She shook his hand again, even more briefly than she had the first time. “You too, Joshua. See you around.”
He watched her walk across the lawn to the sidewalk and disappear past the building. He combed a hand through his hair and went back inside, trying to figure out the red-flag feeling he had about her.
Once inside he opened the sliding glass door to the patio. He could see the children running around, Maddie trailing behind them, and the sight made him smile. Hopefully these new friends would make the move easier on her.
Confident that Maddie was comfortable with her new playmates, Joshua went back to the living room to face the mess. The vacuum bag had chosen last night to burst while he cleaned the half box of cereal from the floor that had scattered when Maddie had tripped. He’d been too exhausted to deal with it right then, and the dust had settled over the coffee table and sofa during the night, while most of the cereal still lay on the floor. Two piles of laundry that hadn’t gotten done before the move lay on the floor near the utility closet that housed the stacked washer and dryer. The few boxes they’d used in their move were piled like giant blocks near the door, waiting to be flattened, and the dishes from last night’s dinner were still in the sink. He felt bad that in living there less than forty-eight hours they’d managed to trash the place. But being in a new space messed with his routines. Hopefully by the end of the week they’d be back to normal.
He hadn’t been in long when he heard Maddie yell, “Gramma!” Joshua’s stomach constricted. He’d hoped to avoid another meeting with them until he felt more settled into the neighborhood, knowing they would not approve of the location. He wanted to hide in the bedroom but knew the sooner he faced them the sooner they’d be gone, so he took a deep breath, prayed for graciousness, and went out to meet them.
“You’re letting her run around a parking lot unsupervised?”
“Hello to you, too, Alisha, George.” Joshua let the security door shut behind him and forced his hands into his pockets to avoid crossing them confrontationally over his chest. “Maddie, were you in the parking lot?”
“No, Daddy, just on the grass.”
“We weren’t in the parking lot, sir,” said Hannah.
He looked to his in-laws and raised his eyebrows. Alisha frowned. “Well the parking lot is all of five feet away. They might as well be in it.”
“They’re perfectly safe where they are, Alisha. Hannah’s mom tells me they play out here all the time. We’re both keeping an eye on the kids; I can see them from the kitchen window.”
“A lot of good that will do you when some drunk comes careening across the lawn.”
“Or when someone walks through and snatches her out of thin air.” George nodded to the street that bordered the property thirty yards away. “That road goes straight to the freeway.”
“George, she doesn’t play out here alone, and there’s nowhere to stop a car on that road.” Joshua shook his head. “And Alisha, you’ve got a more vivid imagination than Maddie does. We lived on a street and you never worried about cars ‘careening across the lawn.’”
“That’s because you lived in a decent neighborhood where people knew how to drive properly.”
Joshua took a deep breath, then held up his hands in surrender. “I’m not going to argue about this anymore. Do you two want to come in and see the place, or do you need to get going?”
Alisha narrowed her eyes. “I want to see where my granddaughter is living.”
Joshua sighed. “Fair enough. Come on in.” He turned to open the door and groaned. “I forgot the keys.”
“We’re locked out?” Alisha sounded alarmed.
“No, no—I have the patio door open, I’ll just hop the fence.”
George huffed. “People can just climb into your house?”
Joshua made an effort to keep himself calm. “No, George, ‘people’ cannot climb into my house. I can climb into my house because I left the patio door unlocked. I’m still getting used to the fact that there’s a security door, so I leave the patio door unlocked just in case. I lock it when we leave the house.”
“But this isn’t the kind of neighborhood where you want to broadcast the fact that just anyone can waltz through your back door.”
“I’m not sure I understand what kind of neighborhood you think this is. It’s not Cell Block A, you know. There are normal families here—families like Maddie and me.”
“The exception, I’m sure,” Alisha said under her breath.
Joshua took a deep breath and forced a smile. “Would you like to hop the fence with me, or shall I go open the security door?”
