by M Elle Kelso
“Yes, he did. How did you know that?”
Blake saw the doctor’s attention sharpen.
“I don’t know. I just remember a warm, blowing sensation. I don’t know when or where I was. I just remember the feeling.”
“That was Mirage. He stood with the other horses, about 20 feet away and just made that rumbling sound they do, on and on. Wouldn’t shut up. C.J. finally had me find a way to get him up beside you. Then he just rumbled softly, and blew on you. After that, he settled down.”
David looked at Blake, then the doctor.
“How did I get here?”
“Guardian Flight Wyoming brought you in.” Blake hurried through the last details, anxious to let the doctor take over.
Matt Hawkins picked up the story, hoping that if they could give David enough information, he might remember the missing bits for himself.
The look on David’s face when he heard that C.J. had given blood stopped both men. The dawning of just exactly what his wife had done for him was leaving David looking totally desolate.
The doctor decided he wanted this finished. Now. But he did have one more thing to say.
“You should know too, that when we needed one more unit, it was C.J. that wouldn’t let us give you stored blood. She was adamant. She insisted that if you needed more, she would give a second time. That is so far from allowed procedure, but she talked everyone into doing it for you. You know the rest of it, because you’ve seen her every waking moment since you came to.”
Matt turned to the window and shoved his hands in his pockets.
“I have a lot of respect for that lady. I’m just sorry that you had to destroy her with your cruel words. I hope, for her sake, that she can forgive you. Because if she doesn’t have you, I don’t think she has anything or anyone. As for you, I don’t think you deserve her.”
He turned back to the bed. David’s bleak expression told him all he needed to know. Sooner or later, these two would get back together, if C.J. could find it in her heart to forgive and forget. And he didn’t think that was going to be too hard for her.
He’d never been more wrong in his life.
Jared sat in the cab and tried to talk C.J. out of flying home.
“C.J., you can’t leave. Now that David knows he’ll never walk again, he’s going to need you more than ever. You’re the one he’ll rely on for everything, and if you’re not there, who’s going to do it for him?
C.J. hung her head but didn’t reply.
“Come on, you know you can’t let him down now. I don’t care what you think, he still loves you.”
Her head snapped up, her eyes were blazing.
“Jared, stop. Right now. Nothing you can say will make me change my mind. He told me to leave, it wasn’t my decision. He threw me out. And he didn’t do it just once, he did it a second time with others present. He made it quite clear that he doesn’t want me there. So I’m going to do the only thing I can do.”
Nothing he said swayed her. She was adamant that she could not stay in Cheyenne, that she’d be better off at the ranch. After twenty minutes of getting nowhere, the cab driver stuck his head in the door.
“If you folks are going anywhere tonight, I suggest we leave now for the airport. There’s only two more flights out of here tonight. Where you headed?”
“Casper.”
Jared didn’t want this man climbing back in and moving this cab. The minute they started for the airport, he’d lost. And for David’s sake, he didn’t want to lose. For C.J., too. They needed each other, no matter what they thought right now.
“C.J., honey, think about it. Don’t leave tonight. Sleep on it. You don’t want to do something you’ll regret later.”
“Sorry, Jared. My mind’s made up. I want to go home and I want to leave tonight.”
He gave up.
He rode with her to the airport, bought them both tickets back to Casper, and flew home with her. When they got to Casper, she insisted they rent a car and drive the rest of the way back to the ranch. Once there, she told him she wanted to be alone.
“I’m sorry, Jared. I want to stay here. I need some time to myself to think.” She ignored him when he tried to interrupt. “I’ll call you in a day or so, once I know what I’m going to do. Can you ask Mac to keep doing the chores here for a few days until I get settled back in?”
“Sure, C.J., I’ll ask him. I wish you’d come with me, though. I don’t like the idea of you staying here all alone.”
“I’ll be fine. Go on, you’ve hardly seen your family for the last three weeks. Time you got home, too.”
With that, she shut the door in his face.
She walked through to the front of the house, checking that all the doors and windows were locked and the curtains were closed. She shivered in the coolness of the house; it hadn’t had time to warm up yet. The furnace had kicked in when she set the temperature up, but the house had been kept so cool that it would take time.
She went to their bedroom to get a sweater.
When she saw the unmade bed, exactly as they had left it that morning, she broke down and cried. She cradled David’s pillow to her chest and rocked back and forth on the edge of the bed. The rocking motion along with all the crying took its toll and eventually she laid back. Within seconds, she was asleep.
When she woke, it was morning. The sun was up, but just. The house was warm but it sounded and felt empty and strange.
This had been her father’s house, then her husband’s house. He had told her it was her home. But it wasn’t. Without David, the house wasn’t meant for her. It was his. The same way Mirage was his.
She made her way to the kitchen. Making coffee had become a morning ritual for her when David was here, but for the last three weeks, it had come from machines. Finding the filters and the coffee, she set the pot to make coffee the way she liked it.
