He fluffed his pillow. “What are you doing here? I thought you were at that party.”
“Yeah, but I couldn’t leave you here all alone on New Year’s Eve.”
Brandon was touched. He watched as she picked up the container and sat down on her bed.
Katie pulled the lid off the container and took out a piece of chocolate cake. “Open wide,” she said, picking up the piece with her hands.
“I have a strained ankle, but I can still feed myself.”
Katie laughed. “I know, but you’re hurt and I want to take care of you.”
She held the piece of cake closer to his mouth. “Now open wide.”
Obediently, Brandon opened his mouth and Katie fed it to him. The chocolate cake was delicious. It felt good to be pampered and taken care of.
As he was chewing, a couple stray pieces fell out, dirtying the corners of his mouth. Katie grabbed a tissue on his desk and began to wipe the crumbs away.
He looked at her. Her bangs had grown long and were covering her eyes.
He reached out a hand and brushed them aside for her. She did not know how to respond.
Brandon then grabbed her hand, the same one that was wiping his mouth. Katie looked shocked, dropping the tissue.
He looked her in the eyes. “You know, I really love you.” The words just fell out of his mouth, but he knew it felt right. He really felt it.
At first, Katie looked like she did not know how to react. Then, she leaned in. He could smell a certain tropical fruit fragrance on her body. Mango, he was sure.
She whispered, “What took you so long to tell me? I loved you the minute you made me feel better about that contest.”
He looked her in the eyes. She was just an inch away from his face. Hypnotized, he did not know what to say. All he remembered was a feeling of bliss.
It was a moment that he would remember forever.
Katie turned her head and looked at the clock. It read 11:55pm.
She turned back to him and said, “You know what I just realized? We don’t have a lot of pictures of us together. Why don’t we go outside and take one? We could start our new year outdoors.”
As she started to help him up, he grabbed onto her hand. “Why are we doing this?”
Puzzled, she said, “Do you mean why we are going outside?”
“No. Why are we starting a new year together when we won’t finish it together?”
She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, her hair brushing against his skin, making it tingle.
Katie finished helping him up, then got him his crutches. She put on his winter coat for him, zipping it up completely.
For a moment, Brandon thought she was going to avoid answering the question. Then, she said, “Let’s not worry about that. Let’s just enjoy the time we have together.”
She glanced at the clock. It was now 11:58 pm.
“We gotta hurry,” she said. “It’s almost time.”
She helped him down the stairs and they stepped out into the brisk winter night. The moon flooded them with its luminance.
The house across the street was still blaring loud music.
Katie helped him stand steady, and then took out her camera. She held the lens toward them, and said, “Smile.”
Brandon could see Katie smiling, but he remained stoic. The camera flashed, and Brandon blinked.
He heard something beep and Katie held up her watch.
“Happy new year!” she exclaimed, a big smile on her face.
Brandon tried to smile, but it came out as a fake half-grin instead.
“Happy new year,” he muttered.
An icy wind surrounded them.
Katie shivered. “It’s cold.”
She reached in and hugged him and Brandon accepted her embrace without hugging her back.
She hugged him for a long time.
Then, Brandon realized that he wouldn’t be holding her this time next year. He reciprocated, holding her tight.
Surprised by the strength of his embrace, Katie tried to wiggle out of his grasp. “What are you doing? Is it that cold out here?”
Brandon didn’t say anything, but just kept holding her tight.
Eventually, Katie accepted his firm embrace without further questions.
The two of them held each other under the orange streetlight, trying to generate some warmth in the cold.
*
That summer, the day after Brandon and Katie had broken up, Brandon approached a blonde girl called Liz in the hallway.
“I hear you offer a certain service,” he said.
Liz pulled off her scrunchy, her blond hair falling all over her shoulders and back.
“Yeah. For 20 bucks, you get to hold my hand to make your girl jealous. For 50, you get to kiss me on the lips, but just once.”
Brandon inspected the blonde girl. She was in a pink tank top and really short shorts.
She would do, he decided.
He slipped her a 50-dollar bill.
He waited until he knew that Katie would be at her locker, then walked down the hallway with the blonde bombshell on his arms. Making sure that his footsteps would echo in the hallway, he stomped on the ground harder.
When he walked by Katie, he held his breath. She had her head stuck in her locker. She did not look behind her.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Katie pull her head out and stare in his direction. Quickly, he kissed Liz on the lips, but she did something that he had not expected. She kissed him back fiercely.
In the periphery of his vision, Brandon saw Katie avert her gaze.
Brandon pried her off his lips and they continued walking down the corridor.
After the fake couple rounded the corner, Brandon turned to Liz. “Thanks,” he said.
“You’re welcome,” the blonde smiled warmly, and then continued to stare at him.
Brandon stood there with his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to do to get her to go away.
He finally turned around and heard Liz walking away.
Curious about how Katie was taking it, he peeked around the corner and saw Katie peering at him from the other end.
