“And I’m not,” she admitted, voice breaking as a tear slid loose. “I’ve no idea what to do next, Dad. At least when we were home, and I was filling in Mom’s shoes, I had something to occupy my day with.”
He wiped her tears and squeezed her tightly. “Maybe it’s time to go back to school, Eva.”
School. Just picturing the woman who lived in dorms and went to college was hard enough; she felt so far away from that person, as if she was another version of herself in another life. That girl was whole. She didn’t have a mom-shaped hole in her heart or a wolf for a brother. She was happy, shallow even. She was so carefree that Eva thought it was a fantasy.
Shaking her head, Eva tried and failed to let his words sink in. “Just pick up my old life like Mom didn’t even die. Like Zac doesn’t turn into a wolf? And what about you? What about our home? When are you and Zac going back to your old lives?”
His face fell, and Eva knew whatever came out of her father’s mouth next was going to hurt. She almost ran from the room, but she’d done enough running. Enough avoiding. It was time to face the future, however scary, head-on.
“I wanted to talk to you about that, actually. I’m thinking of selling the house. Building a home here instead.”
She took a step back. Sell her home? The home that contained all her memories of her mother. The home she’d grown up in, learned to walk in, cried in, laughed in, and watched her mother die in. It wasn’t just a house to be sold. It was her connection to her mother. The fact every time she set foot in it, echoes of her mother tormented her from every corner, made no difference. One day she’d cherish those echoes. One day the pain might be manageable enough to even enjoy them.
“That’s our home, and you want to sell it like Mom never existed at all,” she snapped. “So what, I go back to my old life, while you and Zac get new ones here with your replacement family?” Her words cut. She saw each one hit him like a blade, and still, Eva couldn’t make the words pouring from her mouth stop. “Are you going to throw away all of Mom’s things too?”
“Of course not. Please, Eva, try and understand, I’m just trying to do what’s best for Zackary. He can’t return home. He can’t go back to school. I’ve got to build a new life for him, and it’s here with his pack.”
“You have a daughter too, Dad! Where do I fit into all of that?”
Frustration and sorrow spilled down her face, glistening on her cheeks. She was saying things she didn’t mean, hurting her father in a way he didn’t deserve. Turning on her heel, Eva ran from the cabin, ignoring the twinge of pain in her hip and the eyes following her. She raced away blindly, not sure what direction to take, lost in a world that wasn’t her own. It was like she was losing her father and brother too. They were slipping through her fingers, galloping ahead into the future, and Eva was trapped, surrounded by grief she didn’t know how to handle and an emptiness that threatened to swallow her whole.
“Eva? Eva?”
Pausing, she dragged in a breath, swiped at the tears clinging to her face. Katalina was coming toward her, concern all over her face. These people wanted to be her friends. They wanted to welcome her into this strange, large family as if she was one of them. But Eva wasn’t a shifter. She was human. She didn’t belong here. She was a stranger in a foreign land, unable to speak their language. While a part of her wanted to learn, move on like her brother and father were doing, the larger part of her was stuck, drowning in a sea of grief while being torn between becoming someone new and leaving her mother behind, or staying forever frozen in a life with nothing but her mother’s ghost as company.
It was too much. Eva needed to escape. Taking the only one available, she took off into the trees, pushing her sore, injured body to cover the rough terrain. Trees blurred passed her, becoming thicker and thicker the longer she ran. It took seconds to feel like she was lost in a wilderness far from civilization, but Eva didn’t stop. She was in wolf territory now; they’d find her easily, and Eva wasn’t ready to be found.
Crossing a stream, water splashed up her legs, soaking her sneakers and chilling her skin. Pushing past the biting cold, Eva placed one foot in front of another, her pace hindered by the uneven ground. At one point, she fell and ripped her leggings, grazing her skin, but still, she didn’t stop. There were some sorrows too hard to face, and despite knowing it was useless to do so, Eva raced on, hoping somehow, she’d be the first to outrun fate and the pain it promised.
Chapter 7
John
“John!”
Turning, John took in Zackary’s state as the boy raced toward him. The wolf was in his eyes, a frantic, almost desperate plea to his face. His hair was messy as if he’d pulled at it a few too many times, and there was a fine coat of sweat covering his skin. As Zackary skidded to a halt, dragging in a breath, John first scented anxiety and then fear.
“What’s happened?” Because something had, he was sure. Zackary might have been a newly turned wolf with volatile anger he sometimes couldn’t control, but being afraid wasn’t something he sensed on the boy very often.
“My sister,” he panted. “Her and dad had an argument, and she ran off crying into the trees, wouldn’t stop when Katalina called after her. She figured she wouldn’t go far and sent me in to make sure she was okay. I tracked her scent to the stream, and after that, I couldn’t pick anything else up. I’ve been looking for ages, but I can’t find her, John. What happens if she’s lost or hurt, or both? She’s human, John, she’s—”
Placing a hand on the kid’s shoulder to stop him, John lowered himself slightly. “I’ll find her. I promise.”
“Here.” Zackary thrust a sweater into his hands. “She only had a thin top on, and the temperature’s dropped. Sometimes I still dress like I’m human and forget the cold doesn’t affect me anymore.”
