by Unknown
Leah, who had been watching me really intently, said slowly, ‘So let me get this straight: you were going to ask Nicole out until you looked at that silly frog I bought you –’
‘It's not silly,’ I interrupted. ‘It's marvellous.’
‘And once you saw that, you wanted to go out with me instead?’
‘Not exactly… I mean, I've wanted to go out with you at the back of my head for days and days… but that frog just brought it to the front of my head.’
She shook her head. A smile played across her face.
‘Sounds mad, doesn't it?’ I said.
‘Totally,’ she agreed. Then she asked softly, ‘So what about Nicole?’
‘I did really like her,’ I admitted. ‘But she dumped me and well, now… it's you I want, no one else. Look, I shouldn't have sprung this on you… perhaps I can call later.’
There was a moment of total stillness while Leah just stared at me, with her eyes very wide. And then her beautiful arms were holding me very tight.
The kitchen door suddenly flew open and her little brother whined, ‘Oh, come on, Leah, hurry up.’
I took both her hands in mine and held them against my face. ‘I'll be back,’ I whispered.
'I'll be waiting,’ she whispered back.
And then we both laughed and I walked outside with her hand in mine and then Leah's mum jumped out of the car, looking very happy and everything just seemed so funny and brilliant… well, everything except…
Nicole will have got my note by now. I felt I should at least answer her card right away and not leave her hanging about waiting to see what I was going to do, because that's just sheer torture, I should know. So I wrote this:
Dear Nicole,
Thanks for my birthday card – it was a great surprise. Sorry to hear you have split up with your boyfriend. I am now seeing Leah. Lots and lots of luck to you.
With kindest regards,
Danny
I wanted her to know that I'm with Leah – yet in a tactful way. Of course, it's mad really. All summer I've dreamed about getting back with Nicole. And now, when I finally get my chance… it's as if the spell is broken. She can't be more surprised than me.
I suppose the truth is that Nicole and I loved the buzz of our first meetings and after that we thought everything was going to be so shiny and brilliant.
Yet it was never quite real. I mean, there was a definite attraction and we did get on, but somehow we never really fitted into each other's lives. And I always felt I had to keep proving myself to her. I could never just be myself. Maybe she felt that with me, too – and that's why she went through all that charade of a pretend boyfriend.
Meanwhile, all my feelings for Leah have just crept up on me… We were mates, good mates, and then today I realized there was no one else I wanted to be with, except her.
There are no hard feelings about Nicole, not on my side, anyhow. And what I put at the end of my note to her today – the part about wishing her ‘lots and lots of luck’ – I really meant that.
BELLA
Chapter 24
SATURDAY 26 SEPTEMBER
Red and blue balloons were hanging outside the Copper Kettle tonight. They were in honour of my graduation.
I'd sort of had a hint that something was in the air, especially as two nights earlier Juliette had come round and asked me all these questions about Luc (when was the last time I'd seen him, thought about him…).
But I still hadn't expected a massive banner inside the Copper Kettle saying, ‘Well done, Bella’. Funny how snug and safe I felt in here. It was like a little nest. Just breathing in its warm scent of chocolate and scones now seemed to make me feel instantly at home. Who'd have thought it, the Copper Kettle turning into my second home? What a very bizarre summer this has been.
Zoe had come back for my graduation ceremony. And Juliette was there with Kathleen and Kathleen's mother.
But no sign of Rupert. He'd just vanished out of my life. And not even the sight of a massive chocolate cake could lift my spirits. But then there was a sharp knock on the door (the Copper Kettle was closed, of course) and there was Rupert, silhouetted in the doorway.
He looked at me quickly, smiled and then went over to Juliette. I told myself not to keep gazing at him – be calm, be casual. But I was so totally delighted to see him there.
It was Juliette who presented me with my graduation certificate though. She said, ‘You've done so well, Bella, we wanted to put this event on for you. Congratulations on letting go of the past and being ready to move on again.’
