Let It Burn

by Ruth Cardello

  Instead of answering her question, Andrew turned, placed his hand on the small of Helene’s back, and urged her forward. “Kenzi, this is Helene Franklin.”

  Kenzi wiped at her eyes and looked Helene over. “Nice to meet you, Helene.”

  “Nice to meet you, too,” Helene said. She offered her hand for a shake and Kenzi took it, but the exchange was awkward.

  Dax placed his arm around Kenzi’s waist and nuzzled her neck. “Happy?”

  She wagged a finger at him. “I would have gone with you had I known where you were going.”

  Dax kissed his wife’s cheek, appearing more amused than concerned with his wife’s reprimand.

  Kenzi gave her husband an indulgent smile then hugged him again. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said and kissed her briefly on the lips.

  Andrew nodded at the limo. “We’re staying at a hotel, but we’d appreciate the ride.”

  Kenzi exchanged a look with Dax. “We have spare bedrooms at our place.”

  “You know me, I’d rather have my own space,” Andrew said.

  “If you’re sure. We can drop you there after we go to Mom and Dad’s.”

  “I’ll take Helene to see them tomorrow.”

  Kenzi’s expression turned pleading. “No. You have to go tonight. After Dax called me, I told everyone you were coming home. They’re already at the house waiting for you. We thought we’d have dinner together. All of us.”

  “You should have asked, Kenzi. We’re tired.”

  Kenzi’s expression fell, and Helene felt sorry for her. Helene wanted to kick Andrew for not seeing how much it meant to his sister to have him back. Helene said, “I’m not tired.” Andrew frowned down at her. She had grown so used to his eyes following her with approval, desire, or both, that she almost apologized for overstepping. Then she took another look at Kenzi’s sad expression and reminded herself that the right thing to do was often not popular at first but that didn’t make it less imperative to do. Andrew needed his family as much as his family seemed to need him. Let him be annoyed. He’ll get over it. “I’m really looking forward to meeting your family and I’m starving. I don’t mind going without you, Andrew, if you want to go to the hotel and rest.”

  Checkmate.

  He made a sound deep in his chest and glared at her.

  She flashed a bright smile at him. This is for your own good.

  “I couldn’t let you do that,” he said tightly. “Dinner it is.”

  Kenzi studied them both for a moment, then pulled her coat tighter around her. “Great. Then let’s get going.”

  Helene shivered in the light coat she’d grabbed from her house, but said, “I’ll meet you in a second.”

  Kenzi hesitated, but Dax reassured her that everything was fine. Andrew looked as if he wanted to wait with her but she waved him to go with them. As soon as she was alone, she called her parents. “I’m here,” she said.

  After her parents spent a minute situating themselves so they could both hear her, her mother asked, “How was the flight?”

  “Nice. It went by fast.”

  “And his family?” her father demanded.

  “We just got here, so I can’t say much, but his sister seems lovely. She was so happy to see him.”

  “Oh, that’s great,” her mother said.

  “I only have a minute, but I wanted to say something.”

  “Okay,” her parents said in unison.

  “Thank you for understanding how important this is to me. I really want this to work out for Andrew.”

  “We know,” her mother said gently.

  “Don’t see it as a failure on your part if it doesn’t work out there. Not every family is like ours,” her father added.

  Love for her parents welled within her. “I’m realizing that, and it makes me even more grateful to have the two of you. I love you.”

  “We love you, too,” her mother said.

  “We sure do,” her father chimed in.

  “We’re headed over to his parents’ house for dinner. Looks like I’ll be meeting the whole bunch of them tonight.”

  “Just be yourself,” her father said.

  “That’s what Andrew said.”

  Her mother clicked her tongue. “My mother used to say, ‘Give ’em your best and if that ain’t good enough, give ’em hell.’”

  Her father laughed, but said, “Grandma was senile at the end. You might want to go easy on following all of her advice. But don’t worry, Andrew’s family will love you.”

