by Chelle Bliss
I shake his hand, giving him a fake smile because he must’ve known a different woman than I did. “Thank you,” I repeat.
“She was so selfless and kind.”
Augusta Moore was neither selfless nor kind. At least, not to me. But the people of this town see her differently. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t wrap my head around any of their compliments.
“I’m sure someone will step into her shoes easily enough, Mr. Porter.”
The creases in his forehead deepen as he bristles. “Son, your mother was the biggest donor for our feed the homeless program. She had an especially soft spot for the children, and I don’t know how we’re going to feed them all without her generosity.”
Wait. Hold up.
My mom cared about homeless kids? Everyone in this small town thinks of my mother as a saint. She somehow became the Mother Teresa of Tennessee after I left.
The funeral is supposed to be my closure, but I’m walking away with more questions than I had before.
7
Pike
“Are you leaving today?” Gran asks as she pours herself a cup of coffee.
“We are.”
We’re alone. Gigi and Austin are still sleeping, and the sun hasn’t even kissed the sky. I didn’t sleep at all last night. There was too much on my mind to find even a minute’s peace.
Gran walks over to the table, setting down her cup across from me before sitting. “You takin’ Austin with you?”
I turn my coffee cup in a circle, wrestling with that same question I’ve been asking myself all night. “I think so.”
“There’s no thinking involved, Pike.” Granny studies me across the table, tapping her long fingernail against the rim of her mug. “You either are or you aren’t. You know that’s the right thing to do in your heart.”
“Do you know about Ashton?”
Gran sucks in a breath. “That’s a name I haven’t heard in a while.”
“So, you know.” I glance down, realizing the only grandmother I’ve ever had isn’t even mine, but she knew.
She knew.
“Baby,” she sighs softly, reaching across the table and placing her hand on mine. “Get that thought right out of your head.”
I look up, that fullness I felt in my throat yesterday back and stronger than ever.
“You’re every bit as much my family as Austin is. You and I have a bond. A bond I’ve never shared or felt for anyone else except you.”
“How long have you known?” I whisper.
She glances down and blinks. “Since you were a little boy. Maybe about six. When I found out about her affair, your mother was pregnant with the baby she lost.”
“How do I not remember her losing a baby?”
Granny pats my hand, giving me a sad smile. “You came to stay with me for the week. I told you they went on vacation.”
I turn to the window, gazing across the empty pasture. “I remember that.”
So much of my childhood is a blur. It’s like I blocked everything out, jumbling up events to protect myself from the hurt and anger. There are years missing, events just gone from my memory.
“Your mother would never admit it, but I’m pretty sure your father…” She pauses and grimaces. “I mean, Colton—had something to do with her losing that baby.”
“I don’t remember, Gran, but I know he’d laid his hands on her before. I saw it with my own eyes.”
She shakes her head, twisting her lips as she bows her head. “I don’t know how I raised such a rotten bastard.”
I reach out, wrapping my fingers around her hand, and wait for her to look at me again. “You did everything you could. You are loving and kind. Sometimes, men are born bad, and no matter what you do, you can’t make them into something they’re never meant to be.”
“You’re a wise one, child. Always so wise for your years. You were forced to grow up before you should’ve. I should’ve fought harder to bring you home with me. You know I tried for years. Colton had a fit every time I brought it up. But as you got bigger, he knew he couldn’t control you anymore, and only then did he allow me to take you. I wanted you. I wanted to love you like you should’ve been loved by your parents.”
“I’ll forever be grateful to you for giving me a home, Gran.”
“That’s what family does, Pike. Or at least, what they’re supposed to do.” She reaches into the pocket of her robe, fishing out an envelope and sliding the paper across the table. “I was holding this for the right time and I don’t think it’ll ever come, but this is as close as I’ll get.” She taps on the front where my name is written in my mother’s handwriting. “Your mother asked me to give this to you if anything ever happened to her. I hope it gives you some peace.”
Her hand disappears from the envelope, and she gets up, walking away from the table.
“Gran,” I call out, wishing she’d stay.
“Read it, Pike. I’ll be on the porch when you’re done,” she commands without even looking back.
When I flip the envelope over, I can see the back has been torn open. No doubt, Gran already read every word before she decided to give it to me.
I pull out the single sheet of folded paper, my mother’s fancy, loopy cursive covering both sides. I unfold the sheet, hold my breath, and start to read.
My Dearest Pike,
I’m sorry.
It’s such a simple statement. I wish I had the chance to say these words to your face, but they still need to be said. I was an awful mother and an even worse person for turning my back on you.
I should’ve been stronger.
I should’ve fought harder.
For you.
For me.
For us.
I was a coward, too fearful of Colton and too scared to try to run away. A man like him would stop at nothing to find us, making every nightmare I dreamed come true.
Your happiness was the casualty.
The love you deserved was stripped from you, making you shoulder the guilt and blame like you’d done something wrong. I saw the change in you over time.
The hurt.
The anger.
The loneliness you endured due to my fateful decisions.
I love you, son.
I loved you more than you’ll ever understand or believe.
