by Tiana Laveen
She nodded.
“Our father was real like, uh, what’s the word? Protective over my sisters—so much so, for a while they wasn’t allowed to do shit. Me ’nd my brothers would be gettin’ into mischief but they had to stay in the house. They’d complain about it and he ain’t listen. My mother stepped in and had had enough. Told him to let up off ’em because if he didn’t, they’d get out there in the world and try to find out what he was hidin’ from them—like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Anyway, I say that to say that sometimes, when you squeeze real tight, both of y’all can’t breathe. Not just the one you holdin’ on to; you can suffocate somebody you love on accident, snuff the light and life right outta ’em.”
She looked at him quizzically. Tilting her head, she placed the bowl on the counter.
“I know you think I should probably keep my nose outta this, but I just wanted to give you a different perspective is all. You seemed really hurt that he ain’t want you to pick him up from the airport as was originally planned. We been talkin’ ’bout different things that bother you, and I try ’nd understand, put myself in your shoes, but he is gonna keep on growin’. One day, he gonna move out. He won’t be callin’ as much. He’s gonna be livin’ his own life, baby.” She hung her head as if she couldn’t bear to hear another word. “I love you, Yaz… As God is my witness, I do.”
She leaned against the sink counter and crossed her arms.
“I know you do… I love you, too.”
She sounded so damn sad, it tore him up inside.
“Not tryna hurt you. Talk to me. Tell me what’s troublin’ you.”
“All right. Every time he is with his father, he comes back with an attitude is all, Langston. It ain’t that he didn’t want no ride home that got under my skin. Well, it did a little bit, but it’s more about what it all means… like, it’s deeper than that.”
“Like what? Deeper how?”
“He changes after he’s with Sebastian. I don’t like it. Noah is funny and loving. Yeah, he is a teenager and they go through stuff, different moods, but I’m tellin’ you, Lang, I know my boy. It’s like a total one-eighty. I hate it! I dread these trips ’cause of that.”
“You think your ex-husband is sayin’ things to him about you? Turnin’ him against you or somethin’?”
She shrugged and shook her head.
“I don’t know. That may be goin’ too far, but he’s just different when he comes back… more standoffish. It takes him like three to four days to warm back up. Noah is a really good kid, I can’t complain, but it’s like after he gets around that fuc… that man, he’s transformed into somethin’ not so nice.” She started to wash the carrots in the sink. “Distant, not communicating, secretive… I wish I knew what was going on his mind. I wish I could get into his head during these times. I ask him what’s wrong and he tells me nothin’.”
“Baby, he might not have the answer. Did you think about that?” Langston shrugged. “He might be still tryna process that you and his father are split. Yeah, even after all this time. He tryna make the world make sense again. If you think about it, like, you and I grew up with both parents in the house. We ain’t know nothin’ else. If my parents had gotten divorced I probably wouldn’t have taken it so well. Not sayin’ I woulda ended up a basket case or anything like that, but things like that can change a person and then they gotta regroup.”
“I had him in counselin’, Lang. I was there with him sometimes, too. I wanted to make sure all bases were covered after Sebastian and I were through. The most important person in my life is my boy. That’s why I stayed as long as I did.”
“I understand that and it’s good you was proactive in helpin’ him out, but he’s still a kid, so he’s constantly changin’ right now. At that time, he may have thought one way about you and your ex, and now, he might think another. That means he might have to start the process all over… the healin’, ’cause he a new person and now, in some ways, so are his mother and father. He’s gettin’ to know you all over again, as well as his father, and now here he is in a strange place. He had to make all new friends, some people may try ’nd act stupid because of his impairment, shit like that. He has a lot on his shoulders and deep inside, he might just want to be a carefree kid—but he can’t be because he tryna figure out how this life thing works and why you two aren’t together if you loved each other. Sometimes, teenagers, specially boys, see things in black and white. You know, he might even feel guilt if he likes his father’s girlfriend. He might feel guilty that he likes me.” He pointed to himself. “There’s a lot of shit going on in that boy’s head and if he ain’t figured it all out himself, why you expect him to be able to sit down and tell you about it?”
