by Blue Saffire
“I just hope we can raise some money,” I reply shyly.
“Have you looked at this guy? You’ll be sold out,” Cameron laughs. “Anyway, now that that’s settled, we’ll get out of your hair.”
Caleb’s head snaps toward his brother and a look passes between them. Caleb’s expression is close to desperation as he tries to convey something to his brother, without words. Cameron shakes his head and laughs, but turns back toward me.
“Actually, we’re getting ready to get out of here, maybe get something to eat. Would you like to come with?” Cameron asks, turning up his smile a few megawatts.
I’m still not sure what exactly Caleb wants from me and there are so many other questions running through my head. I’m not sure going to hang out with them all is the best idea.
“I was thinking about heading home. I wouldn’t want to ruin you guys’ night, with having to worry about me,” I answer.
Caleb steps closer to me. “Please, it would make me happy if you would come with us,” Caleb’s deep voice rumbled through me.
What is wrong with me? I chastise myself, as a shiver runs down my spine. How could I not be turned on by such a masculine voice? Even so, I look at the raw vulnerability in his eyes? It’s that same look that makes me cave, just like I do every time Liv gives me that same look.
“Um…okay,” I relent.
“I thought you said you weren’t into jocks,” Jonah teases from beside me. It’s the first time I remember it’s not just the four of us standing here. “It’s okay, I knew you were way out of my league anyway.”
I laugh and shake my head at Jonah. He is a sweet guy, on top of being a super-hot nerd. Stepping down from my stool, I move to give him a hug.
“Whatever, you’ll be on the arm of some lucky girl, before I get out the door,” I say, as I lift up on my toes to hug him.
Before I can get in a good hug and move away, I feel a large arm slip around my waist pulling me back possessively. I turn my head and look up to find Caleb staring down at me. My whole body heats up, the moment my back connects with Caleb’s hard body. To my surprise, I just melt back against him.
Cameron clears his throat with a chuckle. “I guess we should get out of here,” he shakes his head and starts off into the crowd.
I wave to Jonah, who lifts a brow as he looks between Caleb and me. Caleb’s arm remains around me as he leads me through the crowd. As we step out of the house with Dakota still beside us, I remember I didn’t come to this party alone.
“I should let my friends know I’m leaving,” I say taking out my phone to text Taylor. By the time I’m done, Cameron emerges from the party with a pissed off looking brunette on his arm.
Her eyes widened when she sees me standing with Caleb. “Oh, my God, is she the girl,” the green eyed brunette turns to Cameron.
“Kay,” Caleb groans.
“Okay, should I be scared. I feel like I should be scared,” I turn and look up at Caleb.
His brows furrow as he looks down at me intensely. “I would never hurt you,” he says so sweetly and so sincere.
I instantly feel guilty. It’s clear he missed my sarcasm. Liv has a hard time with my sarcasm as well. At least, she did for a while. Now, I think she lives to piss Harris off with her witty come backs. It shocks us all at times, after knowing her struggle with it.
Feeling like an idiot, I place my hand on Caleb chest and look up into his eyes. “I know, I feel safe with you,” I reassure him.
I hear a gasp behind me, before I hear Kay mutter. “He let her touch him, without even a flinch.”
“Shut up,” Cameron growls out.
It’s too late, I have already heard her. I quickly remove my hand. I’m reminded of Timmy. He couldn’t stand to be hugged or touched when he first came to my mother, but with time he started to accept his own mother’s touch.
Eventually, he was willing to accept her hugs. Again, I have to wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m clearly getting into something that’s over my head. I should just go home.
Caleb reaches for my hand, searching my face once again. “I like it when you touch me,” he says, as he wraps his huge hand around mine.
I’m instantly comforted by the warmth of his hand around mine. I watch as he studies my face to insure that this is okay. I smile back at him and slide my hand in his until my fingers are laced with his, as much as my tiny hand will allow. I squeeze his fingers in reassurance, then turn to the others.
