by Linda Turner
“So you let me go!”
“It seemed the only practical solution at the time,” he retorted, stung. “And I knew it was only a temporary situation. Once you went to trial, your name would be cleared and—”
“And life would go back to normal like none of this had ever happened?” Gavin finished for him. “Is that what you’re saying? That I’m just supposed to forget that most of the people I work with thought I was a murderer?”
To his credit, Michael did try to understand. “If I were in your shoes, I’d probably feel the same way,” he said quietly. “I saw the way you were treated. You have every right to be bitter. But you were cleared and it’s over with, Gavin. I know this will probably infuriate you, but maybe the best way to deal with this is to go on like it never happened. I’m not saying to forget what was done to you—you won’t ever be able to do that, no one would—but you’re going to have to find a way to let go of your anger or it’s going to ruin your life.”
He had a point, Gavin readily admitted. He did have to let go of his anger. But going back to work now, with people who should have known him well enough to know that he could never deliberately kill anyone, wasn’t the way to do it.
“I appreciate the advice, Michael,” he replied, “and the fact that you’d like me to come back to work. But the only person who really believed in me throughout this entire ordeal was Summer. She was there for me when no one else was, and she could use my help right now at her clinic on the reservation. So I’m afraid my leave of absence is going to have to continue for a while. I’m needed elsewhere. If the situation changes, I’ll give you a call.”
Not waiting for a response, he hung up, convinced he’d done the right thing, and turned back to the breakfast table to find Summer watching him with troubled eyes. Since he’d made no attempt to keep his voice down, she’d heard every word.
“You didn’t have to do that,” she said quietly. “I never intended for you to give up your job at the hospital to help me at the clinic. That wasn’t part of our agreement.”
“So I’m changing the agreement,” he said with a shrug. “If Michael doesn’t like it, tough. I did what he asked of me—I took a leave of absence. Now I’m doing what I want to do.”
“Oh, really?” Summer said with a quirk of a brow. “So now you’re saying you actually want to work at the clinic? After I had to practically twist your arm to convince you to accept my proposal?”
She had him, and they both knew it. A reluctant grin turning up one corner of his mouth, he said, “Okay. So maybe that was a stretch. I made a commitment and I will honor it. But if I can do that and pay Michael back for not protecting my position when I needed his backing, what’s wrong with killing two birds with one stone?”
“Hey, you won’t hear me complaining,” she said, holding up her hands in surrender. “Not when it means I get your help at the clinic. So when do we start? I’ve only been able to keep it open three afternoons a week, and I was hoping to expand to five full days a week, if you’re agreeable, of course.”
Alyssa chose that moment to remind them of her presence by banging on the tray of her high chair with the plastic spoon Summer had given her to play with when she’d finished her breakfast. Chuckling, Gavin arched a brow at Summer and looked pointedly at his daughter. “We’ve got to decide what we’re going to do with Little Bit first. We didn’t just get her back home to stick her in day care all day.”
Summer agreed. “What about Lettie? If she would agree to take care of her in the mornings while you opened the clinic and I worked my shift at the hospital, we could trade off the afternoons. That would give us each every other afternoon off to be with Alyssa, and she would only be at Lettie’s for about twenty hours a week. The rest of the time, she’d be home with one or both of us.”
All things considered, it was a doable schedule. It would take some effort on their part, but they could make it work. Of course, it didn’t take into consideration what they’d do when Gavin eventually returned to work at the hospital, but they’d deal with that when it happened.
“Sounds good,” Gavin said, leaning over to nuzzle Alyssa under her double chin until she giggled helplessly. “I’ll talk to Lettie this afternoon.”
Lettie was thrilled at the opportunity to take care of Alyssa again, but she’d fallen and sprained her ankle, so Summer and Gavin decided it would be better to wait a couple of days, until she was completely healed, before they left Alyssa with her. That meant they had to postpone expanding the operating hours of the clinic. In the meantime, however, Summer’s leave was up and she had to return to work at the hospital.