He nodded. “It won’t take me long to find her. She couldn’t have traveled that far.” Plus, there was also the fact Eva was his future mate, and his instincts would guide him as well as his nose. “You’ve done good, Zac. I’ll take it from here.”
“I’ll be with my dad. He’s pretty upset with himself. She took off in that direction.” He pointed ahead.
John set off, picking up her scent within moments. Surprised at how far she’d traveled, he took a moment to suppress his wolf when he found her sitting on the ground. Blood lingered in the air, the soft sounds of her crying cutting to his heart. His natural instinct was to go to her, to hold her and comfort her until the pain she was in was erased, but John didn’t have the luxury of giving in to his natural urges.
“Evaline,” he murmured gently as he approached.
Startled, her head whipped around, tears like glistening diamonds on her cheeks. Sad, reddened eyes widened as she took him in, and then they dimmed and lowered to the hands she held in front of herself. “I fell,” she said simply. The sound broken and empty.
A growl rumbled in his belly. John wanted nothing more than to snarl and bark until his Eva came back. “I can see that,” he answered, bending at the knees before her. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”
Shifting around, Eva brought her knees toward him and pointed. Then after a pause, her glassy gaze met his, and she pressed her hand over her heart. “And here.”
John reached out and brushed the tears from her face and smiled gently. His heart hurt for her. “I can help with the hands and knees, but your heart is going to take a bit longer to heal.”
“Do you think it will?” she whispered, looking to the ground. “Do you think there’ll ever be a time when all of this change and loss is going to be okay?”
“Give it time, Eva. Come on. Let’s get you up on your feet.”
Carefully, John hooked his arms under hers, making sure she was okay with the contact before helping her up.
“My father wants to sell our house. It’s the last link I have to my mom. All my memories are there, and without it, they’ll fade,” she said sadly.
He tipped her chin up and made her meet his eyes.
“She’ll live on in you always. I bet you look like her.”
Nodding, she answered, “I have her hair and eyes. Zac got her strength. I wish I’d have been given a bit of that too.”
“I think you need to look harder. When I look, I see nothing but strength.”
For one perfect minute, the pull John felt toward her was reflected in Eva’s eyes. He could see the possibilities; all they’d be together. His heart picked up speed, his body growing hot as desire stirred from deep within. Licking her lips, her concentration fell to his lips, and John wanted nothing more than to claim her mouth and give in to the primal urges inside of him.
“Your eyes have gone wolf,” she whispered, meeting them.
“Have they?” he replied roughly, the wolf in his tone.
“Do all shifters have completely different colored eyes?” Reaching up, she touched his face and tipped his head as if to get a better look.
Biting back a groan, John tried to remember what she’d asked while resisting the need to drag her against him. “No. Some are just slightly different tones or a mixture of both. It’s rare to have eyes like mine.” His eyes were a reflection of his nature and the dominance his wolf had over the man. While he’d grown used to the tug and pull of his wolf with age, the startling difference in his eye color, from human gray-blue to yellow-gold, made blending into the human world difficult at times.
She smiled, and it did stupid things to his brain. So much so, he was sure he misheard her next words.
“I like the idea of you being rare.” Eva blinked a few times as if waking from a trance, and a frown appeared between her brow. “Why do I tell you these things?” she whispered, almost to herself.
Because you are mine. His wolf growled from within.
He shrugged, acting nonchalantly as his mind raced. “Because I’m a good listener.”
She laughed. “You are, but you also don’t talk much either.”
“I can talk more if you want.”
Fingers brushing his hand, Eva smile slowly. “It doesn’t matter what I want. Just be you, John.”
If he was being himself, he’d be giving in and kissing her. Consequences be damned.
“Is that my sweater?” she asked, twisting slightly to get a better look at the piece of clothing he’d tucked into the back pocket of his jeans.
Pulling it free, John handed it over. “Oh, yes. Zac gave it to me when he said you were missing.”
Hand flying to her mouth, tears filled her large hazel eyes. “I said some awful things to my dad. I was just so… surprised. It’s stupid, really. I’ve felt them moving on. I guess I knew it was coming, yet it still shocked me to hear the words come from his mouth.”
“It’s natural for him to want to be near Zackary though,” John explained.
Pulling on her sweater, Eva studied the forest, her mind on things John wished to learn. “I know. I just never really thought of Zac staying here permanently. Besides, there’s moving nearby, and then there’s joining a pack of wolves.”
“What did you think would happen?” he asked.
She looked guilty at him before turning away and walking a few steps. “I thought you’d fix him, and we’d go home, back to the life we left.” She shook her head, running a hand through the end of her ponytail. “Zac isn’t broken though. In fact, he’s the happiest he’s been since Mom passed.” She wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing as if warding off the cold.
“Let’s get you back before you catch a cold, and your family begins to really worry.”
“Which way? After a while, this place all looks the same, and the terrain is not made for my human feet.”
He indicated with a nod and began to walk. “I can show you a track that’s smoother for running if you’d like? When you’re fully healed, of course.”
“I’d like that.” She smiled.
