Psychology of Submission

by Livia Grant

  "Thank you. That's nice of you to say, but I'm just a distraction, Sean. You have Ashley. She has to come first. You have your life together here and an amazing career running this hotel. I know this time together, it's just a fun distraction."

  "Distraction? Seriously? Don't think I don't know what you're leaving off the list of reasons why you don't think this is going to work between us. You don't think I've got what it takes to be the kind of man you need, do you, Traci?"

  Her pupils flared. He knew he'd struck gold. She finally replied, "I never said that, Sean, but let's face it. You said it yourself, you'd never heard of domestic discipline before you met me. Never even thought of using physical discipline within a relationship."

  "Maybe not, but I've been thinking of it non-stop since reading your research. Since listening to your impassioned speech. Since burying myself inside you, knowing we were as physically close as we could be, yet still sensing there was an intimacy still missing. It took me hours of reflection to finally realize what it was."

  "I'm looking for a Dom, Sean. An HoH. Someone I trust to lead me, not just in the bedroom, but outside of it, too. I know most women would be appalled to hear me say this, but I can't help it. It's the truth."

  "And that's all I ever want from you, Traci, is the truth. The question is, will you even let me apply for the job to see if I can be the man you are looking for?"

  "And what if you are? Then what?"

  "One problem at a time, Trace."

  He saw tears in her eyes and gave her time to gather her thoughts. When she spoke, he wished she hadn't. "Why me? You could have any woman you want. A woman who doesn't have all of these irrational needs."

  "Traci Jackson. It's bad enough you insist on putting yourself down, but I never thought you'd judge the submissives that you've been working with in your research. Are they all irrational too?"

  His argument hit home. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

  "Do I? And how about my irrational needs? I've told you that I may not understand why, but every time I read about the D/s relationships you've studied, it impacts me."

  "You're just humoring me."

  Sean was getting frustrated. He didn't know how to combat her arguments. The answer came to him in a flash. Could he? Should he?

  It might help us both.

  Sean slid his hands down to grasp Traci's bare biceps, squeezing her while he pulled her against his hard chest. He made sure she could feel his growing erection as he contemplated spanking a woman for the first time in his life.

  "Do you remember what I said last night... if we were in a long term relationship, what was the first rule I would put in place for you that would have consequences?"

  Her lips parted and surprise shone in her eyes. She leaned on him for support, as if she were having trouble holding herself upright under his dominant glare. His confidence grew. "Traci, I'd like an answer. What did I tell you I wouldn't put up with?"

  "Putting myself down. And I haven't. I'm just being realistic."

  "Calling yourself irrational? Assuming you aren't worthy enough to try to figure out what this attraction we feel towards each other is all about? Assuming we should just call it quits now because you aren't possibly a person I could have feelings for? That sounds like putting yourself down to me. You know, I can only think of one way to show you how much I disagree with you." Sean took a deep breath before plunging forward. "Traci, I'd like to give that beautiful ass of yours a spanking."

  If he'd doubted his course, Sean's doubts slipped away as she melted into his arms. It was as if the dam that had been holding back her careful control had crumbled. The vulnerability in her eyes reminded him of the power he had over her and he vowed to protect her, even from himself. Knowing he couldn't change his mind, Sean pulled the straight-backed dining room chair away from the table and sat before he pulled Traci to stand between his open thighs. He boldly groped her ass cheeks through her jeans, subtly caressing where he would soon be chastising.

  "Traci."

  "Sean."

  "I think I should spank you tonight, honey."

  She waited long enough to answer that he wondered if she ever would. "Why are you doing this, Sean? Really. You don't have anything to prove to me."

  "Maybe I need to prove it to myself." Another long thirty seconds passed before he pressured her. "I won't proceed unless you give me permission, Traci."

  He waited for her slight nod of assent before shifting his hands to the buttons of her jeans. Sean slowly pushed her pants to the floor to pool around her ankles. Her pink lacy underwear matched her top, which now barely contained her protruding nipples. Before relocating her over his knee, he slid his hands to cup her breasts and flicked his thumb across her tips as they expanded.

