by Brian Aldiss
‘I shouldn’t tell you this, but –’ the blue eyes were shyly lowered – ‘I’d do almost anything for Feckle Freezers. It’s more than a job to me.’ She looked up. She was enchanting. ‘I bet you think I’m silly, don’t you?’
Burckhardt coughed. ‘Well, I –’
‘Oh, you don’t want to be unkind!’ She shook her head. ‘No, don’t pretend. You think it’s silly. But really, Mr Burckhardt, you wouldn’t think so if you knew more about the Feckle. Let me show you this little booklet –’
Burckhardt got back from lunch a full hour later. It wasn’t only the girl who delayed him. There had been a curious interview with a little man named Swanson, whom he barely knew, who had stopped him with desperate urgency on the street – and then left him cold.
But it didn’t matter much. Mr Barth, for the first time since Burckhardt had worked there, was out for the day – leaving Burckhardt stuck with the quarterly tax returns.
What did matter, though, was that somehow he had signed a purchase order for a twelve-cubic-foot Feckle Freezer, upright model, self-defrosting, list price $625, with a ten per cent ‘courtesy’ discount – ‘Because of that horrid affair this morning, Mr Burckhardt,’ she had said.
And he wasn’t sure how he could explain it to his wife.
He needn’t have worried. As he walked in the front door, his wife said almost immediately, ‘I wonder if we can’t afford a new freezer, dear. There was a man here to apologize about that noise and – well, we got to talking and –’
She had signed a purchase order, too.
It had been the damnedest day, Burckhardt thought later, on his way up to bed. But the day wasn’t done with him yet. At the head of the stairs, the weakened spring in the electric light switch refused to click at all. He snapped it back and forth angrily, and, of course, succeeded in jarring the tumbler out of its pins. The wires shorted and every light in the house went out.
‘Damn!’ said Guy Burckhardt.
‘Fuse?’ His wife shrugged sleepily: ‘Let it go till the morning, dear.’
Burckhardt shook his head. ‘You go back to bed. I’ll be right along.’
It wasn’t so much that he cared about fixing the fuse, but he was too restless for sleep. He disconnected the bad switch with a screwdriver, stumbled down into the black kitchen, found the flashlight and climbed gingerly down the cellar stairs. He located a spare fuse, pushed an empty trunk over to the fuse box to stand on, and twisted out the old fuse.
When the new one was in, he heard the starting click and steady drone of the refrigerator in the kitchen overhead.
He headed back to the steps, and stopped.
Where the old trunk had been, the cellar floor gleamed oddly bright. He inspected it in the flashlight beam. It was metal!
‘Son of a gun,’ said Guy Burckhardt. He shook his head unbelievingly. He peered closer, rubbed the edges of the metallic patch with his thumb and acquired an annoying cut – the edges were sharp.
The stained cement floor of the cellar was a thin shell. He found a hammer and cracked it off in a dozen spots – everywhere was metal.
The whole cellar was a copper box. Even the cement-brick walls were false fronts over a metal sheath!
Baffled, he attacked one of the foundation beams. That, at least, was real wood. The glass in the cellar windows was real glass.
He sucked his bleeding thumb and tried the base of the cellar stairs. Real wood. He chipped at the bricks under the oil burner. Real bricks. The retaining walls, the floor – they were faked.
It was as though someone had shored up the house with a frame of metal and then laboriously concealed the evidence.
The biggest surprise was the upside-down boat hull that blocked the rear half of the cellar, relic of a brief home workshop period that Burckhardt had gone through a couple of years before. From above, it looked perfectly normal. Inside, though, where there should have been thwarts and seats and lockers, there was a mere tangle of braces, rough and unfinished.
‘But I built that!’ Burckhardt exclaimed, forgetting his thumb. He leaned against the hull dizzily, trying to think this thing through. For reasons beyond his comprehension, someone had taken his boat and his cellar away, maybe his whole house, and replaced them with a clever mock-up of the real thing.
