Lucian Divine

by Renee Carlino

  “So why Beckett? He was a good guy,” I said.

  “Evey, Beckett is the worst kind. I know messing with him the way that I did was not right. I blame the whiskey, but I’m glad I did. Beckett is not what you think. He had a date lined up after you. He was texting her in the bathroom.”

  “You’re kidding me?”

  “No.” He frowned. “I hate telling you stuff like that. There’s no reason for it. It has nothing to do with you.”

  “It seemed like he liked me.”

  “He did. He liked you, and he liked some girl named Karla and another girl named Michelle. It’s just his age. He gets a lot of attention, and he likes it. He’ll always be that way though. I’ve been around for a long time. Men like that don’t commit because they need a lot of attention, all the time. He’s like Brooklyn’s male counterpart.”

  “Well, that makes sense.” And it did, once I thought of Beckett in those terms. “Maybe we should set him and Brooklyn up.”

  “No, they’d fight over who had more prospects.” He laughed.

  “True. But I don’t believe that Brooklyn will be single forever. I think her whole MO is just a front.”

  “Maybe. I don’t think she’s a horrible person or friend, Evey. I just think she’s taken you for granted.”

  “How do you feel about me?”

  He rolled onto his side to face me while brushing the hair out of my face. I studied his angled jaw, his black hair, his piercing eyes. “Evelyn, I’ve existed for more than two millennia. In two thousand years, I have watched over so many lives. At times, more than five souls were my responsibility alone. I’ve watched all of them die. I’ve held many of them while they were dying. It’s in my nature to do that, to give peace to my souls, to look out for them when I can, to sway the good ones to do the right thing, and to protect man and life here on Earth. I’ve watched over stunningly beautiful and brilliant women, but I have never felt love for any human the way I feel it for you. You are literally the air in my lungs.”

  I was breathless for a moment. “You don’t have to say that.”

  “It’s true. I want you to understand the difference, the magnitude. When you started dating, I went crazy. I was drinking every day, all day, worried that some asshole was going to break your heart, and at the same time, I was jealous that I couldn’t be with you, that I couldn’t be the one you laughed with, the one you made love to, the one you shared your life with.”

  “Lucian…”

  “Listen”—he put his hand on my cheek—“I can’t bear being without you. I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I’m willing to risk it all, my life ten times over, to be near you. Watching you with other men was torture. I couldn’t take it, Evey, so I made the decision to reveal myself to you. I wanted to get banished or be resigned. I never expected that I would get to be with you this way. I feel alive now. I regret nothing.”

  I wanted to reciprocate. To tell him the pull toward him was so strong it haunted my dreams, but he already knew that. I didn’t have to say anything. I kissed him gently, tugging at his beautiful bottom lip. When he closed his eyes, I said, “So you meant to show me who you really are? It wasn’t an accident and you knew there would be some consequence?”

  “Love is selfish, isn’t it?”

  We both flinched at the sound of Brooklyn fixing something in the kitchen.

  “What do I tell her? She’s going to wonder why I’m not at work. She’s going to wonder about you. Are you just going to disappear? Is that the way it will be? You pop in and out whenever you want, and I never know where you are?”

  “No, I promise I won’t do that to you. Tell her you met me a few weeks ago. Tell her I’m your boyfriend.” He smiled—boyish, sweet, innocent… human.

  I sat up on the edge of the bed. “Do you want some coffee or something?”

  “Yeah, I’d love some.” He caressed my naked back. “You are so fucking beautiful it hurts.”

  When he sat up behind me, I felt his body expand. I closed my eyes and heard the sound of his wings spreading. Suddenly they were around me, and I felt as though my body and mind had drifted off somewhere into space… into heaven.

  “Does that feel good?”

  I could barely speak. He was sucking and kissing my neck, gripping my hair with one hand and teasing my breast with the other.

