“Ernie, if you can hear me, I’m sorry. I’m going to the bakery, and I’ll whip you up something as an apology.”
A puff of feathers all but exploded in the seat beside me, and the fat, smiling cherub stared up at me. “It’s about time. What changed your mind, girlfriend?”
I laughed. “Hephaestus vouched for you.”
“He did?” He gaped at me.
I nodded. “I don’t know why I believe him, but I do.”
“He’s a total stick in the mud. No fun. I haven’t seen him in years, how did he look?” Ernie settled into the passenger seat.
“What do you mean you haven’t seen him in years?”
“Like, I don’t know, a few hundred years? He went off the radar after Aphrodite’s last conquest. She broke his heart one too many times.” Ernie shook his head. “Made him a real asshole, hard and jaded.”
I could see that. Not that it mattered to me. “He almost kissed me.”
“WHAT?” Ernie roared, his voice filling up the small space. “Are you yanking my wings? Tell me you’re yanking my wings!”
“No.” I kept my eyes on the road. “He leaned in and was close enough to kiss me, and he said, ‘If I wasn’t married, Alena, you would be in trouble for a whole different reason.’ And then he left.”
“Wow,” he breathed out. “Now I know why Aphrodite hates you. It isn’t that you are beautiful, because there are lots of beauties out there.” He moved so that he sat on the dash and faced me like an oversized bobble-head doll. “You caught the eye of her husband, something that has never happened. He isn’t like the others; he takes his vows seriously.”
I scowled. “I didn’t catch his eye. He . . . he just said I made things interesting again.”
Ernie groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Even worse. If a god finds you interesting, that’s bad. Bad.”
“Look, what does it matter? She doesn’t even like him, you said that yourself.” I tapped a finger on the dash beside him. “And I’m still married to Roger.”
“Look, it’s a territory thing with these Greek ladies. They want what they want, and they don’t share worth shit. The thing is, Hephaestus hasn’t gotten laid for a long time, at least not since he made the fennel oil, I guess.”
“Maybe that’s why he’s so miserable,” I said.
Ernie barked a laugh. “No doubt. But Aphrodite uses it to keep him under her thumb. She really can be a bitch.”
“Again, none of this really matters right now. I can only deal with one thing at a time, Ernie. First thing I’ve got to do is get through this family dinner with a mother who thinks I’m a monster and a brother who is bringing his vampire girlfriend to meet her. Tomorrow I have court. And if I can get through that without issue, then I’m going to have a long nap.”
“What about Theseus?”
“He’s not doing anything. So neither am I.” I took the next exit and wove underneath the highway. I knew I was lying to myself. Theseus was manipulating my friends around me, slowly cornering me. But I didn’t know how to stop him.
“That’s not a good plan. You need to be ready for anything with him.”
“That’s impossible,” I said.
“Yeah,” he muttered, “that’s what I’m afraid of.”
CHAPTER 13
Vanilla and Honey came into view, and in front of it a sign that hadn’t been there before. A “For Sale” sign with a “Sold” sticker slapped across it in bold lettering.
I yanked the steering wheel to the side and parked at the curb hard enough to crash the hubs into the cement. Ernie grimaced. “Easy on the old car, Alena.”
I jerked the keys from the ignition and stepped out as a semitruck roared past, fluttering my skirt around my legs. The rumble of the big rig vibrated up through the ground and into my body through the soles of my shoes. I embraced the energy and used it to propel me forward with long strides.
From around the side of the bakery Roger appeared . . . with Colleen Vanderhoven right behind him.
Roger half turned and smiled at her. “As soon as we can get the duplicate paperwork, we’ll finish the sale, Colleen.”
“You’d better, because you and I both know your Barbie doll spent the down payment I made already. I want those recipes your wife keeps in her vault.” She poked him in the chest with one finger I knew would be filthy from the one time I’d tried to shake her hand. Her greasy neon-pink hair was pulled back in a low ponytail that would hang in any batter she tried to whip up.
