by Mike Ryan
“What kind of things?”
“I don’t know. Clothes and necessities is what she said.”
“What kind of necessities?” Recker asked, fearful of what they might entail.
“I suppose we should ask her.” Jones shrugged, turning back to their guest. “Mia, what exactly do you need?”
“Well how long do you think I’ll be staying here?”
“A few days I suspect. A week at the most I would think.”
“Pants, socks, a few shirts,” she said. “You’ve seen the things I wear. You know what I like.”
“I guess I can handle that,” Recker said.
“I guess I also need a toothbrush, bras, and underwear,” Mia said, not thinking much about it.
Recker, on the other hand, was not as comfortable with the request. He looked at Jones who was looking back at him just as uncomfortably, the professor glad he wasn’t the one heading to the store to fulfill her shopping list.
“Uhh...I’m not so sure I can handle that,” Recker said.
“It’s just clothes,” Jones said nonchalantly, trying not to make a big deal of it.
“David, it’s bras and underwear. I’m not equipped for that.”
“Nonsense. Don’t even think about it.”
“Guns. I like guns. I’m familiar with guns. I know about guns. I can handle guns. I don’t know about bras and underwear.”
“Do you mean to tell me you can shoot five men point blank standing in front of you without a second thought and you’re going to stand here freaking out about underwear?” Jones asked.
“Women’s underwear. It means I have to go…look at them…touch them.”
“You certainly have some strange views on things.”
“How do I know what fits?”
“Umm…,” Jones said, struggling to come up with an answer.
Seeing and overhearing Recker and Jones’ conversation, Mia couldn’t help but let out a laugh and shake her head at them. She thought it amusing how men like them, especially Recker, could have fears about picking out a lady’s undergarments. After thinking about it for a minute, though, she figured it was understandable. It wasn’t exactly their usual cup of tea.
“Would it be helpful if I wrote down my sizes?” Mia asked.
“Uhhh.” Recker was lost for words, looking at Jones. “Yes?”
Mia smiled again. “Get me a piece of paper and pen and I’ll write down what I need. I’ll make it extremely easy for you.”
Jones did as she asked and supplied her with a pen and paper. She immediately wrote down the items that she needed then walked over to Recker and handed it to him. She could see the fear was still ingrained in his face as he thought about getting the items.
“It’s really not that bad,” Mia said, trying to ease his fears. “Nobody will look at you funny for buying ladies bras and underwear. Men do it all the time.”
“They do?” Recker asked.
“Sure. We’re in the twenty-first century now, remember?”
“Oh. Well can’t you just go without, umm,” Recker said, looking briefly at her chest. “Uhh, no, never mind, I guess not.”
Jones had sat back down at one of the computer terminals and put his hand over his mouth to prevent himself from laughing or smiling. He sympathized with Recker’s fears as he wouldn’t have been too keen at going to the store to pick up her things either. He was glad he chose to stay the night and convinced him it was the best option. Mia went into the bathroom for a minute to get ready for bed. While she was in there, Recker tried one last time to switch jobs.
“You sure you wouldn’t rather change things?” Recker asked. “I mean, I’m out there far more than you are. It’d probably be good for you to get out for a little while. Smell the air.”
“No, I’m quite content staying here for the night. Besides, I’m more used to staying the night here than you are.”
“Oh. OK.”
As soon as Mia came out of the bathroom, she went straight for Recker. He was standing near the door and ready to go. He just wanted to say goodnight to her before he left. She had a few things on her mind she wanted to talk to him about. Things that had been bothering her since their last conversation at the hospital. She looked at the floor, unsure where to begin.
“I guess, umm, I need to apologize,” Mia said.
“For?”
“You know, the things I told you in the cafeteria the other day.”
Recker shook his head. “Mia, you don’t have to do anything. It’s fine. I’m not mad. I’m not upset. You had a right to say what you felt. It’s no big deal. Apologies aren’t necessary.”
“No, they are. For me they are. In truth, I’m happy you’re back.”
“You are?”
Mia nodded, looking down again. “I was just hurt you dropped off the grid like that. Especially at a time when I could’ve used a friend.”
Recker squeezed his eyebrows together, unsure what she was referring to. “What are you talking about? Are you OK?”
“Yeah, pretty much. Remember you asked how things were with me and Josh?”
“Yeah. I think you said everything was fine.”
“Yeah, I lied,” she said, forcing a smile. “We, uhh, broke up a couple months after you left. I think it was actually the week before I lost contact with you.”
Recker looked away from her and glared at the wall, mad at himself for abandoning her. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s OK.”
“Why didn’t you say something the other day?” Recker said.
“I don’t know. I guess I was just scared. I didn’t want to admit how much pain I was in. And I guess when I saw you sitting there, it made me realize how much I actually missed you while you were gone. I guess it’s why I snapped at you the way I did.”
“He didn’t...hurt you or anything, did he?”
“No, no, nothing like that. We just wanted different things. He was more interested in work and moving up the ladder. He’s ambitious. And I’m just at the point where I want something more.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I guess I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what would you have done? Move back just to console my broken heart?”