The regret I carry with me every day gnaws at my insides, staying with me like an invisible scar.
Colton took one child from me, but I wouldn’t let him take you and Austin too.
For that, you were the victim, but I did what I needed to do to keep you alive, hoping I could make amends someday.
As the years passed, you grew distant and hateful, rightfully so. By then, I knew my words would seem hollow, and I left you alone, figuring your hate would be easier for you than the truth.
Colton Moore is not your father.
While you carry his name, you share no blood with the vile man who threatened my children so long ago.
Your father is Ashton Miller, a kind, joyful man who resides a few towns away but has no idea you exist.
Do whatever you want with that information. Hold it close or reach out to him. Finding out he has another child may make him happy, but maybe you’ve had enough family in your lifetime and don’t want to open yourself up to more hurt and rejection.
I wish life could’ve been different.
I wish I could’ve been stronger and given you the love you deserved.
At least you have Austin, a boy who’s loved you since he took his first breath. His view of you isn’t tainted by Colton’s hate.
I hope, in my death, you’ll embrace your brother and take him under your wing, doing everything you can to protect him from your father or anyone else who would do him harm.
Do not hold my sins against him.
Don’t hate the little boy who looks up to you and adores you. He needs you now as much as you need him.
I’m not looking for your forgiveness.
It’s too late for that.
I want you
to know you are loved.
You were wanted.
But my fear and weakness stopped me from being the mother you deserved.
I hope you find peace and happiness. I wish I could be there to see you as the man you are today. No doubt, strong and hard.
Open your heart to someone.
Let love in. Find peace.
That’s my dream for you, my son.
Find the happiness I could never give you.
Love always,
Your Mother
I fold over the sheet of paper and sit there, processing the words as my fingers drift across the black cursive.
The words are nice to read, but they’re too late to bring me any solace.
I tuck the note in my pocket, not wanting Austin to find our mother’s words. If he found out about Ashton, I’m pretty sure the news would devastate him.
I step outside, and my gran looks up, studying me. “You takin’ Austin home?” she asks again, skipping right over the letter.
“I am,” I blurt out, not giving myself a chance to overthink the entire situation.
“Good.” She smiles and pats the armrest of the chair next to her. “Now sit with this old lady and talk to me. Tomorrow, it’s going to be quiet around here.”
I ease back into the chair, resting my coffee mug on my knee. “Why don’t you come back with us?”
Although I hate this place, I love my grandmother. I should’ve come home and visited her over the years, but staying away was easier on me. It was the only way I didn’t let the bad creep back into my heart.
Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, but it sure has allowed me to pretend like my past never happened.
“Don’t be silly.” She waves me off. “I love it here. There’s nowhere else I’d rather live. But make this old woman a promise.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t stay gone so long this time.”
“I was an asshole, Gran.”
She nods. “You were, but that’s in the past. I don’t think I have another ten years left either. Maybe I can see you at Christmas.”
“Why don’t you come to Florida? The weather’s great that time of year. I can show you where I work and live. Show you the life I’ve built for myself.”
She smiles again. “I’d love that.”
Austin strolls outside, scratching his bare chest as he stretches. “Did I hear Christmas?” he stutters through a yawn.
“You did. I was just talking to your brother about visiting you both for Christmas this year.”
Austin’s eyes snap to mine. “Visiting us both?” He raises his eyebrows. “I’m coming with you?”
I nod. “But only if you want to.”
He fist-pumps the air, letting out a loud howl. “Hell yeah! Beaches. Babes. Why wouldn’t I want to come with you?”
I don’t want to burst his bubble, but I live nowhere near beaches, and the babes… Well, they’re pretty much like the chicks in Tennessee. “Don’t know,” I admit.
He’ll learn soon enough that the romanticized version of Florida isn’t reality.
He starts to walk back toward the door, moving faster than he did when he strolled out. “I’m going to pack.” Before he reaches for the handle, he leans down, planting a kiss on Granny’s cheek. “I’ll miss you, Gran.”
“Mm-hm,” she mumbles, smiling up at her grandson. “You seem devastated at the news.”
“But you’re coming for Christmas, right?” he asks.
She nods at him. “I’ll be there with my bikini.”
He grimaces. “Let’s not get crazy, Gran.”
She chuckles, shooing him inside, and then turns her gaze toward me. “You’re doing right, Pike. I’m proud of you.”
I relax back into the chair again. “I don’t know about that, but I figure I can’t mess him up more than his parents already did.”
“And Ashton?” she asks, finally getting to the letter she gave me.
“He doesn’t know about me, and I think it’s best it stays that way.”
She gives me a slow nod, twisting her lips like she wants to give me her opinion, but she won’t. “That’s your call.”
“I know.” I take a deep breath, pushing off the chair, needing to get my ass moving. “I better get my girl up so we can hit the road.”
Gran’s on her feet, arms around my middle before I can make a move toward the door. “I like your girl, Pike. She’s good for you. A little high-maintenance, but sweet as apple pie.” Her eyes twinkle as she whispers, “You hold on to that one.”
