Clown Niggas

by T. Styles

  Confused Gracie let Kante’ go and followed her friend to the kitchen. “What’s up?” she whispered. “Why you treating your brother so poorly?”

  “I have to tell you something about him. He…I…” Diane looked down at the floor, trying to find the right words. There was something halting her honesty but what was it? The truth was she didn’t want the entire neighborhood knowing her business and definitely her brother’s dark secrets. In fact the family left New York to hide the shame Kante’ placed on them and telling Diane in her opinion would reawaken the pain.

  Quite frankly she couldn’t hold water.

  “Girl, is the nigga married or what?” Gracie laughed. “Not that I would give a fuck but still…”

  “No…it’s nothing like that. It’s just that he’s from New York and he’ll probably want to stay the night and there’s no room for him. We got your son and Spyrit in one room and Victoria in the other.”

  Gracie waved her off. “Wyld and my nephew can stay in that room and we can fix up the other bed in there for Victoria. I mean, you won’t mind your daughter staying with them right? I reared Wyld up the right way and Helen did the same with Spyrit. So if a bunch of ten and eleven year olds stay in the same room it’s perfectly innocent.” She paused. “That means Kante’ can have the entire room to himself, unless he would like company.” She winked.

  “Oh, girl,” Diane said angrily. “Just stop it!”

  “I’m serious!” Gracie joked. “I want that man unless you give me a good reason why I can’t have him.”

  Diane listened to her friend but she seemed physically ill and Gracie noticed.

  “Diane, if there's another problem you not telling me about now is the time to do it. Is there something else about him that has you so uncomfortable? I ain’t had dick in ages but I don’t want anything coming in between our friendship either.” She said honestly.

  Silence.

  “Diane!” Gracie yelled shaking her out of her daydream. “Is everything okay with that man or not? Cause I got to have him!”

  “Yes…everything is fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Diane nodded several times trying to convince herself. “Yeah…I mean…yes.”

  “Well let’s get back out there and enjoy ourselves! We got bottles on the table, food in the kitchen and babies in the bed! Tonight will be an evening to remember, girl! I can feel it.”

  Diane sighed. “Yeah…me too.”

  PRESENT

  “So what happened?” Wyld asked Emilio. “And why didn’t you tell me Kante’ was your uncle?”

  “Because we don’t claim him.” He frowned.

  “That’s evident but why?”

  Emilio looked down. “He’s a convicted pedophile.”

  Wyld and Bosh gazed at each other before facing him. Both having nothing but hate for Kante’ instantly, angry he was ever in their presence.

  “Five years before he came home from prison my mother walked in on him having sex with his thirteen-year-old daughter. My mother’s testimony put him away and she didn’t know he was home from prison until that night.”

  Wyld backed up a little. “Well did something happen to your sister Victoria? Or…or did he do something to me and Spyrit?”

  Wyld could tell that Emilio was having a hard time releasing the truth. In that moment it was obvious he’d never told a soul what he was sharing with them.

  “That night while everyone was drunk and high off weed, my mom’s 10 ½ year old daughter, Victoria, my sister was raped.”

  “By Kante’?” Bosh asked.

  Up until that point Wyld forgot he was there but appreciated the question since his lips couldn’t move.

  “No…it wasn’t that way. He made…he made the others do it.”

  Wyld frowned. “The others?” He backed up further until he was leaning on the wall. “Stop fucking around and tell me what happened!”

  “He made you and Spyrit do it. He…he figured if he didn’t do it himself he wouldn’t be held responsible and it worked.”

  Wyld scratched his head. “I…I ain’t rape no fucking body. I never took anybody against their will in my life!”

  “You were eleven years old, man. It wasn’t your fault.”

  Wyld paced the floor, thoughts swirling in his mind as he desperately tried to recall the past. He was drawing a blank. “But…why…why is Ryan mad at me? Why is he so dead set on making my life a living hell?”

  Emilio took a deep breath and told him everything he needed to know, rocking his world forever.