It was a little snarky, but compared to what else he’d resisted the urge to say, it was the epitome of respect. He vaulted the railing and went inside, counting slowly from one hundred as he walked down the hall to the security door. He led them back to the apartment, leaving Maddie in the company of her new friends. “I’ll give you the grand tour,” he said, putting friendliness in his voice and trying to turn a corner with his attitude. “Kitchen here, as you can see, with a well-stocked pantry and a freezer full of home-cooked meals.” He ushered them into the living room. “Our main hangout. You’ll have to excuse the mess; it was a little chaotic here last night and I was too wiped out to deal with it.” He pointed them to Maddie’s room. “The kingdom of pink. Maddie chose the color herself, as though that’s not obvious.” He pointed back to his bedroom. “My bedroom, which also has access to that patio.”
For a moment Alisha and George seemed disconcerted. He watched them wander the place, searching through it as though looking for clues. Then Alisha marched out of his bedroom with a look of triumph on her face. “Maddie’s bed is in your room.”
Joshua shrugged. “So?”
“That’s completely improper. She should have her own room.”
“She does. She doesn’t want to sleep in there yet.”
“So you let her dictate to you how she wants to do things? Where is your parental authority?”
Joshua’s jaw clenched. “I let her have a say, to a degree, in things that affect her. We’ve only been here two days; she’s still getting used to the place. Can you blame her for not wanting to sleep alone in a new place? Have some compassion, Alisha.”
Alisha shook her head. “I can’t imagine it’s healthy for a young girl to sleep alone with her father.”
The camel’s back was dangerously close to giving out. “She has her own bed, Alisha, and I’ll ask you to stop right there with what you’re insinuating. Don’t ever question my propriety with my daughter.”
George put a hand on Alisha’s arm. “I don’t think she’s implying that you would do anything. Just that it might be considered a little questionable.”
“Well, seeing as Maddie is my daughter, and I don’t have a problem with it, then other people’s opinions don’t really matter, do they?” He raked a hand through his hair, feeling close to exploding. “I wish I understood why you’re so desperate to prove me incompetent. I wish I understood why you hate me so much.”
Neither of them would look him in the eye. He shook his head and motioned to the door. “I don’t see this visit getting any better. I’ll give you a call later in the week and arrange a time when Mad-die can come visit for the day.”
George frowned. “You’re kicking us out?”
“No. I’m trying to nicely convey that it would be better for this meeting to end now, before anything is said by either of us that is later regretted.”
Alisha’s chin jutted into the air. “Come, George, let’s go. I can see we’re not welcome here.”
Joshua didn’t bother contradicting her or seeing them out. He just shut the door behind them and went into the bedroom to watch their interaction with Maddie before they left. He wouldn’t put it past them to fill her head with propaganda when he wasn’t looking. He’d call to set a date for Maddie to go to their house for the day, but he’d make sure she didn’t actually go. There was no way he trusted them alone with her no
w.
He watched them emerge from the security door and call Maddie from her playing to come say good-bye. Alisha bent down to give Maddie a kiss, then began to talk to her as she pulled a candy bar from her pocket and held it out to her. Then Alisha glanced back at the patio and did a double-take upon meeting Joshua’s stare. She straightened up, patted Maddie on the head, and turned away to stalk off to the car. George kissed Maddie’s cheek, then followed his wife. Maddie ran over to him and handed him the candy bar. “I can’t have this, can I?”
“No kiddo, sorry.”
“Why do they always bring food I can’t eat?”
“Because they refuse to believe you’re actually allergic to milk.”
“But why?”
“Great question, Maddie. I don’t know.”
“Gramma looked mad when they left.”
“I know, honey. Did she say anything angry to you?”
“No, she just looked angry in her eyes.”
He ruffled her bangs. “We just need to pray for them, okay?”
“Okay. Can I go play now?”
“Of course.”
