Full Frontal

by A R Steele

  He and Owen were going to have to talk sooner or later. Later would have been more pleasant. Sooner was probably better. Bracing himself, he headed across the room. Owen was already walking toward him.

  Their paths crossed halfway through the room, and Cooper touched Owen’s shoulder lightly as he directed him to a more private corner. The quick contact was a mistake. He pulled his hand away as if he had touched a hot stove. Owen was dangerous, like playing with fire.

  When they reached the wall, Owen was the first to speak. “I need to talk to you.”

  “Yeah.” Cooper rarely found himself speechless – but he also never acted the way he had this afternoon.

  When he did speak, it was in unison with Owen. “I’m sorry.”

  Cooper blinked. “You’re sorry? For what?”

  “For whatever I did. I know I offended you somehow. You’ve been so angry with me tonight.”

  “With you? No, you have it all wrong.” Cooper felt even worse than he had before. “I’ve been angry with myself. The way I treated you, and then I walked out on you…”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. Well… before you walked out.”

  Cooper cringed, not wanting to relive what he had done. But he needed to confess to Owen. “Yes, I did. I shouldn’t have fooled around with you like that. I had sworn not to, and then my hormones got the best of me.”

  “Am I complaining?”

  “I know you’re not. But even the way it happened… That was your first time with a guy. I should have been gentle. Guided you. Not pushed you around like some kind of caveman.” Cooper looked at the floor, hating the memory.

  Owen’s finger landed under his chin, forcing Cooper to look at him. “I’m still not complaining,” Owen told him. “You said we could stop if I wanted, and I didn’t want to. That was the single most erotic experience I’ve ever had. I loved every minute of it.”

  If Cooper hadn’t been looking at Owen, he might not have believed it. But the expression on Owen’s face said he wanted to ravish him right here and now.

  Cooper’s wordlessness must have been obvious, because Owen eventually cleared his throat. “Anyway. I didn’t mean for our dance to be so awkward.”

  “Yeah,” Cooper said, thankful for the change of subject. “That was definitely awkward. We have to keep our eyes on the priority here. Gotta think about the customers, not ourselves.”

  “I know. Trenton already gave me a little speech to that effect.”

  Great, Cooper had gotten his friend in trouble. And if Trenton was annoyed with Owen, he had to be equally annoyed with Cooper. They normally got along so well. He would hate for the owner to be irritated with him for any reason.

  “It wasn’t that bad,” Owen said quickly. “He just… he was aware that something was up.”

  “I guess something was. I just don’t know what.”

  “I don’t know either,” Owen admitted.

  Cooper heaved a sigh, his chest rising and falling with the effort. Owen looked so tempting in this light. He glanced down at Owen’s groin, wondering if he was still hard. He had to look away from him, or he might find himself in the same predicament.

  “I guess we should talk sometime,” he said. “In private, that is.”

  He noted how Owen’s eyes immediately lit up. What did that mean? Was Owen hoping for a repeat of what they had done? He tingled, wishing it would happen. He and Owen could have some good times together.

  The only problem was that Cooper didn’t want a fuck buddy. Especially not a coworker. That way only led to drama and pain. If Owen wanted a relationship, Cooper could see them being together. He bit his lip as he imagined them walking down the street hand in hand, or making out in the change room. He pictured Owen moving into his apartment. Taking him to meet his parents…

  It could have been great, but no one who was just starting to come out would be ready for that. Owen needed time to work through his sexuality, to come to terms with himself, and to start coming out to others. Cooper was still the only person that even knew he was questioning. It did make Cooper feel special, but it wasn’t enough.

  Cooper reached again for his thong, but his fingers only found his own skin. He rubbed his palms on his hips, looking at Owen in distress. If only there could be a way for this to work out. Maybe if Owen was willing to go on an actual date with him, this could go somewhere. Sex without dating held little appeal to Cooper. But a closeted guy would never go on a real date with a man.

  Since Owen was definitely going to say no, there was no harm in making the offer. He cleared his throat. “Maybe we can talk over dinner tomorrow.”

  He waited, watching Owen carefully. Did he even understand that Cooper meant a date? There were so many ways that these things could be misinterpreted.

  Instead of looking disgusted or worried, Owen just smiled. “I would love to.”

  “Really?” Cooper wondered if Owen understood this was supposed to be a romantic rendezvous. Even if it was unclear, he found himself wanting to eat with him either way. “I mean… great! Should we go out to a restaurant?”

  “No, that’s okay. I’ll cook for you. I’m a pretty good chef.”

  “Of course you are,” Cooper said.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Owen punched him lightly on the shoulder. Cooper tingled again. The briefest contact with this guy was enough to do that to him. He sure hoped this would wear off soon. He couldn’t cope with his emotions running wild like this.

  For a moment, Owen had just sounded like his buddy again, and not like the guy he was having all sorts of drama with. Cooper grinned, hoping this meant they were going back to normal. “It means you’re good at everything.”

  “And there’s something wrong with that?”

  Dropping the joking tone, Cooper looked down. “No, nothing at all. It’s great. What time should I meet you?”

