Grace strolled through the sliding doors, pushing a red shopping cart.
6
I was the last person in line, in lane five, and the grey-haired grandma in front of me was still unloading her cart. I backed out, curving around the end cap filled with tabloid and fashion magazines. I played it off like I was interested in their idiotic headlines, all the while tossing a curious eye in Grace’s direction, watching her gather her produce items. She wore a white gauzy-looking dress, and her air was pulled up on top of her head. Her fair skin looked slightly pink, like she’d gotten sunburned. When she pushed her cart out of view, I moved in her direction. My heart raced.
What would I say to her? I had to say something, anything.
She pushed her cart leisurely toward the dairy section, and I moved at her pace, keeping a bit of distance. I perused the shelves like I was looking for something when she suddenly turned around, spinning the cart around with her. We locked eyes. I felt so ridiculous at that moment, and the blood rushed to my head. I don’t think I’d ever been more embarrassed in my life, and I could feel the warmth of it spread across my face.
Grace smiled cheerily, waving. “Jake. How are you?” she said, rolling her cart toward me. If she noticed my embarrassment, she didn’t show it.
I gave her a corny grin and lifted the grey carton I held in my hand. “Eggs.” And then what came out next was more of a thought, but it slipped out instead. “You look great.” Kill me.
Now it was her turn to grow pink in the face, and she gave a little snigger. “Thank you.” She looked around awkwardly.
I managed to get a grip. “I wanted to say thank you for coming the show that night, but you pulled a Houdini.” I smiled down at her and watched the smile fade from her face.
She looked at me thoughtfully. “I’m sorry. I just got…your lyrics.” She looked away shaking her head. “They hit close to home.”
I was enamored. “They can have that affect. Sometimes I can’t handle them either.” I chuckled ironically, and the happy smile reappeared on her exquisite face. “I’m glad to see you’re getting out of the house, finally.” As soon as the words rolled out of my mouth, I wanted to spontaneously combust, and she did too, by the look on her face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
Her breath caught. She placed her hand on my shoulder, sending a comforting sensation through me, and her words rushed out. “No. Please. Don’t be sorry. I’m sure Gabe told you why I disappeared that night. It’s okay.”
“That came out…” I looked up, searching for anything better to say…“lame. I’m sorry.” She was still smiling at me. “But hey, you look great. You look like you got some sun.”
She moaned. “I put sunscreen on my little man, but failed to cover myself.”
“Baby steps.”
“I’m not sure if I’m taking any steps yet. It’s more like I’m crawling.” She pursed her lips.
“Crawling is better than just lying there. Trust me, I know.”
Her eyes drifted over me, and a soft smile remained on her gorgeous face. A moment passed, and I could practically see the wheels turning behind her eyes as she tipped her head up to meet my gaze.
“Thanks.” Her voice cracked.
My heart skipped, urging me to say something more. “You wanna grab coffee some time?” I clutched the carton of eggs so hard, I felt one of them crack. Shit. I hoped it wouldn’t ooze out.
Surprise sparked in her eyes. “Um. Sure.” She nodded and gripped the red cart more tightly.
I wanted to tell her there was no pressure, but there was a shine in her eyes when she smiled at me. “Cool.” I shifted backward, feeling anxious about keeping Gabe waiting. “I’ll get your number from Gabe.”
“Okay.” She began to push her cart forward and I walked beside her. “See you soon, then.”
Indeed you will. “Sounds good.” I waved goodbye.
I felt a spring in my step as I grabbed a new carton of eggs, paid, and walked out of the store. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but an easy semblance of something that had been missing for so long flared. There was something inspiring and hopeful in Grace. Gabe was out of the car, leaning against the hood.
“Sorry. I ran into Grace,” I mumbled quickly as I passed him to open the car door.
His eyebrows inched upward.
“I asked her to coffee.” I couldn’t look at him, and instantly felt a discontented vibe.
