Frank, her husband, immediately stood up from the sofa. After giving Adam a quick, firm handshake he gave his wife a long, meaningful look. ‘I’ll be in the foyer if you need me.’
The door closed with a thud behind him and immediately the room filled with a tense, uncomfortable silence.
‘I’m surprised to see you here,’ he blurted finally. ‘I thought your parents always came to you for Christmas.’
She gave him a knowing look. ‘Which is why you thought you’d be safe up here, huh?’
‘No, that’s not …’ He tailed off, horribly aware she was right.
‘As luck would have it, when you once again didn’t reply to my invitation, we all decided to come up to Mum and Dad’s cottage for a change.’
Following her pointed response, the room once again lapsed into a strained silence. Adam shifted on his feet, scratching at the prickles he could feel at the back of his neck. What did you say to the woman you’d been avoiding for three years? The woman who’d been like a sister to you, but whose own sister you’d almost destroyed.
The woman whose nephew you’d killed.
But then she stunned him by reaching for his hand and clutching it between hers. ‘It’s so good to finally see you again. I’ve missed you,’ she whispered, her eyes glistening with tears.
Shocked, confused, he gaped at her, his hand feeling all wrong inside hers, yet he didn’t want to grab it back. Didn’t want to escape the precious contact. ‘You … what?’
Her eyes glanced up at the ceiling and she shook her head, letting out a small, sad sounding laugh. ‘Is that so hard to understand? You’re my brother, Adam, in everything but name. We grew up together. Of course I’ve missed you since you disappeared out of my life three years ago.’
‘You must hate me.’ He almost choked over the words. ‘How can you miss me?’
‘Hate you?’ Her hands squeezed round his even more tightly. ‘Why would I hate you? You’re family.’
The tightness he’d been feeling round his chest since he’d knocked on the door became unbearable. He yanked his hand away, stalking to the other side of the room. ‘Ruth does,’ he said flatly.
Emma swore, which was so unlike her. ‘My sister has said a lot of things she didn’t mean. A lot of things she shouldn’t have done.’
‘Ruth said what she was feeling.’ And as long as he lived he’d never forget her words, or the expression on her face as she’d spat them at him. It had gone beyond anger. Beyond desolation. He’d not just broken their marriage, he’d damn near broken her.
‘Ruth was a wreck,’ Emma countered, her eyes brimming with compassion. ‘She’d just lost the baby. Her emotions were too raw for her to think rationally.’
Adam deliberately turned away from Emma, the pressure on his chest making it hard for him to breathe. ‘When defences are down, people speak the truth,’ he choked out.
‘Oh Adam.’
He heard the sadness, the pity in her voice and he wanted to flee from the room. To get in his car and drive far, far away from her, from the hotel. From the people he’d managed to hurt. And if the expression on Faith’s face – when he’d accused her of making him another rescue project – was anything to go by, the people he was still hurting.
He froze as a pair of arms slid round his waist. Emma peered up at him, her eyes suspiciously bright. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve spent the last three years believing what Ruth said?’
A shudder ran through him as those words echoed once more inside his head. ‘I was there,’ he told Emma stiffly. ‘I know the part I played.’
‘It was an accident.’
‘One I could have prevented.’ Adam felt a searing pain in his chest as his heart began to crumple. ‘Ruth didn’t want to leave. I made her. When we had the accident, I was driving. I caused our son’s death.’ He felt the shameful sting of tears on his cheeks. ‘I don’t blame her for leaving me. For hating me. It’s what I deserved.’
Suddenly Emma tugged at his hand, pulling him until he sat down on the bed. He was so shocked he didn’t stop her. ‘What you deserved,’ she said fiercely, her eyes blazing as she stared down at him, ‘was to have your family supporting you through your grief.’ She gave a shake of her head, her voice growing quieter. ‘Your own parents were useless, as always.’