  He was sure Owen still didn’t realize this was supposed to be a date. If anything, Owen was only hoping to hook up. Cooper wasn’t going to be his experiment. He was already building up anger as he looked back at Owen.

  But the guy just smiled in his normal, genuine way. “Come over at six. It’s a date.”

  Nineteen

  Owen arranged some fruit in a bowl on his counter. Although he doubted Cooper would want an apple or a banana, he did want them to look attractive for when the guy got over here. Everything in his apartment had to look perfect.

  Cooper was his friend, he reminded himself as he hurried around, fixing everything. The state of his place wasn’t going to change what Cooper thought about him. Cooper had made up his mind about Owen a long time ago. Then again, their relationship had definitely… changed… in recent days.

  Owen’s studio apartment was small, yet impeccable. He had swept once this morning and a second time a few minutes ago. The furniture was freshly dusted, and the tiny kitchen area had been scrubbed down. He had even picked up flowers to brighten the place up. They were currently on the table in the living area, and he’d move them onto the floor when Cooper arrived. The table didn’t have space for two plates and the flowers.

  When the buzzer sounded, Owen was still bustling around the small space. He jumped at the sound. Taking a breath to calm himself, he pressed the button to accept the buzz. He glanced around once more, which only made his heartbeat speed up. Things could still have been a little nicer, but there was no more time. This was as good as it was going to get.

  He fiddled with his lapels. He’d chosen one of his favorite outfits, black chinos with the button-down blue shirt that fit him perfectly. Both articles had been tailored to complement the contours of his body. He ran his fingers through his hair as he heard footsteps in the hall. The messy look took a lot of upkeep. Cooper knew what he looked like, anyway. They’d seen each other hundreds of times. Owen had to stop being so nervous.

  A knock came on the door. He stared at it, still in awe that Cooper was on the other side – that he was here for a date with Owen. After too long of a mome
nt, he opened the door.

  “Hey, bro.”

  “Hey.”

  It looked like Cooper had also put some effort into his appearance. Owen’s coworker was dressed in slim-fitting jeans with a freshly pressed golf shirt. Cooper looked great, and Owen had the urge to embrace him. They had never done such a thing before. But now that his cock had been down the guy’s throat, things were different.

  As a compromise, he gave him a pat on the arm. “So, this is my castle.”

  Cooper looked around, and Owen tried to evaluate his expression. He knew his place was small, and everything was in one room. They were going to have to sit on his bed since there was only one chair. The studio didn’t have a whole lot of space, but he made the best possible use of what he did have.

  “It’s nice,” Cooper said. He looked around as if trying to figure out where to go.

  “You need to sit on the bed,” Owen said. Hopefully Cooper would understand it didn’t mean anything unless he wanted it to, in which case it most certainly did.

  “The food smells good,” Cooper said, acting as at ease as ever as he sat down on the bed.

  “Thanks. I made everything from scratch.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  “It’s just my preference. I find that everything tastes better when you make it yourself.”

  He moved to the stove, where both burners were sizzling. He would rather have been beside Cooper, talking to him, touching him, holding him… but that seemed somewhat unlikely. He didn’t know exactly why Cooper had wanted to have dinner tonight. He could still hope that he had a shot.

  “What’s on the menu?”

  “I went simple. Just some tagliatelle and a garden salad with balsamic dressing.”

  “Sounds great.”

  “I hope so. It’s pretty classic.”

  “Like your cars,” Cooper observed. “You do like the classics, don’t you?”

  Owen shrugged. “Classic means quality, doesn’t it?”

  He gave the pasta a stir. It was pretty much ready to go, but he wanted to sit down next to Cooper before eating. He turned off the heat, figuring it would stay hot for a while. It might have looked a bit forward, but the guy was here in his apartment and he wanted to know why.

  So he went over to the bed and sat down just far enough from Cooper to make it appropriate. “Let’s eat in a minute. I have to admit, I’m very curious about what’s going through your head right now.”

  It might have been invisible to someone else, but with the amount that Owen had been observing Cooper lately, he saw the way the other stripper tensed. “And why is that?”

  “Let’s not play games. We both know what happened at your place the other night, and then what happened at the strip club later last night. There’s no point in messing around. You can talk to me honestly. I want to know.”

  Cooper sighed. “You’re right. I should just be honest with you. That’s what I meant to do, but every time I see you, I keep having a hard time with that. I can’t seem to find my words, or else I don’t have the courage to say them.”

  “That doesn’t sound like you.”

  “It’s not. That’s why it’s confusing me. I want to be real with you, though. I’m going to try to be genuine.”

  “That’s all I’m asking for. So, why did you want to have dinner with me tonight?”

  “Well…” Cooper seemed as unsure as Owen, maybe even more so. “You have to understand that experimenting with a straight guy is a dangerous thing to do. You put your heart on the line, and then the guy decides he’s not into guys after all. It’s a whole lot safer to stick with someone who’s out and proud.”

  A chill went through Owen. It sounded like he was going to get rejected before this even started. But he couldn’t blame Cooper for having reservations about dating someone like him.

  “That makes sense,” he said quietly.

