And why not?
She slept with Devin when he and I were still together. She set me up with the Rulz. Then she ruined everything I had planned to take the Rulz down. Yet at the same time it was my own fault for falling for them. All three of them. Each one had a place in my heart.
Beth expected me to be ruined by the Rulz.
But I was ruined by plenty of other things.
Even still, I couldn’t let her get away with it.
I quickly put the SUV into drive and slammed on the gas pedal.
The engine roared and I sped forward right toward her car.
Beth screamed something and jumped out of the way.
I hit the brakes and cut the wheel.
The SUV made a really hard left and I thought it was going to tip over.
Beth was well beyond the front of her car, knowing she didn’t have time to get to the car to either drive away or get her gun.
I hit the gas pedal again and smiled.
The SUV sped right toward Beth.
I hoped she would have started running.
I would have loved to chase her lying, cheating, bitch ass down.
She was frozen though.
Her eyes wide, mouth open like she wanted to scream but couldn’t.
Watching me speed toward her.
I honestly wasn’t sure what my plan was at that moment.
At the last second, I cut the wheel again and slammed on the brakes.
The SUV turned to the right and I hurried to put it into park.
I opened the door and jumped out.
Beth stood there screaming.
I ran up to her and grabbed her by her hair. My eyes filled with tears at the rush of anger. It was everything. Not just what she did. With Devin or the Rulz. It was everything in my life. The fact that my father wanted to give me up. Which was probably the right thing to do. Or that Claire wanted to raise me. And Mom said no. Or that while Mom was pregnant with me my father got another woman pregnant. And that daughter faced the same fate of this town. Of Claire. Of Kip. And she didn’t make it.
“Tinsley…”
Beth managed to say my name once before I smashed her face against the hood of the SUV.
Her hair was everywhere and danced all around as I did it two more times.
When I let her go, she curled up into a ball and started to cry.
I brought my foot back, ready to start kicking her.
But I stopped myself.
My stomach turned.
I coughed, ready to throw up.
Who the fuck am I?
I covered my mouth.
Beth turned her head and moved her hair out of her face.
There was blood everywhere.
I turned and ran to the SUV and got back inside and drove off.
All I needed now was to find a tree to wrap the SUV around to make sure nobody else was hurt.
seventeen
seventeen
The thoughts going through my mind were crazy.
I heard Mom’s voice at first. Her voice was different when I was a little girl. Maybe it was because I still believed in her as a person and as a mother. That her words had meaning and that she was guiding me.
The sweet innocence of telling me about the stars and chasing them down.
Leaving me with this idea that I could somehow fly into outer space and catch a ride on a star. And from there… that star could take me anywhere. Yeah, sure, I’d miss Mom and all but imagine being able to fly across the universe. Find a new planet. Or solar system. Find somewhere else to live.
Mom’s voice faded though.
Only because through the twisted wreckage of what used to be Claire’s SUV I could see the stars. Through the sunroof. Through the tops of the trees. A perfect, cool, calm night. The kind of night where you could sit at the beach for hours in a hoodie and not care about anything.
Oh… the beach.
I started thinking about that too.
But as a kid.
And Claire was there.
She was always there.
Like this rich, protective person.
I couldn’t remember her hugging me or loving me but she was always there.
Right when I thought things were going to be really bad for good Claire would appear. Letting me buy toys and chocolate. Hiding me from the hell that was Mom.
I shut my eyes and it was like a wave crashing down on my body.
The crushing weight of pain.
Not the pain in my heart or my mind.
But actual pain.
The SUV was built to protect in case of an accident.
And damn the thing had done its job.
Because I wasn’t dead.
That was for sure.
The pain I felt reminded me of that.
The echoing cry of sirens grew louder and louder.
I laughed.
The SUV probably called for help. It probably detected the accident and sent out a signal or call or something.
“Fucking rich people,” I whispered to myself.
I laughed some more and then finally burst into tears.
But it hurt to cry.
From the tips of my toes to my hair.
Everything hurt.
I opened my eyes and felt panic soar through me.
Realizing I was trapped in the SUV.
My left leg squished. My arms unable to move. My head pounding with the mother of all headaches.
Nice job, Ti. Nice fucking job.
I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
I suddenly felt really tired.
Like I had been up for two days straight studying for a test. And I just took the test and handed it in. And my body and mind were checked out.
I couldn’t collapse to my bed and fall asleep.
I had no bed, remember?
I just had a room at Claire’s house.
The extended stay guest.
The guest who crashed her SUV too.
Oops.
I really hoped she wouldn’t ask me to pay for the damages. I’d never make enough money in my entire life to afford this kind of SUV.