Her expression was blank.
He could read nothing. He thought about mouthing something to her, but he did not know what to say.
After a while, she turned around and faced the door. He expected her to push right through, but she paused for the longest time. For a while, Brandon debated whether he should run to her and persuade her to stay for the last time.
He took one step toward her, then another, but just when he thought he would reach her in time, she pushed through the door and was gone.
Brandon stood by himself in the hallway.
He was not proud about what he had done. He just wanted Katie to be jealous, so that she would know what she would be missing when she was thousands of miles away in New York City.
He knew that he had hurt her.
And he wished he could take it back.
*
Later that day, Brandon stood on the sidewalk in front of Katie’s small house. He tried to peer through the windows for any sign of activity, but he could not see anything. The window shades had been drawn shut.
The strong afternoon sun bore down on him so Brandon moved, finding shade under the cherry tree in Katie’s front lawn.
He heard a car and hid behind the tree trunk. Katie’s mother’s tiny red car rolled into the driveway.
He strained to see whether Katie was in the car, but he could not make out anything. In a while, Catherine Simpson walked up to the front door with groceries in her arms and went inside.
Brandon stood there in the heat, debating whether he should just go up to Katie’s house and see her. He hated himself for how he had left things with her. He knew he had hurt her with that blonde. And he knew he was being selfish for wanting her to stay. If he could just say goodbye, he could find closure. And maybe she would forgive him. He couldn’t leave things with her like that.
> He finally worked up the courage to walk up to the door. He rang the doorbell.
A few moments later, Catherine Simpson stood in front of him. She was at least six feet tall, an imposing sight.
Brandon found himself tongue-tied. “Uh, hi there, Mrs. Simpson. Is Katie here?”
Catherine glared at Brandon. “No, she isn’t. I just drove her to the airport.”
Brandon felt like he had just been slapped in the face. “Oh.”
His stomach started to hurt. Quietly he said, “But I didn’t get to say goodbye.” He said that more to himself, but Catherine had heard.
“Katie told me what happened. You should have said goodbye earlier. This is no one’s fault but yours.”
Brandon was too numb to fight back.
Seeing the painful look on his face, Catherine said gently, “It’s better to let her go. This is what love is. Love is about her. Need is about you. You don’t want to be the one who got in the way of her dreams, do you?”
Brandon shook his head. He was starting to sweat, but it was not because of the intense heat.
Catherine put a hand on his shoulder. “Just move on with your life. Katie has.”
Brandon nodded. Katie really has, he thought. She really has.
*
Chapter 10
1994
The next day at dusk, Katie stood on the hill at Taylor Park, watching the last embers of the sun leave a trail of blood orange across the sky.
She imagined seeing Brandon again, but felt her stomach go all queasy. She had so much she wanted to say to him, but at the same time, she was did not know what to say to him. It had been so long since they last talked. She played with the engagement ring that Brandon had given her, twisting it around her finger as though it were burning her.
Suddenly, she heard a familiar voice behind her.
“I’ve always loved this park.”
She turned around. It was Brandon, in jacket with a white sweater underneath and a pair of jeans. He looked like he always did, all handsome and tanned. Katie felt all riled up inside, as though she was getting sick.
“Me too,” she said.
Brandon looked at her like he didn’t know what to do or say next.
Katie chewed on her fingernails, just staring at her first love.
Brandon shuffled his feet.
Then, he laughed.
Puzzled, Katie said, “What’s so funny?”
“We’re acting like we’re total strangers.”
Katie twisted the ring on her fingers some more, but said nothing.
Brandon approached her and she felt a sudden desire to shrink back, but she ended up standing her ground.
He leaned in and hugged her and she hugged him back, but she could not shake the awkward feeling. It clung onto her like cheap perfume.
When they separated, he pulled back and studied her. “Did you bring the ring?”
Katie took the ring off and handed it over to him. “Here, you can have it back.”
He took it, but said, “No, I don’t want it back. I just wanted to see if you’ve kept it all these years.”
He gave it back to her.
Katie held the ring awkwardly, and then put it in her pocket.
He pointed to the bench in front of them. “Why don’t we take a seat?”
As they approached the worn wooden bench, they saw the initials that Katie had carved into the back of the bench. KS + BM = Mouth Shape.
They pried their gazes away, and sat down, turning their backs to the carving. They stared into the black night and glittering lights, saying nothing.
She caught Brandon staring at her, like he was trying to figure her out.
She looked away, and without looking at him, said, “So what have you been doing all this time?”
“I got into fundraising for sick children when my friend’s son died of cystic fibrosis.”
“Oh.”
He turned his body toward her. “So did you find your pot of gold?”
The question struck her as out of the blue. Katie looked at him. She could barely make out his expression in the dark, but she could detect raw emotion in his voice.
“No,” she replied.
“I’m surprised you aren’t already a major international fashion designer. With your drive and determination….”