“I dunno.” Recker sighed. “Maybe I would’ve done things differently.”
“You mean not dropped off the planet for three months?” Mia asked with a smile.
“Yeah, maybe.”
“What I said, about leaving is what you know how to do best...I didn’t mean it. It was someone else talking.”
“No, it was you. It’s probably something you’ve been wanting to say for a while, you just buried it down deep,” Recker said. “The pain you were in just made it easier for it to come out.”
“Maybe. Anyway, I hope you forgive me.”
“Mia, there’s nothing to forgive. I wasn’t mad at you for what you said. In fact, most of it I probably agreed with.”
“Do you think we can get back to the way we were before?” Mia asked, hoping to resume their friendship.
“I would like that.”
Recker had serious thoughts about telling her he’d like to be more, but decided it wasn’t the best time to drop news like that on her. Though he did miss Philadelphia while he was gone, and it really was like home to him, he realized what he missed most about the city was her. The memory of her soft green eyes, her silky black hair, her pretty face, remembering what her touch felt like, that’s what kept drawing him back. Now the CIA wasn’t on his tail, he began thinking maybe it was possible to do what he wanted to do with Carrie several years ago. He could actually move on. But those were thoughts he figured were better left to himself, at least for the time being. Maybe when the situation with Jeremiah was over, and they figured out where Bernal was, then he could figure out exactly what he wanted and with who.
“Are you going to be OK with work?” Recker asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I told them yesterday I had a family emergency and I’d be
away for a week.”
“You’re not going to get in trouble or anything?”
“No. I have five sick days I can use,” Mia said. “If I need more then I can use some of my vacation days. So, don’t worry, everything’s fine.”
“Now I think of it, I guess it explains why you didn’t put up any kind of a fight about leaving your boyfriend.”
Mia let out a smile, “yeah, no use in fighting about leaving a boyfriend you don’t have.”
“Well, I should be going,” Recker said. “You need anything?”
“Umm, a hug would be nice.”
It was a request Recker couldn’t, and wouldn’t, deny. For the first time, his thoughts weren’t to resist or hold back. He eagerly took her in his arms and tightly wrapped them around her as she embraced their closeness. She buried her head into his chest as she relished the affection he was showing. A few tears rolled down her face as she thought about the trouble she was in. Up until then, she’d put on a brave face and tried not to think about it too much. But she was only human, and a life of danger wasn’t exactly something she was used to, or signed up for. She was usually a pretty strong person, but being targeted by a violent criminal gang was hard to deal with, even though she had someone like Recker looking after her. Recker could hear her sniffling and felt bad she had to go through this.
“It’ll be over soon,” he said softly.
Unlike previous times they’d embraced, Recker was in no hurry to let it end. He wasn’t trying to pull back, or worrying about giving her false hope, or trying to convince himself it was a bad idea. He was just living in the moment. When they first began hugging, Jones looked away and started typing away on the computer, trying to keep himself busy during their moment of affection. He periodically looked back at them to see if they’d disengaged, but he was quite surprised to see how long their embrace was lasting. As Jones watched them, he figured it was the type of embrace which was probably a couple years overdue. For some time now, Jones assumed eventually the two of them would get to this point. They had a brief lapse of affection after he rescued her at the cemetery, but as they always did, managed to pull themselves apart after deciding it wasn’t the right thing to do.
For Recker’s sake, Jones hoped this time they had found each other for good. Even though in the beginning, Jones didn’t think it was wise for him to get involved with Mia, or anybody else, he’d begun to realize Recker needed something else in his life. Maybe it was to replace the feeling of emptiness from losing Carrie, or maybe because Recker always seemed to long for something else, something to justify himself other than simply being known as a killer. With the CIA no longer following him, with Agent 17 no longer on his mind, Jones thought the time was finally right for Recker to lose the binds that tied up his soul. After few more minutes, Recker and Mia finally were able to tear themselves away from each other.
“Well, I should be going,” Recker said.
Mia laughed, wiping her eyes. “Yeah, I think you said so already.”
Recker put his hand on her face and stared into Mia’s eyes as they got lost in each other’s gaze. He wiped some of the tears away with his thumb. She brought her hand up to her face and put it on top of his hand, gently rubbing his skin as she basked at his touch.
“When this is over, things will be different,” Recker said. “For us.”
Mia looked at him in amazement, not believing what just came out of his mouth. For so long she’d waited and hoped for him to say that he wanted her. It wasn’t quite riding the white horse and sweeping her off her feet, but it was probably as close as he’d ever get. A smile came over her face as she thought about the possibility of them finally being together.
“But—” Mia said before being interrupted.
“No more buts, or ifs, or maybe’s. No more games between us. I don’t wanna deny what I feel for you anymore.”
