by Rena Marks
“Are we going in?”
Tristan stared through the curtains a minute longer. “Nah, they have each other. Don’t you dare tell anyone what we witnessed.” His voice was threatening…like that was necessary.
Bajoc heaved a sigh of relief.
They slipped off the porch, heading down to the ship where the rest of the men were gathering. They waited a few minutes until everyone was inside, and then Tristan stood.
“Warriors! Attention. There’s something I need to tell you before the Supreme Commander arrives.”
The men quieted, and Tristan spoke again. “While I know the Puritans—“
“Quackers,” Bajoc said.
Tristan scratched his head. “How did I get so far off?”
“The younger group is known as the Puritans within the species. As a whole they are Crackers.”
Tristan shrugged. “Whatever they are, remember that our Supreme Commander, with his supreme crush“—someone snickered—“will defend these women with his dying breath. Do not, under any circumstances, refer to them in a negative light.”
“He needs to get laid,” Aello grumbled.
“He’s working on it,” Bajoc growled. “Have some respect. The man’s a virgin.” Not everyone from their planet was as lucky as them to have the whores train them in the art of rumpling the bedsheets.
“We are all aware of the high ranking we are benefitting from now, thanks to him. Do not cause us to lose it by saying something stupid. That’s what I’m trying to say.”
Bajoc knew the warriors understood by the grim faces around the room. The front door signaled an opening, and the Supreme Commander walked in.
“Oh, good. You are all here. Let’s make this quick and easy so we can return to planet business. We have a half a dozen angels upon this planet. A few of you spotted them yesterday, though they are shy and hide on my ship today. They are from the Planet Quakestrarian. On that planet, a few women are selected to become the Puritans. They are pampered and kept untouched, as pure as the innocent souls they are. When they reach maturity, it is marked by the brow of fur that grows across their foreheads. At that point, they are selected to mate the highest level of rank upon their planet. So, again, it is important for them to be kept innocent and pure.” His voice practically growled.
“But why are they here?” Aello asked.
“That is the second part of the story. We believe there is a plot to murder these gentle, loving females. It hasn’t been confirmed, of course, but their rival planet Herbasnuttia thinks the Puritans are the opposite of pure. They believe they are deceiving temptresses who corrupt men. It is our job to protect them from harm and to avert war should something happen to them, which our sources say is what Herbasnuts are gearing up to do. But since we have no proof, no one is to know that they are not simply here to be regular inhabitants of the planet Hesprii. We can’t have rumors floating around the council that we interfered in the treaty between two planets and showed favoritism to one over the other. I’m hoping the unibrows will grow quickly enough and the Quakers will wish for their immediate return, and the whole calamity will be averted.”
“They’re not staying?” A collective sigh of relief sounded in the room, but the Supreme Commander was too riled up to notice.
“I cannot believe precious, delicate flowers such as they are being used as political pawns, but that is exactly what is happening. Whatever you do, do not insult them. Not only is it against our way to smother budding females“—he looked down his nose at them, a maneuver that had many of the men squirming—“but it would be war with the officials on their planet, and we are trying to close a deal for trade. Treat those gorgeous beings like gold to keep them happy. Only when they are completely happy and know no strife, will the fur thatch on their foreheads grow, and they will be off to their own planet for the life of leisure they deserve.”
Understanding dawned on several of the faces. They would keep the females happy all right. Perhaps they would need to keep that one child away from them for that to happen. Though, personally, Bajoc secretly loved when Titi was let loose. There was no greater happiness in the world than when laughter spewed from her antics.
“Let me get this straight,” Bajoc said. “They leave as soon as their bush of hair grows in?”
“Like puberty,” someone whispered, which everyone else ignored.
“Yes.”
“And it grows when they are happy?”
“And pure.” The Supreme Commander’s voice was heavy on the last word. “If they are kept stress-free, it encourages the growth.”