  FIVE DAYS LATER

  Wyld, Bosh and a few soldiers were in a historical tunnel like tomb in Baltimore. It was closed to the public but it was a perfect place for meetings amongst the dope boys, since it was outside and difficult to mic by the police.

  Wyld’s men finally caught up with Ryan but Amelia was nowhere to be found and Wyld’s soul ached at her absence. But the scratches and bites on Ryan’s arms and face showed that she fought the good fight and won the battle by escaping.

  One of Wyld’s soldiers shoved Ryan so hard from behind that he fell to the ground, before standing on his knees. His wrists and arms were bound so he couldn’t run without hobbling if he tried. Also on the ground, sitting against the stonewall was Kante’ whose face was destroyed. He was beaten so bad by them that niggas didn’t even know if he was alive.

  Ryan looked at everyone and laughed. “So you finally got me huh?” He asked Wyld. “You called in the troops and got a nigga.”

  “Where is Amelia?” Wyld asked calmly.

  “Nigga, look at my face. Your crack head whore got the fuck away!”

  Wyld shook his head. “I found out what was bugging you. But what I can’t understand is why do all of this for some shit I didn’t remember? You kill Anna and probably Spyrit too for what?”

  “No probably, my man,” Ryan chuckled. “That nigga’s dead for sure this time. I saw to it.”

  Wyld’s pressure rose. “For what though?” He yelled. “I was eleven years old, Ryan. And this nigga made me rape your mother just because he was mad at his sister for snitching on him molesting his own daughter!” He pointed at Kante’. “How was I to know…to know…that I was your father? I didn’t even think it was possible for an 11-year-old to get another 11-year-old pregnant until I looked it up.”

  “Nigga, stop lying!” Ryan hollered, “You knew. Everybody did but me.”

  “I didn’t know, man! This shit is still too fucking crazy to understand. And it also explains why my people kept us on alcohol hoping we would forget. Which is why I can’t stand the taste of it.”

  “Well I heard you doing better in the drinking area now though,” Ryan laughed. “So stop the fucking lies.”

  Wyld tried to calm down. “I have no memory of that time and I’m sorry if you think that I did.”

  “But Spyrit knew,” Ryan said. “And he was too cowardly to tell you himself.” He paused. “Did you ever stop to ask him what was wrong? Ever?” he laughed harder. “You let him drink away the past except it didn’t work and he never forgot.”

  Wyld looked at Ryan angrily. “If you knew this shit why didn’t you just say something?”

  Ryan shook his head, “After a while, with all the disrespect you tossed at my feet it didn’t matter. I ain’t give a fuck no more.”

  “Ryan, my mother, Gracie bought you from Diane because Diane had given Victoria up for adoption, to hide the pregnancy of her eleven year old little girl. My mother didn’t want you in the system so she made sure you stayed with us. But I guess I started asking questions so my aunt Liza, my mom’s sister raised you and I was force-fed more alcohol. And when shit got too hard for aunt Liza, Spyrit’s mother, my aunt Helen, took you in. And I know it’s fucked up that you went from place to place but it was because somebody wanted you. I just want you to know that I had no clue who you really were. They kept it from me too!”

  “Nigga you was eleven years old!” Ryan yelled. “Way old enough to remember!”<
br />
  “I was tortured, man! Spyrit too! They did all they could to fuck up our minds just so we wouldn’t remember that night. Even started telling us different stories so that our recollection would be nothing like what really happened.” Wyld took a deep breath. “I didn’t meet you until you were thirteen and I was twenty four. And when I asked my aunt your age she said twenty and I believed her. You was homeschooled and tall so it was easy to believe. You looked close to my age.” He paused. “But you should hear the stories circulating about the three of us.”

  “Fuck you, nigga!” Ryan yelled trying to prevent the pain he felt from escaping. “Even if you didn’t know you still treated your own blood like shit. Like you didn’t know me.”