  Cooper looked at him with some sympathy. “I’m glad you understand. There’s nothing wrong with questioning. Again, all of us go through it at some point. But I don’t want to take the chance on someone who might decide they’re not actually gay or bisexual after all. It would just cause more pain for me.”

  Owen nodded. “I guess I’m not sure what I’m looking for.”

  “Well, I personally don’t want a fling. If I start something, I need to feel like it could be serious. And I don’t date coworkers, anyway.”

  “Right,” Owen said. His heart was falling, and he hunched over as if that would help lift it. He should have known better than to get his hopes up about Cooper. It would have been too good to be true.

  “So, I guess we should just be friends.”

  Owen glanced at him from the corner of his eye. Cooper didn’t sound like being friends was what he wanted, just that it was what he thought was smart. Owen wanted more than friendship, too. What was wrong with that? Why couldn’t they figure out a way to make this work? They clearly had something here.

  “If that’s what you think is best, I can’t stop you,” Owen said. “But I can tell you now, I’m serious about this connection. I can’t tell you what will happen in the future, but no one can. If you’re looking for a psychic, that’s not me. All I know is that I like you a whole lot, and I want to see where this could go. That’s where I’m at, Cooper.”

  Cooper hesitated before speaking. Owen tried to read his expression, but it was difficult. Looking at Cooper for too long would have just made him feel funny, anyway. Owen had put himself out there, told Cooper exactly what he wanted… well, told him as much as he knew himself. He couldn’t do any more to make this happen. The ball was in Cooper’s court now.

  “Well, that’s great to hear, but it doesn’t change the facts,” Cooper said at last. “If you can think about it for a while, and then maybe come out to some people, and be sure of your sexuality, then maybe we could try something out. I can see this going places, but not if you’re not sure of yourself. I need you to know what you’re getting yourself into before it starts. You do understand that I’m not only talking about sex?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Owen said. His heart beat faster just thinking about it. Cooper was seriously interested in dating. A few short days earlier, the idea of wanting this would have been insane to him, yet now it was more than he could have asked for.

  “If this was going to go forward, I would want you to be my boyfriend,” Cooper said. “And I would be your boyfriend. We would be a couple.” He paused, watching Owen’s face. “That doesn’t scare you?”

  “You don’t need to do your big brother thing,” Owen said. “I know what I’m getting myself into.”

  “Okay, it’s just that the reality of these things can be scary for a lot of guys. You want to get your dick sucked, but you don’t want to hold hands with the guy in public.”

  “That’s really what you think of me?”

  Cooper shrugged. “That’s what you straight guys are like.”

  “Well, not me,” Owen said with bravery he didn’t feel. “I’m definitely interested. I’m not embarrassed or anything. You know I’ve never had a problem with gay guys.”

  Cooper gave him a doubtful look. “You never had a problem with other guys… not much of a problem… but it was never you before. It’s going to be different now.”

  “Stop trying to take care of me. I don’t need it, I can take care of myself.”

  “That’s what I do,” Cooper said, throwing up his hands. “I take care of people. You’re going to have to get used to that if you want to stick around.”

  Owen’s heart fluttered. He did want to stick around. As he sat there next to his love interest, he wanted that more than anything. He could see them being each other’s boyfriend. They could be amazing together.

  Although he was still scared, Cooper’s eyes were inviting. He was brave enough to lean a little closer. Cooper leaned a little closer, too. That was a yes, wasn’t it? They had kissed before, after all… but that was before Cooper said he wanted a real relations
hip.

  Owen’s throat tightened as he thought about dating another man. Never in his entire life would he have thought he’d want to do that. He was supposed to be straight. Even Trenton had put it that way.

  Cooper’s hand came to rest on his knee, and he shivered. A better question was how he could even consider not being with Cooper. This was a guy, yes, but he was the same guy he had stared at on stage. The same one he had been lusting after for days. Owen wanted Cooper far too much to pretend otherwise.

  He took his courage in hand and leaned in enough to close the gap. His heart fluttered harder as his lips touched Cooper’s. Their embrace was brief, only lasting the flutter of an eyelash, but it was enough for him to know for sure. He wanted men, and this man in particular. Wherever this might go, he desperately wanted to pursue it.

  Although he would have liked to kiss Cooper for hours, something told him he should pull back. Cooper was already inches away with his eyes open by the time Owen opened his. It seemed they had both felt the need to keep the kiss short. It would be better that way, just frozen like that in each of their memories. Owen fought the urge to lift his fingers to his lips. Although they still tingled, he might be able to keep Cooper from seeing how much it had affected him.

  He stared into Cooper’s eyes, daring to extend his hand and put it on Cooper’s shoulder. He wanted to caress Cooper’s jaw, his neck, to trail his fingers down his chest and then across his back. He restrained himself. They had an unspoken agreement to keep this chaste for now.

  So Owen wasn’t surprised when Cooper put that into words. “I think…” Cooper shook his head as if to clear it. He seemed shaken in a way that Owen had never seen him. “I think we had better stop there for now.”

  “Until when?” Owen panted.

  “I just don’t want to move forward until you’re sure this is what you want.”

  Owen could guess what he was leaving unsaid. Until Cooper was sure that he wouldn’t get hurt.