  He guided her to his right and then pulled her forward. Her tummy connected with his thighs, her hair and hands touched the floor on one side and sandal-covered toes barely reached the floor on the other side. Sean took time to enjoy the surreal moment of Traci's ass rising up, ready to receive his correction. He massaged that ass, which drew moans from her. Her moans changed to a groan as he pulled the panties down to pool near her knees. Her jeans had fallen to the floor, which allowed Sean to spread her legs several inches apart.

  Traci’s breathing became erratic before he even started. He admired the perfect round curve of her ass as it met her quivering thighs. Her hourglass figure showcased her trim waist as it flowed into the creamy white globes of flesh that would be pink soon.

  Can I really do this? Can I strike a woman?

  Growing impatient with himself, Sean lifted his right hand and brought it down with a loud slap to her right butt cheek. Even he knew it was a lame strike. He vowed to make the next one count, and it did. Moving back and forth between her two cheeks, Sean peppered her with a dozen swats. Her creamy skin was now painted a pink hue, yet Traci remained silent. A case of nerves invaded Sean as he realized he didn't have the first clue about what he was doing. He should have googled today and studied up on spanking techniques.

  After delivering another half dozen swats, he stopped to trace his fingers through her lower folds, hoping to get some physical confirmation that he was on the right track. His digits were drenched with one slide through her pussy. She almost bucked off his lap entirely when he brushed her clit. He spent a full minute rubbing her towards an orgasm, but stopped short to ensure that she was focused back on the spanking.

  Sean resumed the open-handed chastisement. He enjoyed Traci's urgent gasps as each strike connected with her bottom. Back and forth he went, alternating between spanking and intimate caresses until he heard the telltale signs that Traci was about to come. Desire to bury himself in her hard and fast consumed him. He needed to feel the slap of his body against her naughty bottom as he fucked her.

  Sean quickly stood and maneuvered Traci to position her face down across the large dining room table. He pushed the place setting aside in his urgency and Traci seemed to understand the plan. She settled across the table and reached forward to grab the other side while positioning her bottom at the edge. Sean rushed to slide a condom on before he lined up his cock at the entrance of her pussy.

  He claimed her in one hard thrust that slammed their bodies together. Sean grabbed her hips for better leverage as he pounded into her from behind which ensured that her pink bottom continued to be slapped by his body versus his hand. Last night they had made love. Tonight he claimed her—consumed her—in the most primal way. As Traci pushed her ass back to meet his thrusts, his control slipped until he felt like a rutting animal, chasing after an elusive rush. He fought his own urges, and knew he should be more gentle with Traci, but she didn't make it easy for him when she began to make the most amazing guttural noises.

  Her loud cry as he felt the walls of her pussy contract in pleasure pushed him into his own orgasm. Sean lunged forward, deep inside her as he came. It was as if his energy left him with the last drop of cum because he collapsed over Traci and blan
keted her with his heavier body. They remained locked together until each caught their breath.

  Sean used a nearby cloth napkin to attend to the dripping wetness that tracked down Traci's inner thighs. This drew a small giggle from her as he hit a ticklish spot. Spanking her had been risky. He would never have forgiven himself if he'd hurt her. Her laughter calmed him.

  They embraced after they righted their clothes. The serene glow that shined back at him from Traci gave him the answer he sought. She had enjoyed her discipline.

  "Wow. That was amazing, Sean."

  "Double wow. I hope I wasn't too hard on you for your first punishment."

  She'd been smiling broadly until he finished his sentence. Her smile wavered. "Did you think that was a punishment?"

  "Well sure. It was a spanking. Spankings are punishments. I wasn't sure I could do it, but I enjoyed it. I loved how wet you were. I can tell it turned you on, too."

  "I did enjoy it, Sean, but that's because it wasn't a punishment."