Up well before dawn the following morning, she’d just finished dressing and was drinking a quick cup of coffee with Gavin when there was a sudden knock at the front door. Surprised, Gavin frowned. “Who the devil can that be? It’s not even six o’clock in the morning.”
Scowling, he strode out of the kitchen to the front door, only to return seconds later with Tony Little Deer, who was more than a little frantic. “Cindy’s gone into labor,” he told Summer the second he stepped into the kitchen. “You have to come.”
Summer felt her heart stop. Cindy Little Deer was thirty-eight years old and pregnant for the first time in her life. She’d been trying to have a baby for years and was thrilled when she finally conceived. She hadn’t, however, had an easy pregnancy. She’d had trouble from the very beginning and had almost lost the baby several times. Three months ago, her husband had been killed by a drunk driver. Another woman might have miscarried right then, but it was the thought of the baby that had helped her through her grief. If something happened now, after she’d been through so much, Summer didn’t think Cindy would be able to bear it.
Already reaching for her medical bag, she frowned worriedly. “Is she sure? She’s not due for another two and a half months—”
“She’s hurting real bad, Doc. She really needs you to come.”
If they’d been talking about any other first-time mother, Summer might have hesitated, figuring it was a false alarm, but Cindy was steady as a rock. Summer had never seen her spiral into panic, even when her husband was killed. If she said the baby was coming, it was a sure bet that it was.
Turning to Gavin, she said, “Will you call the hospital for me and tell them I’ve got an emergency?”
“I’ll take care of it,” he assured her. “Go on and go. It sounds like she needs you.”
He didn’t have to tell her twice. “Alyssa should be awake soon,” she said hurriedly, already halfway out the door. “There’s applesauce in the cupboard and cereal—”
“I’ll handle it,” he assured her calmly. “Go.”
Her thoughts already jumping ahead to Cindy, she went.
The door had hardly shut behind Summer when a cry went up from Alyssa’s room. “I’m coming, sweetheart,” Gavin called, rushing up the stairs. “Hang on. Daddy’s coming.”
Standing up in her bed, braced to holler again, she broke into a broad smile at the sight of him. “Da-da!”
Grinning, he laughed. “Good morning to you, too, beautiful. I guess I don’t have to ask how you slept. You’re full of sass this morning. Are you ready for breakfast or do you want to wait a while? Let’s change your diaper, then we’ll go downstairs and see, okay?”
Talking to her as though she understood every word, he changed her diaper, then carried her downstairs, confident that fatherhood was going to be a piece of cake. And why wouldn’t it be? It wasn’t as if he was a stranger to her. He’d visited her as often as possible when Lettie had taken care of her on the reservation, then again when she’d been with Rachel. They’d become great friends, and she trusted him. How difficult could taking care of a one-year-old be?
“All right,” he said brightly as he set her in her high chair and gave her a spoon to play with while he prepared her breakfast. “Summer said applesauce and cereal. I think I can handle that. How about you?”
Pleased with her spoon, she chattered in baby talk
and set about seeing how much noise she could make. Twenty seconds later, however, she became disenchanted and dropped it on her tray. “Just hold on a minute, sweetheart,” he told her when she started to fuss. “Let me mix this cereal and we’ll be all set.”
But when he made the cereal according to the directions on the back of the box, it looked like wallpaper paste. “That can’t be right,” he said to himself, then nearly jumped out of his skin when Alyssa suddenly began to squall. “All right, honey, I know you’re hungry,” he crooned, and quickly poured some milk into the cereal. Then it looked like gruel.
“Damn,” he swore, then shot her an apologetic look. “I know. I’m not supposed to talk like that in front of you. It’d be just my luck that would turn out to be your favorite word and you’d say it in church.”
Far from appeased, she let out a bellow that should have raised the roof.
“Okay, okay, so this isn’t the time for jokes. Summer said you’re supposed to like cereal, so here goes.” Hurrying over to her, he dipped a small spoon into the pasty-looking mixture and held it up to her. She took one bite and spit it out.
“Well,” he said ruefully, wiping her chin and the front of her pajamas, “I guess this means you don’t like cereal, after all. Can’t say I blame you there, sweetheart. I wouldn’t feed that to cats. How about some applesauce?”