  “Lucian,” I whispered, “I will never get anything done if you don’t stop touching me.” What I wanted to say was that he was ruining me for all others, that nothing would compare to the way he made me feel.

  “I can’t help it,” he said.

  He removed his hands. I opened my eyes and his wings were gone and he was just a man, albeit a ridiculously gorgeous man. He had the sheet over his lap, and he was smirking with confidence. He knew he had gotten me all hot and bothered. He was a god, truly, a perfect specimen.

  “No one will believe you want to be with me,” I told him.

  “Stop being insecure. You have no reason to be. You’re insanely gorgeous. Even during your awkward stage, you were beautiful.”

  When I scowled, he laughed. “Awkward stage?” I crossed my arms and pouted.

  “Yeah, like between eleven and fourteen, the acne… yowza!”

  I socked him in his solid arm. “Ha ha, very funny. I’m going to make coffee even though it’s three in the afternoon.”

  I put on a T-shirt and underwear. My hair was going in every direction, and I could feel the permanent flush on my face. When I walked into the kitchen Brooklyn was leaning against the counter, cutting tomatoes. She set the knife down without a word, and watched me go to the coffee pot to begin filling it.

  “Have you been here the whole time? I thought you left this morning.”

  I was smiling and couldn’t stop. “I did. I came back.”

  “When she ran into me at the café,” came Lucian’s voice.

  We both turned around to take him in, standing in the doorway wearing nothing but a pair of black jeans sans boxers. Dear God.

  Brooklyn’s mouth was on the floor. She was taking ogling to a new level.

  “Brooke,” I said, “do you mind?”

  “Hi,” she said.

  He approached her. “I’m Lucian.”

  “Lucian,” she whispered, breathlessly.

  “Yep,” he said with a cocky grin. Oh geez, he is full of himself when he’s not drunk and emo. He stretched out his arms, and Brooke and I fixated on his flexing muscles. “God, I feel great.” He looked up at the ceiling and said, “I mean it, old man.”

  That was the first I had heard Lucian address God directly, and he had done it openly and humorously. I giggled. Brooklyn was still speechless.

  “How do you two know each other?” she said finally.

  “We go way back,” Lucian replied.

  “Well, not really,” I corrected him. “He was in fashion school for a year before he dropped out.”

  He looked at me with a scowl and mouthed, “Really?”

  “You never mentioned him… or wait, was this the thing you were rambling about this morning?” Brooklyn said. “What was the deal with the wings?”

  “I was kidding.” Brooklyn would buy anything. “I was feeling you out to make sure you hadn’t bagged him and didn’t want to tell me. He and I had lost touch, then I ran into him a few weeks ago, and we went on a couple dates.”

  She turned her back to Lucian and frowned at me before whispering, “Did you hide him from me because you were afraid he’d like me more?” That was how Brooklyn’s mind worked. She could be arrogant and insulting in one sentence.

  I didn’t know if Lucian had heard her, but he crossed the kitchen in two large strides and kissed me. When my knees buckled, his hand went to the small of my back to hold me up.

  “I missed you in there,” he said. “Come back to bed.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Brooklyn said in a rush of air.

  Lucian turned to face her. “Something the matter, Brooklyn?”

  He picked me up in o
ne fell swoop and carried me back to my room. The whole time Brooklyn was looking on in shock.

  Inside my room, I fake-whined, “But I never got my coffee.”

  He set me on the bed, left the room, and returned two minutes later with two cups of coffee. “She was still frozen in shock when I went into the kitchen, and then she tried to flirt with me. I really cannot believe you’ve put up with her crap all these years.”

  “She’s not that bad,” I said.

  He shrugged and then sat down against the headboard and crossed his legs at the ankles. I couldn’t stop staring at him.

  “What, Evey?” His deep dimple appeared. It was cocky Lucian.

  I gave in to him. “Nothing. You’ve had years to stare at me; I just want to look at you.”

  “That’s fair.” He winked.