‘That’s crazy,’ he said to the empty cellar. He stared around in the light of the flash. He whispered, ‘What in the name of Heaven would anybody do that for?’
Reason refused an answer; there wasn’t any reasonable answer. For long minutes, Burckhardt contemplated the uncertain picture of his own sanity.
He peered under the boat again, hoping to reassure himself that it was a mistake, just his imagination. But the sloppy, unfinished bracing was unchanged. He crawled under for a better look, feeling the rough wood incredulously. Utterly impossible!
He switched off the flashlight and started to wriggle out. But he didn’t make it. In the moment between the command to his legs to move and the crawling out, he felt a sudden draining weariness flooding through him.
Consciouness went – not easily, but as though it were being taken away, and Guy Burckhardt was asleep.
III
On the morning of June the 16th, Guy Burckhardt woke up in a cramped position huddled under the hull of the boat in his basement – and raced upstairs to find it was June the 15th.
The first thing he had done was to make a frantic, hasty inspection of the boat hull, the faked cellar floor, the imitation stone. They were all as he had remembered them – all completely unbelievable.
The kitchen was its placid, unexciting self. The electric clock was purring soberly around the dial. Almost six o’clock, it said. His wife would be waking at any moment.
Burckhardt flung open the front door and stared out into the quiet street. The morning paper was tossed carelessly against the steps – and as he retrieved it, he noticed that this was the 15th day of June.
But that was impossible. Yesterday was the 15th of June. It was not a date one would forget – it was quarterly tax-return day.
He went back into the hall and picked up the telephone; he dialled for Weather Information, and got a well-modulated chant: ‘– and cooler, some showers. Barometric pressure thirty point zero four, rising … United States Weather Bureau forecast for June the 15th. Warm and sunny, with high around –’
He hung the phone up. June the 15th.
‘Holy heaven!’ Burckhardt said prayerfully. Things were very odd indeed. He heard the ring of his wife’s alarm and bounded up the stairs.
Mary Burckhardt was sitting upright in bed with the terrified, uncomprehending stare of someone just waking out of a nightmare.
‘Oh!’ she gasped, as her husband came in the room. ‘Darling, I just had the most terrible dream! It was like an explosion and –’
‘Again?’ Burckhardt asked, not very sympathetically. ‘Mary, something’s funny! I knew there was something wrong all day yesterday and –’
He went on to tell her about the copper box that was the cellar, and the odd mock-up someone had made of his boat. Mary looked astonished, then alarmed, then placatory and uneasy.
She said, ‘Dear, are you sure? Because I was cleaning that old trunk out just last week and I didn’t notice anything.’
‘Positive!’ said Guy Burckhardt. ‘I dragged it over to the wall to step on it to put a new fuse in after we blew the lights out and –’
‘After we what?’ Mary was looking more than merely alarmed.
‘After we blew the lights out. You know, when the switch at the head of the stairs stuck. I went down to the cellar and –’
Mary sat up in bed. ‘Guy, the switch didn’t stick. I turned out the lights myself last night.’
Burckhardt glared at his wife. ‘Now I know you didn’t! Come here and take a look!’
He stalked out to the landing and dramatically pointed to the bad switch, the one that he had unscrewed and left hanging the night before…
Only it wasn’t. I
t was as it had always been. Unbelieving, Burckhardt pressed it and the lights sprang up in both halls.
Mary, looking pale and worried, left him to go down to the kitchen and start breakfast. Burckhardt stood staring at the switch for a long time. His mental processes were gone beyond the point of disbelief and shock; they simply were not functioning.
He shaved and dressed and ate his breakfast in a state of numb introspection. Mary didn’t disturb him; she was apprehensive and soothing. She kissed him good-bye as he hurried out to the bus without another word.
Miss Mitkin, at the reception desk, greeted him with a yawn. ‘Morning,’ she said drowsily. ‘Mr Barth won’t be in today.’
Burckhardt started to say something, but checked himself. She would not know that Barth hadn’t been in yesterday, either, because she was tearing a June the 14th pad off her calendar to make way for the ‘new’ June the 15th sheet.
