I finally arrived in the hotel parking lot. Feeling a bit timid, I decided to send him a text instead of calling.
I’m downstairs, waiting in the car. Coming? I wrote.
As soon as I pressed send, I realized the huge mistake I had just made. Why did I ask a question? I was a flight attendant and knew very well that we should never ask a question if we expected a specific answer. When I needed to move a passenger to another seat, I never, ever asked: “I’m sorry, ma’am, would you be so kind as to change seats since another passenger isn’t feeling very well, blah blah blah?” Every time, the answer would be no!
Flight Attendant Rule # 1: One must never ask a question! Instead, one must politely command the desired action:
“Ma’am, I’m very sorry but I need to move you to another seat in order to accommodate a family and their baby. Thank you so much. Can I help you with your luggage?”
Every time, I’d get the answer I wanted. Formulated that way, it simply left no space for arguing. The other way around, though, like the message I had just sent, opened the door to extensive discussion on the matter, which could easily affect the outcome of the evening. Impatient, I stared at my phone, waiting for Brian’s reply. A second later, I got the answer I was obviously hoping I wouldn’t get.
I’m not quite ready, come up. My room number is 1102.
I read it again. It was an affirmation; no question mark. It looked like Brian had outsmarted me. So, I was going to oblige and go up to his room. ARRRG! My perfect scenario was already being tweaked against my will. I grabbed my handbag, the wine bottle in it, and stepped out of the car, heading for the main door.
It was as if I no longer held any control over the situation, so I inevitably started stressing out. I suspected that by going up to his room now, we’d end up having dessert much sooner than anticipated. From what I remembered of Brian, though, that wasn’t an issue with me at all. I would just have to chuck down half a bottle of wine first, then I’d be set. Forget about the pub! I told myself. My host most likely had the same idea I did . . . I would soon find out.
◆◆◆
I got to the eleventh floor and found his room. I stood in front of the door marked 1102. I wasn’t ready to go in yet. What would I discover on the other side? So many things can happen in two years! I thought. I shouldn’t despair. I was here to have fun and would do so. Period. I breathed in deeply, my heart beating fast, and finally brought myself to knock on the door.
The door partially opened. I stopped breathing. I couldn’t wait to see my old pilot friend. My throat became dry and my pulse sped up. I was really hoping it would all go well.
The door opened further and, gradually, the bottom brushed against the harsh beige carpet. Then I saw him. Brian was standing tall, right in front of me, truly happy to see me. His eyes were shimmering and I could even spot beads of sweat on his forehead. He already wanted me. As for me? Turns out that nope, not at all!
It was as if I was staring at a stranger. Gone were the mental pictures of the handsome pilot I had met two years earlier. Brian was short. Too short for me. He was wearing high-waist jeans, in which he had tucked his white T-shirt. This made him look even shorter. I might as well have been staring at a dwarf. Brian was a HOBBIT! The more I looked at him, the more I realized that I had been dreaming all along. Brian was the same he had always been. It is I who, in fact, had changed: the naïve and blind admiration I had felt toward pilots in my first year had long gone and I now found myself stuck!
“Hi, Miss Lambert!” he said. “Good-looking as always.”
What was I supposed to answer to that? Hi, Mr. Burke, quite the opposite for you? I simply blushed and smiled instead. He gestured for me to come in and added:
“I looked online and couldn’t find any interesting pub around except for a sports bar. I don’t really feel like going to such a loud place. I’d prefer something more laid-back, so I thought we could stay here if that’s fine with you.”
I knew it! Brian was as sly as a fox. My plan was out the window. I wondered if I could stay true to the commitment I had made before coming in. I looked at my accomplice. I really wanted to have some fun, for me. It was of the utmost importance for my own well-being. There was my chance, so why hesitate? Brian wasn’t that bad, was he? I looked at him closely in order to make an informed decision.
His gaze was deep. His jaw square, showing off a beard a couple days old. I liked beards, so that counted as a positive. His hair appeared to be a bit wet. He must have recently taken a shower and therefore was fresh and clean. I was relieved. His actual face wasn’t bad. I could deal with that. As for his height, or lack of height, it was just a small detail that could be fixed once in a horizontal position. I had made up my mind! I was going to let myself be charmed by Brian-the-Hobbit’s self-confidence. I announced the news.
“Yeah, you’re right. There isn’t much around. It may be for the best, too, as I happen to have a bottle of wine,” I said timidly.
I was accepting the turn of events. I had to. After all, that’s what I had wished for. Own up to it, Scarlett! Own up to it! I lectured myself.
Brian took out two wineglasses and I opened the bottle. He stretched out on one of the beds and I did the same on the other one. We talked about past events while drinking our magic potion. I was hoping that the alcohol would kick in and do its trick shortly. But sip after sip, my perception remained the same: I wasn’t attracted to Brian. Drink, Scarlett! Drink! I commanded myself.
I downed a second glass in no time and suddenly became quite talkative. That was a start. Either way, we’re still on our respective beds, I thought, perhaps I can still run away if I need to. That’s what I was used to doing anyway, right?
