once before. And I saw it when I left… after everything exploded between us.”
“To be fair, girl, nothing exploded,” Kip said. “What a shame, huh?”
I cocked my head to the side. I wasn’t exactly in the mood for his cute boy flirty banter.
I got my big bag out of the back of the SUV and waddled to the steps as I struggled to carry it.
Kip took the steps two at a time and grabbed for the bag.
“Let me carry it for you, girl,” he said.
“My hero,” I replied.
“So what brings you here?”
“Change of scenery,” I said.
“You decided to run away but not actually run away,” Kip said. “That’s fucking adorable.”
I curled my lip. “Nothing about what’s happening right now is adorable, Kip.”
I took note of the marks on his face from the fight.
It made no sense how they could all just freely fight and not think twice about it.
“Come on,” Kip said. “Let’s get you settled.”
“Did you call the others?”
“Others?”
“Barr and Pres.”
“Nah,” Kip said. “We split and we’ll talk tomorrow. A lot to think about here.”
“That’s an understatement. What happened to the nights of movies and popcorn?”
Kip laughed.
He slipped his hand into mine and walked toward the side of the sprawling house.
The guesthouse was off the side, opposite to the pool.
It looked like a cute little ranch house. White with blue shutters, garden boxes outside each window, overstuffed with bright flowers. There was a twisty walkway to the house, flowers lining the edges. And the stones themselves that made up the walkway had lights in the stones. Every couple feet.
A guesthouse nicer than anything I had ever lived in.
Kip opened the door and fresh air conditioned air hit me. Along with the smell of fresh sheets. That perfect linen smell that made it impossible not to smile.
Straight ahead was a cute, perfect kitchen.
To the right was the main living area of the house.
A sectional and a large entertainment system.
“Bathroom, closet, and bedroom are the doors there,” Kip said as he pointed. “Fridge is stocked. Anything you want that isn’t in there just shoot me a text.”
Kip put my bag on the couch.
“Thanks for this,” I said.
“No worries, girl. The couch pulls out too. Not sure where you feel safest sleeping.”
My eyes looked to the bedroom. “Maybe I should take my stuff in there.”
“You got it,” Kip said.
He lifted my bag off the couch and went to the bedroom.
He was sweet smelling and commanding.
In the bedroom, the bed was huge and the TV on the opposite wall was almost as big as the TV in the living room.
“Wow. You didn’t skimp here.”
“Have to make guests feel like they are at home,” Kip said. “Might even entice them to stay a little while longer.”
I rolled my eyes. “Cheap.”
“Nothing here and nothing between us is cheap, girl,” Kip said.
“I’m going to get changed,” I said.
“Sounds good.”
“Alone.”
Kip put his head back. “Ah, that’s right. It’s suddenly not okay for me to see you in a certain way.”
“Exactly.”
“Have at it,” Kip said.
He actually left the room.
I was slightly disappointed he didn’t put up a bigger fight.
I liked the whole flirting game with Kip.
I didn’t even bother to lock the door.
Digging through my bag I found my favorite shorts. I changed into those and my hoodie. And nothing else.
When I opened the door, a smell hit my nose.
Salt. Butter.
Kip came from the kitchen carrying a giant bowl of popcorn and two drinks.
“You need company tonight, girl,” Kip said. “I’m not leaving you alone right now.”
“Kip…”
“Movies and popcorn,” he said. “You can pick anything you want.”
I stood in the doorway and finally sighed.
I backed away, nodding. “Fine.”
Kip handed me the popcorn and drinks and ran to the bed. He jumped into the air and bounced on the bed like a kid. The sheets were messed up in a second. He purposely flopped around and then sprawled out across the entire bed.
“Where do you want to sit, girl?” he asked with a devilish grin.
“Move your ass out of my way,” I said.
Kip knew all the buttons in the bedroom. Before I could get to the bed, the lights were off and the TV glowed.
I climbed into the bed next to him.
I snuck under the covers and he stayed on top of them.
That was good.
I took a handful of popcorn as the TV glowed and droned with a bunch of commercials.
“We can watch garbage or I can answer questions for you,” Kip said.
“Yeah right. You don’t answer questions. None of you do.”
“Try me. We’ll go question for question then.”
“Fine. Is BC really dangerous?”
“Yeah, girl, they are. But we can handle it.”
“Okay…”
“Why did you really leave Claire’s?” Kip asked.
“I don’t think I trust her right now.”
“What happened?”
“Nope. My turn for a question.”
“Shit,” Kip said.
“Am I in real danger?”
“I don’t think so,” Kip said.
“Then why did Pres… damn.”
“My turn,” Kip said. “What happened with Claire?”
I swallowed hard. I nodded. “She set me up to talk to my father. I wasn’t ready for it. I get why she did it. But I wasn’t ready.”
“That’s not cool,” Kip said. “She’s always been a bitch.”
“How so?”
“Just her nature. Cut throat but with a good side.”
“Okay, I have a question…”
“You just asked one,” Kip said.
“No I didn’t.”
“Yeah you did, girl,” Kip said. “You asked how so and I answered it.”
“That wasn’t a real question.
“Doesn’t matter,” Kip said.
“You know what? Game over.”
I grabbed more popcorn and turned away from him.
Some reality cooking show came on and I could have told Kip to change it. But I wasn’t here to actually watch TV and eat popcorn. This wasn’t a fun sleepover thing.
Nothing changed between us.
What had happened.
The intentions.
The words.
My eyes got heavy as the entire day and night caught up to me all at once.
As my head turned to the left, my neck st
arted to ache. Without thinking straight, I turned to my right and put my head to Kip’s arm.
He smelled good.
So comforting and good.
The dangerous kind of good.
I smiled though, knowing I was way too tired to even begin to let my mind try and run away with any crazy thoughts.
So tired that I was a total lame bug and passed out a few minutes later.
I dreamt of nothing and that was actually a really good thing.
I didn’t wake up until I felt myself moving.
Hands cradling me.
My head gently touching a cloud like soft pillow.
I let out a sigh and my eyes fluttered and I saw Kip standing at the side of the bed.
He stroked my cheek and moved my hair out of my face.
He had that look in his eyes again.
The I love you, Ti look that would probably shatter the world.
He leaned down and gently kissed my cheek.
“Get some sleep, girl,” he whispered.
I curled my shoulders, feeling super comfortable.
And I went to sleep.
And then I had dreams.
They were all of the same thing.
Pres, Barr, and Kip.
Shirtless.
Walking from the ocean.
Toward me.
And as I reached for them, my mind screamed the same thing over and over and over.
Tinsley Ditkiss… you can only pick one.
* * *
Barr sat on the hood of my SUV smoking a cigarette.
“Better not scratch anything,” I said.
“Why? Afraid your new Mommy will kick you out?” he asked as he jumped from the hood to the ground. He then added, “Wait. You left.”
“You three are like girls,” I said. “So much talking.”
“Nah,” Barr said. “We just appreciate our friendships.”
“Whatever,” I said. “I slept in Kip’s guesthouse.”
“As long as he doesn’t sleep in yours, right, love?” Barr asked.
I laughed. “Now that one was stupid. My guesthouse? You know what… I’ll let whoever I want… to… sleep there…”
I lost the words, realizing replying to a stupid joke was going to only make me look stupid.
“That’s what I thought,” Barr said. He flicked his cigarette away. “Want to head to the beach with me?”
“Not really.”
“Going back home to grovel to Claire?”
UNTamed: a bay falls high novel Page 9