  “You right. But I was just fucking around that day on the steps, Ryan. And I’m sorry.” He paused. “I still don’t get the relation to me and the Minotaur. Explain that shit.”

  Ryan laughed which irritated Wyld to no end. “Just like the Minotaur, you locked me away from everything, like the blocks, but call on me when you want me to do your dirty work. But what I want to know is where’s Cujo?”

  Wyld finally got the connection and took a deep breath. He looked back at Bosh who was holding a brown paper bag. Bosh walked up and turned the bag upside down; Cujo’s head plopped out. “This nigga had it coming.”

  Ryan stood on his knees, huffing and puffing. “You ain’t have to do my man like that.”

  “Like I said the nigga had it coming.” Wyld moved closer, kicked the head out of the way and looked down at Ryan. “But I need to know…can we…can we move past this? Can you forgive me for something I took no part in?”

  Ryan looked at Cujo’s head and back at him. “So…so you’re willing to let me slide on it all? On Anna? And Spyrit too?”

  Hearing their names caused a bubble of hate to rise once more in Wyld’s gut. He walked away, further into the tomb to collect his thoughts. He was trying his hardest to forgive. Not only to let it go but to promise himself that if he did exonerate Ryan that he wouldn’t take it back a few months later with bloody murder.

  Was it possible to forgive the man who killed his cousin, wife and baby? He reasoned it may be possible if the man, although evil, was his son.

  Wyld trudged back toward him. “I need time to sort this all out. I need…I need to know that you’re mine first. But if you are my…my son…I’m gonna try real hard, Ryan. Although every bone in my body’s telling me to murder your ass.”

  Ryan humbled himself as much as possible and with pleading eyes looked up at him and begged for mercy. “If you let me live I will never betray you again. That’s on the blood already spilled.”

  Wyld gazed down at him and then looked at Kante’. Pulling the gun from the back of his jeans he shot him in the face. He wanted to ask him why he would make him and Spyrit do such a horrid thing to a little girl but realized the world had no use for pedophiles and that it would be much better off without him or his opinion.

  Focusing back on Ryan he said, “You gotta pay for this pardon I’m giving you, Ryan.”

  “Okay. I can make it up.” He said anxiously. “What I gotta do? Give you money?”

  Wyld laughed, despite finding zero humor in his statement. “You can’t afford my misery.” He looked back at Bosh. “Pop it out.”

  “What’s going on?” Ryan asked as Bosh removed a set of pliers from his back pocket.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  The End

  Wyld walked into Amelia’s new apartment and hung by the exit, knowing he wouldn’t be long. Boxes filled the living room and she seemed overly excited to see him. He looked good too. A fresh haircut, a clean t-shirt and fresh Jordan’s did something sexy for his physique.

  “It’s perfect, Wyld. Thank you for getting this place for me. “She gripped his hands. “And I want you to know that I’m gonna do everything possible to prove to you that I’m gonna stay clean this time.”

  He looked into her eyes. “I never asked you this because I didn’t want to know. But before Ryan kidnapped you, were you on drugs? I mean, when we were living together were you using?”

  “Wyld…no…oh my God. I promise you that I had been clean before he gave me crack. I hadn’t touched a rock since you gave it to me years before. There was no desire.”

  Wyld looked into her face harder and the bangs that now outlined her perfect features. Now he remembered that day he met her because of the style she wore her hair. And he remembered when he served her and thinking if this woman had the right man could she change? He was married so he wasn’t up for the challenge and then fate crossed their paths. “I remember you now. From the day I served you. And I’m sorry.”

  She looked down and back at him. “None of that matters because all I want is you, Wyld. Nothing else.”

  “I gotta take time, Amelia. I told you that already.”

  “I know.”

  “But I need you to feel me. In the past I rushed into things because I wanted the family I never had. Through all of this shit I didn’t get a chance to know myself. To figure out what I want and what I like.” He touched the side of her face with his cool palm. “But I do know I love you and I’m here. That’s gonna have to be good enough for now.”