  “Are you staying with his parents?” her mother asked. “If so, you might want to get a hotel room there, too. With all the ‘errands’ the two of you have, his parents will probably be more comfortable with you not doing that in their home.”

  Helene blushed to her toes. She hadn’t realized her parents knew where she and Andrew had disappeared to each day. “Okay, well, good talk. I’ll call you either tonight or tomorrow morning.”

  “Be good,” her mother said.

  “Be careful,” her father added. “Love you.”

  “Love you, too.” Helene hung up and rubbed her cold hands together. The driver of the limo opened the door as she approached it. Helene slid in and chose a spot next to Andrew.

  “Everything okay?” Andrew asked. Although he seemed concerned, he didn’t pull her to him as he normally would have. A search of his face revealed a lack of any emotion. This was what Helene had feared, he was shutting down.

  He was a complicated man. Strong and guarded at times, tender and silly at others. When she’d gone to rush into her uncle’s burning home, she’d seen the depth of his pain and scars. Visiting his family was revealing yet another side of him. He was withdrawing both emotionally and physically. What was he afraid would happen? He’d said he hadn’t gone home mostly because of his mother. He didn’t want to go home damaged. Does he think what he’s been through has made him unlovable? He’s wrong.

  I’m falling hard and fast.

  Is everything okay?

  “Yes,” she said. I have to believe it is.

  Helene’s reappearance was a welcome reprieve from the conversation Andrew had been having with his sister. It had started the moment the door of the limo had closed, allowing Kenzi, Dax, and him a moment of privacy.

  Kenzi had immediately said, “Are you and Helene serious? I’ve never heard you mention her name. How long have you known her?”

  Andrew wasn’t about to tell her any part of how he’d met Helene nor was he ready to define their relationship. “It’s good to see you, too.”

  Dax had taken her hand in his. “Give him a moment to breathe, Kenzi.”

  “He’s never brought anyone home before, Dax. My parents will be asking the same questions.” Kenzi leaned forward. “While we have a minute, Lance heard you went to Aruba. Did you find out anything? I told him the private investigator is exaggerating everything just to milk him for more money. He called and told Lance the man who ran the clinic where I was born fled the country after his house burned to the ground. Do you know anything about that?”

  The door of the limo had opened then, perfectly timed to make a response unnecessary. Now Helene was looking at him with her lips pressed together in determination. He guessed she was disappointed in him, but the lure of going into survival numbness was too strong. Kenzi said something to her that made Helene smile, but he’d missed what it was.

  He yearned for the simplicity of being with Helene in Florida. He wanted to wake up, work hard, laugh with people who didn’t ask him questions he didn’t have the answers to, and lose himself in mind-blowing sex with Helene. It took coming back to Boston to realize ten days in heaven hadn’t cured him. The guilt and self-loathing were suffocating.

  The ride to his parents’ home passed in a blur. Before long, well before he was ready, the limo pulled into their driveway. The driver held the door while Helene and Dax got out. Kenzi hung behind. Andrew half stood to follow them out.

  “Andrew,” Ken
zi said.

  “Yes?”

  “I love you. You don’t have to tell me what happened to you. You don’t have to tell anyone. I just want you to know I’m always here for you.”

  Andrew nodded and finished getting out of the vehicle, then held his hand out to her. “I know.” She stepped off to join Dax, and he cursed himself for not saying he loved her, too. It wasn’t her fault he was fucked up.

  Helene was at his side, and he frowned at her. Her first time meeting my parents shouldn’t be like this. I should be laughing, and she should be dancing with excitement. I’m sorry, Helene. Sorry I can’t do this better.

  Her eyebrows furrowed as if she was trying to read his thoughts. “Are you angry with me?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Myself. I shouldn’t have brought you here. You don’t need this crap. What the hell are you doing with me?”

  She caressed his cheek softly. “Falling in love for the first time in my life. So stop looking like this is the worst day of your life. We’ve got this.” She dropped her hand and took a step toward the house. “Are you coming?”

