Our cocks line up, and even though we’re fully clothed, there’s something more erotic about the feeling of him hard against me than all the filthy sex I’ve had in my life, on set or off.
“Cameron,” he gasps into my mouth.
“Is this okay?” I check, kissing down his chin and along his jaw, unable to keep my lips off of him now that I’ve started.
“You tell me,” he chuckles, the sound making his throat vibrate against my mouth and his chest rumble against mine.
I roll my hips, pressing my erection against him.
“Feels pretty okay to me.”
“You were pretty sure you were straight five minutes ago, are you sure you don’t need a few minutes to think about this?”
I let my teeth graze against his pounding pulse point and he groans.
“I don’t want to think about anything right now. You know very well I’m not a blushing virgin, and right now I just want to do the easy thing, instead of overthinking it to death.” I reach for the button on Jackson’s jeans and feel him tense, pushing away from me.
“Well, I need a minute to cool off and think anyway.”
“Oh, right, of course.” I sit up too, leaning forward to hide the way my pants are tented and doing my best not to look down at his erection either.
“Is this just a hookup or is it more than that?” he asks after a few seconds.
“I…don’t know.” I put my hands over my face, dragging them up and through my hair before hanging my head.
Jackson deserves a better answer than that and there’s part of me that wants to promise him things I’ve never promised anyone. But I’m not sure I can. It’s not only that I’m not sure what it would be like to have a relationship with a man, or if it’s even what I want. It’s that I’m not sure a relationship with anyone would work given the way things are in my life right now. I have my mom to think about and two jobs, so I don’t exactly have time to woo someone. And would he expect me to quit porn? Not that I want to do porn the rest of my life, but right now it’s my only option to make the money I need for my mom.
“Let’s do this.”
24
Jackson
It’s crazy, of course. I’m crazy. I should say no for many reasons, but none come to mind right now. All I can think of is his mouth on mine, my body covering his, naked skin on naked skin. My blood hums with want, the force of it making it hard to breathe. Why did I put the brakes on again?
Right, I needed a minute to think. Well, I’m done thinking. I wanna go back to feeling, to kissing, to exploring. When I lean in for another one of those earth-shattering kisses, he gently places a hand against my chest.
“Jackson, wait. Tell me why. I thought you wanted more.”
How do I tell him that he is more? That he’s everything I want? When I look at him, I see it all. The ranch, the dog, the white picket fence, maybe even a couple of kids. But I know that if I tell him that, I’ll lose him. He’s barely ready to be with me, let alone hear what basically comes down to a proposal of marriage.
No, I need to move slow here, like you would with a skittish colt. Win his confidence. Get him to trust me. Then, put a saddle on him and ride him before he realizes he’s been suckered. Well, in this case maybe the riding comes first, I think, and smile at him.
“I said I wanted more than a hookup, Cam. I was looking for a connection. Wouldn’t you say we have one?”
He stares at me, his lips still slightly moist and swollen from our kissing, and his jaw red from my stubble. He’s never looked more beautiful to me.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I’m a big boy, Cam. You’re under my skin…and I think I’m under yours, so let’s see where this goes.”
One, two seconds, and then he closes the distance between us and his mouth is on mine again. That fire from before that had simmered down flares up again. He willingly lies back on the bed again on his back, pulling me on top of him. His hands find my shirt and pull it out of my jeans, then dance over the skin on my back.
And his tongue, oh gosh, his tongue. Our mouths move in an intricate dance to music only we can hear, pushing and pulling, giving and taking, the speed building up until we’re chasing each other.
I want to see him, touch him, feel him, and with regret, I let go of his mouth. I see my desire reflected in his eyes, almost black with want.
“We good?” he asks, his voice hoarse, and I realize he’s asking for my consent to go further.
“We’re very good,” I assure him before I push myself up and whip my shirt over my head. “And now we’re even better.”