He staggered to his own desk and stared unseeingly at the morning’s mail. It had not even been opened yet, but he knew that the Factory Distributors envelope contained an order for twenty thousand feet of the new acoustic tile, and the one from Finebeck & Sons was a complaint.
After a long while, he forced himself to open them. They were.
By lunchtime, driven by a desperate sense of urgency, Burckhardt made Miss Mitkin take her lunch hour first – the June-fifteenth-that was-yesterday he had gone first. She went, looking vaguely worried about his strained insistence, but it made no difference to Burckhardt’s mood.
The phone rang and Burckhardt picked it up abstractedly. ‘Contro Chemicals Downtown, Burckhardt speaking.’
The voice said, ‘This is Swanson,’ and stopped.
Burckhardt waited expectantly, but that was all. He said, ‘Hello?’
Again the pause. Then Swanson asked in sad resignation, ‘Still nothing, eh?’
‘Nothing what? Swanson, is there something you want? You came up to me yesterday and went through this routine. You –’
The voice crackled: ‘Burckhardt! Oh, my good heavens, you remember! Stay right there – I’ll be down in half an hour!’
‘What’s this all about?’
‘Never mind,’ the little man said exultantly. ‘Tell you about it when I see you. Don’t say any more over the phone – somebody may be listening. Just wait there. Say, hold on a minute. Will you be alone in the office?’
‘Well, no. Miss Mitkin will probably –’
‘Hell. Look, Burckhardt, where do you eat lunch? Is it good and noisy?’
‘Why, I suppose so. The Crystal Café. It’s just about a block –’
‘I know where it is. Meet you in half an hour!’ And the receiver clicked.
The Crystal Café was no longer painted red, but the temperature was still up. And they had added piped-in music interspersed with commercials. The advertisements were for Frosty-Flip, Marlin Cigarettes – ‘They’re sanitized,’ the announcer purred – and something called Choco-Bite candy bars that Burckhardt couldn’t remember ever having heard of before. But he heard more about them quickly enough.
While he was waiting for Swanson to show up, a girl in the cellophane skirt of a nightclub cigarette vendor came through the restaurant with a tray of tiny scarlet-wrapped candies.
‘Choco-Bites are tangy,’ she was murmuring as she came close to his table. ‘Choco-Bites are tangier than tangy!’
Burckhardt, intent on watching for the strange little man who had phoned him, paid little attention. But as she scattered a handful of the confections over the table next to his, smiling at the occupants, he caught a glimpse of her and turned to stare.
‘Why, Miss Horn!’ he said.
The girl dropped her tray of candies.
Burckhardt rose, concerned over the girl. ‘Is something wrong?’
But she fled.
The manager of the restaurant was staring suspiciously at Burckhardt, who sank back in his seat and tried to look inconspicuous. He hadn’t insulted the girl! Maybe she was just a very strictly reared young lady, he thought – in spite of the long bare legs under the cellophane skirt – and when he addressed her, she thought he was a masher.
Ridiculous idea. Burckhardt scowled uneasily and picked up his menu.
‘Burckhardt!’ It was a shrill whisper.
Burckhardt looked up over the top of his menu, startled. In the seat across from him, the little man named Swanson was sitting, tensely poised.
‘Burckhardt!’ the little man whispered again. ‘Let’s go out of here! They’re on to you now. If you want to stay alive, come on!’
There was no arguing with the man. Burckhardt gave the hovering manager a sick apologetic smile and followed Swanson out. The little man seemed to know where he was going. In the street, he clutched Burckhardt by the elbow and hurried him off down the block.
‘Did you see her?’ he demanded. ‘That Horn woman, in the phone booth? She’ll have them here in five minutes, believe me, so hurry it up!’
Although the street was full of people and cars, nobody was paying any attention to Burckhardt and Swanson. The air had a nip in it – more like October than June, Burckhardt thought, in spite of the weather bureau. And he felt like a fool, following this mad little man down the street, running away from some ‘them’ towards – towards what? The little man might be crazy, but he was afraid. And the fear was infectious.