  He stood absolutely still, her words crashing over him like a tsunami overwhelming the shore. He’d retreated so far within himself that it took a minute or so to be sure he’d heard her right. “Don’t,” he said hoarsely. “Don’t fall in love with me.”

  She pressed her lips together again and her unwavering eyes held him in their spell. “You can say you don’t feel the same, but you can’t tell me how to feel.” She waved a hand over her face and chest. “Sweet on the outside. Steel underneath.”

  With a half smile, he pulled her into his arms. “I don’t fucking deserve you.”

  She kissed him, and for a moment everything else dissolved away. When their kiss ended, she smiled up at him with tears in her eyes. “Yes, you do. Give me a chance and I’ll prove it to you.”

  Her claim reminded him of how she’d sounded when she’d defended her uncle. Andrew shuddered against her. He’d once been fearless in the face of the unknown. Danger was a challenge he’d run toward, until he’d seen too many men die that way. He’d thought age and experience had tempered that cockiness until he’d packed Lofton into a body bag. As close, if not closer, than Andrew was to any of his biological brothers, Lofton had been his family. I failed him. Failed his wife. His daughter.

  God, I miss him.

  Part of him wanted to drive Helene away before he failed her, too.

  Part of him wanted to hold her until her faith in him led him back to himself.

  He could have said the words she was probably hoping to hear, but he wasn’t ready to. He just stood there, holding her.

  “Come on in, Andrew. Everyone is excited to meet your friend,” his father’s voice called out from the steps.

  Andrew didn’t look away from Helene. “Thank you for coming here with me.”

  She smiled. “It’ll be good. You’ll see.”

  Andrew stepped back and took her hand, leading her up the stairs to where Dale Barrington was waiting. “Dad, this is Helene Franklin.”

  His father smiled cautiously. “Nice to meet you, Helene.”

  “You, too.” Helene pounced on his father and gave him a tight hug that took him completely by surprise then looked back at Andrew and winked.

  Andrew almost smiled as he stepped forward. He and his father had often found themselves on opposite sides, especially since Dale’s top priority had been to keep family events peaceful. If he knew the baggage Andrew was carrying this time, he likely wouldn’t let him in the door.

  Andrew shook his father’s hand. “Dad.”

  “Andrew. It’s good to see you.”

  “You, too.”

  “Come in. Come in. Your mother hasn’t been able to sit since she heard you were coming.”

  The door behind his father opened and his mother appeared as if on cue. “Andrew!”

  Andrew walked into her arms. She pulled back and took his face between her hands. “How are you?”

  “Fine,” he answered automatically. Throughout his life it had been the only allowed response. Everything went smoother if he kept his reactions contained to what his parents expected.

  His mother studied his face, looked as if she wanted to ask him a question, but didn’t. Instead she looked past him and smiled. “You must be Helene. Kenzi was telling me about you.”

  “All good,” Helene joked and hugged his mother in greeting.

  “Of course,” his mother said graciously and linked her arm with Helene’s. “Everyone is waiting to meet you.”

  When they were out of earshot, his father said, “You had us pretty worried.”

  “I don’t want to argue, Dad,” was all Andrew said before following Helene and his mother into the house.

  His father sighed audibly and closed the door behind him.

  As soon as he entered the foyer, his brothers headed for him like warships cutting through choppy water. He looked around. Helene was already in a circle of his sisters-in-law, holding a baby. Seeing her with them twisted his gut painfully. Could he ever give her that?

  “Nice of you to finally show your face,” Asher said in his usual tone.

  “Take it easy, Asher. He doesn’t even have his coat off yet,” Ian advised smoothly.

  Asher looked him over. “From the stories I heard, I expected you to look like shit.”

  Grant appeared at one side of Andrew, Lance on the other.

  Sporting a tight smile, Andrew said, “Funny how no one gets it right. People told me you were easier to get along with now that you’re a father.”