Tears started forming in Mia’s eyes again as she realized what he was saying. Now she just had to hope he wasn’t delirious or losing his mind in the excitement of the situation. Or that a good night’s sleep wouldn’t change his mind when he saw her again in the morning. On most nights, the implication of them being together would be enough to keep her up for hours in lieu of sleep, but with everything that had happened so far, even this news wouldn’t cure her exhaustion.
“Get some sleep,” Recker said, kissing her forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Once Recker left the office, Mia did an about face and turned toward Jones. “Did that just happen?” she asked, worried maybe she was hallucinating.
“It just happened,” Jones said.
“I mean, I’m not dreaming, or seeing things, or talking to people who aren’t there or anything, am I?”
Jones laughed, finding amusement in her fears. “No. He was really there.”
“Good, ‘cause I really thought maybe I’d lost my mind there for a second. I mean, he actually seemed like he wanted me for a second.”
“Isn’t it what you want?”
“Yes. I just hope he wasn’t saying it to make me feel better or something and that he meant it.”
“Have you ever known Michael to say something he didn’t mean?” Jones asked.
“No.”
“Then I’m sure he did.”
“Would you be OK with it?” Mia asked, sensing he wasn’t overjoyed by the prospect of them being together.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, I don’t know, I just remember you saying something along the lines of like this wasn’t possible for us.”
“Circumstances change,” Jones said. “At one time, I did believe him getting into a relationship with you would’ve been a mistake.”
“But not now?”
“Now he’s free from the CIA, he’s revenged Carrie’s death, there’s nothing holding him back anymore. I think ever since I met him, there was something missing inside him. I thought for the longest time, it was just the pain of losing Carrie eating away at him, and once he killed the man responsible, that would have cured it.”
“But it didn’t?”
“No. I think what he’s been looking for has been fulfillment. To feel whole again. It’s what he had with Carrie. He felt complete. It’s what he’s been looking for, what he’s needed.”
“But why did it take so long for him to see I was standing right in front of him?”
Jones smiled at her. “I think he’s always known. He could have never done this if the CIA was still looking for him. Because he was a target, you would be a target, and he would never allow you to end up harmed because of him. But once he knew he was free from them, he finally realized what would make him whole again. And it was you.”
10
By the time Recker showed up the following morning, both Jones and Mia were already awake. They’d showered and eaten something out of the fridge and were sitting at the table having some coffee when Recker walked in after ten.
“Thought maybe you’d forgotten about us,” Mia said, smiling.
“Not likely,” Recker said.
“A little later than usual,” Jones said.
“Well I had to make pit stops,” Recker said, holding up a shopping bag.
Recker walked over to the couch and plopped the bag on it as the others came over and joined him. He started to reach into the bag to take out what he’d bought but brought his hand back out of it as he thought better of it.
“Enjoy your trip?” Mia asked, a big smile on her face, enjoying watching Recker squirm.
“Yes, Mike, enjoy your trip?” Jones said, piling on.
“No and no, I did not enjoy my trip.”
“Get everything?” Mia asked, looking into the bag.
“Everything you wrote down,” Recker said.
“See, it wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“It was terrifying.”
“Really?” Mia asked, believing he was over exaggerating.
“I was standing by the rack, looking at the, uhh, the uhh,”
Recker said, pointing at his chest. “The uhh, you know.”
“Bras?”
“Yeah, those. I know there were other women passing by giving me strange looks.”
Mia laughed, amused at how traumatized he seemed to be. “I know it was hard for you, thank you,” she said, giving Recker a hug. “I’ll be back.”
Mia took the bag into the bathroom to change as Recker and Jones watched her walk away. Once she closed the door, Recker could feel Jones’ eyes beating down on him. He slowly moved his head and looked at his partner out of the corner of his eye.
“Can I help you?” Recker asked, turning his head fully.
“About last night.”
“What about it?”
“Did you mean what you told her?” Jones asked.
“In regard to what? Were you eavesdropping?”
“It’s not eavesdropping if you’re talking loud enough for other people in the room to hear. And in regard to telling her things would be different between you.”
“Fair point,” Recker said. “And I did mean it. Every word.”
“Why the sudden change of heart?”
“I don’t know. I guess seeing her in danger just triggered something in me. It wasn’t something I was planning on doing or saying. Seeing her crying on my shoulder, it just kind of came out. Think it was a mistake?”
“Not if it’s what’s in your heart.”
“So, you approve?”
“I’m not your father or your keeper, Mike. If being with her makes you happy, if it’s what makes you whole again, then you have my blessing. Not that you need it.”
“It does it make it easier knowing you’re on board with it.”
“I do have one question, though,” Jones said. “Would you be proceeding with her if Ms. Lawson hadn’t put you in the clear?”
“Unlikely. I lost one before because of the CIA. I wouldn’t risk another, even if it meant me being miserable for the rest of my life.”
“I want you to know I’m not trying to talk you out of this, but it seems to me you have another problem if you and her co-mingle.”
“What’s that?”
“It occurs to me, even if the CIA isn’t after you, she still may be in danger. Look at what’s happening now. Because of what you do, and your relationship with her, she’s still a target,” Jones said.