Now, you would think that at a defining moment in your lifetime you would pay close attention to what the minister was saying. But if you happen to be standing there looking across to a heavenly creature with longing in her sparkling eyes, then not so much. I mean, I know the guy was talking, but all I could hear was Valla breathing and my own heart beating.
Instinctively I knew an important part was coming up and tuned in a bit. “Do you, Valhalla Abbey Taylor, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” Then she was grabbing my hand, causing a white hot fire inside me and slipped the ring the minister had offered onto my finger. Then I experienced that deafening whisper rolling off her glossy lips. “I do. Be my Valentine Mia.” Soft as a breeze.
He then turned to address me. “Do you, Mia Jessica Jacobs, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” I blindly took the matching ring he offered me and took her hand in mine. I marveled at its warmth and softness, and graceful fingers with their perfectly manicured nails, then slid the ring on whispering, “I do. Be my Valentine Valla.”
Our lips met instantly, it was almost erotic how our lipstick slid and melded together, sticking and dragging as we moved our lips. That was always my favorite part. I tried to send all my love through our contact and could feel hers in return.
I realized the minister was still speaking “Errrr... well, I now pronounce you wife and wife. You may kiss the brides?” He shrugged and backed off, aware we weren't paying any attention to him.
Mr. Davenport cleared his throat a minute or so later and we reluctantly broke our kiss, gasping and giggling at each other as we looked sheepishly to the spectators. Vicky was mouthing, “Hawt! Hawt! Hawt!” Everyone else had happy tears in their eyes, Mr. D trying to play it off.
Valla put her cheek next to mine and whispered conspiratorially into my ear, “I'm your wife, Mrs. Jacobs.” I radiated love from my being toward her like a heatwave from within as I whispered back, “And I'm your wife, Mrs. Jacobs.”
She grabbed my hand, laced our fingers, and started dragging me back along the red carpet blurting out, “Come on people! Let's get this reception started so I can get my wife to myself!” Everyone cheered at this and followed us inside. Valla coughed.
Lots of hugging and kissing, smiles and happy tears were involved at the reception, including a super awkward hug for Valla and I from Missy before she left with the customary exchanged insults. I was tapping my foot through the entire reception, just trying to devour Valla with my eyes and our stolen touches and glances. I want her out of that dress, NOW!
Finally, Vicky announced that it was time to release us into the wild so we could go rut like filthy wildebeests. After reminding Vicky about the difference between internal and external dialogue, I grabbed Valla's arm and started desperately dragging her to the front door, but she changed our direction and brought us through the kitchen to the garage instead.
I was stunned. The once covered vehicle was sitting there sparkling clean with its gleaming yellow paint. I think it was called a FJ Cruiser or something, I'm not good with car names. The windows had white paint all over them saying “Just married! Now clear a damn path to the hotel!” With little hearts all over. When did Valla get the chance to pull this off? We are usually joined at the hips or lips.
I had thought this whole time we'd be borrowing Vicky's ride. But now we had our own! Valla's father's car was amazing. And it has a big back seat! Mmmm... We were pelted with rice, that I knew I'd compulsively clean up every grain when we returned, as we got into the car and drove off toward our honeymoon. Valla coughed.
I'll spare you the details, but what occurred those next two days is forever burned into my memory, I gladly make space in my endless compulsive loop area for it. I thought I had known passion with Valla before this, but knowing we belonged to each other as a married couple multiplied things tenfold. We were asked by the hotel staff on more than one occasion to keep the noise level down. I take pride in that, and in making Valla walk funny for a week. Though I didn't fare any better. Swoon!
Chapter 15 – Family
We had a scare after our honeymoon. A virus had made its way past Valla's weakened immune system. The resulting pneumonia and associated kidney problems put her in the clinic for two days. With a week of prescribed bed rest and another round of drugs.