“So, where are we going?” I ask to break the tension.
“There’s this diner not far from here. Caleb and Cameron love their food. We can go there,” Dakota suggests.
“Okay,” I shrug and look up at Caleb with a smile.
His eyes flicker down to my lips and butterflies fill my tummy, as I remember the kiss from inside. I mentally shake myself, forcing my feet forward to join the rest of the group.
I’m being so stupid. I could never have a relationship with Caleb, and I’m sure not going to just sleep with him. There are so many things wrong with all of my thoughts.
In my defense, he is insanely hot and I have only assumed he’s a little different. I could be totally wrong, right? I had some drinks tonight. Clearly, I’m not thinking straight.
Heck, I’m walking with a group of strangers to a restaurant. So not like me at all. Nicole Waltersson would never kiss a random guy or go off with random people to some diner.
Caleb squeezes my fingers gently, bringing me out of my head. I look up to see him smiling down at me. Yeah, I just had too much to drink. There’s no way I could be right about this. Just look at him.
chapter six
Time Alone
Caleb
I can’t believe Cameron pulled this off. I’m so nervous, I think I’m going to be sick. I thought Nicole would’ve snatched her hand away from me, but she’s held my hand all the way here. God, I want to kiss her again and I almost have.
Each time she looks up at me, I feel my heart pounding in my chest. The walk here was like the longest ten minutes of my life. Dakota and Kay spent the time asking Nicole questions, I felt like I should’ve been asking to get to know her.
I know they mean well, so, I’m not too annoyed. This is my family wanting to see me happy. I’m just happy to get to know anything about this gorgeous girl sitting beside me.
I know that she’s from New York, she has three brothers and two sisters. She’s the baby of the family and it sounds like her father means a lot to her. I would even say, they’re close from the words she uses, when talking about him. Nicole has tons of nieces and nephews. She seems to be fond of them, too.
Although she used to attend college in Georgia, something about that time made her unhappy. I picked that up, it’s the first time I was able to get a read on her. I can’t tell you how happy that made me. I usually take a long time to be able to read new people.
I haven’t said much since we arrived at the diner. I have this feeling that Nicole has already figured me out, or if she hasn’t she will soon enough. There’s this look she gets in her eyes when she looks at me, as if she can see right through me.
I want her to. I don’t want to hide from her. I want Nicole to know me.
No one knows how it feels to see and hear the world on my own frequency, to process everything in shattered pieces that I have to put together, to understand and be understood. I want to share how that feels with someone, and everything inside me tells me that I can do that with Nicole.
“Your milkshake looks so good,” Nicole turns to me and says, with her beautiful smile.
“It is, would you like some,” I offer, as my eyes lock onto her lips for the millionth time.
“Only if you want to share,” she says as her cheeks take on a glowing color. I love when they do that.
I reach for my cup with the milkshake and place the straw to her lips. Once again, my attention is drawn to those lush pillows. She takes a pull from the straw and makes a little moaning sound.
I shift i
n my seat as my pants tighten. My attention is pulled away from Nicole, as I hear Cameron chuckle across the table. I want to flip him the bird, but I refrain. I’m trying to make a good impression.
Cameron knows this is hard for me. He’s just being a dick. I’m so used to Cameron doing all the work for me and me just closing the deal, but I want more from Nicole.
A quick fuck isn’t going to do it. I want it all with her. I want to touch her and I want to be touched by her. There’s no way I will be satisfied with taking her from behind and rushing off after, like my dick is on fire, leaving Cameron to smooth things over.
I’ve never felt this way before. Something about Nicole’s touch soothes me. I’ve learned to deal with being touched by my family, but they know I have limits and I still flinch no matter what, but not with Nicole.
I scowl at Cameron, but turn back to Nicole, just in time to see the straw slip from her lips and some of my milkshake lingering on her mouth. Just like at the party, I let my instincts guide me. I bend my head to suck her bottom lip into my mouth. I pull away when I hear her gasp, feeling like a jerk, but the smile on her lips relaxes me a bit.