They spent the next ten minutes in silence, John biting his tongue every time she limped or nearly tripped on a rut or unseen dip. The light was fading fast, and soon, they’d be in complete darkness and tackling the freezing cold—not that it would bother his shifter body, but Eva wasn’t quite as robust.
“Can I please carry you?” John asked when he could no longer stand watching her. “You’re clearly in pain, and it’s going to be dark soon.”
She narrowed her gaze. “I suppose, since you actually asked this time.”
John suppressed his smile as he celebrated the small victory and picked his future mate off the ground and into his arms. She wrapped an arm over his shoulder, her scent filling his lungs and driving him crazy.
“What am I going to say to my father, John?” she asked quietly once they’d begun walking again.
Looking down at her with—head against on his shoulder, gaze far away—John contemplated how best to answer her question. Sometimes it was hard for him to deal with very human emotions when he tended to run with the black and white views of his wolf. There were times when people hadn’t appreciated his direct, no-holds-barred approach to talking, but after several seconds of thought, all John could think up with was the truth. Eva needed to stop hiding from the emotions plaguing her and let them out in the open; it was the only way she’d deal with them.
“Just tell him how you feel, Eva.”
“He’s going to be even more upset with me if I do that,” she answered, her fingers playing almost absently over his heart. It was as if she wasn’t even aware of doing so. Maybe she wasn’t. While John knew Eva was human and didn’t feel the mating bond in the same way he did, he liked to think it was there on some level. That while she didn’t understand it, she felt a pull toward him, nevertheless.
“How do you feel, Evaline?”
“There’s that name again,” she muttered.
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. I like it from your lips.” Her words sent warmth flooding through his blood.
“Does it hurt?” he whispered.
“A little, but I think it’s time I remember her. I’ve been avoiding everything that hurt me, doing everything in my power to keep busy and fill my mother’s shoes, and it never gave me time to actually feel the loss. When my dad said he wanted to sell the house, I panicked. They’re moving on without me. Zac’s got this big family looking out for him; he doesn’t need me anymore, and my dad wants to join him.”
The depth of pain in her words had John holding her tighter as he paused, leaning his head down and resting it on hers. “Have you not been listening, Evaline? That big family is looking out for you now too.”
Sighing, Eva snuggled into him further. “My brothers a wolf, my father’s built your homes, and I’m of no use. I don’t belong here.”
Pulling back, John could no longer restrain the desires of his wolf. One second he was in control, and the next, he was eyeing her lips. “You belong with me, Evaline,” he whispered hoarsely, before claiming her mouth.
She gasped into his touch, her fingers digging into his shoulder as he encouraged her to open for him. When she didn’t resist, a growl of pleasure rumbled up from his chest and into her mouth.
Eyes widening, Eva dragged in a ragged breath as she pulled sharply back. “What was that?”
“My wolf saying hello.”
Laughing softly, Eva shook her head. “Sometimes I swear I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole and all this isn’t real.”
“I’m real, Eva.”
“That’s what scares me.”
Kissing her softly, his lips a mere brush, John then rested his forehead on hers and sighed longingly. “There’s so much possibility beyond fear. Be brave enough to find it.” He began walking again, adjusting her slightly in his arms.
“Brave, strong… you’ve been saying these words, John, but I don’t feel them.”
“You’ve buried yourself for so long that you’ve forgotten what you look like.”
“My mom suffered for a long time, and watching her slowly fade away in front of me meant the only way to cope with that was to shut down.”
> John couldn’t imagine watching his vibrant mother fade away, seeing the spark slowly disappear from her eyes as a disease stole her from him. Just the thought made him sick. There was no wonder Eva had reacted the way she had to get through it. But John couldn’t stand back and allow Eva to vanish too. He’d breathe life back into her veins, pull her from the depths of her grief himself if he had to. The idea of Eva leaving him forever was so unimaginable he wouldn’t even let the thought pass through his head. She was his. And until Eva felt the same pull as him, he’d slowly and gently coax her back to life, showing her all that waited on the other side of her fears.
“I understand, but it’s time to wake up now, sweetheart.”
They stepped through the trees, and whatever answer fell from her lips was swallowed by the shout of her brother. Her father stole her from his arms, the growl in his gut somehow contained even as his claws slid free.
“Easy now,” Bass murmured, stepping beside him and placing an arm on his shoulder. The strength of his alpha rushed into him, crushing any trace of anger his wolf had voiced. “He’s her father. He has the right to hold her.”
“I know that,” he answered sharply.
Bass chuckled softly. “Then why are your claws still out?”
“Shit,” John muttered. “She was in my arms at last, and I wasn’t ready to give her up.”
“Believe me, John, I know exactly what that feels like, but trust me, slicing up her father won’t help you win her over.”
“I wasn’t going to slice him up,” John muttered, slipping from his alpha’s grasp. “She’s hurt. Can you get a first aid kit, please?”
John walked a few paces toward Eva, the weight of his alpha’s stare felt with every step, before Bass must have decided John wasn’t a danger and veered off to do as he’d asked. But the truth was, John wasn’t sure if he had his wolf under control or not, and the closer he and Eva became, the stronger the urges of his wolf grew until they could potentially be a deadly situation.
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