Suddenly, the break-in I’d busted up the week before made sense. The robbers hadn’t been looking for money.
They’d been looking for my recipes. A low, rumbling hiss escaped my mouth as I strode toward them. They stood in front of the bakery, oblivious to my approach.
“I can’t get the locksmith in until I have proof this is my bakery,” Roger said. “You know that. The paperwork should be here in the next week or so.”
“Vanilla and Honey issss my bakery, Roger.” I snapped the words at him as I struggled to keep my fangs in place. They kept lowering as the anger in me rose, and I kept pushing them back up with my tongue. The effort made speaking interesting.
Roger spun to face me and at the same time scrambled backward. “Stay there, Alena. I don’t want to get sick.”
Colleen snorted. “She’s not sick, you fool. I can see it. Can’t you? Not even a sniffle on her stupid face.” Her brown eyes narrowed as they landed on me. “Poor little rich girl, all the money in the world handed to you, and you end up not being able to use it because you’re a supernatural. How awful. The bakery is going to be mine.” She snapped her fingers at my face. I clenched my teeth to keep from biting her.
“I suggest you leave, lady.” Ernie floated at my shoulder as he glared at Colleen. “She’s about two seconds from shifting into a seriously badass snake. She could swallow you whole, without a problem. Well, maybe two gulps—you’re a bigger girl, aren’t you?”
Colleen’s wicked gaze slid from me to Ernie. “You’re a mouthy one, aren’t you, for being miniature?”
He put his hands on his hips. “Look who’s talking, fat nose.”
I stepped close enough that our chests touched, and I stared down at her, using every inch of my height to its full effect.
“Colleen, I will burn the bakery to the ground before I let you have it,” I said. “And I’ll tell the insurance adjusters I did it so you get nothing, Roger.”
He gasped. Colleen pushed away from me, spluttered, then finally spun and walked away. For the first time I’d rendered her speechless. Roger not so much.
“You wouldn’t dare burn it down!”
“I would!” I yelled. “I would. Better that it be in ashes and dust than in her hands. No money for you . . . you . . . asshole!”
I stormed away from him, put the keys in the lock, and let myself into the cool interior of the bakery. I leaned against the door. Roger banged on it, thundering with his fists.
“You’re crazy, you’re not getting anything tomorrow. Nothing. You’re the monster, I’m the human, remember? And I have a lawyer who is going to destroy you.” In classic Roger fashion, he shoved a card into the mail slot. It fell to my feet, a single name blinking up at me.
Merlin.
I dropped my head to my chest, all hope fleeing in a matter of seconds.
Roger walked away, and I listened to his heartbeat flutter and slow the farther away he got.
“You held it together, Alena. That was good.” Ernie flew in front of me at eye level. “You kept your snake under control.”
I bent and scooped up Merlin’s card. “He hired a warlock to defend him in a human court. How would he even know who Merlin is?”
Ernie shook his head. “He wouldn’t. Unless he was approached. Which would only happen if he had the Aegrus virus.”
I groaned. “I made him think I was sick yesterday. I coughed all over him. They would have stuck him in quarantine . . . What do you want to bet Merlin paid him a visit?”<
br />
“Well, that seriously stinks like nymph shit.”
I grunted and pushed off the door, turning only to lock it behind me. In case Roger came back. “Ernie, he’s right. I’m going to get nothing tomorrow. Especially if Merlin is helping him. Even Yaya wanted me to hire him. I mean, think about it. If he can convince me, a Firstamentalist born and raised, that being turned into a Super Duper is okay, what judge stands a chance with his slick words? For all I know, he really is a lawyer.” I bent the card in half.
Ernie’s wings drooped. “He is a lawyer, but I don’t think he’s practiced in a long time.”
“Roger outed me. Maybe I could do the same to Merlin?” I unbent the card and stared at it. “Then he couldn’t represent Roger.”