Before giving her a bite, he tasted the stuff himself and decided it wasn’t half bad. Alyssa, however, wanted none of it. The second he held the spoon up to her mouth, she clamped her lips shut and refused to even try it.
“Aw, c’mon, Little Bit,” he groaned. “I thought you were hungry. Just try a bite for Daddy.”
For an answer, she threw the plastic spoon she’d been playing with earlier on the floor.
Patience, he reminded himself when she shoved her fist into her mouth and began to whimper. He was the adult here—he could handle this. She didn’t want cereal or applesauce and couldn’t talk to tell him what she did want, so it was up to him to find something she would eat. Rachel had sent all sorts of baby food home with her, and she, more than anyone, would know what she’d like. He’d just go through the jars and find something Alyssa wouldn’t be able to resist.
It sounded easy, but ten minutes later, he had opened jars of baby food scattered all over the kitchen, and Alyssa was still an unhappy camper. Frustrated and on the verge of pulling his hair out, Gavin picked up the phone and called Rachel.
“I apologize for bothering you, especially so early,” he said the second she came on the line, “but I don’t know what to do. Summer had to leave on an emergency and the baby’s hungry, but she won’t eat any of the food you sent home with her. She spits out everything I give her, but she keeps crying and gnawing on her fist like she’s starving to death—”
“Make her a piece of toast with jelly,” Rachel said with a chuckle, “then she’ll eat her cereal and applesauce. Your daughter has a sweet tooth, Gavin, especially in the morning, and she tends to get a teeny bit impatient. Didn’t I tell Summer? I thought I did, but the day was emotional. I may have forgotten.”
“Maybe not,” he replied. “Summer was pretty distracted when she rushed out of here—one of her patients was in labor. She probably just forgot. Anyway, thanks, Rachel. You saved both our lives.”
“I doubt that,” she laughed, “but I’m glad I could help. Make her some toast and give her a kiss for me. She’ll be fine.”
“I’ll do that,” he promised, and popped a piece of bread into the toaster the second he hung up. Minutes later, he was scrounging through the refrigerator for jelly and could come up with nothing but peanut butter. “This is all we’ve got, sweetheart. If this doesn’t work, we’re making a run to the store.”
At first, he didn’t think she was going to touch it. Staring suspiciously at the peanut butter-slathered toast he laid on her tray, she hesitated. Then reaching for it, she brought it to her mouth…and began to hum.
“Thank God!” Gavin breathed, laughing, and kissed her.
All the way to Cindy’s house deep in the heart of the reservation, Summer sent up a silent prayer that Tony had exaggerated the seriousness of his sister’s labor. It was far too soon to have the baby, and though there were certainly cases of babies that premature surviving, Summer didn’t want to put Cindy’s baby in that kind of jeopardy if she didn’t have to. After all that the poor woman had been through, she shouldn’t have to fight for her baby’s life once it was born, damn it! It just wasn’t fair.
But if Summer had learned anything in medicine, it was, unfortunately, that life wasn’t always fair. And there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.
Hang on, Cindy, she prayed as she raced toward Cindy’s with Tony buckled in beside her. She found it incredible that he’d ridden all the way to her house on his moped. It had to be thirty-five miles. But Cindy didn’t have a phone or a car and he’d had no choice.
Please, please, God, let me get there in time to help!
Cindy lived with her elderly grandmother and her brother in a two-bedroom house that was hardly as big as Gavin’s family room. Rushing inside, Summer never noticed the tightness of the quarters as Cindy’s worried grandmother hurriedly showed her to her granddaughter’s bedside. All she saw was Cindy. One look at her and she knew the baby was going to be born today and there was no stopping it.
“Dr. Kincaid, thank God you’re here! The baby—” A contraction hit her then, and with a fierce grimace of pain, Cindy grabbed Summer’s hand and held on until it passed. “It’s too soon,” she panted as tears gathered in her eyes. “Please… I can’t lose this baby!”