Vicky and I kept her current on her coursework so she wouldn't have to stress over catching up. I suffered two episodes that week I was so stressed over the reality of Valla's condition. Thankfully one was at home and the other was in my art class, but Jenny calmly led me to her private office to weather it away from of the prying eyes of my classmates.
This health scare brought something boiling to the surface in me that had been at the back of my mind for months. I wanted a child... not just that... I wanted a child with Valla. Not because it was on her list (although that would happily cross out the third item from her list of four), but because I loved her so much and I wanted to make a new little life with her. The reality of her condition made this a real priority with me.
She was afraid but she really wanted a child, so I convinced her but under the condition that our child wouldn't be at risk of suffering Valla's affliction. We discussed it at length and researched the hell out of it. I wanted her to donate the eggs and we'd find a clinic with anonymous sperm donors for the other raw material, and I would carry our child.
The more I learned about her disease the more I despised it. I was shocked at how many people suffer the affliction and how little press is given on the subject. It scared the heck out of me. It saddened me learning the facts of the terminal nature.
In most cases it wasn't the disease that killed but the effects of it wakening the immune system. If you didn't die of eventual excruciatingly painful suffocation, it was usually pneumonia, liver failure, or kidney disease that took the victims. I spent time hiding in the garage crying for my wife after learning this.
But I also learned that as long as the sperm donor was screened for the cystic fibrosis gene there was zero chance of our child suffering from the affliction. And even if the donor had the gene there was still only a 50/50 chance of the child suffering from the disease.
The procedure was expensive, but didn't even dent Valla's and my funds. Between her inheritance, the art commission money, and Valla's book that would be published in the summer (Under the name Vee A. Jacobs thank you very much), we had over three million in the coffers and growing. That fact shocked the heck out of me since I didn't pay attention to it, Vicky did all of our finances, I just handed her the checks.
Within weeks, Valla's eggs were harvested we had 'the' appointment. That was pretty damn uncomfortable, let me tell you, and it was not guaranteed that it would be successful. But then days later, happy days of happy days, I missed my period!
The three of us were gathered by the sink in the master bathroom, jockeying for position around the little white stick that would determine our fate. We didn't bother with a timer as they knew I was counting in my head. “It's time.” I whispered and reached for it, turning it over. As one we leaned in to look closer... PLUS!
I went deaf for a moment as Vicky squealed in one of my ears and Valla squealed in the other. I stood there stunned. I'm going to be a mommy! Finally I looked into Valla's eyes, “We're going to be mommies.” I whispered. There was a flash as Vicky took a picture of Valla and I kissing over the pregnancy test. That girl and her cameras.
Weeks rolled by, school ended and summer floated by. We found that we would have a daughter, which elicited more excited squeals from us all. Valla's condition was slowly degenerating, spurring more frequent trips to the clinic as I was getting bigger. She religiously wrote in her leather bound books. Our commissions and publications kept us busy when we weren't doing it like bunnies in every room of the house. Being pregnant made me so, I still hate the word but, horny!
The new school year started and Oxford was really fighting hard to get Vicky now. What school wouldn't want to tout so
meone with perfect grades and an IQ off the charts on their rosters? Offers of them funding her graduate and post graduate work were dangled in front of her like a carrot. Which, by the way, made Vicky say she'd make an awesome bunny! But she slapped them down yet again.
The first kick was another life defining moment for us. I squealed out loud and moments later the girls came running in panic into the garage. They looked to where I sat on my stool in front of my easel, working with my hand on my belly. “What is it!?! What's wrong!?” Valla was yelling with Vicky standing beside her looking concerned. I grabbed each of their hands and placed them on my belly as the baby kicked again.
Vicky squealed and Valla laid her head on my belly and started crying. Her sobs shaking me as I leaned down to lay my head on her back and we both cried. Vicky stroking our hair making shushing sounds. It was real, this IS going to happen. Against all odds Valla would be a mother before she was taken from us.
