by Robyn Grady
He shrugged a shoulder. “Guess we can share the blame.”
She turned a little toward him, hesitated, but then sought out his gaze. “I’m sorry, Bishop. It’s too late, but I am. I’m sorry it all turned out so badly.”
He ground his back teeth together to stop his mouth from bowing. “Yeah. Me, too.”
“Hard part is—” she sat back “—where do we go from here?”
Where, indeed?
After all the direction he’d handed out this week, and her accusation of needing to hold the reins, he offered, “Must be your call.”
Her eyes widened. “My head is still spinning. I’m not sure I’m ready to decide on breakfast cereal let alone how I feel about what happened last week.”
He thought it through.
Okay. “I think we need sit back and let our emotions settle. See where we are in a few days’ time.”
“You mean see if I’m pregnant?”
He remained poker-faced to mask the fact that his heart was beating so hard, he thought his ribs might crack.
“If you’re pregnant,” he paused and amended, “if we’re pregnant, then we both have some serious decisions to make.”
Laura didn’t know if she was more sad or relieved to see Bishop leave a little later that day.
After their revealing talk, they’d agreed they had a lot to think over, and staying under the same roof would only confuse already high emotions. Despite all she’d learned today, at her deepest level Laura was critically aware that she still longed for Bishop’s affection. She longed to have his arms gather her in and his innate strength keep her warm. She ached to absorb the comfort and intensity only the man she’d married could bring. Had married…and divorced.
With dawn breaking, Bishop had passed on eggs Benedict. He said he’d best get a head start on the road, although on Sunday, Laura suspected, the traffic would be less than frantic.
As her ex-husband’s Land Rover edged down the long drive, she stood on the front veranda, leaning against a column, trying to shake the hollow feeling of being left in limbo. With regard to their relationship. With regard to her life. But she didn’t have time for reflection or self-pity. She wanted to know as soon as possible whether she was or whether she wasn’t pregnant, and she knew from previous enquiries that some tests could be performed as soon as six days after the event.
Would she be able to get on with her life, rather empty though it now seemed, or was the dream she’d nurtured for so long about to come true? Although, falling pregnant was only part of the equation, as she well knew. She had to carry to term.
She recalled doing lots of research on miscarriages after her loss and being surprised by the number of women who’d suffered the same pain and grief she had. That knowledge had given her comfort—she wasn’t alone—but the information had also left her more than a little anxious. Two years ago she’d been so certain she wanted to conceive, and she’d wanted Bishop to be positive, too. And yet after she’d miscarried, it seemed all her courage had deserted her. She’d withdrawn. She’d been unwilling to talk about her crippling sense of failure much less consider trying again.
And now?
Well, now she was almost frightened to hope.
Seeing Bishop’s Land Rover about to disappear around that last bend, she pushed off the column, ready to go back inside, but then another car—silver and stately—wound up the path. Grace’s Lexus.
The two vehicles stopped side by side; Bishop was no doubt cluing Grace in on the latest. Laura eased out a breath. At least she wouldn’t need to explain to her sister. Or not everything. And while she didn’t feel much like talking, she did want to hear Grace’s rationale in letting Bishop take her home that day over a week ago. Grace had never approved of her ex and yet Bishop had said that he and Grace had spoken about second chances.
A few minutes later, Bishop’s car disappeared and Grace’s car pulled up. The moment the door flung open, she flew up the steps and wrapped her arms around her baby sister. Laura felt Grace trembling and realized she was shaking a little, too. One minute she was married, the next she wasn’t. She’d had unprotected sex with her ex. She could possibly be pregnant. It was a lot to take in all in one morning.
Inside, with that wedding portrait peering over them and dominating the room, she and Grace folded down together on a couch. Laura got straight to the point.
“Bishop told you?”
Grace’s pearl drop earrings swung as she nodded. “Briefly.”
“Did he tell you…that we slept together?”
“He didn’t need to. I can tell by both your faces.”
“We didn’t use protection.”
Grace’s eyes widened. “He agreed to that?”
With her heart beating high in her throat, Laura tried to explain how it’d come about.
“I was living in the past. I was the same person I was just after we’d married.” She focused inward, to the happiest times they’d recently spent together, and recalled the almost surreal feeling. “Now I realize when I told him I wanted to conceive our own child, I was pressing a replay button.”
“You remember the miscarriage?” Grace asked gently.
Laura shut her eyes to try to block out the pain. It didn’t work. The memories were raw and vivid.
“Grace, why did you let Bishop take me home from the hospital? You knew how we’d parted. If I’d had any inkling, I would never have gone.”
“We could’ve made up some story, I suppose, that Bishop had to go out of town and you should come stay with Harry, me and the kids for a while. But my children are two years older than you remembered, and I thought you had more chance of regaining your memories here. Besides, you were in love with Bishop.” Grace smoothed her sister’s hair. “I don’t think you ever stopped loving him.”
“Bishop said you thought this might be a second chance for us.”