While the coffee was making, she trudged to the barn and took a look in the stalls. The horses were all waiting to be fed. She was up so early, Mac hadn’t had time to come yet. Now that she was down here, she might as well feed them. It would give her something to do until the coffee was done.
Throwing hay in each stall and putting oats in the tubs didn’t take very long, but each recipient gave her a welcome, making her feel wanted, needed. Maybe nobody else needed her, but these animals would always be here, needing her attention at least for today.
When she finally went back to the house, the coffee was ready. But try as she might, she could find nothing in the fridge that she wanted for her breakfast. In fact, the sight of food made her feel nauseated. Just coffee. Her stomach was tied in such knots, it couldn’t handle food.
While she sat at the table, staring into her coffee cup, she heard a car approach. Going to the back door, she opened it and walked out onto the porch; she saw one of the Agency’s SUVs pull in, and a tall red-headed man got out. This was Mac Blade. She remembered him slightly from the office, and she knew he’d been at the hospital. He had the same blood type as Da...as she did.
“Morning, C.J. When did you get back? There was a message at the ranch that you were here, and that I should keep doing the chores. Are you staying or going back?”
Jared obviously hadn’t told this man what had happened at the hospital yesterday. Well, she wasn’t about to tell him either. She didn’t want everybody knowing that David hated her and thought she was to blame for his accident. They’d find out soon enough.
“I’m not sure how long I’ll be here, but if you could keep doing the chores, I’d appreciate it. I need to catch up on some sleep. Try and get things organized here.”
“Sure. I can do that. I’ll go down and get started now.”
“I’ve already fed them. I started before I remembered you were coming. They need about another fifteen minutes, then you could turn them out. Want a cup of coffee while you wait?”
She held open the door, an invitation to him to enter. He hesitated, then stepped past her.
“A fast on
e. I noticed a couple of fence boards that need fixing, so I’ll do that before I let them out.”
She was silent as she led the way back to the kitchen table. She filled his cup, then sat down with him.
It was obvious Mac wanted to ask questions, but didn’t know if he should. Maybe if she answered the most obvious one, he’d pick up from there.
“I don’t know how long I’ll need you to do chores, but as soon as I’ve got myself back together and had some decent sleep, I’ll probably feel more like doing them. I’ll be staying here for a while anyway, before I decide what I’m doing.”
Mac was looking at her with a frown.
She obviously hadn’t explained that too well, if he didn’t know what she meant.
“C.J., can I ask you a question?”
“Sure. What?”
“Have the doctors given you any idea when they’ll be sending David home? You know, a month, two.”
“None. Now that they know he isn’t going to be able to walk again, they’re going to put him through some kind of rehabilitation program, teach him how to do things for himself without using his legs. How to use a wheelchair. Things like that.”
“So they’ve said he won’t walk again?”
She nodded, biting her lip as though to keep from crying.
“They’re doing xrays today to find out how much damage the accident did, but if he’d been going to get back any use of his legs, it should have happened by now. They know what was on the first xray, they just want a clearer picture.”
He nodded, but didn’t speak. He was thinking of the changes that would be needed to make the house a home where David could get around without trouble. As though he had spoken, C.J. suddenly realized what he was thinking.
“Do you know anybody that’s a carpenter, Mac? I have to get some things done to this house before they send David home, so that he can get around in here.”
As she spoke, she went to the desk in the corner and got a pen and paper. At the top of the page, she wrote Renovations.
“I guess the things that have to be done first would be a wheelchair ramp on the front and back porches. And I’ll have to find out if there are any of the doors inside that aren’t big enough for a chair.”
She wrote this down, then looked at Mac.
“That’s all I can think of, but there must be other stuff. Can you think of anything?”
“How about one of those railing lifts for getting his chair up to the second floor?”
She added that to the list.
“And you’ll need those railings in your bathroom. The ones that go in the bathtub and beside the toilet.”
He paused while she wrote.
“C.J., I’ve never been upstairs in this house, but I’ve heard David talk about his shower, so you must have a stall. Is it built in such a way that his chair or some kind of chair could fit it?”
“I don’t know about a wheelchair. There’s too many parts of it that might be ruined if it got wet all the time. But a regular chair would fit.”
She paused to drink coffee, then looked at Mac.
“How do you know all this, what’s needed?”
“We had to do the same thing to our house when my mother finally got so bad she had to use a wheelchair. She had arthritis. Then she was bedridden just before she died and we took all the stuff out. Would you like me to see what’s still in my dad’s garage you could use? Then you won’t have to search all over for it.”
“Mac, that’s very sweet of you. If you could do that, I’ll find a builder and get him started.”
“Well, actually, if you want, I could do it. I installed everything for my mother when we put it in. It’s not hard. The biggest job will be the ramps. And that’s not hard, just takes time. If you draw me a plan, show me where you want them, I’ll get the wood this coming week and we can get started. That way there’s no chance it won’t be ready when David is ready to come home.”
For the first time in days, C.J. smiled.
It wasn’t much of a smile; it was a wan little effort, but at least the corners of her mouth had moved up.
“Thanks, Mac. I appreciate that. You sure you have time? You’re not needed at the office?”
