by Katie Tsang
First published in Great Britain in 2019
by Egmont UK Limited
The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN
Text copyright © 2019 Katie Tsang and Kevin Tsang
Illustration copyright © 2019 Nathan Reed
Additional interior illustrations copyright © 2019 Egmont Ltd
First e-book edition 2019
ISBN 978 1 4052 8753 1
Ebook ISBN 978 1 7803 1817 2
www.egmont.co.uk
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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FOR OUR NEPHEW COOPER
-Katie & Kevin Tsang
CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
CHAPTER 1: WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN SHARKS?
CHAPTER 2: WORSE THAN BEING ZAPPED THROUGH A WORMHOLE
CHAPTER 3: SURPRISE FROM HONG KONG
CHAPTER 4: BAD NEWS FROM THE FUTURE
CHAPTER 5: BOOKS WON’T SAVE YOU FROM BEARS
CHAPTER 6: A MILLION ROCKS ON MY BACK
CHAPTER 7: IMPORTANT LIFE SKILLS
CHAPTER 8: A SUSPICIOUS SNORT
CHAPTER 9: HOT DOGS AND MARSHMALLOWS
CHAPTER 10: A VERY SERIOUS SITUATION
CHAPTER 11: NO MAN’S LAND
CHAPTER 12: INTO THE DARK
CHAPTER 13: A LONG NIGHT
CHAPTER 14: WHAT’S THE PLAN, CAPTAIN?
CHAPTER 15: WHAT LIVES IN CAVES?
CHAPTER 16: ALIEN INTERFERENCE
CHAPTER 17: HOOT-HOOT-HOOT!
CHAPTER 18: THE CREATURE IN THE DARK
CHAPTER 19: SPACE BLASTERS IN THE SKY
CHAPTER 20: MASTERS OF THE DARK
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Back series promotional page
My name is Sam Wu and I am NOT afraid of the dark. Or sharks. Or ghosts.
You might be wondering why I’m listing out all the things I’m NOT afraid of.
It’s because lately I’ve had to prove just how very brave I am.
And let me tell you, proving how brave you are is HARD WORK.
Only the bravest can do it, really.
Most recently, I had to prove I wasn’t afraid of sharks. This is because Ralph Philip Zinkerman the Third, who is the WORST PERSON IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE, invited me to his birthday. At the beach. And as everybody knows, the beach is home of the sharks. Ralph was basically inviting me to Certain Doom.
But Ralph underestimated just how brave I am (as usual). With the help of my two best friends, Zoe and Bernard, and a trusty chilli-pepper belt (it made sense at the time), we were able to outsmart the sharks and Ralph. I even saved Ralph’s grandpa from getting eaten by a shark!1
Before the sharks, well, there was this whole situation with a ghost in my house. And my pet snake, Fang, who is VERY dangerous, went missing. We still think that maybe the ghost and Fang were working together.
At least I still think that. Bernard tells me that we have no evidence.
Bernard might be the smartest kid I know, but he doesn’t know everything. He didn’t even know what SPACE BLASTERS was until I told him about it.
And EVERYONE knows about SPACE BLASTERS! It’s the very best show in the universe. It’s my favourite thing on TV. If I could do anything, I’d be a member of the crew on TUBS, which stands for The Universe’s Best Spaceship. It is led by Captain Jane and Spaceman Jack and their alien friend, Five-Eyed Frank. They go on all kinds of adventures and aren’t scared of anything.
Anyway, the lessons I’ve learned from SPACE BLASTERS, ghosts AND sharks were all just to prepare me for the scariest thing I’ll ever encounter. My greatest challenge yet.
It all started when my friend Bernard came up to me at school with a glum expression. It was the Friday before half-term break, so he should have looked happy. (I know I was happy to have a week of NO SCHOOL!)
‘Guess what?’ he said.
‘What?’ I replied. ‘You look sadder than an alien zapped twice through a wormhole.’