“You were never so happy as when you were with Bishop. At least at first.” Before Laura could ask the next obvious question, Grace answered it for her. “It wasn’t that I didn’t approve of the man, Laura. With mum and dad gone, I saw it as my place to let you both know that I thought you ought to sit down and properly sort out how you were going to achieve your life’s goals—and face any consequences—before you exchanged rings.”
Laura’s gaze dropped to her left hand. Through misty eyes the diamonds shot off hazy prisms of light and color. She felt so hollow inside, so different from the sense of contentment she’d enjoyed only yesterday.
“We were both so in love,” she croaked, barely able to speak over the rising emotion.
“And now there’s a chance you might be pregnant?”
“A slim chance.”
“Still… It’s a chance for you to take the best care of yourself and for things to work out the way we would’ve liked the first time.”
Laura leaned her head into her sister’s shoulder and they sat together in the quiet for the longest time like they used to when they’d been young and Grace would read to her at night. Laura hoped she wasn’t pregnant; what if she miscarried again? If she went to term, could she and Bishop ever forget how they’d treated each other in the past or the pain of having pushed the other away? On the other hand she prayed that she was. More than anything she wanted to be a mother.
Laying a light palm on her belly, she thought over Grace’s words.
This time everything could go pear-shaped again or maybe, just maybe with some hope, faith and love, things would turn out right.
Twelve
As Bishop braked in front of the Blue Mountains house a week later, he guessed Laura must have heard his vehicle revving up the long drive. Looking remarkably fresh, and more beautiful than he remembered, she appeared at the door then moved gradually out onto the porch.
This morning he’d rung to say that after seven days and nights apart they should touch base. See where they each stood. He hadn’t told her about the guest he’d brought along. And he hadn’t asked if she’d taken
a test.
The test.
While he slid out of the car, Laura remained at the top of the landing. Her lips weren’t curved into a smile. Nor was her brow lined with a frown. The knots that had amassed in his stomach during the trip jerked and snagged all the more. But he wasn’t unhappy that he’d come. The whole time he’d been gone, he couldn’t focus on work. He particularly hadn’t been able bring himself to make a decision over the sale of Bishop Scaffolds. He’d thought only of her, wanting to feel her lips beneath his again, needing to hear and feel her warm, seductive whisper at his ear. Not that he expected her to throw herself at him when they said hello now. But later…
Who knew what lay ahead?
She smiled softly down while the light blue dress she wore swirled around her knees in the breeze. “Hello, Bishop.”
He had no time to reply before the guest in his Land Rover tipped his hand. Following a single bark, a playful growl then three or four sharp yaps sounded in a row. Laura’s expression opened up. After two halting steps forward, her hands lifted to her mouth and her gaze flew from the rear of the car back to him. Her eyes wide, she gave a little squeak.
Feeling as if he wore a big-bellied red suit and long snowy beard, Bishop unlatched the tailgate and edged out the pet carrier. The puppy’s brown eyes were full of life and her tail was beating furiously. She was soft and cuddly and, no matter what happened between Laura and him, this dog would make his ex-wife a fine companion.
He scooped the puppy—Laura had called her Queen—out of the container.
As she flew down the steps, Laura’s smile split her face. “You didn’t tell me.”
“Wouldn’t have been a surprise if I had.”
Meeting at the bottom of the steps, he offered over the wriggling pup. She held out her arms then, sighing, brought the bundle close. Queen immediately set about licking her mistress’s cheek, her nose, her ear. Laura laughed like he’d never heard her laugh before, except for that brief time when she’d been pregnant and beyond happy.
“She’s just so beautiful.”
“And probably hungry.” He headed back to the car. “Take her in and I’ll bring up her gear.”
Five minutes later, Queen’s paws were scratching over the timber floor as she scuttled around, sniffing and wagging, while Bishop set up the food bowl, litter tray and bedding. Crouching, Laura ruffled her pup’s ears every time she skittered close.
“You like your new home, little one?” she asked.
Queen yapped once then padded off, her nose zigzagging over the ground. Laura stood and straightened her dress before she sent a coy smile his way.
“Thank you. It feels like Christmas.”
He returned her smile. Then he wasn’t the only one.
Queen was running around his feet. “She was supposed to be the quiet one but looks like she’s got lots of energy. I think puppy school’s a must.”
“I’ll book her in.” Smoothing down her dress again, she inhaled deeply as if to steady herself. “I have a surprise, too.”
Moving to the fireplace, she found a pharmacy bag on the mantel. While his pulse began to hammer, she revealed a slim box.
“I’ve had it sitting there for days,” she admitted. “The results are supposed to be extremely accurate.”
“This soon?”
She nodded. “It checks hormone levels.”
“Ah. I see.”
With an awkward but glowing smile, she glanced down and rolled the packet over and over. Her gaze crept up and she blew out a long, shaky breath. “Guess you can tell I’m nervous.”
Join the club.
He ironed his damp palms down the sides of his trousers. “So you can do it now?”