“No. Actually, I already talked to Blake about this and he thought it was a good idea too. So, I’m yours until all the work is done and the house is ready.”
“I guess I’d better thank Blake again. Seems I’ve done that a lot lately.”
“They don’t need thanks. They know you appreciate the help. And don’t forget, they were David’s friends and partners for longer than you’ve known him. So they want to help. I don’t think you could stop them.”
C.J. knew he was right. She pointed to the phone in the corner.
“If you want to use that to phone your dad, go ahead. Then once I know what I have to buy, I’ll phone and place the order.”
“Okay, but draw me a rough sketch of the ramps first, so I know how long they’ll be. That way I can figure out what wood I need.”
He swallowed the last of his coffee and stood.
“And now, I’m going to fix a fence then turf some horses out for the day.”
He left her drawing the front and back entries to the house, trying to figure out the best way to attach ramps to the porches. When Mac came back from doing the chores, he figured out the wood order for her, then got busy tracking down the equipment that was left at his father’s place. By noon, everything was planned and ordered. She poured coffee for them both.
“C.J., there is one other thing you’re going to need to think about. I can’t help you with this one as much, because my mother never had one. But you’re going to have to get a van or some other vehicle that will take David’s chair. Want me to find out who does the work?”
At her nod, he stood up. Shrugging into his jacket, he made his way to the door.
“I’ll see if there’s anyone locally who can do it, or if you have to go to a bigger center. That’s not a common conversion.”
“Find out whatever you can, Mac. I appreciate all this. I’d never have thought of half the things you did.”
“That’s okay. I’ll be back tonight to put the horses in. See you then.”
With that, she was alone. While Mac had been there, she had forgotten that she had to live here by herself.
Walking through the house, she heard over and over in her mind the last things David had yelled at her.
Get out. Don’t come back. Get out. Don’t come back. Get out. Don’t...
So what am I doing here?
She didn’t know how long she stood by the window, only that Mac was pulling into the barnyard to do chores and she didn’t think she’d moved since he’d left at noon.
When he drove past the house and went straight to the barn, she wondered why. But she just stood there. She made no effort to go out or go to the barn. She didn’t want to move. She looked down at the coffee cup she held in her hand. Feeling the outside of the cup, it must have been some time since she’d poured this. It was stone cold.
She moved to the rocking chair in the corner and sat down. She picked up the blanket that was on the foot stool in front of her and pulled it around her shoulders. She was cold and shivering and didn’t know why. All she knew was that she didn’t want to move.
Two hours later, Jared and Annie let themselves in, turned on the lights and set out to find her. She hadn’t answered her phone all afternoon, and she hadn’t answered the door when Mac had knocked, just before going home.
His phone call to Jared had brought the two of them in a hurry, not knowing what to expect.
“C.J.. You here?”
It was Annie’s voice she first heard. When they turned on the light in that room, they spotted her, sitting in the chair, cocooned inside the blanket. Her face was white with exhaustion, and she was shaking. She was blinking against the brightness of the lights.
“Come on, sweetie, up you get. I’m going to get you up to bed.”
So s
aying, Annie proceeded to strip the blanket from around her and then pulled her hand to get her moving. Jared, standing on the other side of her chair, took her arm and helped get her to her feet. When she swayed, Annie looked at Jared and nodded. He promptly picked her up and started toward the stairs. C.J. didn’t put up any argument. Didn’t fight.
Jared laid her on the unmade bed, noting that her pillow was not in the usual place. It looked like she’d just laid back across the bed the night before and fallen asleep.
“Come on, C.J., help me a little here. Lift your foot so I can get your boots off.”
Annie helped her off with her boots, then sent Jared out of the room while she hustled C.J. into a sleep shirt.
“I’m going to go down and make you some soup and a sandwich, if you’ve got some fresh bread. Anything you want in particular?”
“No. I’m really not hungry. Don’t bother on my account.”
Her voice was flat and lifeless, making Annie even more concerned.
“It’s not a bother, sweetie. What would be a bother is if you got sick because you didn’t take care of yourself.”
C.J.’s smile lacked energy, but it was sincere.
“Thanks, Annie. I’m just so tired.”
“Well, that’s not surprising, considering the hours you put in at the hospital. Jared was bone weary, and he said you went twice or even three times as long as he did every day. Even Blake couldn’t figure out how you did it. And now that he’s doing it, he said his opinion of you is even greater than it was. You just overdid it. The human body can only do so much and if we stress it, it shorts out. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Annie hurried downstairs, anxious to find Jared. He was in the kitchen, checking the cupboards for groceries.
“Did she look like that while you were at the hospital? Or is this just since she came back?”
“She looked tired, but not like this. Why?”
“I’m not sure. But I think we’d better keep an eye on her. She’s exhausted. Which I can quite see. But she isn’t hungry. And C.J. was always a good eater. This isn’t like her.”
“I know she didn’t eat well at the hospital. She wouldn’t go out to eat, just whatever she could get in the cafeteria or the machines. That might be part of it.”