He watched her race back to Hannah and Zak, then settled himself into a deck chair. Suddenly he didn’t want to let her out of his sight.
“READY, SET, GO!” With a squeal, Maddie took off from beneath the preschool awning, running through the rain to the car. Joshua was right behind her, trying to keep the umbrella above her as she dodged puddles on the sidewalk. Once they reached the car he tossed her into the seat as she giggled. “I’m so wet!”
“You’re so wet—what about me?” Joshua secured the carseat harness over Maddie and shut the door, then jumped into the front seat, wiping rain from his face and hair. His head was throbbing, thanks to the storm system that had moved in overnight. He’d been in pain all day, despite the pills he’d taken. He couldn’t wait to get home and lie down.
Maddie sang as they drove, respecting his request that he not have to converse until they got home. The windshield wipers stuttered with each pass, a minor irritation that grew more annoying with each mile. By the time they got back to the apartment Joshua was ready to yank the things off their holders.
Someone was standing under an umbrella at the security door when he reached it, Maddie in his arms and both of them getting drenched. “I’ve got a key,” he said, setting Maddie down. “Who are you here to see?” He still didn’t know many neighbors, but he didn’t feel right just letting someone in without at least asking.
The woman looked at a note in her hands. “Joshua Miller.”
He unlocked the door and opened it wide. “That’s me. Come on in.” They all ducked into the hall and shook the rain off their jackets. He stuck his hand out to shake hers. “And you are?”
“Natalie Cohen. I’m a caseworker with DHS.”
“DH—wait a minute, as in Department of Human Services?”
“Yes.”
His headache disappeared with the shot of adrenaline that entered his bloodstream. His hand gripped Maddie’s tighter as he asked, “Forgive me for being blunt, but why are you here?”
She smiled. “We received a call this morning, and I’m just following up. May I come in?”
He froze. What was the better thing to do? Let her in so she could see nothing was amiss—but then what if she found some random thing that he never would have guessed would cause a problem? But if he didn’t let her in, wasn’t that admitting to some kind of guilt?
“A call—from whom? About what?”
“We were told the home might be unfit for a child, and that there may be—,” she checked the note again, “inappropriate sleeping arrangements.”
He fought to control the fury that rose from his gut. “You’ve got to be kidding. Let me guess—the caller was Alisha Michalson?”
“I don’t know. The call was made anonymously.”
He snorted. “What a coward.” He unlocked the door and swung it open. “Come on in and I’ll put your mind at rest.”
The three of them walked into the condo, and Joshua pointed in the direction of the living room. “Please, feel free to look around.”
“Thank you, Mr. Miller.” She walked into the living room and looked around, then strolled into both bedrooms while he peeled off Maddie’s slicker and gym shoes. She returned and looked back to him with her eyebrows raised. She looked amused. “Did you know I was coming?”
“No, I had no idea. I’ve been at work all day, Maddie has been at preschool—we were just getting home. Are you surprised it’s not a disaster?”
She chuckled. “Well, not entirely surprised, given your reaction when I told you. But this isn’t even cluttered, much less hazardous to anyone’s health. And I see nothing inappropriate about a child’s bed being in the parents’ room. People do it all the time when they live in one-bedroom apartments.”
He knelt down to Maddie. “Do me a favor, kiddo. Go hop into your jammies since your clothes are wet, and I’ll come get you when Ms. Cohen and I are done talking, okay?”
“Okay. Are we in trouble?”
“No, love, we’re not.” He kissed her head. “Off you go.”
Maddie ran to her bedroom and shut the door. He sighed and motioned to the couch. “May I talk with you a minute?”
“Of course.”
Joshua rubbed his hand over his eyes. “My wife died almost a year ago. She was the only child her parents had. They haven’t been handling it well at all, and then a few months back they declared me unfit, in their eyes, to be raising Maddie, and said they were going to fight me for grandparent rights and possibly custody.”
“That’s why you think they’re the ones that called?”