Everyone clapped and Kathleen quipped, ‘This is even more moving than the Oscars.’
Then I had to cut the chocolate cake. Anyone looking in through the window at that moment would have thought it was a private birthday party or that I'd just passed an exam or a driving test. Actually, I did feel as if I'd really achieved something. And later I gave Juliette £20 towards the Ex-Files’ expenses. She didn't want to take it, said it was too much, but I insisted.
I said to her, ‘I really hope this isn't the end of me and the Ex-Files. I'd love to become one of your investigators.’
‘Now, we were hoping you'd say that,’ she replied. ‘We have a special training programme for our investigators but I'll tell you about that next week. Right now I have one last task to perform.’ Then she produced the canvas bag, with my name on the front.
‘The day you joined the Ex-Files,’ she said, ‘we asked you to store away all your photos and mementos. We're inviting you to have another look at them and tell us what you'd like us to do with them. You can, of course, have them all back, if you wish. It's totally your decision. Take as long as you like,’ she added, handing me a key.
I slowly opened up the bag, cautiously, as if I were expecting something to spring out at me. The contents inside had a forlorn, abandoned look, as if they knew they were in the waiting room for the scrap heap. I reached for a few photos and began skimming through them. I felt a tiny pang of sadness as I saw Luc and me looking so at ease together. I almost wanted to cry out a warning to the me in those pictures: ‘Don't get too happy, it isn't going to last, you know.’ But already, those pictures seemed to belong to another time as faraway as those shots of me starting at my nursery school. Really ancient history.
And nothing made any impression on me, except for the ring which Luc had given to me. I started remembering the moment Luc placed the ring on my finger. ‘This is with all my love,’ he'd whispered. ‘All my love’; people use that phrase so easily, then suddenly they've gone, taking all their love with them and leaving you with absolutely nothing.
I flushed guiltily as if everyone could hear my bitter reflections. I certainly sensed they were all watching me keenly. ‘Is this my last test?’ I asked brightly. ‘I tell you, this all feels so long ago now. And, Juliette, I'd like you to dispose of the entire contents of this bag.’
There were claps and gasps, too – one of which was from me. I hadn't quite intended to go that far. So I added, ‘But would you mind if I just keep this?’ I picked up the ring.
Did a flicker of disappointment cross Juliette's face? I'm not sure. But she just said crisply, ‘Feel free to keep whatever you want, Bella. The Ex-Files has only borrowed them for your own personal safety.’
‘Well, I think you need another piece of chocolate cake after that,’ said Kathleen. She introduced me to her mum, who knew all about the Ex-Files.
She said, ‘You probably think the Ex-Files is a very modern idea but it's also a very old one, you know. When I was growing up you knew all your neighbours. Now we're all scared to even look at each other. Who wants to live like that? We all need to feel part of something.’
Later Zoe came and spoke to me. And, finally, Rupert strolled over. ‘I'm unbelievably proud of you,’ he said quietly.
‘Thanks,’ I replied, feeling shy all of a sudden. I added, ‘Thought you'd forgotten all about me.’
‘Impossible,’ he said in his loud, jokey way. But then
his voice became much lower. ‘That night at Pizza Paradiso, I went way beyond my remit.’
‘No, you didn't,’ I burst out. ‘If I'd seen Luc it would have been a disaster. You were only stopping me from making a fool of myself. I see that now.’
‘I got over-involved,’ he said firmly. ‘We have our own Ex-Files code of practice, you know. And I stopped being professional that night. That's why I took myself off your case – but Juliette's kept me fully informed. And I think she's done a fabulous job.’
‘So have you,’ I said firmly.
He looked at me. ‘Just never forget… all endings are also beginnings – cheesy, but true. Life's all about looking forward, not back.’
‘Is that your last piece of advice to me?’ I asked with a little smile.
‘My very last nugget of sheer gold.’
‘And you're off to Birmingham University soon?’
‘Tomorrow,’ he said.