Ever.
The dirty, poor girl… right?
I closed my eyes again.
I was tired.
So very tired.
Of everything.
* * *
Everything was loud and fast.
The sirens hurt my ears but then stopped. The lights flashing never went away though. The bright reds, blues, and whites dancing all around like a strobe light.
A man and a woman asking me questions.
Yelling at me.
Explained what they were going to do to me.
They talked to each other, using big words and fast sentences, none of it making much sense to me.
Each time I opened my eyes it was like I was seeing a new scene.
It almost became a game.
That game helped to keep the pain away.
Sort of.
They put something around my neck.
They had to use some machine to cut the SUV to get me out.
Oh, fuck, Claire is really going to be pissed now.
I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t.
I wanted to cry but I couldn’t.
I was just there.
Numb.
They told me to relax. They told me to breathe.
Just one thing after another.
None of their questions really made sense to me.
There were just too many. Too often.
I actually felt like screaming at them to shut up and leave me alone.
When I was released from the SUV, I was put on a stretcher and lifted up. I was secured tightly in place, for my own safety.
Whatever.
They carried me from the little ditch I had taken the SUV into to the side of the road where all the emergency vehicles were. The lights got brighter and it jolted my eyes wide open. The motion of the lights started to make me feel dizzy and sick.
Then
I heard a voice yell ‘Where is she?’ …
And I knew that voice.
I wanted to turn my head but they had it secured really tight.
I tried to fight it.
“You’re okay,” the woman said. “We have to keep your head and neck stable. Stop trying to move. You’re going to be okay.”
I looked at the woman.
I didn’t know her.
How was I supposed to believe her?
“She’s my girl!” Claire’s voice boomed.
Then Claire appeared.
Hovering over me.
Tears in her eyes.
“Tinsley!” she yelled. “Ohmygod, Tinsley…”
My lips moved but I had no voice.
“Where are you taking her?” Claire asked the woman.
The woman rattled off the name of some hospital.
“I’ll be there,” Claire said to me. She touched my hand. “You’re going to be okay. I’ll be right there with you. I love you, Tinsley.”
I shut my eyes and felt another crushing weight.
I wasn’t sure what was real or fake.
Claire loved me? Then why leave so much of the truth in the background? For my own good? What a cheap excuse.
I listened to Claire sob. Actually sob.
When I opened my eyes again, I was in the ambulance and it was driving.
This was the part where time came and went as it wanted to.
Which was sort of fun.
But not.
The ambulance ride came to an end and I was wheeled into the emergency room of the hospital.
For some reason, that’s when it all hit me.
What happened.
What I had done.
Everything rushing back to me like a strong breeze off the ocean.
The ocean… I miss the ocean… I miss Claire’s… I miss it and I’m not even gone yet…
My eyes shut and I was back on the road.
My hands on the wheel.
No place to go.
I tell myself to go home and talk to Claire.
Get all the final answers needed.
The only reason she hid things was out of fear. She could be as tough as she wanted on the outside but she was scared to be alone. And she was alone. That's why she slept with Pres’s father. She loved Jeff but couldn’t have him. So she replaced him with temporary comfort. The kind of comfort that protected her heart because the guilt washed over any possible feelings.
Goddammit, Claire… you're actually human.
You could have told me everything.
But why?
You were the protector.
The one saving me.
I think about what Beth said to me.
About Claire.
Drugs?
Really?
But then my mind decides to dance around like a little kid at the shoreline.
Claire was shady. She was tough. She had someone like Tucker working for her. And was it a coincidence that Mom, Tucker, and Kait were tied to drugs? Tucker was clean. Mom was in rehab. Kait was dead. What did they have in common?
Claire.
Not that she couldn’t afford the life she lived with real estate… Barr’s parents did it, right?
That’s when the car accident hits my memory.
Claire’s car accident.
Or pretend car accident.
Her face was bruised.
Her car wasn’t.
The next morning… the car was trashed…
It’s just so much.
Beth being a backstabbing bitch.
The Rulz never letting up.
My heart hurting because - okay, fine - I was in love.
Mom’s a junkie.
Rehab or not, that will be following her for life.
Tucker is a loser. A total loser.
My sister is dead.
And I’m not sure if I’m even allowed to call her that.
I never met her.
Yet she’s my sister.
And she’s dead.
So I scream.
I scream as loud as I can.
I shut my eyes and keep screaming.
My head starts to hurt. The pressure is intense.
Everything inside me explodes.
My eyes open, full of tears.
The road is blurry.
But I can still see it.
I let the emotion take control.
I cut the wheel to the right.
Hard.
To go off the road.
I don’t want to feel anything anymore.