He grins at me, that blinding grin that does all kinds of funny things to my stomach. “I like that,” he says. “I like that very much.”
He reaches for his shirt and I have to move off him a bit, then help him drag it over his head. “I can’t get over how smooth you feel,” I say, reveling in the sensation of his bare skin under my hand.
I run my palm over his chest, smiling when he arches his back to reach into my touch. “Needless to say, you’re way ahead of me when it comes to sex, so tell me when I’m doing something wrong, okay?” I ask him.
Cam frowns. “You have had sex before, right?”
“Yes, Master Yoda, but your sexy ways teach me you must.”
His grin is back after that or maybe it’s because my hand hasn’t stopped exploring his chest. His nipples are little pebbles now, and when I flick them, they get even harder. He watches me intently, a look on his face I’ve never seen before.
“I don’t think I need to teach you a damn thing,” he says. “Your instincts seem to be working fine.”
I lower my mouth to his neck and lick a trail from his Adam’s apple downward. Just above his collarbone, I find a spot that makes him squirm a little, so I suck it until there’s distinct redness visible.
“I gave you a hickey,” I say with a strange pride.
Cam laughs. “Marking your territory, are you?”
I touch the spot with my index finger, a rush thundering through me. “Just getting started.”
His eyes darken even more. “You’re so fucking sexy.”
I’m a patient man by nature and I want to take my time with him, I really do, but there’s a sense of urgency boiling inside me to hurry up. The need to be with him, to be one with him is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. And it’s not just my dick talking—though I can’t deny it’s ready and rarin’ to go. No, it’s something much deeper, something inside me that longs to connect with Cam on the most intimate level.
Leave it to me to make what’s supposed to be simple sex into a romantic tale. I swear, there are days when I wear myself out with all the thinking I’m doing. Lucky for me, Cam doesn’t share my patience, so when I’m stuck staring at him, trying to take it all in, he takes over.
With one gentle shove, he switches positions, and now it’s me on my back with him leaning over me. “Your body,” he says, licking his lips in a way that makes my heart swell, “it’s so fucking perfect.”
Then his mouth descends on mine again, and I can barely think as his tongue invades my mouth, claiming everything I can offer him and then some. His right hand deftly unbuckles my belt and his nimble fingers pop open the buttons on my jeans until he can reach inside. The moment his hand is on my cock, I let out an embarrassing moan. He smiles against my mouth, but never stops kissing me.
Cam’s an expert at multitasking, I discover. His mouth is still kissing me in a way that makes my head swirl and his hand is firmly wrapped around my cock, not so much stroking as putting perfect pressure on it. He does this thing with his thumb on my slit, which is making me leak like crazy, and I can barely think with all the sensations assaulting my body.
With his lips against mine, he whispers, “Wanna take this further?”
I swallow. “How?”
“I want you inside me,” he says, shocking me.
I’d expected him t
o want to top, what with him claiming he wasn’t gay until, like, five minutes ago. And I woulda been fine with bottoming, I swear, but I’m not gonna turn down this sweet proposal.
“Yeah,” I say, proving once again how eloquent I am when my brain is being fried by what he’s doing to me.
He rolls off me and shows he’s far more practiced at taking off his clothes in bed than I am, because he’s naked within seconds, whereas I almost fall off the bed trying to take off my jeans. He shoots me an amused smile and pitches in, dragging them off and then my underwear as well.
And then he’s on top of me again, but now we’re both naked, and I can barely take it. He feels so good, and my hands have a will of their own as they find their way to his ass, caressing his soft skin there. He spreads his legs a little, and it brings our dicks together in a way that almost makes me swallow my tongue. Good thing he’s got his wrapped around it, claiming my mouth all over again.
“If you don’t stop rutting against me, this will be over in a most embarrassing way,” I warn him.
“I haven’t even tasted you,” he teases.
“Cam, you can take your own sweet time next time, but please, if you so much as breathe on my dick now, I’ll come.”