Mid December rolled around and I felt fat. I was huge! How could Valla love me? I'm so rolly polly! I can't wait to get this child out of me! The nursery had been ready forever, Vicky and Valla had spent months on it. And I had done a mural on the ceiling with hundreds of stars from the night sky how they would look on her birthday, made with tens of thousands of tiny dots of glow in the dark paint.
I was standing in the nursery watching my two girls moving the crib around... again, when... “Oh.” I stood there a second then uttered, “Baby?” Valla and Vicky were arguing about optimal sunlight through the window for the baby. “Valla?” I said louder. They were pushing the crib again. “VALHALLA ABBEY JACOBS!” I yelled and the two girls froze and looked over at me finally.
I glanced at my feet, their eyes followed to the wet floor. My water had broken. “Holy shit!” Vicky chirped. “It's time.” Valla mouthed in awe and shock. The next moment, all around chaos ensued. Vicky was grabbing my overnight bag from beside the changing station then grabbed all of our purses, repeating, “Oh my God! Oh my God!” over and over again. Valla looked panicked, not knowing what to do or how to help.
“The car.” I whispered to her, breaking her out of it. She ran into the garage, then seconds later ran back in and over to Vicky to get the car keys, then went sprinting back into the garage. I was still standing there when Valla came running back in looking sheepish and grabbed my hand gently to lead me out, patting my pocket to check for Little Vee.
Now, I seriously don't recommend having a baby for sport. It is no fun in any way shape nor form. I still wonder how I was able to push my daughter out of me, thinking of how apt that lame old analogy of a watermelon through a garden hose seemed at that time.
Just like a bad cliche I must have told Valla a dozen times how much I hated her for doing this to me during the contractions, only to cry about how much I loved her seconds later. My emotions were everywhere, and this hurt!
But then it was over. I heard my daughter cry for the first time and everything in life was simply perfect. When the nurses were done checking her out, weighing and measuring her, and putting a cute little pink cap on her they handed her to Valla. I saw the most beautiful sight I had ever seen at that very moment, even more beautiful than my wife.
It was the woman I loved crying tears of joy as she held our child whispering, “Welcome to the world Abbey Victoria Jacobs, we've been waiting for you our entire lives.” I seared that moment into my memory, taking in every tiny detail.
She walked over to me with the biggest smile I had ever seen on her face and gently passed Abbey to me. “Look Abbey, here's Mommy.” she whispered. Then Valla stroked my hair while staring at our baby. She glanced at me with an adoring smile, “You did good Mia!” I reached my lips up and kissed her, not able to take my eyes off of Abbey. “Oh my God Valla... we're a family!” I said matter of factly just as a squealing blondie came bounding into the room, followed by a smiling Mr. and Mrs. D.
Chapter 16 – Storm on the Horizon
This is the year I refer to as our best year, our perfect year. The one quality year we had before Valla's health took a turn. I cherish every family outing, every hour playing with our daughter, every minute together, every moment we stole away to make love, every millisecond I could keep Valla smiling.
I marveled at the way Valla smiled at Abby or myself with such love in her twinkling eyes. I lived a lifetime in each of these moments. Cherishing them. Returning that love every chance I got.
The only dark spot that year was just before the start of Junior year, when Oxford had finally won Vicky over. We saw her off at the airport, and so many tears were shed. Watching her walking up the concourse through security, then turning to wave in tears was the last time Valla would ever see our friend and the second to last time I would.
She wound up finding love and a wonderful, spectacular life in England. Sure we still send occasional emails from time to time, and Christmas and birthday cards each year... well intentioned promises are always made to visit sometime but never followed through. An amazing, fitting, present comes every year for Abbey's birthday, tons of thought obviously put into each. But her departure truly was the end of an era.
We had to scale way back on the commissions we took. We spent most of the time we were not in class with our amazing baby and ourselves. She was our gift from God, our greatest accomplishment. This caused demand for our works to spike, driving perceived values through the roof. We still stayed at the top of our class with our grades and Valla still religiously wrote in her leather bound books.