She shakes her head at me then tilts it to the side thoughtfully. She does that a lot. I just watch. I want to learn her.
“You, Caleb Perry, are going to have to stop that. What if I have a boyfriend somewhere?” She says.
I frown and glare at her. “Do you have a boyfriend?” I ask, pissed off at the thought of another man with his hands on her.
“No,” she says with a grin. “Why Caleb, are you jealous?”
“Yes, very. I want to be your boyfriend and I wish I didn’t have to stop kissing you,” I reply.
Her mouth drops open at my direct words. I don’t know any other way to be. She’ll always get the truth from me.
Snickers pour out from my brother and cousin. I look at them and kick myself. I know I probably should have replied differently, but I’m honest and to the point, if nothing else.
Nicole tucks her hair behind her ear and straightens in her seat. “I-I… I think I had too much to drink tonight to respond to that,” Nicole says, with a tiny laugh.
“So, then you guys should go out on a date,” Dakota chirps.
Nicole starts to chew on her lip. “I don’t know,” Nicole whispers.
“What’s there to know? Caleb clearly likes you and it seems like you like him. Why not go on a date?” Cameron jumps in, turning on his lady killer smile.
“Well, we have a working relationship now. It may not be smart to start dating,” Nicole answers.
“But you two make such a cute couple,” Kay whines.
“I was thinking the same thing,” Dakota nods, looking between the two of us. “Come on, Nicole.”
“Can I think about it?” Nicole asks as she peeks up at me through her lashes.
I don’t want her to think about it, but I know it’s the right thing to say right now. “Sure,” I say, not sure if I hide my disappointment well.
“It’s been a long night. I think I should head home,” Nicole says, as she pushes her plate of fries away. She goes to pull money from her pocket, but I stop her. No matter how different I may be, my Mama still taught me to be a gentleman and it stuck.
“I got it and I’ll walk you home,” I say, as I pull out my wallet and toss a few bills on the table.
“You don’t have to,” she replies, so softly, I almost don’t hear her.
“Yes, I do,” I say, as I stand and reach for her hand. If I can’t kiss her, I sure do want to at least hold her hand.
“We’ll catch up to you,” Cameron says.
I know my brother. He is giving me some time to be alone with Nicole. Without Dakota and Kay thinking they’re being helpful.
My heart is pounding again, as we walk out of the diner hand in hand. My mind races with all the things I can say, but I don’t know if I can get any of it to come out right. They’re jumbled and in pieces. I feel Nicole squeeze my hand and I look down to see her smiling up at me, once again.
“Caleb,” she says. “Is there something I’m missing? Something I should know?”
I swallow hard. This is it. I want her to know everything, but now that it’s time to tell her, I’m not sure I can. I feel myself becoming overwhelmed, but I have to push through this.
Cameron and Dakota won’t always be there. That’s something I have been thinking about for a long time, since before I ran into Nicole. I want a normal life or as normal as I can get. It’s not likely that Cameron and I will get drafted to the same professional baseball team.
I have what it takes to go pro. Cam does too, but there has been a lot of talk of me playing in the big leagues. I want it. I want it bad. It’s the main reason Cameron and I agreed with Dad that we should hide the truth.
“It’s okay, you know. I won’t judge you,” Nicole says gently, then stops and turns toward me. “I think I understand, but…if you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine.”
I rub the back of my neck with my free hand, trying to put the words together, but I can’t. I feel so lost. Maybe this is a bad idea.
I mean, what would a girl like her want with someone like me. I can’t even answer her simple question. What kind of future can I give her? This was so stupid of me.
“Oh, Caleb, I’m sorry,” Nicole says. I’m so lost I can barely focus on her face. Shit, I’m clicking. “Come here, Honey.”
Everything in me goes silent as her small hands tug at my shirt and she lifts up on her toes to kiss me. I’m too stunned to kiss her back at first. When my head clears, she’s all I know.