‘In here!’ panted the little man.
It was another restaurant – more of a bar, really, and a sort of second-rate place that Burckhardt never had patronized.
‘Right straight through,’ Swanson whispered; and Burckhardt, like a biddable boy, sidestepped through the mass of tables to the far end of the restaurant.
It was L-shaped, with a front on two streets at right angles to each other. They came out on the side street, Swanson staring coldly back at the question-looking cashier, and crossed to the opposite sidewalk.
They were under the marquee of a movie theatre. Swanson’s expression began to relax.
‘Lost them!’ he crowed softly. ‘We’re almost there.’
He stepped up to the window and bought two tickets. Burckhardt trailed him in to the theatre. It was a weekday matinee and the place was almost empty. From the screen came sounds of gunfire and horse’s hoofs. A solitary usher, leaning against a bright brass rail, looked briefly at them and went back to staring boredly at the picture as Swanson led Burckhardt down a flight of carpeted marble steps.
They were in the lounge and it was empty. There was a door for men and one for ladies; and there was a third door, marked MANAGER in gold letters. Swanson listened at the door, and gently opened it and peered inside.
‘Okay,’ he said, gesturing.
Burckhardt followed him through an empty office, to another door – a closet, probably, because it was unmarked.
But it was no closet. Swanson opened it warily, looked inside, then motioned Burckhardt to follow.
It was a tunnel, metal-walled, brightly lit. Empty, it stretched vacantly away in both directions from them.
Burckhardt looked wondering around. One thing he knew and knew full well:
No such tunnel belonged under Tylerton.
There was a room off the tunnel with chairs and a desk and what looked like television screens. Swanson slumped in a chair, panting.
‘We’re all right for a while here,’ he wheezed. ‘They don’t come here much any more. If they do, we’ll hear them and we can hide.’
‘Who?’ demanded Burckhardt.
The little man said, ‘Martians!’ His voice cracked on the word and the life seemed to go out of him. In morose tones, he went on: ‘Well, I think they’re Martians. Although you could be right, you know; I’ve had plenty of time to think it over these last few weeks, after they got you, and it’s possible they’re Russians after all. Still –’
‘Start from the beginning. Who got me when?’
Swanson sighed. ‘So we have to go through the whole thing again. All right. It was about two months ago that
you banged on my door, late at night. You were all beat up – scared silly. You begged me to help you –’
I did?’
‘Naturally you don’t remember any of this. Listen and you’ll understand. You were talking a blue streak about being captured and threatened and your wife being dead and coming back to life, and all kinds of mixed-up nonsense. I thought you were crazy. But – well, I’ve always had a lot of respect for you. And you begged me to hide you and I have this darkroom, you know. It locks from the inside only. I put the lock on myself. So we went in there – just to humour you – and along about midnight, which was only fifteen or twenty minutes after, we passed out.’
‘Passed out?’
Swanson nodded. ‘Both of us. It was like being hit with a sandbag. Look, didn’t that happen to you again last night?’
‘I guess it did,’ Burckhardt shook his head uncertainly.
‘Sure. And then all of a sudden we were awake again, and you said you were going to show me something funny, and we went out and bought a paper. And the date on it was June the 15th.’
‘June the 15th? But that’s today! I mean –’
‘You got it, friend. It’s always today!’
It took time to penetrate.
Burckhardt said wonderingly, ‘You’ve hidden out in that darkroom for how many weeks?’
‘How can I tell? Four or five, maybe. I lost count. And every day the same – always the fifteenth of June, always my landlady, Mrs Keefer, is sweeping the front steps, always the same headline in the papers at the corner. It gets monotonous, friend.’
IV
It was Burckhardt’s idea and Swanson despised it, but he went along. He was the type who always went along.
‘It’s dangerous,’ he grumbled worriedly. ‘Suppose somebody comes by? They’ll spot us and –’
‘What have we got to lose?’