“It’ll show a result in a couple of minutes.” Her gaze flicked away. Came back. “I’m really nervous.”
As the puppy scampered down the hall, he came forward and folded his hands over hers. He eyed the box that held the instrument that would predict the course of the rest of their lives, one way or the other. Scary. And exciting. As long as nothing went wrong.
He squeezed her hands. “I’ll wait here.”
As she moved off down the hall, Bishop drove two sets of fingers through his hair and paced the room a few times. He dug out a tug toy from Queen’s bag and they played around. When five minutes dragged on to feel more like thirty, he buckled and headed for the liquor cabinet. If ever a man deserved a drink, God save him, it must be now.
The test sticks sat on the end of the double vanity while Laura sat on the top step of the spa bath, her hands holding her burning face. The pack had contained two tests. She’d known the results of both for at least ten minutes, but the news was still sinking in. The shock was still wearing off.
When the numbness tingling across her brain subsided and she knew she couldn’t delay any longer, she pushed on her thighs and found, to her amazement, that her legs were steady enough to hold her weight. She wasn’t crying. She was totally okay with this. Way okay. Bishop would be, too. She simply had to find the wherewithal to go out and tell him.
When she reentered the living room, Bishop was standing by a back window, gazing out over the eucalypt-covered hills, swirling a short glass of amber liquid. Hearing her footfalls, his gaze snapped over and those masculine shoulders, cloaked in that heavenly chambray shirt, straightened.
His delayed smile was supportive, but the emotion didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was waiting for her to tell him the news, show him the proof. And while she’d never felt more wound up in her life than she did at this moment, now a certain, almost eerie calm settled upon her, like a mist curling over a long, slow day.
He’d stand by her. This time they’d make it work. Because they needed to for the baby’s sake. And they’d be happy. She knew they would.
If only she were pregnant.
Sprawled out under the piano, Queen must have worn herself out. Laura padded past, careful not to disturb her. Quivering inside, she tacked on an ambivalent smile and made herself shrug.
“Guess you’re a free man.”
His smile dropped. He took one measured step forward, blinked several times and then rasped, “No?”
“I didn’t think you’d want to see the sticks. No point really.”
The breath seemed to leave his body and he visibly slumped. She’d never seen anyone look so dazed.
“It’s probably best,” she went on, needing to fill the silence. She needed him to speak. To say something. Because, in truth, she’d wanted this…to have been a victim of fate and have the choice made for her, and she’d thought he’d wanted that, too.
He ran a hand down the side of his clean shaven jaw and she noticed he still wore the ring. “Are you sure?”
“As sure as I need to be. Both results were clear. I could go to a doctor, but I don’t think there’s any need.” She’d probably get her period in a day or two.
His gaze distant, he lowered to sit on the edge of the piano stool, his foot inches from Queen’s sleeping head, while Laura held the breath fluttering in her chest, waiting. But of course it took a while to sink in, thinking you might be headed in one direction then being shunted off in another. Hoping you were going to be a parent, then not. They’d both been through the ups and downs before.
Then he inhaled sharply. The surprise his next words delivered almost knocked her over.
“We could try again.”
She gaped at him, wanting to tug her ears. Had she heard right? She said the first thing that came to mind.
“We’re not married anymore.”
Was he asking her to marry him again?
His brows drawn together, he pushed to his feet. “The other week it felt like we were.”
“That’s only because I couldn’t remember that you’d signed divorce papers.”
His brows knitted more. “I wasn’t the one to instigate proceedings. You sent the papers, Laura, not me.”
“You didn’t have to send them back.”
He held her gaze for
a torturously long moment before he succumbed to a tight smile. “No. You’re right. I didn’t.” But then the sharp glint in his eyes softened and he took another step closer. “I’m sorry the test wasn’t positive.”
“Are you?”
She’d sounded indignant, but she truly wanted to know, and know the truth. Had he honestly wanted a positive result or was the greater part of him relieved—again—that the risk and possible danger had passed?
His jaw visibly tightened. “I wanted this…wanted us to work, but I knew we didn’t have a hope unless you were pregnant. That week we spent together…” His chin tipped up as his gaze penetrated hers. “I think we can have that again.”
In that instant, her doubts seemed to evaporate and her heart began to melt. She didn’t know if she could speak over the emotion swelling in her throat. But the obvious question swooped down.
“How?”
“We can go from here. Work out each move, step-by-step, together.”
“But we’d come up against that same roadblock straight out of the grid.”
He gripped her left hand and his heat, as well as his will, consumed her. “We can work it out.”
She felt herself teetering as her surroundings drifted in then out. She wanted to agree, so much it hurt. But she simply couldn’t go the way of denial. Now that she remembered it all, she couldn’t put on her rose-colored glasses even if her heart broke admitting what they both knew to be true.
Her voice was hushed and scored with regret. “Bishop, you said we’d work it out the first time.”
His eyes grew dark. “You fell pregnant. What happened after that wasn’t my fault. Laura, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.”