  Sean felt their connection slipping away. "I beg to differ, Traci. Maybe you've gotten worse, but..."

  "That wasn't a punishment. Period. There are all kinds of spankings. Maintenance, erotic, punishment... that was an erotic spanking. And let's be clear, I did love it."

  "I'll bite. How is a punishment spanking different?"

  "Length. Intensity. Implement. Mindset. Non-sexual."

  "But, Trace, you were starting to whimper and your ass was nice and pink. It was time to stop before I really hurt you."

  Her indulgent smile hurt his pride. Despite their age difference, for the first time Sean felt like an inexperienced newbie. Her smile waned. "It's okay. I appreciate you trying. I hadn't expected it."

  "Wait. I need to understand. You mean punishments would have been harder?" She nodded. "Longer?" She nodded again. "What implement?"

  "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you." She delivered the message with a naughty grin.

  "Fine. So it sounds like I have a bit of research to do, young lady. Are you at least hungry now?"

  "Starving."

  CHAPTER SIX

  With relief, Traci closed the door behind her last patient for the week. It had been getting harder to focus on her work in the almost two weeks since she'd returned to Corbin's Bend after her life-changing trip to Chicago. She wasn't looking forward to her weekend improvement project... getting her own head screwed on straight. She'd been moping and had fallen into a perpetual self-pity party she was finding it hard to dig herself out of.

  Sean's grey eyes haunted her and reminded her of what she'd come close to having. As close as they'd become when together, she now felt him slipping through her fingers.

  For the hundredth time since returning home, she replayed the events of the last few weeks. She'd known it would make it harder to leave, but she'd been helpless to deny Sean's request to extend her time in Chicago. She'd changed her flight home and once the conference ended at noon on Friday, they had been inseparable. They spent every single minute together until they said their good-byes at the airport that Sunday. She had tried so hard to believe him when he had promised they would figure out a way to stay in touch.

  Now almost two weeks later, their daily phone calls and texts had already become shorter and less frequent. Where they had talked effortlessly in person, there was now a strain with frequent bouts of awkward silence. Traci had known, even in Chicago, that the chances of them being able to maintain a long distance romance were slim. Still, she'd allowed her heart to hope, which made the reality that things were already unraveling that much harder to swallow.

  The ring of her doorbell was unwelcome. It had taken every ounce of her energy to get through this week without projecting her disappointment onto her patients. She didn't want to talk to anyone. She wanted to curl up in a ball and read romance novels while eating buckets of ice cream until she felt better.

  Traci looked through her front door's peephole, hoping to see the mailman or some other visitor that wouldn't require emotional engagement. Unfortunately, it was the person she'd been dodging daily since returning home. The person she was least ready to see. She fidgeted nervously as she stood next to the front door, hoping he'd leave her in peace.

  The pounding on the door came next. "Come on, Traci! Open up. I just saw your last patient leave. I know you're in there. You've been avoiding me long enough. I'm not leaving this time."

  Knowing him as she did, she knew he meant it. Traci took a deep breath before opening the door.

  "Troy."

  "Traci. Are you ready to talk to me yet?"

  "No. Thanks for stopping by, though." She tried to close the door, but her brother was much too fast and strong. He easily pushed his way past her, made his way to the kitchen island, and parked himself on a high stool. She shut the door with a sigh before she headed towards the kitchen herself. "Come on in. Make yourself at home, Troy."

  "Knock it off, Trace. I love you, kiddo. I know something big happened at the conference and I've tried to give you some space until you were ready to talk about it, but I'm worried about you."

  Traci saw the concern on her brother's face and was grateful for it. Still, she wasn’t ready to talk about Sean with Troy yet since she felt foolish for letting herself fall for a vanilla guy that lived half the country away.

  "I know you're worried, and I'm sorry for that. I also know you're trying to help, but I just need some time to sort through everything, Troy."

