by Zoe Chant
He hoped so.
***
Lynn wondered if the bar for best sex of my life was just going to keep going up, from now on.
She’d been so sure that when they’d made love out in the woods, that that was the best she could possibly feel. That she’d reached the highest heights of pleasure, and there was no way anything could possibly be better.
But she’d clearly been wrong, because the way Ken had devoured her in there, like he was dying of thirst and he needed to wrap himself in her to survive, had been—it was some strange combination of the hottest thing she’d ever seen, and something that left a deep, sharp feeling inside her chest.
Mate, she thought wonderingly, feeling his weight on top of her like a blessing, a gift. That’s what having a mate is.
Eventually, they had to move. Lynn breathed deep as he finally sat up, stretching out her achingly tired muscles. Well, if there was a better way to end a long, long day like this, she didn’t know what it could be.
Ken was looking down at her with a soft warmth in his tawny eyes. The look gave her a pleasantly squirmy feeling in her stomach, something she didn’t quite know how to deal with.
Instead, she just looked back, letting the squirmy feeling stay there, and thinking that she might still be self-conscious, she might still feel uncertain and strange at the idea that he really felt this way about her, that he was really here to stay, forever—but that was all right. She could live inside that feeling, and it wouldn’t hurt her.
And there was nothing to compare with the feeling of realizing that it was true, that she didn’t need to be uncertain. She looked forward to a lot of that in the coming weeks and months.
And years. Maybe by the time it had been years, though, she wouldn’t feel it any more. Just a simple confidence in his love. Peace with the knowledge that he’d always be there for her.
That was something to look forward to, for sure.
She finally broke the silence with, “Thank you for doing this, tonight. Coming with me to get Stella.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else,” he said with absolute certainty.
“I know,” Lynn said, and she really did. “But I’m still grateful. Or—maybe that’s the wrong word.”
He sat quietly while she figured out what the right way to say it was. That was another thing she liked about him. He could joke around and make light of a situation, but if the moment called for quiet seriousness, he didn’t flinch away from it.
“It’s not that I’m grateful, like I think you were doing me a favor,” she said finally. “Like there was a possibility that you wouldn’t have been there, and so I’m grateful that you were. Instead, I’m just grateful for you. I’m glad that there was a Ken, to come with me and help my family. I don’t know if I could’ve done it by myself. Or not the same way, not so easily.”
He leaned down to kiss her softly. Lynn let any serious thoughts go and just breathed the kiss into her body like it was air.
After a long minute, he sat up again and said, “I’m grateful, too. That there was a Lynn who needed my help, and so I could show her what it was like to have someone who could come with her, who could stand by her side and support her. Who could take the lead if she needed it.”
Lynn smiled helplessly at him. “God. I really can’t believe this.”
He grinned, and the twinkle was back now. “What?”
“That I’ve become the sort of sappy lover who says these kinds of things. Who likes them, even.”
The twinkle kept going. “What, like, I love you forever?”
“Exactly like that.”
“Like, I’d do anything to make you happy?”
Lynn covered her eyes. And then uncovered them, because she didn’t want to stop looking at him. God, this was ridiculous. “Stop it.”
“Nope.” He kissed her again, then murmured into his mouth, “I want to wake up with you every morning for the rest of my life.”
“Ack!” She started giggling. “I can’t believe all those awful love songs are true. I always thought all those sappy lines were just made-up drivel. But it isn’t! I really do want to be with you more than anything, and I want you to hold my hand as we walk under the moonlight and gaze into each other’s eyes and all of that crazy nonsense.”
“Mmm, tell me more.”
Lynn laughed helplessly into the warm masculine scent of his skin and thought that she was luckier than she’d ever dreamed of being.
***
In the morning, there were practicalities to address.
But, Lynn realized, suddenly even those were different, were easier. Because Ken was there to help. Even just talking things over with him made everything seem more manageable.