Tristan cleared his throat. “Several of the other men have mates who are flooded with hormones. They alternate between snapping in anger and having crying fits. Perhaps we should keep the females away from the Puri—angels? The angels?” He smiled easily as Kriekjan looked his way approvingly.
“Let’s also continue to use our manners and indoor voices,” Bajoc said.
“Perhaps we can have a ball,” Kriekjan said suddenly. “The chance to show off their grace and beauty should make them happy.”
“A what?” Tristan sounded baffled.
“A ball! Haven’t your females explained what one was?” He looked down his nose at Tristan, as if they were abhorrent, mannerless beings. Their biggest nightmare.
“Oh, a ball. Of course I know what balls are.” He scratched his own, for effect. “We will get a large one organized immediately.”
The Supreme Commander looked relieved. “Yes! We will dress in all our finery. It will be the event of the season.”
“Bajoc,” Tristan snapped. “Handle it.”
Handle it? Bah, that was women’s work. Perhaps he could trick his even-tempered mate into doing it. If he went on and on about those poor, dear, sweet Puritans and how little they had, Marcie’s big heart would get the better of her, and she’d throw a party fit for kings.
For which he would get the credit.
Chapter Three
“Marcie, love,” Bajoc called out, poking his head inside the front door warily. Under his arm, he had a bouquet of flowers picked from the wild forests. He was not allowed to call them wild flowers, because technically, the warriors had deliberately planted them there before the mates ever arrived.
“Are those for me?”
“Of course,” he said, holding them out with flourish. “I see we have company.”
But the company was rather disappointing as it was only an extra offspring. The chubby purple one was dressed in a sleeveless dress, which showed more of her ample flesh.
“Mmm. Tristan wanted to take Lara out, so we have Titi. I believe Anita has Hagan.”
“She refused Titi?” Bajoc said knowingly.
“She’ll hear,” Marcie hissed.
“She knows,” Bajoc grinned, sitting down at the table across from Titi. She gave him a return grin, which looked incongruous considering she didn’t have all of her teeth.
“Here,” Titi said, holding out a mushy brown thing in her palm like it was a present. But it was Titi. She could be passing the buck and not wanting to eat it herself.
“What is it?” Bajoc said, giving side-eye to Marcie. One never knew where he stood with a mate’s hor-moan-al levels, and last he’d seen of her, she was sobbing with Lara.
There were small brown balls on the plates. They looked like the droppings from Titi’s new pet. The plate shifted slightly, sending the balls rolling, where Reese captured one and smashed it into his mouth, making Bajoc wince.
“Thank you, Weese,” Titi said.
“You’re welcome, Titi,” his son said, smacking his lips.
“They’re just meatballs,” Marcie said. “But the kids helped, and well, their hands are smaller at rolling. So the balls came out a little undersized. Plus, Titi dropped in some more milk when I wasn’t watching and so they’re a little too…moist.”
Titi squeezed her hand and then licked the escaping “meat” from outside her fingers when it oozed.
“You
love meatballs,” Marcie whispered, watching his face. “I know I normally make a tomato sauce, but I didn’t want to clean that up after the kids ate, so I made a gravy instead.”
Gravy was the brown ooze that went along with the retsli dung? It looked like something that spewed from Lily’s diaper.
Carefully, he wiped his features of the disgust he was sure was still written across it.
“Bad daddy,” Titi said, proving his repulsion was still visible. She held out another half-squished ball. “Eat.”
“Titi, he’s my daddy,” Reese reminded. “You have your own one.”
Bajoc sighed, knowing he had to keep his mate in a superb mood in order to get her party ideas. He took it from her fat fingers and plopped it into his mouth.
“Mmm,” he said. He was glad he did it when the look of relief swept across Marcie’s cute features.
“See? They look funny, but they don’t taste bad.”
That was up for debate, but it would have to wait for another day.