“Jake, she’s not…”
“Stop.” I interrupted, standing with one leg in the truck, looking at him over the hood. “This isn’t a conquest, Gabe, it’s just coffee.”
“Jake, with all due respect…” He paused. Concern draped over his weathered face, and he looked away from me and moved getting in the truck. “I don’t want to put you in any stereotypical category...”
“But you are,” I said flatly, sullen by his assumption. I pulled my door shut, and he did the same. A tense moment passed. “I don’t need babysitting, and neither does she. If she didn’t want to meet me, she wouldn’t have said yes.”
Gabe started the car and began to drive from the parking lot. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business what you do. You’re right. I’m just hired to drive you.”
There was no malice in his tone, but his words stung. Sure, I hired him to drive me, but we’d become friends. Grace was his friend, even more so than I.
He continued, “She’s just been through a lot, and she’s delicate, Jake. Getting involved with you wouldn’t be a good thing for her. You’re on a different playing field. She’s a mother and a widow. You’re a young rock star with your entire life ahead of you.”
I nodded; he was right. “Gabe I just have to know her, okay? There’s a lot going on there, and I just have to see what it’s all about. I’m drawn to her, and it’s not in an I wanna fuck her kinda way.”
I thought about what I’d said to Gabe as I walked into the house carrying the eggs my mother asked me to get for her. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from Grace. I knew she was older than me, but her age never crossed my mind. I wanted to get to know her and those raw emotions she’d let loose while I performed. It didn’t dawn on me that she might think I was interested in her in a lustful sorta way. I shuffled through the kitchen, now regretting asking her to coffee as I put the carton in the fridge. She certainly didn’t need me in her life.
I stood in the middle of the kitchen, looking at the glasswares that sat in the dish rack, the sun’s reflection on them bouncing light all around. The vase on the counter was filled with red roses I’d not noticed before. Notting. A loaf of bread sat opened in front of the toaster, and I walked over to it and twisted it closed, tying it off. I’d left it opened.
It made me wonder where Notting and my mom were. It looked as if they didn’t even set foot into the kitchen all day. Only my mess was visible; nothing of theirs. I was curious. Did they leave it like that on purpose? Where they tired of picking up after me? I chucked ruefully. I’m sure they were. Come to think of it, I hadn’t picked up after myself, ever. I always had someone picking up behind me. First my mom, then hired hands. They were probably finally sick of it. I stepped to the dishwasher and opened it. There was nothing inside. I rinsed my coffee cup and the plate I’d used, and put them in the dishwasher. I then followed up by wiping down the counters.
I had to move out. I had to get my own place if I was going to stay in LA.
My room was still my room, sort of. All the furniture was the same, minus the personal touches: the posters, books, guitars, cords, desktop computer and…the pictures of Aly. I stood staring at the shelf where her framed images used to exist and emptiness gutted through me. I missed her.
I stared at the door at the other end of the room, the door that led to the backyard. The door that Aly would sneak through when we were just teenagers. I walked to it, opening it, and dirt and debris scattered into the room. No one had opened the door in years. I walked out past the hot tub, toward the back fence, where the gate was: the gate th
at Aly would use to get into my backyard. The gate that our parents built together so us kids could roam between houses when we were little. I turned, staring up at Aly’s house, and wished she were inside of it. I would have sent her a text to come over via our secret path, long forgotten by our parents.
I itched to send Aly a message, or to call her, to hear her voice. Those thoughts reminded me of the text I sent to Sienna, who never replied. I stalked back into my room and called Marty.
“Jake?” he answered, surprised to hear from me. I looked at the clock. Oops, it was late for him. He sounded groggy.
“Yeah. Sorry man, did I wake you?”
“No. Just watching TV.”
I paced the room. “I have something I need you to look into.”
I explained to Marty about my interview with Glen and Sienna’s book deal. I wanted him to find out exactly what was going on with her. I told him she lived in Miami and I gave him her address.
“Do you want me to fly there? Is that what you’re asking?”