‘Tomorrow!’ I gasped. ‘I had no idea it was as soon as that…’
He looked as if he was about to say something else but then Zoe came over and he went off with her, probably thinking what a lucky escape. Perhaps it often happens to him: a girl who he's helping suddenly transfers all her affection to him. Maybe he even tells Juliette, ‘Would you believe it? Another girl's got a crush on me. That's three this month.’
And, of course, that's all it is – a stupid little crush. I was vulnerable and saw him practically every day… Only Rupert said he'd got over-involved in my case. Why was that? Was it because he was starting to care for me? Was it?
Wouldn't that be just like a boy – the moment he feels something, he can't come and tell me about it. Oh no. Instead, he runs away. Although, no doubt Rupert would wrap it up by saying he was being professional. But he cares for me, that's the important thing.
A few minutes later Rupert got a call on his mobile. He was ‘on duty’ tonight, which seemed a bit tough as he was leaving for university tomorrow, but I could sense his and Juliette's enthusiasm and excitement over a possible new case. And Juliette, for all her seeming calmness and laid-back air, really was as much a zealot for the Ex-Files as Rupert.
‘You've got no time to go to university, Rupert,’ said Kathleen. ‘Got a full-time job here.’
‘I know, but I'm leaving the Ex-Files in excellent hands,’ said Rupert looking proudly at Juliette. ‘And I'll be popping back from time to time.’
He said a collective ‘Goodbye’ to everyone. And suddenly I knew I couldn't let him leave like this. I had to speak to him one last time. So I rushed after him.
He was standing outside, looking up at the sky. There was a low, full moon making everything look oddly unreal, like a film set which could be wheeled away at any moment. Maybe this was what gave me the confidence to call out his name and then cry, ‘I just wanted to say thanks again. And I'll miss you more than I can say, and perhaps we could meet up one night… even go back to Pizza Paradiso.’ I smiled hopefully at him.
‘Bella, if we started going out with the people we helped - well, it would just change the whole nature of the Ex-Files. It just can't be done, I'm afraid,’ he said gently, and yes, a bit regretfully.
‘But how about if someone still feels the same about you when you come back at Christmas, that'd be different, wouldn't it?’ I cried eagerly.
He looked at me, smiled and started walking away.
‘Wouldn't it?’ I cried after him.
He suddenly turned round and his face broke into this brilliant smile. ‘See you at Christmas then, Bella,’ he yelled.
My heart soared for the rest of the evening. It was only when I was nearly home that I realized something: the ring that Luc had given to me – which I once said meant more to me than anything I owned – well, I'd only gone and left it behind in the café.
Kathleen will find it and keep it for me, I'm sure. It wasn't that what bothered me. It was the way I'd been so careless over something very precious.
I laughed out loud with shock.
It can't have been that precious any more, or remembered it. So here's more proof that I really have begun to let Luc go and am ready for the next chapter of my life.
And Rupert said he'd see me at Christmas.
I've been chanting those words over and over to myself like a charm. So he'll be in that next chapter for certain. And then… no, I mustn't speculate; no more daydreams.
I've got more Ex-Files work to do first. I'm going to learn how to be an investigator.
So I'll just whisper this once in the very last page of my diary: Rupert, I love you with my whole heart.
Table of Contents
Cover
About the Author
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Contents
THE EX-FILES
PART ONE: Two Stories
BELLA'S STORY: Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
DANNY'S STORY: Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
PART TWO: Taking the Cure
BELLA: Chapter 8
Chapter 9
DANNY: Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
PART THREE: Beware the Relapse
BELLA: Chapter 13
DANNY: Chapter 14
BELLA: Chapter 15
PART FOUR: Fully Cured?
BELLA: Chapter 16
Chapter 17
DANNY: Chapter 18
BELLA: Chapter 19
DANNY: Chapter 20
BELLA: Chapter 21
DANNY: Chapter 22
Chapter 23
BELLA: Chapter 24