He shrugged. “No one else has been here but them. We just moved here a few days ago, and they saw it for the first time yesterday. It was a bit of a mess—Maddie had spilled some cereal, the vacuum bag exploded—but I cleaned it all last night. I’m not a messy guy, but Maddie is a typical four-year-old, so it’s not immaculate around here, but it’s certainly not dirty enough to endanger anyone.”
She nodded. “I understand, Mr. Miller.”
“So…everything is alright?”
She smiled. “Looks fine to me. I’ll put a note in your file ex plaining the situation. I can’t guarantee we won’t have to come back out—we do have to investigate every call we get—but at least whatever agent is sent out will be able to see that you were cooperative and that there may be extenuating circumstances as to the motive behind the call.”
He heaved a sigh. “Thank you so much. Man, I can’t tell you what panic set in when you said you were from DHS.”
She chuckled as she stood. “I can understand that. I’m relieved to see there don’t seem to be any problems here. While it’s frustrating that agency resources are wasted on calls like this, I have to admit it’s a bright spot in my day to visit a competent parent and happy child.”
He walked her to the door and saw her out, then shut it, locked it, and leaned his head against the frame. Breathe.
He swallowed back bile and gripped the doorknob, counting to calm himself. To think his own in-laws had stooped this low—he knew they were serious about wanting Maddie, but he had no idea they’d go so far as to try to get DHS involved. Had they really thought that small amount of mess was enough to make the agency suspect neglect? Or that Maddie’s bed in his bedroom would lead them to consider abuse?
He stood at the door, hanging onto the doorknob with a white-knuckle grip until he was sure his rage had simmered down to a less dangerous level. He didn’t want to go off in front of Maddie about her grandparents, or give her the impression that anything was amiss. She didn’t deserve to have that kind of stress loaded onto her small shoulders.
He pulled two servings of frozen lasagna from the freezer and tossed them into the microwave. “Hey Maddie, come on out. I’ve got dinner almost ready.”
She trotted out in her pajamas and slippers. “Daddy, my hair is wet and it’s all cold and icky on my neck.”
He took a kitchen towel off its hook and knelt down. “Come here, I’ll fix it.” He gathered her hair in a ponytail and squeezed the wet ends in the towel. “Thanks for getting your pajamas on all by yourself.”
“Who was that lady?”
“She was just someone who came to check and make sure we were all moved in okay.”
“What does ‘inappropriate sleeping arrangements’ mean?”
He stifled a groan. “It means…she wasn’t sure if your bed was big enough because you’re getting so big. Those little beds can’t hold you if you weigh too much.”
“Oh, okay.”
He rubbed her hair, then slung the towel over his shoulder. “I think that’s a little better, eh?”
“Thanks, Daddy. Can I color until dinner?”
“Sure, but that only gives you a couple minutes.”
“That’s alright.” She hopped into the living room and pulled out her coloring book and crayons from the toy chest under the window. Tears welled in Joshua’s eyes as he watched her.
How could they think he’d just let someone take his daughter?
He swiped at the tears before Maddie could see them, then pulled two tumblers from the cabinet. He went through the motions of preparing dinner, but his mind was elsewhere, trying to remember the name of the lawyer he’d met at his last job. He had a phone call to make.
TWELVE
“So are you going to the Redken Symposium this year?” Rumiko wrapped a towel around Kim’s neck and lowered her head to the basin. “Las Vegas is calling my name for sure.”
Kim chuckled, closing her eyes as the warm spray soothed her head. “I don’t know. I’d love to go, but I’m not sure I’ll have the money.”
“Girl, you need to try. I went the last time and it was awesome. Not to mention—hello, it’s Vegas!” She massaged Kim’s scalp and lathered the shampoo in her hair. “Stay up all night, go dancing, play the slots—please, please come!”
“I’ll try,” she lied. “But if I can’t you have to promise to teach me everything you know when you come back.”
The Weight of Shadows Page 14