“Things didn’t really work out,” she interrupted.
Brandon moved closer to her, until his knee was barely an inch away. He put his hand on her knee, but she did not respond, even though she felt like she had been jolted awake.
He moved in even closer, until his face was hovering near hers.
“That’s too bad, but I don’t think you should give up trying. I always knew you could do it.”
Katie looked at his lips, which seemed to glow.
He moved his hand further up her leg, resting on her thigh. “I missed you.”
His words were wine to Katie. And she was starting to drink a lot of it.
Before she knew what was happening, he moved in and kissed her. Old feelings poured into her, followed by memories. Memories of him holding her outside of the mall, of lying with him on the trampoline, and of snow flurries outside.
She kissed him back. A sudden breeze blew by and she put her hands in her pockets.
Steven’s cold diamond ring touched her fingers.
Reminded of Steven, she pulled away from Brandon.
Brandon put a hand on her cheek. “Don’t be afraid. I know you still felt something too on that plane. I’ve been dreaming about you all these years.”
He stood up. “Come on, I’ve got something to show you.” He reached out one hand.
Katie looked at this extended hand, and could not bring herself to deny him. She took his hand and stood up. “Where are we going?”
“You gotta trust me,” he said.
She knew that she shouldn’t be going anywhere with a man now that she was engaged, but on the other hand, she was really curious, and even excited.
He stood up, and then winced.
Concerned, Katie turned toward him. “Are you OK?” It was the second time that she had seen him with back pain.
He rubbed his back. “I’m fine, just a little pain.”
She wondered why, but did not ask.
Together, they moved across the park, stopping at a side path filled with branches and bushes.
Katie suddenly knew where they were going. When the branches reached out to scratch her, she moved closer to Brandon. He glanced at her and smiled.
A part of her felt guilty for being with Brandon when she was engaged to Steven, but another part of her, a stronger part, really wanted to be there.
They arrived in a clearing flooded with moonlight. The trampoline was in the middle, but it looked different from before. The legs were rusting and leaves were strewn all over the fabric.
He led her over to the trampoline, and together, they climbed on. Brandon cleared a space for them, and they sat down.
The air was chilly. Even in her jacket, Katie was rubbing her arms up and down. Brandon noticed that she was cold, so he reached over and pulled her into him.
Katie was now face to face with her first love.
Brandon put his hands on her shoulders and then trailed his fingers along the back of her neck. Katie shivered, but not because of the cold.
Brandon pulled her into him, staring her in the face. “I never got to say goodbye to you.”
His hurt face was magnified in the moonlight. “When I went to your house, your mom said that she had already taken you to the airport. She said it was too late. She told me to give up and let you go.”
“And did you?”
He moved back and stopped stroking the back of her neck. “What was I supposed to do? Just sit here and wait for you?” His voice was growing sharp.
Katie felt her body heat up.
“Why didn’t you at least try to contact me? You said you would visit me.” It came out harsher than she had expected.
&
nbsp; He did not look at her, but stared at the moon. “I thought I could forget about you,” he said quietly.
Katie cringed. “What do you mean?”
He finally looked her in the face. Katie thought that he looked teary-eyed.
Brandon picked at a spot where the fabric was coming apart. “I thought that maybe if I forgot about you, I wouldn’t hurt so much anymore.”
Katie said nothing, biting on her lower lip. She was lulled into silence.
Suddenly, he grabbed both her hands.
“You were supposed to be with me. You were always supposed to be with me.”
Brandon’s voice was strong, but he trembled as he spoke.
Katie felt that her heart was going to explode. She looked away, and mumbled, “I’ve moved on.”
“How could you possibly move on from us?”
She looked at Brandon. Sweat was rolling down his forehead. His eyes were savage. His chest was heaving up and down.
The painful look on his face made Katie look away, as if she could make it all better by simply not observing.
“You don’t understand,” she said. “I’m no longer the girl you fell in love with.”
“What do you mean? You’re not passionate anymore? You’re not loving anymore? You’re not beautiful anymore?” Brandon surprised her by grabbing onto her hands. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
Katie could see the worry in Brandon’s eyes, but there was more than that. She could also see passion, just dying to break free.
“Why can’t you let the past be the past?” she said.
He looked into her eyes and Katie felt herself hypnotized.
She felt his chapped hand rub against hers. Inspecting his hands, she asked, “Why are your hands so chapped?”
Brandon withdrew his hands and looked at the ground. “I’ve been working in the sun a lot.”
Before Katie could think about it some more, Brandon grabbed her around the waist and held onto her, putting his head on her shoulder.
He stroked her hair, while muttering, “How could you move on from us?”
The question put her in a somber mood.
When she did not reply, he said, “Do you know when I first fell for you?”
She shook her head.
He was now so close that she could smell a certain musk on him. It reminded her pleasantly of his Brandonness, a mix of spices.
Meet Me at Taylor Park Page 9