I wrap my arms around her, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “I have every intention of keeping her, Gran.”
“That’s my boy. Now, scoot. I have lunch with the ladies from church.”
“Gran, what do you want to do about Da—” I stop myself, remembering he’s not my father. “What do you want to do about Colton?”
She reaches up, cupping my cheek in her small hand. “Nothing, son. Leave him be. He made his bed. Now, it’s time he lies in it.”
“You know how he was arrested?”
She shakes her head, dropping her hand from my face.
“He attacked Gigi in her apartment. We live next door to each other. I can’t figure out why he did it.”
“That’s something you’ll have to ask him. I stopped trying to figure him out a long time ago.”
I’m not sure anyone will ever understand Colton Moore. All I know is he’s not worth my time or energy.
He’s nothing to me.
8
Gigi
“Are you ready for this?” Pike asks as we sit in my grandmother’s driveway with Austin in the backseat, headphones in his ears.
“You think my dad’s going to lose it?” I know the answer, but I ask him anyway.
Of course Joe Gallo’s going to go off the rails. It’s something he does often, and I still haven’t gotten used to it.
Pike gives me a forced smile. “I don’t know.”
I look over my shoulder at Austin and wince. “I know my dad, and he’s not easygoing, ya know? He’s going to freak out.”
Pike laughs, rubbing his forehead.
I cover my face with my hands and groan. “Maybe we should go.”
Pike pulls my hand away from my cheeks. “We have to face him sometime. We can’t hide Austin forever.”
“What about me?” Austin asks, scooting forward and sticking his face between us. “Where are we?” He looks through the windshield, taking in my grandparents’ house. “Whoa. Someone hit the mother lode.”
Pike turns his upper body so he’s face-to-face with Austin. “This is her grandparents’ house. I expect you to be on your best behavior. You understand?”
Austin gives him a lopsided smile, throwing up his hands. “Chill, bro. I’m not a little kid. I know how to act around old people.”
I glance toward the ceiling of the truck, knowing this is one giant mistake. “Oh Lord.”
“So help me God, if you embarrass me…” Pike’s sounding more like a parent than I ever imagined.
It’s cute, even.
Austin cocks his head, scrunching up his face. “You need to relax a little. I’ll behave. I can charm the pants off almost anyone.” He gives Pike a smirk followed by that damn wink.
I bite my lip and shake my head. “Clusterfuck,” I mutter to myself.
Pike squeezes my hand, giving me a small smile. “It’ll be fine, darlin’.”
Austin takes out his earbuds, winding them around his phone, eyes flickering between the two of us. “What’s the problem? You two are tense as shit.”
“My father’s the problem.” I turn to look at Austin. “He’s not happy about Pike, and now…”
“I’m the bonus prize no one wanted?” Austin raises an eyebrow, his voice filled with sadness.
I frown, hating for him to feel like he’s unwanted. “You’re wanted. You’re just a giant surprise.”
“He’ll love me,” Austin brags, puffing out his chest
like he’s the shit, his emotions all over the place. “Everyone loves me.”
“Let’s get it over with. We can sit here all day and talk about how your dad’s going to react, or we can go inside and let the chips fall where they may.”
Austin reaches for the handle and climbs down from the truck. “Don’t worry. We’ll be BFFs before the end of the day,” he promises.
I’m out of my seat, following him up the driveway, jumping in front of him before he has a chance to knock. I turn to face him, blocking the door with my body. “Listen, I know this is all new for you, but this is important. This is make it or break it time. You understand?”
Austin turns his baseball cap backward and then pounds on his chest with one fist. “I’m bringing my A game, sis.”
I roll my eyes. This kid. He reminds me of every cocky jock I was ever around in high school, loving himself and thinking he’s God’s gift to the entire world.
“Don’t worry. He’ll behave.” Pike gives Austin that don’t-be-an-asshole look I’ve seen my father throw my way more than a few times.
We walk in, Pike and Austin behind me, and I hold my breath, knowing there’s going to be a shitstorm of questions hurled in our direction.
I’m not even five feet into the foyer when I catch my father’s eye. He’s sitting in the living room with a clear line of sight to the front door. He sat there on purpose, waiting for us to walk through so he could give Pike the stink-eye.
Typical.
My dad moves his eyes from my face to Pike, and then they land on Austin. He’s out of his seat, stalking toward us, jaw set tight, eyes narrowed.
Oh boy.
“Sweetheart,” my mother says, stepping right in my father’s path and coming out of nowhere. She’s like a ninja. He’s plastered against her back, glaring at Pike like he just robbed a bank or some shit.
“Hey, Mom.” I grab her quickly, hugging her, and throwing my father’s glare right back. “I missed you.”
“Who’s the young, handsome devil with your handsome devil?” she whispers with a giggle.
I release her and glance over my shoulder. “That’s Austin, Pike’s brother.”
“Oh.” Mom’s body stiffens before she releases me and goes right to him. “My poor baby,” Mom says, holding out her arms to Austin like he’s one of her own. “I’m Suzy. Gigi’s mom.”