  "Let me help you. As a therapist, you're there to help so many others talk through their issues, but who's there to help you? You can be so stubborn, never asking for help." When Traci refused to look at her brother, he pleaded. "Please, Trace. Talk to me. What happened when you gave your presentation? Did people ridicule you again like you were afraid of?"

  That was a question she could answer. "Actually, my presentation went great. I presented to the entire assembly and the room was packed. They listened for the full two hours. I got a great reception and my data was well received."

  "Trace, that's awesome. Congratulations! I bet that felt great."

  "Honestly, it felt better than great. I couldn't believe how supportive everyone was. Even days later, people were stopping me in the hall to ask questions or let me know they'd enjoyed the presentation. There were only the normal immature idiots who I knew would try to heckle me, but even they were shutdown pretty quickly."

  "So while this is amazingly great news, I'm more confused than ever. If the presentation was such an overwhelming success, why have you been so upset since you got home? You've about bit my head off each time we talked and you're acting like your best friend just died. I thought things were going great when you decided to stay a couple extra days to enjoy Chicago, but I still don't understand why you rented a car to drive yourself home from the airport instead of letting me pick you up as we'd planned."

  Traci didn't want to tell Troy she'd purposefully avoided riding in a car with him for over an hour, knowing he would pressure her with all of the same questions he was here to ask today. She'd hoped it might get easier with time and perspective. No such luck.

  "You want some coffee? Tea? Wine?"

  "Enough stalling. Talk to me."

  She peeked up at her big brother and saw his love for her. It gave her the courage to level with him. "I didn't stay in Chicago to sightsee. I met someone while I was there and I wanted to spend a few more days with him."

  She watched Troy trying to figure out how he felt about the new news. He proceeded cautiously. "I didn't expect that answer."

  "Why, because it's so hard to believe someone might actually want to go out with me?"

  "Don't be ridiculous, Trace. You are a beautiful, intelligent, warm woman. Any guy would be damn lucky to be with you. It's just... well Chicago... is far away." Troy's demeanor showed the first signs of realization of the reasons for her moodiness.

  "Yes, it is one-thousand, one-hundred and five miles between Chicago and Corbin's Bend. Not that I'm tr
acking it or anything." She knew it wasn't fair to snap at Troy. He was only trying to help.

  "Let's back up, shall we? Does this guy have a name?"

  "Of course."

  "And it is?"

  "Sean."

  "Sean who?"

  "Sean Campbell."

  "Is he a psychologist?"

  "No."

  "Goddammit, Traci. Enough with forcing me into the game of twenty questions. How did you meet Sean? What's he like? How did you leave things? Is it serious?"

  "Stop! This is exactly why I didn't want to talk to you since I've been home. I knew you'd grill me and I'm honestly not ready to talk about this yet, okay?"

  Troy's eyes filled with sympathy and that was the final straw. She could take his bossy, demanding questions. What she couldn't take was his pity. She felt the first prickle of tears.

  "Ah, Trace. I'm so sorry. Things didn't work out?"

  "No, Troy. Things didn't work out. How could they? Weren't you listening? We live a thousand fucking miles apart from each other!" Traci was on the edge. She'd been forced to hold things together, hoping for a miracle when talking with Sean, but each night it became more clear where they were headed.

  Troy stood to hug her, but she pushed off her own stool to move to the kitchen sink. She busily washed the only two dirty cups for something to do to distract herself. He came behind her to hug her back against his chest and wrapped her in his strong arms.

  She hated to admit it, but she needed this hug from her brother. It calmed her. Troy played her perfectly. He silently held and rocked her gently until she felt brave enough to talk about it with him.

  "He's the General Manager of the hotel that hosted the conference. I met him the second day I was there. He asked me out and since I was trying to avoid going to dinner with my colleagues, I said yes. It seemed like a good idea at the time. We went out to eat on Navy Pier. He bought me cotton candy and we rode the huge Ferris wheel. It was a fun night and I should have just let it die there, but he asked me out for the next night, too."