“So, do you have a boyfriend, Scarlett?” he decided to ask.
Who did he think I was? Of course I was single! I wouldn’t have gone through all that trouble if I had a man waiting for me at home.
“No, Brian, there’s no one in my life. You? Are you still with that girl you were dating?” I asked.
I shouldn’t have answered so quickly. And especially not have asked him if he was single as well. He was probably going to let his thoughts run wild now.
“Of course there’s no one in my life, Scarlett. Why would I have invited you here if I was in a relationship?” he confirmed.
Hm . . . because you’re a pilot! I thought. I could tell the conversation was about to be steered toward more intimate topics, in the direction I had initially hoped for. What would I do now? I no longer wanted to play along. I was a stupid single girl drinking too much wine in a guy’s hotel room; a guy as single as myself who was inspecting me closely and hungrily. But I wasn’t attracted at all. I needed a short break.
“Can I use the bathroom?” I quickly asked.
“Yes, of course,” he said, a bit disappointed that I had diverted his plan.
“I won’t be long,” I assured him.
Running away to the bathroom was blissful! I was finally alone! I just had to gather my thoughts and forget about the huge pressure I had put on my shoulders. I tried to imagine what Rachel and Paige would say if they were here. They would probably laugh at the absurdity and tell me to close my eyes and just have fun with Brian-the-Hobbit. They were right. I was above all a woman who had physical needs that had to be attended to. I would go all the way.
I leaned in toward the mirror and stared at my reflection. My gaze beamed with strong will. I applied some of my raspberry lip balm in order to embody the seducer in me. I needed to get rid of the small creamy gloss excess in the corner of my mouth, so I grabbed a piece of toilet paper. That’s when I got a clear view of the toilet and what was floating in it.
WARNING! PUKE ALERT! Crumbs! Many, many crumbs! Some big ones, some small ones! Dancing around the toilet bowl, excremently revolting. In his toilet! I was terrorized and completely disgusted by the brown floats which, I could safely assume, had only recently been expelled from Brian-the-Hobbit! Or should I say Brian-the-Turd? Actual
ly, the latter was waiting on the other side of the bathroom door. I couldn’t go through with it. No way! Not after what I had just seen.
I straightened myself up. I would, obviously, run away. Yet again. I breathed deeply and flushed the ugly remains. I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to even question if the runaway crumbs belonged to me. Then I washed my hands and returned to the main room, ready for my quick escape.
When I got back, Brian was still comfortably laying on the bed. He shot me a piercing gaze, probably hoping I would be overtaken by desire. It was already too late, though.
“All right, Brian, it’s getting late. I should go. I would have loved to stay longer but it’ll have to be some other time,” I hastily announced.
I moved toward the bed in order to grab my jacket but I should have known my host wouldn’t let me off the hook so easily.
“Miss Lambert! Surely you haven’t come all this way so that you could so easily slip away from me?” he asked smoothly.
He stood up and came up to me, in between the two beds. He stood tall, as tall as he could, in front of me, smiling softly. Maybe if I kiss him just a little bit he’ll let me go? I told myself. How naïve was I! How could I have had such a silly idea?
He then leaned his whole body toward me and, using his body weight, abruptly threw me onto the bed. His hands were on either side of my face and his legs were strongly trapping me close to him. He was staring at me tenderly yet emitting a strong and uncontrollable need to dominate.
I came here for this, I thought, maybe I should give it a go? The more you have, the more you want, right? I lifted my head toward his, indicating my agreement. I had just gently offered him my mouth, to try it out. But he, on the other hand, had completely taken over it.
My mouth was in shock. It felt as if I was being attacked by a sharp, pointy tongue that aimed for the back of my throat. Instead of getting closer to Brian, I backed away to avoid being cut open.
“Hm, you’re such a good kisser,” he confessed.
I didn’t say a word. It was an abomination! None of it was pleasant. Nevertheless, I reluctantly allowed him another chance. After a couple more invasion attempts, he forgot about keeping up with a convenient rhythm and quite aggressively entered my mouth. Brian insisted on charming me with his non-existent skills. He was breathing weirdly and seemed to have lost control. Between each entry, he let out a jolted blast of air, making his lips vibrate, as if showing off his increasing excitement.
I was completely and utterly repulsed. Somehow, it was getting worse. The sound coming out of Brian was far from arousing. Instead, it gave me the impression I was on a National Geographic show, witnessing some sort of nasal snort sound coming out of a happy tiger.
“FFFFFFFEEEUUUUUHHHHH! FFFFEEEUUFFF!” He gritted his teeth.
Undoubtedly convinced I appreciated his performance, he lifted up my shirt to get a good feel of my breasts.
“FFFFEEEEEUUUUUFFFFF! FFFFFEEEEUUFFFF!” he went on.
The sound was driving me insane, and not in a good way! The more I tried to get into it, the more intense the FEUH became. All of sudden, my attention was brought to my hand. Brian was holding it firmly, guiding it toward his crouch. NO WAY! I DON’T WANT THIS! I screamed inside.