“I… I never really heard it put like that, thought about it that way.” A slight smile creased her face. “Maybe he does feel guilty. Maybe he feels like he gotta take sides or something. I told him he never had to. I would never do my son like that, make him act up with his father all ’cause he and I struggle sometimes to even be friends. I want him to love his daddy, Langston.”
“I know you do! You try to do a good job of not puttin’ your personal feelings about the man in Noah’s face. When I was talkin’ to Noah the other day, I could tell he really seems mature for his age. Look, kids go through moods, you know? And unlike girls, Yasmine, boys keep a lotta shit inside. It ain’t a good look for us to be standin’ around belly achin’ and cryin’. He just tryna process it all in his own way. I bet if you just give him his space when he gets back home this time and don’t fret about it, he’ll adjust even quicker. Remember, this probably ain’t got nothin’ to do with you. It’s him… growin’ pains. Let him grow in peace and I promise you when he’s ready to talk to you, he will.”
“Have I told you that I love you today?” She walked over to him, bent down, and kissed him real soft and sweet. When she pulled back, he ran the tip of his tongue slow along his lips, then swallowed the sugary flavor of her kiss. He wanted more of her cinnamon flavored gloss… more of her.
“Yeah… but you can tell me again.” He grinned as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. “Mmmm, damn, baby… I missed tha shit outta you.” He pushed his nose in her thick, black hair, loving the smell of her tresses. Running his fingers through the strands, he inhaled, taking in all that she gave, but it wasn’t enough… It was never enough.
“Let’s go back to your bedroom before Noah gets home. I wanna be inside you so fuckin’ bad…” He slipped his hand under her sweater and found her breasts to gently squeeze them. He held her close and thrust his hips up to feel her pussy, simulating a delightful fuckfest. “Yeah… just like that… rub that peach all over my fuckin’ dick… come on… I’m ’bout to tear that pussy up…” he slurred. His dick thickened as she grinded against it, rotating her hips just right. He got to his feet and carried her in his arms, prepared to put in some work but just then, his phone rang.
“Shit! Hold that thought, baby. This is my sister.” She nodded as he placed her back down on her feet. She went to the pantry door and opened it, partially hiding behind it. “Hey, Brittany. Kinda busy right now so—”
“Hey, I’m comin’ over. Need to stay with you tonight. You’re home, right? Mama said you got off work around noon today.” He could hear the desperation in the woman’s voice.
“Why can’t you go over Mama’s?”
“Because Mama got company over at the house, Iris and them. I got the kids with me so she ain’t got the room but we just need somewhere to crash for a minute.”
“Brittany, I ain’t home right now and won’t be for a while. Not only that, my place barely is enough room for me, let alone you and the kids. It’ll do for a few hours, but not days and weeks.” He heard the lady huff in frustration. “Come on now, don’t be like that. I’ve let you stay plenty of times, and we’d be all up under one another… that ain’t right for the kids, Brit, and I ain’t got enough groceries ’nd stuff for everyone no way. Can you stay with J
acelyn?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Awww, hell! What happened now?!” He pounded the wall and shook his head.
“She and I kinda got into it. She said some shit she ain’t have no business sayin’.”
“Like what?” His brow rose. Jacelyn was one of the mildest mannered women he’d ever come across. It was a surprise she was his sister, as quiet as she was. If Brit made Jacelyn mad to the point that she told her off, Brit musta done some real fucked up shit—some shit that there wasn’t no coming back from.
“It don’t matter really. She just shouldn’t have said it.”
“Well, I got somethin’ to say you won’t like then, either. Brit, I can’t do it, all right? I am already committed to my plans today. Can’t you just go home and—”
“Please, Lang! Just one night.”
He sighed, rested his head against the kitchen wall, and closed his eyes. He could feel his lady’s peepers on him, burning holes practically in his damn back. His adrenaline began to rush, his whole body heated with anxiety. Brittany began to go on and on about how nobody was there for her, how she helped change his diapers and all this other bullshit—the typical martyr card she enjoyed tossing around like a Frisbee.