  “Always a joker,” Asher said harshly, “but there’s nothing funny about what you put the family through. You couldn’t answer one call? Text Mom that you weren’t dead?”

  Andrew would have said something, but he looked up and saw his mother watching them. He’d come home to make them feel better, not worse. “I’m here now.”

  Ian said, “Is it true that you’re not a Marine anymore?”

  The youngest of his brothers said, “I believe they say, ‘Once a Marine, always a Marine.’”

  “Whatever,” Ian said. “You didn’t reenlist after your last tour?”

  “Correct,” Andrew answered shortly.

  Grant put a hand on his shoulder. “What’s your next step? If you want help planning it out, my door is always open. You’ve left your trust fund just sitting there. It would have a lot more in it if you did something with it.”

  Lance said, “Grant, he can talk about that anytime. I want to know about your trip to Aruba.”

  “What trip to Aruba?” Ian asked.

  “I asked him to go there to check something out,” Lance answered.

  “You were on the fucking beach, and you couldn’t be bothered to call us?” Asher snapped.

  Fighting to maintain his cool beneath their sustained interrogation, Andrew raised both hands and walked away without saying another word. He glanced at the liquor cabinet and clenched his hands at his sides. No. Been there. Done that. Don’t need it.

  But I do need air. Without thought of how it would look to Helene or his parents, he whipped open the door and stepped back out into the cool evening. He inhaled deeply then tensed when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

  From behind him, Asher growled, “I’m not done.”

  “I am,” Andrew said, not turning back to face his brother. His anger with himself was rising and intensifying his irritation with Asher. “Don’t touch me.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” Asher asked, dropping his hand.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Helene asked, and Andrew whipped around to see her plant herself between Asher and him. “This is your brother. You have to know him well enough to be able to see that he has been through a rough time. I convinced him to come here because I believed you love him. I don’t know what usually happens here, but you need to back the fuck up. Instead of jumping all over him for not coming home, ask yourself why he didn’t. It’s glaringly obvi
ous to me.”

  Andrew took hold of Helene’s arm and tried to step in front of her. The last thing he wanted to do was have to kill Asher for unleashing his temper on her. She wouldn’t budge, though, so he compromised and stood beside her.

  Emily appeared at the door with her son on her hip. “Asher? What’s going on?”

  Asher threw his hands up in the air. “I’m talking to Andrew and his girlfriend.”

  Emily looked at each of them. “How’s that going?”

  Asher’s shoulders slumped. “Like shit.” He ran his hand through his hair.

  Emily bounced her son and said softly, “Maybe I can help. Andrew, Asher has been worried sick about you. He hasn’t slept well since you didn’t come home for Thanksgiving.”

  Andrew wanted to withdraw. He didn’t want to have this awkward conversation or open himself to the memories of why he hadn’t come home. Helene’s hand grasped his, though, and when he met her eyes the hope he saw there left him with little choice. “I don’t want to talk about where I’ve been. I want to come in, visit with Mom and Dad, show everyone I’m fine, and fly out tonight.”

  A heavy silence hung over the four of them. Helene said, “In the wild, two adult alpha males naturally clash. They fight until one of them is driven off for good. Humans are supposedly more evolved. You don’t have to lecture your brother, Asher. You don’t have to be right this time. This time, just tell him you love him.”

  “Helene, stop,” Andrew said.

  “No,” Helene turned to look at him. “What your brother just did was wrong, and he knows it.”

  The doorway behind Asher was filled with wide-eyed members of his family. Although the brothers argued often, no one called Asher out for his behavior, especially not at his parents’ home. Helene, though, was a woman who feared nothing, not wild animals, nor raging brothers. His eyes flew to his mother’s, worried that the scene might be too much for her, but she was handling it better than he would have thought.

  Asher let out a long breath. “Don’t leave, Andrew. Especially because of me.” Emily went to stand beside him. She handed their son to him. Asher looked down at the smiling face of Joseph and then back at Andrew. “I’m only angry with you because I thought something had happened to you.”