My subconscious then flashed the mental picture it had drawn of the inside of the toilet: brown crumbs happily splashing around cloudy water. That was enough! Brian-the-Turd wouldn’t get any further with me. He can grumble away with someone else! I decided. Without further hesitation, I pushed the tiger away, got up, grabbed my jacket, and headed for the door. Before crossing the doorway, like a tigress having come to her senses, I decided to give him a quick advice.
“You know, next time you ask a girl to come up to your room, make sure your date doesn’t see your big dump!”
Chapter 15
The Big Thirty
After my disappointing encounters with Arnaud and Brian, I finally decided to put an end to the Extreme Flirt Game. I would never force myself to date guys whom I didn’t find interesting again. So I went back to my old and comfortable habits, hanging out with my friends, family, and colleagues. My life would then become much more pleasant and much less stressful. It was time I faced another fact: It was never worth forcing things. Life would look after me. Or so I hoped.
I had finally come to accept my status as a single lady and my birthday party couldn’t have come at a better time. It’s as if I was getting a fresh start in life, a chance to truly go with the flow.
That day, when I opened the door to my apartment, my friends were waiting for me.
“SURPRISE!” they all exclaimed at once.
“Hey!” I let out, startled and frozen in the middle of the doorway.
I did suspect that Becky had planned a little something for my thirtieth, but I had no idea she’d invite so many people. Rupert was there, along with all of his gay friends, which included a couple of old flames of his. Becky had chosen her rich French magnate, Damian, as her plus-one. I hadn’t realized how much she liked him until then. There were also a few of my colleagues, and even Paige and Rachel had showed up. They were all there for me! Even my parents . . .
“Happy birthday, kiddo!” yelled my mother.
“Mom? Dad? You came all the way to the city just for me?” I asked, not believing what I was seeing.
“Thirty years old, Scarlett! It can’t go unnoticed! But we won’t stay long. You know how much your dad doesn’t like leaving the suburbs.”
“Oh yes! That I know! I’m so happy you guys are here,” I said, thanking them for having driven so many miles for their daughter.
I knew how hard it must have been for my mom to convince my dad to come to the city, so it was important for me to mention how much I appreciated it. As for my mom, though, she missed me so much she probably had insisted on being here. As I was catching up with her, Paige and Rachel joined in the conversation.
“Happy birthday, Scarlett!” Paige wished me.
“Happy birthday, Scarlett!” said Rachel too.
“Thanks, girls. I’m glad you came,” I added genuinely.
“Thirty is a big deal! Quite a big stepping stone in life!” exclaimed Rachel.
“Yeah, the infamous mid-life crisis for women. When we supposedly question everything in our lives, and when our maternal instincts sneak up to the surface,” I added.
Curiously, though, it felt as if I had already gone through my whole life’s reassessment not too long ago. Being twenty-nine was now behind me, but it had been a difficult year. In fact, I had desperately tried to find a suitable partner and had committed to meeting just about anyone. Unfortunately, my perfect life plan had gone out the window even though I had been more opened-minded than ever. Nothing had gone according to plan. Now that it was all behind me, it was time for a new chapter. I was ready, come what may. I would take it one day at a time and enjoy the journey.
Rachel had noticed my peaceful state of mind and so, once again, had elected herself as my appointed matchmaker.
“Hey, Scarlett, I haven’t introduced you to my guest tonight. This is Mark. My boyfriend wanted to stay home with the little one so I invited him instead,” she explained, most likely worried about my reaction.
The whole thing about her cousin is so annoying, I thought. She knew I wanted nothing to do with her Mark, yet here she was trying to introduce him to me. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, so I reassured her and kindly greeted her companion.
“It’s a surprise party, Rachel! The guests are part of the surprise!” I said, somewhat ironically, before turning toward Mark and offering one of my fake smiles.
“Hi, Mark,” I said bluntly.
“Happy birthday, Scarlett!” he kindly responded.
My mom, who was still among us, decided to actively take part in the conversation.
“Who’s this handsome young man?” she asked Rachel, while looking at Mark the way she’d look at a nice handbag in one of her favorite online stores.
&n
bsp; “Mark is my cousin, Mrs. Lambert. He lives in your area, in Woodstock.”
“Interesting,” replied my mom, already falling in love with him. “What do you do for a living, my dear?”
“I work in the food service industry” he proudly answered. “I own a trendy café in Woodstock.”
“Even more interesting!” she added, before turning to look at me. “Scarlett, we could go into town for a coffee next time you come home to see your mother!”
I couldn’t believe it. Here was my mother trying to set me up with Mark-the-Cheater. As for Rachel, all smiles, she seemed pretty happy to think that she had done the right thing by introducing him to me. I knew my mother was worried about me being single but I didn’t expect her to set me up on a date with the first man to come around. I had to put an end to the discussion as I had no intention of spending my thirtieth birthday with him. I told Mark and Rachel that I’d be right back and asked my mother to come to the kitchen with me, saying I had a surprise for her before she leaves with my father. She innocently followed me. Once the door was securely closed behind us, I spoke openly.
Call Me Stewardess Page 15