Adam couldn’t disagree with that one. He’d never been close to them, always aware he was a nuisance. A complication they hadn’t planned and didn’t especially want to have to deal with. They’d become so estranged it had been a shock to see them at his son’s funeral, though they’d dashed back to France the moment their duty had been done. His whole childhood had been the same. A series of duties they’d ticked off over the years. Make sure he’s fed and clothed, tick. Enroll him in a good school, tick. Attend parent’s evening, tick. See him safely off to university, a final tick. Parental duties ended.
The bed dipped as Emma sat down next to him, her hand clasping his. ‘Everyone was so concerned about Ruth,’ she whispered. ‘We didn’t pay enough attention to you. Didn’t appreciate enough that you lost a child, too.’ Her eyes brimmed with tears. ‘I should have realised that. Should have been there for you. The last time I saw you …’ She bit down on her lip, shaking her head.
‘You asked me to leave,’ he said roughly, the rejection feeling as sharp now as it had three years ago.
Her hand tightened on his. ‘And I bitterly regret it. Ruth was in the living room and I panicked. I thought if I was friendly to you, she would see it as a betrayal.’ Tears began to slide down Emma’s face. ‘Instead, I betrayed you, which was unforgivable.’
‘No.’ The word was wrenched from him. ‘It was totally understandable. It’s just I didn’t know that. I thought you felt like Ruth did. Thought you hated me, too.’
‘Oh Adam.’ Emma wiped at her tears with the back of her hand. ‘You have no idea how much I regret how I handled things in those early days. By the time I woke up to how badly I’d ignored you, and your needs, it was too late. You’d disappeared. All I had was your work number and your mobile number. Which you kept refusing to answer.’
Adam’s mind was struggling to make sense of the last few minutes. He’d spent so long running away from Emma it was hard to fathom he was now in the same room as her. And she didn’t hate him.
‘I didn’t phone back because I couldn’t bear to hear the disappointment in your voice,’ he said finally. ‘I knew by hurting your sister, by letting her down in the most terrible way, I’d let you down, too.’
‘I can’t believe you thought that.’ She stared back at him, looking both confused and exasperated. ‘Why do you think I kept asking you to spend Christmas with us? Why do you think I wanted to speak to you so much I kept phoning you?’
He let out a short, bitter laugh. ‘I know you, Emma. You haven’t got a nasty bone in your body. Despite what I’d done, you felt some sort of misguided duty towards me because of our shared past.’ And he’d had enough of people putting up with him because they felt they had to. Not because they wanted to.
Emma gave him a shove. ‘Jeez, for a smart guy, you can be exceptionally stupid. You’re my big brother, Adam. I phoned because I worried about you, especially at this time of year. And because I wanted to see you. And because I love you.’
Emotion reared inside him, a tight band around his chest, a hard lump in his throat. As tears stung his eyes he rubbed them, not wanting to embarrass himself again. ‘I wish I’d answered,’ he whispered.
Her arms came around him once more. They were slender, too short to fully wrap round him, but he welcomed their weight just the same. ‘So do I.’
They remained like that for several minutes, him absorbing her comfort like a sponge, until he jolted, suddenly remembering what Faith had told him. ‘Your parents?’
‘Miss you too,’ she replied quickly, her head resting ag
ainst his shoulder. ‘They’re in the room next door.’
His body shuddered as he drew in a breath. ‘I’m not sure I can—’
‘When you’re ready.’ She smiled up at him, eyes full of understanding. ‘Remember, just because they were there for their daughter, didn’t mean they agreed with what she said.’ Her eyes dropped to where their hands were still clasped. ‘In those first few months after the accident Ruth was hanging by a thread. We worried she was going to take her own life. We had to get counsellors in, keep a watch on her.’
Numbly he nodded. The day of the accident Adam had lost the two most important people in his life. His wife, and his unborn child. Ruth had told him she never wanted to see him again – and she’d kept to that. Any overture he’d made – and there had been plenty in those first few months – she’d thrown back in his face. Wracked with guilt, torn up with grief, after a while he’d stopped trying.
Taking a deep breath, he asked the question. ‘How is she now?’
Emma smiled. ‘She’s good, thank you. She’d like to talk to you.’