* * *
It sort of made sense in my mind.
In the distant, darkness of my mind, I could figure it out.
I was in love.
Maybe the worst thing that could happen at BFH was to fall in love.
Especially when it came to the Rulz.
They weren’t boys.
They were more than men.
I wanted to break them.
I fell in love instead.
Which was so stupid to do.
But it happened.
Now the plan was to figure out what to do next.
I slowly opened my eyes and couldn’t see much.
I could hear the sound of machines beeping.
I was still in the hospital.
I told my brain to do its job.
That meant moving my right arm. Hand. Fingers.
Then the same with my left arm, hand, and fingers.
When I commanded my head to turn, it did.
All the way down my body to my toes.
Wiggling my big toes, feeling covers on me.
I sucked in a shaky breath and wanted to cry.
I lived.
The accident was just that.
An accident.
Even though it wasn’t.
Maybe.
I wasn’t even sure.
It was just a moment when I lost all control and wanted to go away. As though the SUV was going to magically grow wings and fly.
I shut my eyes again.
I was going to wait.
And when I opened my eyes, I’d know the truth.
Whoever was in the room with me was the one.
The one.
Forget the bet. Forget the games. Forget all that crap.
This was about right now.
My heart ached yet felt love.
And I wanted to know how they felt.
It made such perfect sense in my head too.
Whoever loved me would be waiting for me to wake up. They’d be the one to jump up and kiss me. Hold my hand. Tell me they loved me. Skip eating because they didn’t want to leave my side.
That was love.
That was real love.
The kind that went beyond looking cool and tough and being a bad boy. Driving a fast car or a fast motorcycle or smoking a cigarette or being super rich.
That was the kind of love that would keep me in BFH.
Even though I secretly didn’t want to leave.
Ever.
My thoughts became distant and something like sleep came over me. It wasn’t real sleep though. It was my body insisting to stop. Stop thinking and moving.
My body needed to heal.
So did my heart.
There were no dreams either.
Just a quiet blackness that sometimes hurt.
When my eyes started to flutter again, I could see better.
There was light in the hospital room.
I stared forward and nodded.
Things were coming into focus.
I swallowed.
I licked my lips.
I took a deep breath.
I regained even more focus.
And I could still move.
I started to turn my head to the left because I thought I saw movement.
Something touched my right hand.
I shifted my focus.
“Hey…,” I whispered.
I heard the voice before I saw the face of the one
waiting for me.
“Hey, girl…”
eighteen
eighteen
“Kip.”
“It’s okay, girl,” he said. “Just relax. You’re okay. Holy shit, you’re okay. Nothing is broken. Nothing is bleeding. You’re okay…”
“Kip,” I said again.
I blinked fast.
The lights burned my eyes and hurt my head.
“What’s wrong, girl?” he asked. “What hurts?”
“The lights,” I said.
“Shit. Hold on.”
Kip let my hand go and walked to turn off the lights.
My eyes followed him.
Kip?
It couldn’t have been Kip.
No way.
He was in love with Kait. He was in love with my sister. He would forever see me as her.
“Kip…”
The lights turned off and the hospital door opened.
In walked Barr.
“She’s awake, bro,” Kip said.
Barr shoved Kip out of the way and he came running to my bedside.
“Fucking hell, love,” Barr said. He grabbed my left hand and bent his knees. He kissed my hand. “Fucking hell.”
“Barr,” I said. “You’re here.”
“Of course I’m here. You scared the shit out of us.”
“Do you love me, Barr?” I whispered.
“What?” he asked.
“She just woke up,” Kip said. “I’m going to go get the doctor or nurse or something.”
“Just hit the button,” Barr said.
I stared at Barr.
His honey gold eyes.
The smell of smoke on his clothes.
“Barr…”
He stood up and leaned forward.
I shut my eyes and he pressed his lips to my forehead.
He then put his lips to my ear. “Of course I love you, love. Just take a minute and let everything come back to you.”
The door opened again and a doctor came into the room.
He stopped to get exam gloves.
He looked at me and smiled big with his thin, small, black frames on his face. Thinning black hair slicked back. Tall and pencil thin.
“How are we feeling, Miss Ditkiss?” he asked.
“Please,” I said. “Call me Tinsley.”
He laughed. “Sure thing. I’m Dr. Joe. Mind if I take a look around?”
“Okay,” I said.
He started to examine me. My face, my eyes, touching my neck, asking me all kinds of questions. My pain level. Where the pain was. If I remembered anything. Stupid questions like what my favorite cartoon character as a kid was and then if I knew where he had left his golf shoes.
UNTamed: a bay falls high novel Page 16