As worried as Cindy, Summer smiled reassuringly and squeezed her hand, never letting her see her own fears. “You’re not going to lose her. Everything’s going to be fine,” she promised her, and prayed that it was. “Let me examine you and see what’s going on.”
Giving her hand one more squeeze, Summer did a quick but thorough exam, and just as she expected, the baby was well on its way to being born. Here Summer had none of the things she needed to ensure the safe delivery of a baby two months premature. Cindy needed to be in the hospital, where she and the baby could be monitored at all times, but from the moment she’d first learned she was pregnant, she’d been adamant about having the baby at home.
Still, Summer had to try one more time to convince her of the seriousness of the situation. “Cindy, you need to be in the hospital—”
“No!”
“I don’t have any of the equipment I need for a preemie. Let me call Airlife—”
“No. I promised Dave I would have her here at home, on the reservation, just as we’d planned,” she insisted stubbornly. “After she’s born, then we can go to the hospital.”
She set her jaw and refused to budge from her position, and Summer didn’t have time to argue with her about a promise she’d made to her dead husband. Turning to Cindy’s grandmother, who was hovering close by, twisting her hands together, she said quietly, “We’re going to need a clean blanket to wrap the baby in and plenty of hot water and sheets. And I’ll need your help when the baby arrives, so you’ll need to wash your hands thoroughly and put on a clean smock or housecoat. The baby’s lungs won’t be as developed as they need to be, so we’ve got to keep conditions as sterile as possible to avoid infection. I’ll also need Tony to use my cell phone to call Airlife when it gets close to the time for the baby to be born so we can get them both to the hospital as soon as possible.”
“Yes, Doctor,” the older woman said, and quickly began gathering everything Summer had requested.
Hurriedly washing her hands, Summer expected the delivery to be a quick one, within the hour, but the baby had different ideas. The contractions didn’t stop, but they slowed, and three hours later, the baby was no closer to being born than when Summer had arrived. She didn’t mind admitting to herself that she was worried. Something was wrong. The baby wasn’t helping the way it was supposed to, which meant Cindy had to do all the pushing
, and she was quickly running out of energy. If something didn’t happen soon, she and the baby could both be in serious trouble.
Once again, she tried to talk her into going to the hospital. “I’m worried about the baby,” she told her bluntly. “I know how much she means to you and that you would never deliberately put her in jeopardy. But that’s what you’re doing, Cindy. I think she’s in distress, but there’s no way to tell without a fetal heart monitor. Let me call Airlife.”
Exhausted, wincing with the pain of another contraction, Cindy hesitated, then shook her head. “Dave is here, watching over us. He’s not going to let anything happen to our baby. She’ll come soon. Let’s give it another couple of hours.”
Summer wanted to argue with her, but Cindy was so convinced she was doing the right thing. Left with no choice, Summer had to go along with her wishes, even though she knew with a sick feeling of dread that they were headed for disaster.
One hour stretched into two, then three, and Summer lost all track of time. Then, just when she thought she was going to have to do a C-section to save Cindy, her contractions suddenly strengthened.
“Push, Cindy! That’s it!” she cried. “It looks like your daughter’s going to be born today, after all. Push!”
Groaning, Cindy gritted her teeth and pushed with the last reserves of her strength, and finally, the baby came sliding into the world. Summer should have laughed in exaltation, just as she always did when she delivered a baby, but the second she touched the baby, she knew something was horribly, terribly wrong. The little girl was perfectly formed and Cindy’s last link with her dead husband. And she didn’t have a breath of life in her little body.
Panicking, Summer quickly cleared her airway and breathed into her little mouth, working over her frantically, but her desperate efforts were too little, too late. The baby was stillborn.
Nine
Thanks to Grandmother Gray Eagle’s teachings, Summer had learned at an early age that death was a part of life and as natural as breathing. She knew that, accepted it, and thought she dealt with it as well or better than most people. That didn’t, however, mean that she ever got used to it. There was a quiet stillness that accompanied death that always chilled her blood. At the exact moment that life ceased to exist, death stole uninvited into the room when no one was looking and, with a total absence of sound, froze time itself.