Adam leapt up from the bed. ‘No.’ His heart rattled his ribs. ‘I couldn’t.’ He felt himself starting to shake. No way could he face her again after what he’d done to them. No way on this earth. ‘Please tell me she’s not here, too.’
Emma must have sensed he was near to breaking point because she rose and put a gentle hand on his arm. ‘Relax. Ruth isn’t here, no. That’s why we thought it was a good opportunity to go to the cottage. She’s spending today and tomorrow with … a friend. We’re hoping to see her tomorrow night.’
‘Right.’ He could barely squeeze the word out.
‘Nobody’s going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.’
He backed away a few steps, fighting to get his breathing under control, his heart rate back to something that wasn’t supercharged.
Finally Emma broke the silence. ‘So, what’s with you and the very attractive hotel manager, huh?’
He blinked at the sudden change in conversation. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘Because she’s the one who answered your mobile when I phoned.’ Emma cocked her head to one side, seeming to study him. ‘And she seemed awfully protective of you earlier. Wouldn’t give me your room number.’
‘It must be hotel policy.’
Emma gave him another smile, this time more … sly. More knowing. ‘If you say so.’ She reached up to kiss his cheek. ‘Frank and I are staying here with Mum and Dad tonight and eating Christmas lunch here tomorrow.’
‘You can’t,’ he blurted, still reeling from everything he’d heard. ‘The restaurant’s closed.’
‘Faith did warn us of that. She also said she and her family were cooking and had enough turkey if we wanted to stay.’ Emma gave him a sly smile. ‘She seems a very capable woman.’
Adam kept his lips firmly shut. No way was he falling into that trap.
‘Will you join us for Christmas lunch?’ Emma’s eyes begged him. ‘Please?’
Almost of its own volition, his head tipped forward in a single nod of acceptance. It was the third invitation he’d had for Christmas lunch over the last few days – first Faith, then her mother, now Emma. It seemed he was destined not to spend this Christmas day alone.
Emma beamed, kissing his cheek and thanking him, her obvious pleasure almost too much for him. The moment her chatter dried up he made his excuses and almost fled down the corridor. He was so desperate for the sanctuary of his own room. Once there he flopped onto the bed, his head a mess, his heart not feeling any better.
Emma doesn’t blame me. That was what he kept telling himself. And it nearly drowned out what Ruth had yelled at him three years ago.
Until he closed his eyes.
That was when the image that haunted him, burst vividly into life. Ruth at the funeral; hunched against the cold, her expression lost, sobs wracking her slim frame. She’d not been simply upset, or heart-broken. She’d been destroyed.
He knew, however kind Emma’s words had been, they’d never drive away those the woman he’d once loved had hurled at him across their son’s grave.
Chapter Twenty
In the last hour Faith had shown another three unexpected guests to their rooms, courtesy of the weather. She let out a gentle sigh as she strode back to the restaurant area. The snow had prevented many families getting together tonight. Thank goodness hers were already here.
A small smile tugged at her as she passed by the Christmas tree, remembering how the little boy and girl had almost vibrated with excitement as they’d left a snack on the hearth for Father Christmas and Rudolf. She hoped their parents would remember to eat the mince pie and nibble on the carrots when the kids had gone to sleep.
The restaurant was noticeably quieter now than it had been an hour ago when the guests had been tucking in to dinner, and the room had buzzed with the sound of conversation and laughter.
The only guest who hadn’t been there, she remembered on a wave of misery, was Adam. Had he been too upset to leave his room? Still too angry to risk bumping into her? Not long ago she’d harboured hopes that their Christmas affair would blossom into something more. Something that distance and careers wouldn’t prevent.
Now it looked like it was dying prematurely, killed off through anger and ill feeling.
She found her sisters and their husbands gathered round one of the large tables, chatting with her parents. On the next table sat Chloe and Stuart, their shoulders touching as they gazed at whatever they were watching on the iPad. The way they kept glancing at each other and grinning lifted Faith’s heart a little. At least someone was having luck on the romance front tonight.