“They’re going to have to stay here,” Lynn said to him first thing, after they’d both gotten up and grabbed a shower, but before going down for breakfast. “I don’t think Stella has a job right now, and she makes sure Eva concentrates on school rather than making money, so there’s no way they can afford to get their own place. So they have to stay here.”
“But?” Ken pulled a shirt over his head and emerged with his hair messed up, looking at her questioningly.
Lynn had to smile at the sight of him. She reached up, and he obligingly ducked his head to let her smooth his hair back down. Just touching him made her calmer, somehow.
“But I’m afraid of what might happen if Todd convinces that wolf pack to start hassling her here. This place isn’t a fortress, it’s just an old house. They could vandalize the place, they could break in...” She shuddered.
Ken caught her hand. “I think that’s a legitimate worry,” he said seriously, “and I’m not going to tell you to just relax about it.”
Now it was her turn to say, “But?” to his leading tone.
“But I think that we can make it much less likely that they’ll cause any trouble, with a bit of tactical work,” Ken said with a smile.
Just hearing his confidence, even without any real idea of what he might be planning, made the tension in Lynn’s shoulders start to melt away. “Okay,” she said, with a deep breath. “All right. Good.”
“Good,” he repeated. “Okay, what else?”
Lynn bit her lip. “This one is stupid.”
“I will bet you good money that it isn’t,” Ken said. He was still holding her hand, and he squeezed it tight. “Tell me.”
Lynn sighed. “Stella and I haven’t managed to live under the same roof without making each other miserable since we were little kids,” she admitted. “If they stay here, she and I are going to fight, and that’s going to be hard on Eva, and I don’t—” She made herself finish. “I don’t want you to see me being all petty and irritable like I always am with her.”
“Okay,” Ken said slowly. “That one’s harder to get tactical about.”
Lynn smiled ruefully. “Tell me about it.”
“But,” he said pointedly, “maybe someone with an outsider’s perspective can help a little bit?”
“Please,” she said. “If you have any suggestions or advice, offer them now, before we go down to breakfast and the cycle of aggression begins anew.”
He grinned. “Well, I think I saw the rumblings of it in the car last night.”
Lynn sat down on the bed and rubbed her hands over her face. “Right. Yes. So you’ve already seen me be petty and irritable.” She’d almost forgotten, after...everything else that had happened last night. She and Stella had fallen into their old patterns right away.
“So, I have a small suggestion just from what I heard,” Ken said cautiously. “And I might be way off base, so don’t hesitate to tell me that I’m butting in and thinking I know best.”
Lynn looked up at him and smiled. “Great. I won’t.”
“What if,” he said, “you pretended that Stella wasn’t going to make any mistakes?”
Lynn thought about that for a long minute. “Can you explain that more?”
“Sure.” He sat down next to her.
“I think when you were fighting last night, it was because you were worried about her, right?”
“Yes,” Lynn sighed. “That’s always how it goes. I just want her to be happy, and have a good, comfortable life. And I can see her heading down the road to screwing up, but she never listens to me when I tell her to take a different route.”
“And so you fight.”
Lynn nodded.
“Well,” Ken said, “if she always takes the other route anyway, what good does it do to tell her where to go?”
Lynn opened her mouth—and closed it.
“Again,” Ken added, “seriously, tell me if I’m off-base.”
“No,” Lynn said. “No. You’re right. God. I just want her to know what the right thing to do is!”
“But it never helps,” Ken said.
“No. No, it never helps. She gets pissed off that I’m trying to tell her what to do. When she was younger, sometimes she’d do just the opposite of what I said on purpose, because she was so mad. And that always made me more mad, and I’d yell that I told her so, and we’d have a huge screaming fight. And I could never back down, because I was right, and she could never back down, because she’d already made her choice.”