Then that storm on the horizon finally caught up with that one perfect year. Half way through our junior year Valla had a cold. Then I got a call from our babysitter that Valla had shown up at home after her classes but had collapsed. She had already called an ambulance and told them which clinic to bring her to.
Valla had gotten a bad infection from her cold which had damaged her already weakened kidneys. They had to hook her up for dialysis. Something that would become a weekly ritual from that point on. To my dismay, we learned that she was not qualified to go onto the transplant list because of her condition, so we had to live with it.
Her health was spiraling out of control. We hired in house care to help out when she wasn't in class. But we somehow made it through our junior year. We visited the beach frequently that summer, where Valla could lay on the sand with Abbey and relax and just enjoyed being with us.
Crowds gathered there once as I used a stick to poke thousands of holes in the wet sand as the tide went out to make a picture of Abbey. Embarrassing me but making Valla beam at me with pride. I basked in it.
I had frequent breakdowns in the garage, I wouldn't ever let my Valla see my weakness. I would be strong for her... for us, for our child.
So many whispered I love you's were shared between us, our hands always interlaced when we were near each other. We made sure to always be touching in some manner.
Our senior year finally began. Valla had more determination than any other student, she would finish college, she would get her degree, for her father, for herself. NOTHING would stop her, especially not this damn disease! For a time she got a little better, and we spent more time going out doing things as a family while we could. We even got a couple 'dates' squeezed in. But then after Christmas, her health started deteriorating quickly again.
By May she couldn't attend class anymore, she was confined to in-home bed rest but her mind was still sharp as a razor. The instructors allowed me to bring her assignments to her for her to complete at home. I hated seeing the woman I loved looking so frail. She would still transfer all of her poems to her handwritten books.
Abbey had started speaking, calling us Mommy and Mama to our tears of delight.
Then in June Valla's liver began to fail, the clinic insisted on 24 hour care and we had to move her into a hospice. They said that she was alive through sheer force of will alone at this point. Valla was irate, “Two weeks! Just two more fucking weeks! I'm going to graduate, they can't do this to me! I won't let it win!”
she spat out.
I spent the day calming her and letting her know I'd figure it out. “I love you so much Valhalla, I won't let it beat you... beat us. You are so strong and so beautiful. Give me a day to get this worked out.” She kissed me more passionately than she had been able to the past six months. It was the perfect kiss. I can still feel it today.
I had spent time with all of her professors the next day. They all agreed to give her her final exams early, that she could do them at the hospice. I had never seen a person with more fire, more determination than the love of my life over the next two days as she chewed up those finals and spit them out. Receiving almost perfect scores, making them her bitch!
She rested the next week, sleeping and gathering her strength. We convinced the staff to allow her to attend the graduation in a wheelchair against medical advice. When her name was called and I wheeled her out to receive her diploma where she got a standing ovation. I was bursting with pride for my girl. Just how awesome is she?
I leaned in to kiss her on the lips then she whispered, “I told you I'd do it love, I completed my list.” I whispered back, “I had no doubt baby. I love you so much and I am so very proud of you!” She smiled a genuine one hundred percent Valla smile that made me go weak in the knees, “I love you too my Mia.”
***
Three days later Valla woke up in the hospice as I sat by her side with Abbey on my lap gnawing on Little Vee and she grabbed my hand, interlacing our fingers. I looked into my wife's twinkling eyes as she spoke, her voice was stronger and more clear than it had been in a long time. “Mia. I want you to promise me that you will keep doing your art when I'm gone... and to make sure Abbey has a happy life.” she paused for me, I nodded my head then she continued. “YOU are my greatest accomplishment, I don't know how I was lucky enough to find you, to find love... but you gave me the strength to live a lifetime in your eyes, to do what I set out to accomplish. Every day was a gift, and I'm glad I filled those days with you. I'm so completely in love with you.” I answered in a whisper, my breathing was ragged, “I have ALWAYS loved you Valhalla.”
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