‘It’s even worse than that,’ he said, still frowning. I was glad that Bernard had started watching SPACE BLASTERS, so he TOTALLY got the wormhole reference.
‘Worse? What could be worse than that?’
‘Being zapped four times,’ chimed in Zoe. She had also started watching the show. ‘And then being VAPOURIZED!’
‘Okay, okay. Fine. There are worse things,’ I said quickly. Zoe really liked the show. She had caught up on all the old episodes and had even got her brothers and sisters to watch it with her. ‘We can probably assume Bernard isn’t going to be zapped or vaporized.’
‘Or IS he?’ Zoe said in a spooky voice. ‘Stranger things have happened in space!’ Captain Jane always says that on SPACE BLASTERS.
I gave her a high five for that one.
‘YOU GUYS. I HAVE TO GO CAMPING!’ Bernard wailed. ‘In the WOODS!’
Oh. That was worse than being zapped twice through a wormhole.
We met again at lunch to strategize, in our usual meeting spot by the fence.
‘It won’t be that bad . . .’ I said unconvincingly.
‘BEARS, SAM! BEARS! Just think of the bears!’ Bernard said.
‘And the bugs,’ added Zoe, wrinkling her nose. Then, as an afterthought. ‘I don’t mind bugs, actually.’
‘Maybe you’ll have fun?’ I said, still trying to be enthusiastic for Bernard’s sake. ‘Think of it like an adventure.’
‘Remember all the research we did on sharks?’ Bernard said.
I nodded. ‘But there won’t be sharks in the woods, Bernard.’2
‘Well, bears are basically the sharks of the woods. They don’t have any natural predators. JUST. LIKE. SHARKS.’
‘Maybe they’ll be hibernating!’ I said.
‘They hibernate in the winter. Does it LOOK like winter right now?’ said Bernard, pointing at the sun.
It is never a good idea to try to out-fact Bernard.
‘I think camping sounds kind of cool,’ said Zoe. ‘I went once when I was little with my family.’
‘But you had your brothers and sisters to play with,’ Bernard pointed out. ‘It’ll just be me and my dad. And the “great outdoors” as he calls it.’
Bernard lives with his dad. His mum lives somewhere else and sometimes he goes to stay with her.
I patted Bernard on the back. ‘You can do it,’ I said. ‘I believe in you.’
This is what Spaceman Jack always says to a crewmember when they have to do something they don’t want to do.
‘I’d go with you if I could,’ I added, feeling especially Spaceman Jack-ish. He is my favourite character on SPACE BLASTERS.
‘I would go too!’ said Zoe.
‘You would?’ Bernard’s eyes were huge. ‘Even with the risk of bears? And poison ivy?’
I nodded. ‘Of course I would. That’s what friends are for.’ I said this thinking that there was no way I’d have to go with him.3
I WAS WRONG.
When I got home from school that day, there was a surprise waiting for me.
But NOT the fun kind, like a present. Or a surprise new episode of SPACE BLASTERS.
It was my cousin Stanley from Hong Kong.
And he was staying in MY ROOM. For TWO WEEKS!
Stanley is only two years older than me, but he thinks he’s a teenager.
‘What’s happening, little cuz?’ he said, sitting on MY bed.
‘I’m not little,’ I said. ‘Please get off my bed.’
‘Your mum says it is my bed while I’m here,’ he said. ‘That’s your bed.’ He pointed to a pillow and blankets on the floor.
And then, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Stanley went across my room, opened Fang’s cage AND PICKED FANG UP.
‘Who is this little guy?’ he said.
‘Put down Fang! He’s VERY dangerous,’ I said in my most serious voice, so that Stanley would understand the current danger he was in. ‘And he’s not little either!’
‘This baby snake’s dangerous? You should see the snakes in Hong Kong. Pythons that are bigger than you.’
‘Fang is NOT a baby,’ I said. I wanted to grab Fang out of Stanley’s hands, but I wasn’t sure how to do that without making Fang angry. No matter what Stanley said, Fang is dangerous. Only the bravest people can handle him. Like me. And occasionally my sister Lucy. ‘I’ve been to Hong Kong. And I never saw a snake bigger than me – or Fang!’