I wasn’t sure. “Um. Do you want to?” I scratched my head. “No, that would be out of line. Don’t you think?” I kind of wanted him to.
“Jake, I don’t know about that. Showing up unannounced and then grilling her about her life? She didn’t tell you because she wants to be left alone, is my guess.”
My stomach sank, and I sighed. “Marty, Sienna and had an affair.”
There was silence, and my heart raced at my direct admission.
“I’m not surprised to hear that,” he replied flatly.
Ouch. “Was it obvious?”
“You guys were pretty close there. I’m just not surprised, that’s all.”
I laid back on my bed, raking my free hand down my face. “I don’t know what happened. I knew it was wrong and so did she, but we couldn’t help ourselves.” I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling tired. “I’ve done some pretty shitty things, Marty, but you know that. I’m sure when the masses find out it was all true, they won’t be surprised either.”
“Aly might not ever speak to you again. For real this time.” His voice was gravely.
“She knows.” I wanted to sleep. I grew weaker with each confession. “That’s why she’s not speaking to me now. That’s probably why she’s choosing to marry Nathan, because I’m a fucking scumbag.”
Marty and I discussed the Sienna situation a bit more, and I told him to contact Mr. Todd. First, to try banging on his door, and if he couldn’t get him that way, to leave him a note with one of the doormen. David Todd would know exactly who to contact to get dirt.
7
Little pink flowers budded on the tree limbs over my head as I sat on a cement park bench, down the street from the house I’d just rented, waiting for Gabe to drop off the keys to me. I’d taken the jaunt down the hill from my mom’s to grab some coffee, and didn’t really feel like walking back. I needed to clear my head. Bobby and I’d been stuck in the studio, recording song after song, and we’d finally finished nearly two weeks later. I’d stood in front of the house on 16th Street, proud of my choice. A two-story contemporary home with dark wood accents, high ceilings and a hot tub; clean lines and no fluff, just as I liked it. The only things that were missing were the canvases of Aly. I’d contemplated having Marty send them, but I just didn’t know how long I’d be there.
The home was fully furnished. All I had to do was grab my shit from my mom’s and move in. I was stoked to have a place of my own, finally, though my mother didn’t see it that way, since I’d be leaving on tour again at some point – “Why waste the money? How much are you spending anyway? It’s got to be upwards of at least eight thousand a month. It’s ridiculous for you to spend that.”
It was also ridiculous for me to have bought a place in New York across from Central Park and to be paying for it without having set foot in it for over three years. I shrugged at the thought as I sipped my coffee, making my way over to the park.
The location was perfect. Close enough to walk to downtown Manhattan Beach, with its grocery store, bars, restaurants and clothing stores. Everything I needed was within easy walking distance from my new home. My mom’s was just a little too out of the way, up and down a couple of hills. I didn’t need to be living with my mommy. I wouldn’t need Gabe or her to drive me around on bullshit errands. The highlight was that most people would leave me alone – there were no paparazzi in Manhattan Beach.
A screaming child and laughter caught my attention on the nearby playground, and I glanced over to see what all the shouting was about. Boys teasing and roughhousing, innocent laughter echoing all around from the children at play. I scanned the gated area, and my heart lurched into my throat when I saw Grace. I sunk into the bench, turning away, wondering if she saw me too. I never did call her; I wanted to, but I thought better of it. Reasoning with myself that I was too busy, that Gabe was right. I was no good for her. I snuck another look. Now, there she was again, tempting me. She was smiling and talking with some other woman, totally oblivious of my regard for her. I glanced around the street, looking for Gabe’s car and looked at the time. It was 11:30 AM. He’d be pulling up any moment. When he did, I jumped into the car as quickly and stealthily as I could.
He looked at me strangely, cockeyed. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
His eyes bounced between mine. “I don’t know, you’re out of breath and acting like you’re hiding from someone.”
I laughed it off. “Nah, I was just up at the house, staring at it, and lost track of time.”
“I would have met you there…”
“No it’s okay. I wanted to get some exercise. Been sittin’ too long. I forgot what the sun feels like.”