Ken nodded. “I’m an only child, but my buddy Ty has this enormous family, and he always used to talk about the dumb things the younger ones did. And what he said was that you had to just act like you trusted them to make the right decisions, take responsibility and be mature, whether you thought they would or not. And most of the time, they’d step up. And even if they didn’t, you had to remember that they sure wouldn’t step up in response to someone acting like they couldn’t take care of themselves.”
Lynn thunked her forehead against Ken’s shoulder. “God. You’re right. You’re completely right. And I feel like I knew that, or I should’ve known. But in the moment, it always gets overwhelmed by how anxious I am about whatever she’s doing.”
“And that’s totally understandable,” he said. “I wouldn’t want my hypothetical little sister getting herself in trouble, that’s for sure. I don’t know what I’d do if I saw her dating someone like that asshole wolf, but I can promise you it wouldn’t be very constructive.”
“I don’t believe you,” Lynn sighed. “This is good advice. Thanks.” Could she behave like Stella was an adult who could make her own decisions?
The fact that she was even doubting herself about that...well, that made her wonder how many of their fights had been purely Lynn’s fault.
She’d always known that she overreacted to Stella’s screwups. But she’d never thought about the possibility that if Lynn had supported her decisions, given her trust and love instead of anger and judgment, Stella might have stopped screwing up altogether. Or at least quit doubling down on bad decisions.
“Okay,” she said finally. “All right. I’m going to make this work.” She stood up. “Let’s go get breakfast.”
Ken grinned. “Good, I’ve been starving since I woke up.”
Lynn shook her head and led the way out of her room.
When they got downstairs, it turned out that Stella wasn’t up yet, which was a bit anticlimactic. But Eva was sitting at the table, eating Cheerios and scrolling through her phone, hunched in the same Doctor Who hoodie she’d been wearing last night.
“Good morning,” Lynn said as they came into the room, and Eva jumped, her spoon clattering against the bowl.
“Oh—crap, I didn’t see you there. Good morning, Aunt Lynn.” Her eyes tracked back behind Lynn’s shoulder. “Ken.”
“Morning, Eva,” Ken said cheerfully. “You looking for anything more substantial than Cheerios? I’m not that much of a cook, but I can make pancakes and eggs.”
“I’m fine, thanks,” Eva said quietly.
Ken went to the fridge anyway, pulling out eggs and milk, and said, “No problem. I’ll just get something going for the rest of us, then. Lynn, have a seat.”
Normally, Lynn would’ve offered to help, but Eva was obviously feeling nervous, so she just said, “Thanks,” and sat down next to her niece.
Eva gave her a small smile. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Lynn said. “How are you doing?”
A little shrug. “Okay.”
“That was scary, last night,” Lynn said. “And it’s no fun to leave your home like that.”
Another shrug. “You know, we’ve done it before. And that place wasn’t so great. I didn’t like Todd, and his pack was a bunch of assholes.”
Lynn thought about calling her on her language, but decided, “You’re right, they were.”
Eva smiled.
“Are you worried they’re going to come back?” Lynn asked, as gently as she could.
A long pause, and finally Eva nodded. “Yeah. And we have to go back at some point and get the rest of our stuff, and I don’t want to.”
“You will not have to go with anyone who’s getting your stuff,” Lynn said firmly. “You can just tell us what you need, and we’ll get it for you.”
“I packed it up,” Eva offered. “Mom said we couldn’t carry suitcases around waiting for you to show up, to just have a normal bag that wouldn’t look weird, but I packed everything and left it in my room. So it’ll be easy to grab. If Todd hasn’t messed with it.”
Lynn saw red at the idea of Todd messing with a teenage girl’s stuff. “If he has, he’ll be sorry,” she said grimly.
Ken took a break from cracking eggs into bowls and mixing things up to come over and slide into the seat next to Lynn’s. “Hey, Eva,” he said. “Listen. I think we can make it so Todd isn’t going to want to mess with you guys any longer, and I can definitely promise that me and Lynn can take care of getting your stuff for you. You don’t have to worry about that. Okay?”