I’ve never actually seen ANY snakes in Hong Kong, but I didn’t need to share that detail.
I stormed out of my room and went to find my mum in the kitchen. She was on the phone speaking Cantonese.
‘Mum!’ I knocked on the table in front of her to get her attention. ‘MUM!’
She ignored me and carried on. ‘He arrived safe and sound,’ she said down the phone. She must have been talking to Stanley’s parents in Hong Kong. ‘We’re so glad to have him here.’
I stuck my tongue out.
My mum gave me a mum glare, which is significantly worse than a normal glare. ‘Stop that!’ she mouthed.
I sat down next to her at the table and kicked the floor. I couldn’t believe that my mum was making me give up my bed for Stanley!
My little sister Lucy came running in, her cat Butterbutt in her arms.
‘STANLEY’S HERE! Stanley’s here!’ Lucy shouted, spinning around.
‘Why are you so excited about it?’ I said.
‘I like Stanley! And he brought me sweets from Hong Kong.’
I thought it would take more than sweets to bribe Lucy, but apparently I was wrong.
‘What kind of sweets?’ I asked grudgingly. Lucy held out a sticky hand with a small wrapped sweet in it.
‘Here!’ she said.
I popped it in my mouth. I hate to admit it, but it was delicious.
It tasted like lychee. Which is my favourite fruit. It’s a fruit from Asia that tastes AMAZING. It’s sort of like a cherry, if a cherry had a shell. It has three layers – the bumpy red outside that you peel, the white fruit inside that you eat, and a big brown seed in the middle.
‘Thank you,’ I said with my mouth full of lychee candy. I wondered if Stanley had any more. That would be the only good thing about him coming to stay with us.
‘Sam! What are you doing pouting and kicking the floor?’ my mum said as she hung up the phone. ‘You know better than that.’
‘Why is Stanley here?’ I demanded. ‘And why is he staying in my room? In my BED?’
‘He’s here because he has a new baby brother and sister, and his parents need some time to get the twins settled. And he’s here because he’s family, and family is always welcome.’
Twins! I looked at Lucy and imagined if there were two of her.
‘But why is he in my room?’
My mum sighed. ‘Because he’s your cousin, Sam. And you two will have fun! Why don’t you show him your SPACE BLASTERS cards or something?’
‘Why can’t he stay in the garage? Or on the roof ?’
‘WU GABO!’4 Mum shouted. ‘Get upstairs and be nice to your cousin. Right now.’
I marched up the stairs, back to my room. It wasn’t as if I had a choice in the matter.
At least I didn’t have to go camping.
The next morning at breakfast, everyone kept asking Stanley questions. You would have thought he was the most interesting person in the whole universe.
My dad laughed at all his dumb jokes.
My mum complimented him on his hair.
Lucy wanted to sit next to him.
And Na-Na, my grandma who lives with us, gave him extra congee!5
Even Butterbutt climbed on his lap! And Butterbutt only likes Lucy.
If they all liked Stanley so much, why couldn’t he sleep in THEIR rooms? Or not-sleep, I should say. Stanley was up all last night because of something called ‘jet lag’, which apparently means when you fly across the world your body doesn’t know what time it is. He told me about it in his typical know-it-all way. Even though I’ve been on aeroplanes too. And a real spaceship at the Space Museum.6
‘If Spaceman Jack can travel at warp speed and not get jet lag, I don’t understand why you got it from just going on an aeroplane,’ I said after about a million hours of him telling me about all the things he does in Hong Kong and how cool his life is there. Who cares that they have the most awesome arcades in the world? Or that Stanley supposedly has a top score on a bajillion of the games? Or that at this amusement park called Ocean Park, you can ride roller coasters, watch pandas and see sharks?7
‘It’s as if I’m from the future,’ Stanley went on. ‘I left on Saturday and arrived here on Friday. I’m basically a time traveller.’