  I sat next to him and felt something sticking out of the sheet under my leg. It was a thick black feather. I held it up. “Looks like you lost one.”

  Lucian stared at it impassively. Several long, silent, strange seconds went by.

  “What’s wrong?” I said.

  “That’s impossible.” He stood quickly, and his astounding wings were suddenly spread on full display. He was inspecting them.

  After taking the feather from my hand, he pressed it to his wing and let go, but it just drifted, slowly and sadly, to the floor as we both followed it with our eyes. Lucian’s expression was pure horror. I was just confused.

  “What? That doesn’t happen?” I reached for it.

  “Never,” he said, staring off into space.

  I held the feather for a second before it turned to ash.

  “Poof,” Lucian said, in shock.

  “What does this mean?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He retracted his wings and plopped onto the bed. The first ungraceful thing I had ever seen him do. He sank down and curled into me, clearly seeking comfort.

  “Are you okay?” I said.

  “I don’t know. I’ll have to go see Mona tonight. She’ll know.” He closed his eyes.

  I knew he didn’t sleep, so I just held him. It was hard to believe I wasn’t in panic mode. My whole world had shifted on its axis. Questions were running through my mind at hyper speed. For a moment, I thought everything I’d ever wanted to know could be answered. I could ask Lucian anything. The meaning of life was within my grasp, but strangely, this cocky, brilliant, funny, attractive celestial being was just a lost little boy who had been existing on sheer faith like so many of us. He knew little more than I did about God, religion, and the afterlife. I should have been terrified, but Lucian was real in my hands. I trusted him implicitly. I could feel that we had always been connected.

  “Do you want a drink?” I asked.

  He shook his head. After a few seconds of silence and some deep breaths, he said, “I’m not going to let one little disintegrating feather ruin our day.” He smiled, seeming satisfied, before closing his eyes again and nuzzling into my chest.

  “Right,” I said.

  A moment later, his eyes shot open as he sat up quickly. “I just realized something.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I’m free. Fuck, let’s do something. Let’s go have sex in the shower and go eat and go to a movie and go dancing and walk through Golden Gate Park. Let’s sail. Do you want to sail? What about bowling? Oh my God, I want to dance in the rain. I want to hold your hand on the trolley. Let’s go to the Wharf and eat clam chowder. Let’s take one of those shitty ferries to Alcatraz and then I’ll fly us back. I’m only one feather short. You should see Zack’s wings; seriously, it’s amazing the guy can even get off the ground. I’ll be fine. I feel like a million bucks. Evey, I feel alive!” He was excited, triumphant even, and talking a million miles an hour.

  “I’ll do anything you want. Do you want to meet my parents?” Why I had the urge to take Lucian to my parents’ house, I’ll never know, but it was a strong urge.

  “Jane and Steve? Yeah, I know them well.”

  “But they don’t know you.”

  “True. Let’s go to Oakland to see your parents. After the shower sex though, okay?”

  I kissed him on the nose. “Deal.”

  I called my mom and asked if we could come out for dinner. I told her I was bringing someone for them to meet. Thinking back to the conversation I had had with my parents earlier, she must have thought I was hesitant to introduce them.

  “Is this the guy you told your father about?” she asked.

  “What guy?” I said, forgetting momentarily that I had mentioned my date from the other night. “Oh yeah, sort of.”

  “Sort of?” There was no humor in my mother’s voice.

  “He’s been a good friend for a while. You guys will like him. We just started dating.”

  “Okay, I’ll make spaghetti. Will he like that?”

  “I’m sure, Mom.”

  Lucian was already in the shower. “Get in here,” he yelled.

  I covered the mouthpiece of the phone and yelled back, “One second.” I returned to my mother. “Mom, we’ll be there in about an hour.”

  “Okay, honey. Love you.”

  When I left my room to head toward the bathroom, Brooklyn was leaning against the wall in the hall, staring me down. I scowled at her. “Mind your own business,” I said before she could even get a word out.