My goodness, there’s that smile again, the one that sends my heart all a-flutter. “We can’t have that, now can we?”
He reaches over me into a drawer and pulls out a condom and lube. We’re really doing this, and I’m so excited I can’t hardly breathe. He rolls it on me with quick moves and slicks me up. I watch as he preps himself with fast strokes. “This one’s on me,” he says with a wink. “Next time, you get to do it.”
He rolls on his back, pulls up his legs, and invites me by holding his arms wide. I feel clumsy when I climb on top of him, fumbling with where to position my knees and hands and how to get everything lined up. Then Cameron cups my cheeks and gives me a slow, soft kiss. “Relax,” he says. “There’s no rush.”
The nerves flutter less now, and I manage to find a comfortable position—more or less. “Are you good?” I check with him and he nods, still with that adorable, encouraging smile.
I press against his hole and slide in with ease, nothing like the clumsy experiences with my ex—though I hate to even call him that, the two-timing, lying… Nope, not wasting any more time on him. I’d much rather think of Cameron, and how insanely good it feels to fill him.
I carefully push in deeper and he lets out a little sigh, his eyes drifting shut. “Mmm,” he sighs.
He’s so warm, so tight, but that’s not what makes my spine tingle. It’s knowing that it’s him, my Cam, that I’m closer to than ever before. It’s knowing that we get to share this intimate experience that will change me forever.
It’s a strange realization, knowing that he’s done this so many times, and yet I’m not threatened by that or jealous or insecure. Yeah, I’m a little concerned I won’t be as smooth as I’d like to be, but that’s got nothing to do with his job. That’s because I wanna make this good for us.
I start thrusting carefully, repositioning myself until I’ve found the perfect angle that makes Cameron breathe out on little puffs and sighs, moans so soft I can barely hear them over the slick sounds our bodies make.
“Cam,” I say, feeling my body lose the battle with my impending orgasm. I’ve become good at edging, I thought, but that was before I was inside the man I love. “I can’t hold out much longer.”
His eyes blink open and he smiles. “Feeling good?”
“Better than ever before. But I want you with me, Cam. Please.”
He takes my right hand and wraps it around his cock, just the top. “Put your thumb on my slit,” he tells me, and I follow his instructions. He’s dripping with precum, which releases a flood of satisfaction inside me.
“Now squeeze, like you’re massaging, while fucking me.”
I’m not as good at multitasking as he is, and it takes me a few tries to get it right, which actually helps me stave off my orgasm. But when I do find a good rhythm, Cam starts thrusting into my hand, which is the hottest thing ever, also because every time he snaps his hips up, I can slam even deeper inside him. My balls make this little whack against him and the sound alone is enough to nearly send me over the edge.
I hang on with whatever willpower I have left, but then I lose the battle. My balls pull up tight, and I close my eyes as I jerk into him a few times, not even able to keep it coordinated. I let out a long moan as I unload, and seconds later, I feel Cam’s dick tremble in my hands and he spills his cum all over my hand and his own chest.
I’m barely coherent enough to get rid of the condom and chuck it onto the floor with a reminder to myself to clean that up later, and then all I want to do is hold Cam and cuddle. The sex was everything I thought it would be, but the feelings? They’re stronger and deeper than I had ever thought possible. Sweet mercy, I’m so in love with this man.
25
Campy
I wake up with Jackson’s large body half on top of me, both of us a little sweaty under the blankets, his cock half-hard in his sleep as he snores near my ear. Well, at least I know last night wasn’t a dream. Although, the ache in my ass may have been a clue too.
My ass isn’t the only thing feeling it this morning either—my lips feel a little sore and swollen from our kisses, which lasted long after the sex was over, and I can feel everywhere Jackson’s stubble rubbed my skin raw.