“…And another thing, you and Anthony wouldn’t have had nothin’ to eat if it hadn’t been for me cookin’ breakfast for you ’cause Mama never got up ’fore eight and you and him was always up at the crack of damn dawn!”
The taste of resentment filled his mouth and he swallowed it down, his gut now full of the shit.
I’m so sick of this. She gotta work this shit out… I love my sister, but enough is enough.
“Look, I can’t, all right? My girlfriend’s son is gonna be here any minute, Brittany. She made a big dinner for him and everything and we were gonna spend some time together… family time! I’m still tryna get to know him. I promised I’d be here. I can’t just take off and leave ’cause you say so. This ain’t even an emergency.”
“Ain’t even an emergency?! I think your brother-in-law callin’ me outta my name is a damn emergency!”
“I heard you call him dickhead just last week! And all he was doin’ was sittin’ down and reading! You ain’t got no room to talk, Brit.”
“So now you’re takin’ Eric’s side over your own sister? Oh, my God! I can’t believe this, Langston! I need your help! Your girlfriend will be there, all right?! I can’t go back home to Eric. He’s an asshole and I ain’t puttin’ up with his shit no more! It’s verbal abuse and I’ve had it!”
“Then why tha fuck do you keep lettin’ him knock you up and havin’ his babies if you so uptight, hot ’nd bothered about it?!” he screamed out so loud, his throat was instantly sore. “Every other fuckin’ week you are at Mama’s and Dad’s house, burdenin’ them with your shit! For years I ain’t said nothin’, let you come be wit’ me sometimes, too, and all you do is go back to him, and nobody bet not say shit to you about it! We can’t win with you! If we tell you to find somebody more compatible, you scream ’nd holler at us… tell us you love him and he’s the father of your children and that we need to mind our damn business. But when you and he get into it, we just ’sposed to forget about all of that. Not today! Not fuckin’ today, Brit! I AM TIRED OF THIS SHIT!”
“Look how you’re talking to me!” Her voice shook.
“That don’t work on me. It might work on Eric’s ass, but not me, Brit! You ain’t gonna manipulate your way outta this situation, try ’nd make me feel guilty for tellin’ you that we’ve had enough of your drama. Mama complains to me all the time about it. She’s tired! Worst of all, Eric ain’t even do shit to you that warranted this and you and I both know it. You just fuckin’ spoiled! Give the man a break and if you hate him so damn much, why in tha hell are you still wit’ him?! It’s ’cause you like this shit, you like the drama, and there you are pregnant, bringin’ some innocent life into this shit… another one subjected to your insanity! Them kids deserve better and you know it. We was raised better than this. Shape up or ship tha fuck out.”
“I can’t believe you’re talkin’ to me like this! What has that woman done to you? You ain’t never speak to me like this! Never! She tryna come between us, ain’t she? Want you all to herself!”
“Stop tryna make everyone out to be some villain. This is about you and you alone, Brit. Yasmine ain’t said shit about you and she ain’t never told me to stay wit’ her or stay away from my family. She knows how I feel about my family. She ain’t never tried to compete or come between us. It’s me sayin’ this ’cause I’ve had it! I’m sure Eric has, too. It’s a wonder he ain’t filed for divorce.”
“I’m pregnant! You talkin’ to me like this knowin’ I’m pregnant!”
“When ain’t you pregnant?! I wouldn’t be able to talk to you for five fuckin’ years if I had to wait until you wasn’t preggers again! That ain’t got shit to do with the cost of tea in China. You was woman enough to start goin’ off on me on this here phone, so be woman enough to accept my response.”
“You don’t know what he’s doin’. He ain’t no angel!”
“And neither are you! Want an example? Here we go! You said he cheated on you, no evidence. He come by the house cryin’ and carryin’ on last year talkin’ about he ain’t been wit’ another woman since y’all got married. You act like this L.A. or some shit, like that sorta thing can be done and hidden away like Easter eggs in the church lawn. If he fucked around on you that woulda spread like wildfire. Ain’t nobody tryna miss out on no good gossip ’round here. Then you tore into him because he got you some cheap perfume and flowers for your birthday, said it wasn’t good enough but the man had just lost his fuckin’ job two days prior and he wanted to make sure the kids had something to eat! You’re outta your damn gourd if you think you’re innocent in all this shit, so if you’re so fuckin’ unhappy, file for divorce and get a job!”