  “I’m just shocked is all. And I’m leaving, getting a bite with Cherry.”

  Cherry was the friend Brooklyn always tried to use to make me jealous. Brooklyn and I clearly had an unhealthy relationship, but I didn’t care anymore, and I wasn’t jealous of her friendship with Cherry. Cherry was a head case.

  Inside the bathroom, I undressed. Unabashed, I stepped into the shower behind Lucian. He turned immediately and took me in his arms.

  “Hello, beautiful,” he said, and then his mouth was on my neck, and there was no more talking.

  Shower sex isn’t always easy or satisfying. It rarely is, actually, but with Lucian, it was pure bliss. I was weightless. Even after we were through, I felt like everything was perfect and right in the world. But how could it be, when what we were doing must have been breaking some cosmic law of the universe?

  I wanted to crawl back into bed with him, but Lucian convinced me to get dressed. We walked to the BART. He was glancing all around, looking for something or looking at something. He grabbed my hand at one point and jerked me forcefully in a different direction.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “Nothing. I’m getting some strange looks. And I didn’t see Zack or Abigail on my way out.”

  “Who’s Abigail?”

  “Brooklyn’s poor excuse for an angel. It doesn’t matter. Let’s just get to your parents.”

  “Should we fly there?” I wiggled my eyebrows, excited over the idea.

  “Probably not a good idea. We should try to blend in, lay low for a while until I can figure out what’s going on.”

  On the BART he held me close as he braced the metal pole. The train car was full, and Lucian looked to be on high alert for some reason.

  “I just want to get to your parents’,” he kept saying.

  “Are you worried you can’t protect me anymore?”

  “No, I can protect you.” He stared into my eyes. “You’re safe, okay?”

  “Okay,” I said, but I already knew that.

  My parents lived in a small suburb of Oakland, in the same house I was born in. It was a modest tract home, but it was warm and always smelled like homemade food. My mother swung the door open before I could ring the doorbell.

  “Hello,” she said with a smile. Her attention was immediately drawn to Lucian as he held out his hand.

  “Hello, Ms. Casey, it’s nice to meet you,” Lucian said.

  “Please call me Jane.” She appraised him and seemed taken aback.

  “Okay, Jane,” he said as they continued shaking hands for what seemed like too long.

  She turned on her heel and walked tow
ard the hallway. “Come on in and meet Evey’s dad.”

  In the hallway, I whispered, “Did you do something to her?”

  “No, I swear.”

  “What was her deal? She acted odd.”

  He shrugged. “I have no idea why.”

  My father and Lucian had a similar introduction, then my mother offered Lucian a drink. He declined, and I was surprised.

  “Is it all right if I have a glass of wine?” I asked him.

  “Of course,” he said, as if it were a silly question.

  My mother pulled me into the small guest bathroom and shut the door.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  She was wearing a funny yellow apron that said Sauce Boss on it. I laughed at it, but she wasn’t amused. My mother and I looked exactly alike in facial structure and body, but she had blond hair and blue eyes and I had dark hair and dark eyes like my father. Her eyebrows arched.

  “Say something, Mother.”

  “What does he do for a living? He’s older than you, right? Where did you meet him?”

  “Geez, is this the Spanish inquisition? You don’t like him?”

  “Evey, he’s gorgeous—I mean, exotically handsome, but I don’t know him and this just seems a bit sudden. I’m just curious about him. Curious why you’ve never mentioned him, and you’re already bringing him home to meet the parents.”

  “God, he really is good-looking, isn’t he?” I said dreamily.

  “Evelyn, focus.”

  “I’ve known him for a while. He’s a bit older than me.” What an understatement that was. “I met him through mutual friends. He’s in securities.”

  “Securities?” My mom looked skeptical.

  “Some kind of business with brokerage firms… something like that.”

  “So he works in the city? In an office?”

  I hesitated. “Yes?”