It’s possible I should be freaking out right now, but when I close my eyes and try to find any sense of regret or fear, all I come across is a new lightness in my soul. How the hell it took me this long to figure this out, I’ll never know. But maybe it’s not so bad that I didn’t figure it out until Jackson came along. I’m reluctant to slap a label on myself and I don’t think it’s necessary at this point. What matters is that we agreed to see where this might go.
My stomach churns a little at that in a way it didn’t from the sex. I don’t know what exactly that means, to see where things go. And I’m completely certain all my lies and bullshit are just waiting to bite me in the ass and send this whole house of cards tumbling before long. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it while it lasts, right?
“Ya freakin’ out?” Jackson mumbles, his accent extra thick with sleep.
“Not like you think.”
He yawns and stretches, then pulls me closer to him, running his nose along my throat. “Not regrettin’ last night then?”
“Not at all,” I assure him. “What time do you need to be on set?”
“Soon. What time is it?”
I sit up and lean over him to grab my phone off the nightstand. “Six-thirty.”
“Shoot, yeah, I gotta get movin’.” He throws the covers back and slips out of bed, gathering his clothes in his arms and then turning to give me a shy smile. “We’re good?”
“We’re good,” I assure him, puckering my lips in invitation. Jackson leans down to give me a kiss that straddles the line between quick and lingering, clearly wanting to turn it into more if he had time.
“In that case, I’m takin’ you on a date this weekend once we both have a day off work together.”
My stomach flutters at the declaration and I nod happily.
“I’ll be at the rehab center today, so I’ll be home at my usual time.”
After that, Jackson disappears into the shower while I make coffee and linger in the kitchen until he leaves.
I’m too restless to sit around the apartment all morning, so I decide to get dressed and go down to Ballsy to see if anyone is around.
When I get there, it sounds like Brewer and Tank are filming a scene together, so I linger out of sight for a little while.
When the scene wraps, they walk off set with their arms around each other, bickering and teasing in a way that seems to have become pretty standard for them recently.
“Campy, hey,” Brewer greets when he spots me. His gaze zeros in on my throat and he smirks. “Nice hickey.”
&nbs
p; “Shit,” I mutter, putting my hand over the spot.
“I hope that’s from your cowboy.”
“Um…yeah,” I admit. “We sort of hooked up last night.”
“Sort of?” Tank asks, quirking an eyebrow at me.
“We fucked, okay?” I clarify with a hint of irritation.
“You’re freaking out,” Brewer observes. “Why are you freaking out?”
“I’m not,” I argue. “It was great, he’s great, everything is fine. Well, everything except for the fact that I’m a fucking mess and Jackson could do about a million times better than me.”
“That’s bullshit,” Brewer says. “You’re a catch, so don’t ruin a good thing by letting self-doubt get in your way.”
“Easier said than done,” I mumble.
“Sure it is,” he agrees. “But you have to make a conscious effort if you want it to work.”
“Since when are you full of so much wisdom?” I joke.
“Must be from spending time with me,” Tank teases.
“No, I spoke in full sentences without any grunting or growling, so that theory is out,” Brewer deadpans.
“Well, thanks. I didn’t mean to sidetrack you, I’m sure you want to get showered and everything. I appreciate the advice though.”
“Anytime.”
As I watch Brewer and Tank walk away, guilt churns in my stomach again. Sure, Pixie was cool when I told him about the whole not gay thing, but there’s no guarantee the other guys would be. And what about Bear? How pissed will he be if he ever finds out I lied about doing straight porn before coming to work for Ballsy Boys? There’s so much on the line and no matter how much I want to throw all the lies off and show them all the truth, I’m afraid of what will happen.
Jackson
Figuring out what to do on my first official date with Cameron was easy. We were watching a documentary a few days ago, and they showed some park rangers on horseback. Cameron casually mentioned that he would love to learn how to ride. That, I can arrange, and even better, I can combine it with another invitation that was still outstanding.
Campy (Ballsy Boys Book 4) Page 17