Gabe lifted his hand, dangling a set of keys between his fingers. “Here you go. Tracey said to let her know if there’s anything else she can do.” Tracey was the realtor who’d found the place for me.
I smiled as I squeezed them in my palm. “Thanks, man.”
“You want me to drive you over?”
I hedged. I wanted to see Grace and I didn’t want her to leave the park. “I’m gonna walk down to say hello to some friends while I have it in me.” Not a lie.
He nodded. “Okay, then.”
I watched as Gabe drove away and turned, walking toward the playground. I at least owed Grace the reason why I hadn’t called; it’s not like I would be lying. With my coffee cup in hand, I’d decided I’d use it as my excuse to be walking by. The closer I got, the more my nerves took hold, and the more beautiful she became. Her long black hair blew around in the breeze, and she had an easy smile on her face as she pointed and conversed with whom I assumed was her son. He had the same dark hair and bright eyes as she did.
I smiled and waved, trying to get her attention. Finally, a blonde woman pointed at me, getting Grace to look in my direction. She lit up like a siren as soon as she realized who I was and waved. My stomach tumbled with furor. I was stoked she was happy to see me. I unlatched the green gate and ambled toward her. The other moms were openly captivated about what was about to go down, whispering between each other, trying not be obvious.
These mothers weren’t the kind you’d put a mom label on, at least in my opinion. These three ladies all looked like they belonged on The Housewives of Beverly Hills. They were all attractive in their own right, fit and color-coordinated in their workout gear. Grace wasn’t wearing tight-fitting spandex, like the other moms. She wore a flowing, calf-length, teal and white patterned dress. Her slender shoulders and arms had more of a tan than the last time I saw her. She was obviously getting out more.
“What are you doing here?” She beamed.
“Just walkin’ by.” I held up my coffee cup and pointed up the hill. “I just rented a place right over there.”
“Really?” Grace said, surprised.
The Moms whispered to each other, and I smiled in amusement, wondering what they were saying. By the sly looks on their faces, they’d be asking Grace all sorts of questions a
fter I left.
“I decided to stay a while,” I shrugged, smiling.
She looked confused for a split second, but then gestured over to her friends, who were staring at me, still smirking. “Jake, this is Lisa and Heather.”
“I know you,” Heather said, wagging her finger at me. Her thick eyebrows dominated her smooth face. When she smiled, it barely moved. “My son loves your music. I bought him tickets to one of your concerts.”
I guessed her son must be in high school, and I just nodded with a stupid grin on my face. I had no idea what to say to her other than, “Sweet.”
Lisa’s giggle drew my attention over to her. “Nice to meet you…Jake.” Lisa’s eyes raked over me, making me look to Grace to steal her reaction – was I seeing things? Grace’s eyes went wide, and she looked away, holding back a laugh, noticing Lisa’s suggestive tone.
Grace cleared her throat. “It’s good to see you.” She smiled at me sweetly and pointed to the bright blue and green fort contraption. “I gotta get going. He has swim class. Ethan!” she called out to her son. He peeked up over the side of the blue bridge. “We’ve got to go. Swim time!”
“Yay! Swimming. I get to go swimming!” he hollered to the kids around him as he slid down the yellow slide, running in his red tennis shoes. He skidded to a halt right in front us, looking up at me. “Who are you?”
My smile couldn’t get any bigger. “I’m Jake.”
“I’m Ethan.” His bright eyes darted to Grace, no longer interested in me. “Mommy, let’s go!” he tugged on her hand, and she ruffled his black hair.
“Let me grab my bag.” She looked over at me with a dutiful toss of her windblown hair.
“What are you doing later?” I didn’t mean to ask her in front of her friends or Ethan, but I didn’t see any other chance at getting her attention.
She looked at me cautiously, biting her lip. “Let me grab my bag,” she repeated, evading having to answer me.
Higher Octave (Heavy Influence #2.5) Page 5