‘You’re kidding me.’ Hope’s face brimmed with delight as Faith told them about the new arrivals. ‘You really just checked in three guys on their way to a pub quiz?’
‘Err, yes.’ Faith eyed her sister suspiciously. ‘Why are you so pleased they got caught in the snow?’
‘Isn’t it obvious?’ Faith’s face must have looked clueless because Hope rolled her eyes. ‘Duh. It’s Christmas Eve, and you’ve got the whole flipping nativity scene going on right here in your hotel.’
‘I have?’ Faith glanced at the rest of her family for help but they just shrugged, seemingly as baffled as she was.
‘Yes,’ Hope hissed. ‘Those guests whose car slipped into a ditch.’ She nodded over to where Chloe was sitting. ‘Romeo over there’s family.’
‘You mean Joe and his pregnant wife, Mary.’ Slowly the penny began to drop.
‘Exactly. And you have a shepherd, Giles.’
‘Sheep farmer,’ Faith corrected. ‘And there’s only one of him.’
Hope batted her objection away. ‘Don’t spoil the fun. Now you have the final piece.’
‘Three men going to a pub quiz?’
Hope grinned. ‘Three wise men.’
The rest of the table collapsed in groans, interspersed with fits of laughter. ‘You can count me out if your Mary gets into full character tonight,’ her father interrupted. ‘I’ve witnessed enough births for one lifetime.’
Even as she laughed with the rest of them, Faith had a flashback to Adam, and how panicked he’d looked earlier when helping Mary. How he’d insisted on dragging Dr Ferguson out in the blizzard. The man had so many secrets. So many demons he seemed to be battling.
When the laughter died down, Hope’s husband Tom gave Faith a pleading look. ‘Are you going to invite us back to your digs? It’s Christmas Eve and I don’t have a drink in my hand.’
Faith rose to her feet. ‘I think I can manage some whisky. Or some eggnog,’ she added, glancing at her father. Trying not to think of the last man she’d mentioned eggnog to.
Her father’s eyes lit up and he stood up smartly. ‘Why the bloody hell didn’t you say earlier.’
&n
bsp; As they trailed off back to hers, Faith noticed Stuart give Chloe a quick peck on her cheek before walking off towards his room.
When Chloe caught her eye, her cheeks flushed. ‘He’s welcome to come, too.’
Chloe gave an awkward shake of her head. ‘Nah. It’s okay. I’ll see him tomorrow.’
Faith gave her side a gentle nudge. ‘Do you like him?’
‘He’s okay.’
‘Just okay?’
Chloe was clearly fighting not to smile. ‘Maybe a bit more than okay.’ Chloe nudged her back. ‘How about Adam? Do you like him?’
Chloe’s voice was teasing. She didn’t know how badly her affair with Adam had faltered over the last twelve hours. ‘He’s okay.’ Before Chloe could ask anything further, Faith changed the subject.
It was half past ten. Charity and her husband had left a short while ago, baby Jack having had enough. Her parents were yawning. Hope and Tom were curled up on the sofa by the fire, looking content. Chloe had just disappeared back to her room.
The knock on her door startled them all.
The sight of the man standing outside shocked her further.
‘Adam.’ Her heart did a crazy leap as her eyes travelled across his strapping chest and up to his face. ‘Are you okay?’
His small, tight smile didn’t reach his bloodshot grey eyes. ‘Honestly? I’m not sure.’
She hesitated, torn between inviting him in and slamming the door in his face. Part of her was still angry with him. She’d answered his phone and then tried to help him. She wasn’t sure either action merited the way he’d spoken to her. Then again, he clearly had his reasons for not wanting Emma to know where he was, and Faith had totally blown his cover.
Plus he looked so vulnerable. So achingly sad.
The sound of laughter echoed from her sitting room and Faith gave Adam an apologetic smile. ‘My parents and sister are still here.’
Disappointment flooded his face. ‘Then I won’t disturb you. I just …’ He tugged a hand through his hair. ‘I wanted to apologise. I’ve been a git to you today.’
A Little Christmas Faith (Choc Lit) Page 16