“Go to hell, Langston!”
“I’m already in it! No wonder he drink so much now. It ain’t ’cause he’s unemployed. It’s cause he gotta stay home with the likes of YOU! I bet not once in this entire conversation have you stopped to think, ‘Gee! Maybe my brother really needs this break today. Maybe he got some shit goin’ on in his life that bein’ with his girlfriend tonight maybe helped him from not goin’ out in the goddamn street and blowin’ some motherfucker’s brains out ’cause he is sick ’nd tired of bein’ sick and tired! Maybe my kids should be with their father who loves ’em, ’cause a lot of kids ain’t got a daddy at all! Maybe I should get my fuckin’ head examined and see why I hate myself so much that I gotta stay up all night and manufacture some bullshit!’ I don’t never ask you for shit, Brit, even when I need it ’cause I know whatever I need that you got, you probably need it more than I do. It’s called thinkin’ of other folks besides yourself. Try it some time.”
“Well, ain’t you on a mighty fine high horse tonight, huh? Go play hero at a grocery store, make international news to feed your already bloated ego, and now you’re Mr. Mighty Mouse!”
“This don’t have nothin’ to do with that.”
“Yeah, it does. You’re showin’ off, Langston. As usual! Always gotta be the center of attention… always gotta snub your nose at somebody. Must be nice to judge somebody for somethin’ that ain’t your weakness!”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“If you don’t like wine, it’s easy to judge an alcoholic! If you don’t like cookies, it’s easy to judge somebody strugglin’ with their weight. Well, lookie here. You don’t have relationship problems ’cause you bounce from woman to woman like your heart is a trampoline—tramp being the key word! You ain’t been still long enough to feel the pain I got, the love I got, the struggles I got! Unlike you, Lang, some of us think about things that have nothin’ to do wit’ showtime, trophies, and who we can go find and screw!”
“Screw? Seems you get as much action as me. I ain’t the one that’s been knocked up, or doin’ the knockin’ up I should
say, on an every-nine-month basis.”
“That’s ’cause you ain’t got caught up yet. It ain’t ’cause you better or more moral! My babies ain’t mistakes!”
“Never said that they were!”
“May as well have! You think ’cause you ain’t got no children you’re better. You ain’t. You’re a boy whore and everybody knows it. Ain’t a woman in town you ain’t fucked. My babies were conceived in wedlock. You probably got kids we don’t even know about, gigolo!”
“That’s in the past, and that ain’t got shit to do with what we’re talkin’ about right now. I love my nieces and nephew, ’cludin’ the one you’re carryin’. I do for them, never miss a birthday party. I have even babysat for you when I had places to be and shit to do. You gotta lotta nerve. You know damn well I ain’t say that—don’t go puttin’ words in my mouth.”
“Enough has come outta your crooked mouth tonight… It’s nice to see how you really feel about me. Thanks!”
‘That’s the fuckin’ problem. I do for you and the entire damn family twenty-four-seven and the one time I say ‘no’, it’s like I never said ‘yes.’ You sittin’ over there like I got a pot to piss in. I barely got a Dixie cup to spit in! Like I’m livin’ high on the hog… ain’t no bacon over here, ain’t even no pork rinds. I’m doing the best I can, Brit. Something’s gotta change, but I ain’t gonna sacrifice others to get what I want. All you think about is yourself and I’m done wit’ the shit.”
“Good! Wait ’till I tell Mama how you done me tonight!”
“Tell ’er! We can call ’er on three-way right now, goshnabbit! You have a perfectly good house. Go to it! See a shrink, pray, get some marriage counselin’, do somethin’ about your relationship, get on some birth control and stop expectin’ everyone else to bail you out. This ain’t really got nothing to do with you wanting to come by. It’s deeper than that… far deeper. You wanna be hurt by my words… be hurt then, but they’ve been a long time comin’!”