“I feel sorry for those Puritan womans,” he said, feeling proud of himself for using the human word the rest of the mates used. “They have nothing to their names. Nothing. Just a bag of clothes each and a handful of bonnets. Perhaps those diamonds you replicated last month might be shared with them?”
“My diamonds?” Marcie gasped.
“Yes,” he said, expanding his hands so he appeared generous. “You have so many now, though we did tell you replication was illegal in nine out of ten surrounding galaxies…”
“How dare you?” she snarled.
Oh, no. He’d done something wrong.
“They’re not really yours, mate,” he pointed out. “All you females pooled your jewelry together for replication amongst all of you. Remember?”
Marcie gritted her teeth. “Sharing the diamonds brings the value down.”
Perhaps his delicate mate was confused. “It did not stop you from sharing the diamonds amongst yourselves. Even Titi sports a diamond.”
“Nutlace!” Titi yelled, holding it out for all to see and squishing balls all over it in the process. It was a good thing Marcie had tied bibs around both droplings’ necks.
Marcie narrowed her eyes. “Tristan spoils her. Is that what you’re trying to do, Bajoc? Spoil the prima donnas?”
Prima donnas? Wait, were they still talking about the Puritans? Spoiling was bad, right? Or was it good? Did she want him to spoil them? He was so confused. He made a big circle with his head, unsure if he should nod or shake it at this point.
From her crib, his sweet Lily cried.
“I will get her,” Marcie said coldly, leaving the dining area.
That didn’t go so well. Obviously Marcie was not willing to plan the ball for these women. Perhaps he could get her to talk about what she would do if she were the planner, and then he could use those suggestions.
Reese and Titi stared at him for long moments, tiny purple faces upturned with ridiculously hairy eyebrows. Then Titi reached for another brown ball and chewed it while staring at him.
“Momma’s mad,” Reese announced.
“I kind of got that, son.” Bajoc sighed, getting up to place the wild flowers in a vase. He filled it with water and brought it back to the table.
“Pwetty,” Titi said.
“Did you have to show her your diamonds?” he chided.
“Nooo,” she said. “Daddy Bajoc—“
He raised his brow at the title.
“Titi, he’s Uncle Bajoc,” Reese said. “Titi’s my cousin now. We decided.”
Solemnly, she nodded, too.
“Uncle Daddy. We. Loove. Balls.” Her entire sentence came out in the strange, Titi-way of heavy pronunciation and stretched out syllables.
Bajoc fought back the smile that curled his lips at the edges. “Do not say that in front of the Quack-jobs,” he said. “That’ll cause the prudes to faint, for sure. Promise me?”
“Pwomise,” she said.
“Why not?” Reese asked.
“Yeah, why, huh?” Titi mimicked.
“Because they won’t like it.” Both children stared unblinking at him. With their matching purple skin and similar unibrows, they could very well be cousins. “And if you promise to keep away from them and not talk around them, I’ll give you more yummy balls to eat.”
“More yummy balls?”
He nodded solemnly. “Marcie made ice cream. With that scoop thing, it will create balls, too. Balls of ice cream.”
Both of Titi’s chubby arms went into the air. “More balls,” she hollered loudly.
“Hurry and finish your balls of meat while I prepare the balls of cream.”
That way he wouldn’t have to watch them slaughter the brown-sauced dung. His stomach was still jumping from the idea. Lavender was what Marcie called the cream she churned and froze. She used small purple flowers to flavor the frozen milk. He scooped small balls into four bowls, and brought them to the table just as Marcie emerged from the bedroom, Lily draped over her shoulder to burp.
“Here, let me,” he said softly, taking Lily to stretch across his shoulder. “I made you some—“
“Balls!” Titi hollered. “Cream of balls.”
“Ice cream balls,” he corrected, looking down his nose at Titi. She squirmed, obviously remembering her promise.
“Nuts,” Titi muttered.
Marcie’s eyes drifted to the vase of flowers on the table. “Thank you,” she said. Her eyes watered.
“Of course.”