I grasp the back of her neck and wrap an arm around her waist, lifting her closer to me. I kiss her with the hunger that’s been bottled inside me for much too long.
I have never been this at peace, this close to anyone. I growl into her mouth and deepen the kiss. I never want to stop kissing her.
The feel of her hands in my hair has me hard all over. The only thing that stops me from kissing her, is the small whimper that escapes her lips. I pull back quickly and look her over with wild eyes.
“Am I hurting you,” I ask in panic.
“No,” she pants. “But maybe we should stop. I didn’t mean to take things that far.”
I nod and place her on her feet. We stand staring at each other for, I’m not sure how long. I watch her eyes soften as she looks at me, and I know.
I know she knows. Without any further words, she tugs at the fist full of my shirt she has her fingers wrapped around, and starts for her dorm once again.
chapter Seven
Mixed Up
Nicole
I must be out of my mind. I feel like such a jerk. Hell is making a special place, with the name Nicole on it. What was I thinking last night? I mean it was clear Caleb was having a freaking meltdown, right in front of me.
I shouldn’t have asked him to tell me anything. I sure shouldn’t have kissed him, when he was so vulnerable and freaking out. I just didn’t know what else to do.
He looked so lost, but when he started to make that clicking sound, while grind his teeth. I knew I messed up. I only meant to kiss him to calm him down, but then he took over the kiss, and I was the one that was lost.
What girl wouldn’t be, with over two hundred pounds of solid, six foot and change, muscled mountain pressed against her? I blame it on my lack of experience with the opposite sex. My inexperience is coming back to haunt me. My twisted mind is letting my deprived body take over.
I punch my pillow and berate myself again. All I can see is the disappointment in his eyes. When we arrived at my dorm and I only hugged him goodnight, he looked crushed.
I wanted to kiss him, but I knew it was so wrong. I’m so confused. I had hardly any sleep because every time I closed my eyes, I saw Caleb in ways I shouldn’t be seeing him.
Having enough of trying to sleep and failing, I toss the covers. I need to channel this energy, tugging on some track leggings and a tank top, I decide on a run. I haven’t
been running since I arrived on campus, but I think a good run will help to clear my mind.
I drag into the bathroom to freshen up and pull my hair from my face with a clip. Some days, I regret the bob I’ve cut my hair into. I miss a good messy ponytail.
I step from the bathroom and look over at Taylor. Who is still knocked out, with her mouth hanging open. It reminds me that I need to find my ear plugs.
She came in way after midnight, so I don’t think she will be moving anytime soon. I grab my phone and keys and set out on my run. My thoughts go right to Liv. I have always wished for a normal life for my niece.
I know life will be more challenging for her, but I hope that one day she’ll know love, friendships, and a life full of happiness.
Mom has worked so hard with her. I think a lot of it is out of guilt that she didn’t push Harris and Kelis to do something sooner. She had her suspicions, but Kelis was in denial and my mother never pushed until she was sure.
Olivia has flourished with mom’s help, and a change in her diet. She’s one of the lucky ones, to have so much support. The thought makes me think of Caleb. I’m quite sure I’m right, after his meltdown.
It seems he has just as much support as Olivia. I mean a brother and cousin that stay by his side, and from what I can tell they have been doing a great job. I don’t think anyone here at this school knows about Caleb, unless they want them to.
I wonder what that’s like for Caleb. I know being autistic doesn’t define him. It’s just with Liv, it’s one of the first things my family tells newcomers. So, they understand to treat her with care.
Maybe that’s why Caleb chooses to keep it a secret. If everyone knew, he wouldn’t get to be just a student or just an athlete. He would always be defined by his autism first. That autistic student or that autistic guy that plays baseball, would more than likely be how everyone would address him.
Is that not what I am doing? A week ago, he was just a really hot, mysterious, brooding guy. Now he has made it clear he would like to date me and all I can think about, is the fact that he has autism or some probable dysfunction.