Eva bit her lip. “Thanks,” she said. “But what if he shows up here with his pack?”
“That’s what I’m working on right now,” Ken said. He got out his phone and held it up. “I just left a message, and when I get a call back, we’ll see what we can make happen.”
Eva smiled a little. “That’s very mysterious.”
“I’m a mysterious guy,” Ken said with a serious face. “Anyway, there’s nothing we can do quite yet, and I’m betting that pack of assholes aren’t the type to get up at six in the morning and pile in the car. So we’ve got a few hours at least.”
“You could catch me up on Doctor Who,” Lynn suggested. “I think I’ve missed a few episodes.”
Eva rolled her eyes. “You’ve never seen a single episode, Aunt Lynn!”
“But I feel like I have,” Lynn said, with real sincerity. “My favorite was the one about the weird time-traveling aliens.”
“Aunt Lynn.” Eva’s voice was exasperated, and music to Lynn’s ears. “That’s every episode.”
“Is that what’s on your shirt?” Ken asked, getting up to go supervise breakfast again. “What’s it about? Weird time-traveling aliens sound pretty cool to me.”
Their collective ignorance about sci-fi television seemed to finally overwhelm Eva’s anxiety, because she heaved a deep sigh and started explaining to Ken what Doctor Who was. Lynn listened attentively, because every time she spent some time apart from Eva, the whole idea of the show got kind of fuzzy and weird time-traveling aliens was the only thing she could really remember. It had been Eva’s favorite thing in the world for a couple of years now, so she liked to stay in touch as much as she could, which admittedly wasn’t much.
“—and this is the TARDIS,” Eva was saying, pointing at her shirt. “It’s a spaceship. It’s bigger on the inside.”
“I guess it would have to be,” Ken said. “That thing’s only about eight inches tall. Unless they’re really small aliens.”
“No,” Eva said, exasperated again, although a little smile was peeking out. “This is a picture of it. On a sweatshirt. Do I have to explain what a sweatshirt is, or can I keep going about the show?”
“I mostly grasp the basic concept of a sweatshirt,” Ken said
thoughtfully. “If you want, we can get into some of the more philosophical interpretations later, but for now, I definitely want to hear more about the show.”
Eva relaunched her explanation, and as she talked, her shoulders gradually relaxed, and she stopped peeking over them out the window. Lynn mentally blessed Ken for knowing exactly how to distract her from being scared.
Ken was dishing up pancakes and eggs by the time Stella appeared in the kitchen doorway. She looked hesitant, and she was avoiding Lynn’s eyes.
Time to follow through, Lynn thought. She took a deep breath and said, “Morning, Stella. Want some pancakes?”
Stella looked startled, and then relieved. She’d probably been expecting a lecture right off the bat, Lynn thought. This really was an unhealthy pattern that the two of them were in.
“Thanks,” Stella said after a second. “Pancakes sound great.”
She got herself a plate and Ken deposited two pancakes on it. She sat down next to her daughter, reaching out and rubbing her shoulder. “Morning, sweetheart. You okay?”
Eva nodded. Her mouth was full—she’d snagged a pancake after all, and eaten it like it was a cookie, no syrup or anything. Lynn had always known she was an unnatural child.
“I was just telling Ken and Aunt Lynn about Doctor Who,” she said after she swallowed.
Stella smiled fondly. “Of course you were. I don’t understand a thing that happens on that show,” she confided to Lynn.
“Mom,” Eva said. “You’ve seen, like, twenty episodes.”
She turned back to Ken, and Stella whispered, “I never pay much attention. But she likes it when I sit with her while she watches.”
“I like it when she tells me about it,” Lynn said back in a low voice. “But I never remember any of it.”
They smiled at each other, and Lynn was struck by the moment—when was the last time they’d been in perfect accord like this? And it all would’ve been ruined if Lynn had started the morning by criticizing her sister about choices she’d already made and couldn’t take back.