“The humans won’t even realize he’s a supernatural,” Ernie said. “Even if they gave him a blood test, warlocks are the one brand of Supe that don’t show up. They’re just magical humans. They can slide through without being noticed.”
Well, that explained things, but it didn’t help me.
I stood there, despair flowing through me. “I don’t have a shot then, Ernie. Between the judge and Merlin, Roger has won. I might as well not even show up.”
“Don’t give up. Please,” he said.
“Why does it matter to you? Nothing changes in your world if I win or lose.”
I walked through the front of the store, around the counter, and into the kitchen. I flicked on the lights and grabbed a few bowls before he answered.
“You’re fighting not just for yourself but for all of us. This could change the way Super Dupers, as you say, are seen. We could all have rights if you can get them to really acknowledge you.”
I glanced at him as I grabbed a bag of flour. “But, Ernie, you’re not really a Super Duper like me. You’re a part of the Greek pantheon. Isn’t that different?”
“Maybe at one point, but not anymore. We’ve all been lumped into the same category.”
I started mixing the cupcakes I’d planned on for desert. Butter pecan with candied pecans and cream cheese icing to top them off.
Ingredients went into the mixer, and I made myself think about the hearing the next day and what my yaya had said. “Maybe Merlin isn’t really going to help Roger. Maybe he’s going to help me by sinking Roger’s case?”
Ernie’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. “Would you even want that kind of help from him? You’d end up owing Merlin something.”
“Owing him something is better than giving Roger anything. What I really need is someone who’s familiar with the law, who can help me through the loopholes.” I cracked three eggs and dumped them into the batter.
Ernie was quiet long enough that I looked up. He had a strange look on his face as his cheeks flushed red and the lines between his brow furrowed.
“Are you constipated?”
He spluttered, “I am not. I’m thinking.”
I smiled. “Not what it looks like from here, like you’re all backed up.”
“Potty humor, really?”
I shrugged, still fighting a grin. “I have a brother and a father. I know what constipation on a man looks like.”
“Look, are you going to be serious here? I have an idea,” he said.
I stared at the cupcakes as I ran my tongue over the roof of my mouth. “I think I have one too. You first.”
Ernie sat on the counter. “You have someone who knows the law inside and out, and he likes you.”
I shook my head. “Remo? The session is in the afternoon. Not as late as my first one. He won’t be awake yet.” I spooned the batter into cupcake molds, making sure to get the perfect amount.
“I mean Hephaestus. You said he is Smithy, right? So he knows the law, and he’s smart. And mean when he wants to be. You need someone downright mean on your side, someone who can stand up to Merlin.”
I slid the pan of cupcakes into the oven and started on the next one. “But I wouldn’t need him if Merlin didn’t show up, right?”
Ernie flew around so we were eye to eye. “What are you thinking?”
I batted my eyelashes at him. “What if I took Merlin a peace offering that happened to have a little venom in it? Just enough to make him sick? Too sick for court. I mean, it could be an accident, right? Will my venom work that way?”
Ernie’s jaw opened and closed several times. “Damn, that is . . .”
“Brilliant?” I offered.
“I was going to say wicked badass, but brilliant will do. And yes, we can make your venom work that way.” He chuckled. “You won’t need much at all. Put a drop into a cup, and then we can dilute it down with some kind of liquor.”
My theory was good, but making it happen was a little more difficult. I tried to pry one of my overlong fangs forward, but it stayed clamped to the roof of my mouth. I blew out a raspberry of frustration.
“Sure, they drop when I don’t want them to, but when I do want them around, they’re cemented to me,” I grumbled.
Ernie pursed his lips a moment before speaking. “What makes them drop?”
“Anger. Frustration.” Remo, something about Remo softened them up. Just his name floating through my mind loosened the hold my fangs seemed to have. I reached up and pulled one forward. A single drop of venom plopped into the glass cup I had under my mouth.
I let my fang go, and it snapped back into place.