  “But I want you as my man, Wyld. If I can’t have you all of this is for nothing.” She looked around the apartment.

  “That day, in the kitchen, I told you to be honest with me. Do you remember?” He pointed at her. “You allowed the window to close and now we’re here and I’m not ready to make you mine. You’ll have to deal with that.”

  “But—”

  “You’re not use to rejection very much are you?” he asked repeating her phrase.

  She remembered saying those words to him after refusing to be his wife and felt gut punched by hearing them performed on her. “Wow…that hurt.”

  “If you want to be my wife its up to you to prove it. You do that by staying clean and taking care of yourself. I love you, Amelia, I do, but I will never make a crack head my wife.”

  Releasing him she lowered her head but slowly he raised her chin with the side of his index finger so that their eyes reunited. “Keep your head high. You’re already chosen. You just need to prove it to yourself and take your place by my side.”

  “I understand.”

  He took a deep breath. “So how’s, Tawny?”

  “She left rehab. I don’t know where she is now.” She coughed. “What about Ryan? Seen him?”

  “Yeah…he came by the other day.”

  “Is he really your son?”

  He nodded and then frowned like something stunk up the air. “Yep.”

  “Somebody been dropping money off in front of my doorstep,” she said. “I know it’s not you since you give it to me in my hand. It must be Ryan.”

  “I’m sure it’s him, but still be careful. His moods change like a traffic light.” he said firmly. “I guess dropping the money is his way of apologizing.”

  “You’re probably right. But why you seem torn about him being your son?”

  “Cause I hate that nigga.” The veins along the side of his neck corded. “But since he’s mine I have to at least try. Right?”

  “I guess so.” She sighed. “Where is his mother?”

  “She was in the system so it’s harder to find her. I’m gonna try though. Just knowing I did this to someone out in the world got me fucked up. I can’t live like this until I talk to her and say I’m sorry.”

  “Can you trust him, Wyld?” She paused. “After all, you did pluck out his eye.”

  He shook his head and ran his hand down his face. “Part of me hoped that he would get mad when I ordered that shit. And go on some strange act of vengeance so I could send enough bullets to turn his body into liquid matter. But he didn’t. The nigga acted like he had three more.” He exhaled. “The messed up part is I feel responsible for his past actions. Even his murderous heart. To know a man is your father who doesn’t respect you is a heavy load to bear.” He shook his hea
d. “Truth is, all this shit made me hate my mother all over again. They were supposed to protect us and they failed.”

  Amelia sat down. “I feel some kind of way too, about my father.”

  “Why?” he frowned.

  “He killed himself because my mother left him after she caught him with another man. He took his life without caring about what would happen to me. And I’m just realizing how much hate I feel for him now.”

  Wyld sighed. “After the shit I’ve seen, I don’t blame him for directing his own exit.”

  “You think it’s right to kill yourself?”

  “This world can be cold, Amelia. And for the person who loves hard it’s a living hell. Now I don’t condone suicide because I think it’s the weak man’s way out but I understand how it can happen. How can a person function when everything we see is born out of hate?”

  “Through love, Wyld. Love. I would be a better woman if my father was here and I’m a better woman now because of you. Which is why I need you to stay with me. Please.”

  Silence.

  “Like I said I’m here but even if I’m not you best get at the work of loving yourself, Amelia. You’re the only person you can really count on. I found that out the hard way.”

  He kissed her cheek. “Let me go, I gotta get E.M. from the airport. She’s here for a little while before going back to North Carolina.”

  Amelia stood up and hugged him tightly. “Come back for me soon.”

  “I will when you ready.”

  He looked at her once more and walked out without so much as a kiss. The moment the door slammed she dodged over to her cell phone that was sitting on the box in the kitchen. Picking it up she dialed a number and let it ring. “He’s gone, Tawny. You can come back over now.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  “Oh…and when you do, bring a pack. I need to get high now.”

  “Say no more.”

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