His Lily belched, sending Titi and Reese into a fit of laughter.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” Marcie whispered over the high-pitched giggles, still staring at the flowers.
“It is all right,” he said gently to his mate. “Perhaps when Tristan and Lara are done with their date, we can have one for ourselves.”
Her breath caught. “You’d want to have one? With me?”
“Of course, I do. I have the perfect place. Remember our Bubbled Waterfall?”
“We haven’t been there in so long,” she said.
It had been nearly ten months, but who was counting? “We will make a picnic of it,” he promised.
“I’m not giving them my diamonds,” she said, shrewish still.
He was much wiser this time. “Of course not.”
He’d have to take the other angle to get her to want to help those pure, ugly females. Though, why she was so opposed to the idea was beyond his comprehension. She usually had such a big heart. It was baffling.
When they finished their ice cream, Marcie took Lily to the sink to give her a bath. He took Titi and Reese outside.
“Now, let’s clean up,” he said, then took a quick look around. “No one’s outside, so strip off your clothes.”
Both children looked at him as if they were tiny little puritans themselves. Bah, as if they didn’t enjoy this.
“Hurry up,” he growled. “I do not have time for your antics. I must get you cleaned so I can help my mate in the kitchen to better her mood. We will discuss ball preparations among us grownups.”
What a coincidence, the party was also called a ball.
“Oh, ball,” Titi agreed, shucking her tunic without a second thought. Reese shrugged and followed suit.
Bajoc turned on the hose, barely any pressure, of course. Just enough to wash the slimy brown muck from their purple bodies.
“Warriors,” he called out. “Get the broom from the back porch.”
Titi went running, whooping and hollering. Bajoc winced, looking toward the kitchen window to see if Marcie noticed a small, naked purple blur.
For a brief moment, he guiltily wondered if this was the reason why Titi was so quick to strip often. But he brushed that thought aside. No, Titi was just…what was the word Lara used? Paranormal. No, that wasn’t it. Palestinian? No, something else. Precocious. That was it. Precocious meant she was always willing to strip. It had nothing to do with him hosing off the children like barnyard animals. In fact, it sounded a bit hor
rific when one thought of it—someday he may have to explain to someone judgmental that the water pressure was low and the children enjoyed the cool spray in the bright sun. He was well aware that he would have to prepare his story now in the case they were ever busted.
Titi rounded the corner with the broom and began jabbing at Reese with it. Then Reese held out his hand, and Titi slapped the broom in it.
Bajoc almost wished the other warriors could see this. He had them well-trained in this area, whereas the tiny soldiers couldn’t do much else.
Now Reese swept Titi clean under the spraying water.
Bajoc thought he heard a gasp from the front porch, but when he looked up, the coast was clear.
“Okay, you’re cleaned,” he called out to the frolicking naked beings. “Hurry, put the broom away so we can dry off.”
“Aww,” they complained in unison.
He switched off the hose. “Get to it, you little hellions. And next time I babysit, we can play barnyard pets.”
“Yay!” The offspring shrieked, making him jerk his head toward the kitchen window again to see if Marcie could hear. They loved playing that game, in which they crawled on all fours throughout the house, and took food and water from a bowl placed on the floor. He was supposed to pet them and scratch their tummies. Titi once ate grass and mooed, depending upon which animal they were studying in school. That one caused him to sweat a bit, because Lara had wondered why Titi had green in her diaper. He was forced to confess to Tristan. They kept it a secret, though, as Bajoc wasn’t sure the human mates would approve of their offspring behaving like animals. Once when he babysat the older children, he allowed them to climb up trees like the monkees they were learning about. Good thing he kept a supply of “tails” that the children wrapped around their waists to represent various creatures. Though most of the males scratched their heads at the thought of the adorable mates teaching the children about old Earth animals when they were likely never to see them.
Titi and Reese began running back and forth between the two trees, tagging one and then running as fast as they could to the first one.