“What did you think of? You weren’t angry.” Ernie had a smirk on his face. Like he already knew the answer. Maybe he did; he was the Greek version of Cupid.
“None of your beeswax.”
“Remo, huh? Or maybe Smithy now too?”
I whipped around, a wooden spoon in my hand. “Neither. I’m a married woman. I don’t think about things like that about other men, like that, you know that.”
The jumble of words was a mess of a defense.
“Hey, don’t be pointing weapons at me!” Ernie lifted both hands high above his head while he laughed.
“Stop it.”
“You’re deadly no matter what you’ve got in your hands.” He smiled. “I wonder how you’d do with an actual weapon instead of kitchen utensils if you got in a fight.”
I stared down at the drop of venom in the bottom of the glass. “If I dilute this with ouzo, you think that would work?” I reached above the sink and flipped the cupboard open. A variety of liqueurs and alcohol stared back at me. Ernie fluttered close.
“I thought you didn’t drink.”
“I don’t drink. They’re used in baking.”
“And the ouzo, why that one?”
I grabbed the bottle labeled as such and uncorked the Greek liquor. The faint licorice scent rolled up to my nose, and I immediately pulled back. “Seems fitting with everything that’s happened lately.”
I filled the glass with the drop of venom to the top with the ouzo. I gave it a quick stir with a spoon and then stopped. “With my venom this diluted, will it do anything at all?”
Ernie grimaced. “It won’t kill him, I know that much. As powerful as your venom is, you still would need a straight shot into his body with your fangs to pump enough in to kill him.”
I tapped the glass with the spoon. “But will this make him sick enough to not go into the courthouse?”
“Should. But I’m not taste testing for you.”
Pulling out cream cheese and icing sugar, I began to make the frosting. Butter, a splash of vanilla. And a quarter teaspoon of the ouzo mixture, just enough for a faint smell of licorice and fennel to fill the air.
Ernie stared down into the mixer as it whipped the concoction up. The timer dinged, I took the cupcakes out, and Ernie grabbed one and flew to the other side of the room. “I want one before you cover it with your nasty spit.”
I snorted. “I’m making a second batch of icing. I have to take these for dinner to my parents.”
“Groovy.” He rubbed his hands together with glee. “I missed out on your muffins, so I have lost time to make up with your other baked goods.”
Both frostings and the topping made, I picked up the best-formed cupcake. I put the venom frosting into a piping bag and piped it onto the cupcake for Merlin. I put on a good two inches of the thick white frosting, making a perfect swirl like a soft-serve ice-cream cone.
I tossed the toasted and caramelized pecans into the food processer and then took the sprinkles and dusted the top of the cupcake. I held it up for Ernie’s inspection. “Good enough to eat?”
“If I didn’t know what was in that frosting, I’d steal it from you right now. It smells good too.” He licked his lips.
A thought rumbled around in the back of my head. I had more than one person I’d like to give a venomous cupcake to. Like Zeus . . . I grabbed a second cupcake and frosted it up with the ouzo-and-venom icing. Maybe I could make him wish he’d been more helpful. Dang, I really was turning into a monster. I kept on piping the frosting, a grim smile on my lips.
“Who’s that for?” Ernie bobbed around in front of me, his lips dipping into a tiny frown. I grinned up at him.
“You wait and see.”
A knock on the back door slowly drew me around. I listened and no heartbeat floated back to me. I swallowed hard and checked the clock. It was late enough that it would be dark already. I grabbed a rolling pin in one hand.
“Dahlia?”
“No.” Remo’s voice slid under the door, and my heart rate kicked up more than a few notches.
“What do you want?”
“I came to apologize. May I come in?”
I looked to Ernie, who just shrugged and said, “I’d give him another chance. But I’m also a sucker for a bad boy; they make me tingle in all my lady parts.” He winked.
I rolled my eyes. “Some help you are. Can you go to the front or something? I don’t want an audience for—”
Fangs and Fennel (The Venom Trilogy Book 2) Page 15