‘You just took a flight,’ I grumbled. ‘No big deal.’ It wasn’t as if he’d gone on a spaceship. Then I’d be impressed. Maybe.
‘Hey, Sam,’ Stanley said in between bites of congee. ‘Remember when you first came to Hong Kong and there was a typhoon8 and you were so scared?’
‘I was NOT,’ I said with a scowl.
‘That typhoon wasn’t even a big one. We had an even bigger typhoon after you left! It made our whole apartment building shake.’
‘You should see the storms on SPACE BLASTERS,’ I said. ‘Spaceman Jack and Captain Jane have to fly through them while blasting evil alien lords. Way harder than just hiding in your apartment building.’
‘Is SPACE BLASTERS that show you kept talking about last night? The one that is like Star Wars ?’
‘It’s not like Star Wars,’ I scoffed. ‘Everyone knows SPACE BLASTERS is way better.’
‘Cool,’ said Stanley. ‘Maybe after breakfast you could show me an episode or two.’
I was so surprised that I almost dropped my congee spoon.
Just as we finished breakfast, the phone rang. My dad answered it.
‘Oh hello, Bill! How are you?’
I figured Bill was one of Dad’s friends or a neighbour or something and went into the living room to show Stanley my SPACE BLASTERS cards and to explain to him how the SPACE BLASTERS universe works. Finally something that I could explain to him !
‘Camping? Why, that sounds great! I’m sure Sam would love to go,’ said my dad.
I froze in my tracks.
What?
My dad went on, ‘The only thing is, we’ve got his cousin Stanley here with us.’
Whew! Who would have thought I’d be saved by Stanley, of all people?
But then Stanley turned to my mum. ‘I love camping!’ he said. ‘I’m actually a camping pro.’
Oh no.
‘Hold on a second, Bill,’ said my dad. He turned to my mum and Stanley. ‘Would you like to go camping, Stanley?’
‘I’d love to!’ said Stanley.
No, no, no. This was not good.
‘Can I go too?’ Lucy chimed in. ‘I’ll bring Butterbutt!’
‘NO!’ everyone said at the same time. We all knew Butterbutt
plus Lucy plus the outdoors was a recipe for disaster.
‘I never get to do anything,’ Lucy grumbled. ‘Butterbutt and I will just camp in the back garden then, won’t we, Butterbutt?’
Butterbutt yowled in reply.
‘Maybe camping isn’t a great idea for any of us,’ I suggested hopefully, but nobody was listening to me.
My dad put the phone back up to his ear. ‘Bill, that would be great. Thanks so much. I’m sure they’ll have a wonderful time.’
He hung up and turned to me with a huge smile.
‘GREAT news! You and Stanley are going camping with Bernard and his dad!’
This was, in fact, NOT great news.
Camping would have been terrible on its own (I remembered everything Bernard had said about bears) – and now I had to go with Stanley!
The only solution was to stop this doomed camping trip before it had even started.
‘I’ll be right back!’ I called as I ran out of the door, hopped on Two-Wheel TUBS9 and pedalled off to fix this disaster.
Bernard lives over the river on the other side of town, but I biked there so fast it was like I was travelling at light speed.
I ran up his driveway and rang the doorbell five times to let Bernard and his dad know that I was there on very urgent business.
Bernard’s dad answered the door. He looked as if he had just come back from a camping trip. During which he’d wrestled and swallowed a bear.
This is actually how he always looks. Bernard’s dad is practically a giant – he has a big moustache, and wears the kinds of clothes that I imagine a lumberjack would wear. And he’s NOT even a lumberjack!
Bernard says he’s a palaeontologist, which I think means he likes to dig up old stuff. I don’t know how that is a real job, but grown-ups are weird. Once I asked him if he’d ever dug up a dinosaur or a mummy, and instead he showed me a rock with a leaf stuck in it and said it was thousands of years old. I was NOT impressed. A really old rock is nowhere near as cool as a dinosaur.