“You have no idea? Really? Derek told me what you did,” I say.
“What I did?”
“What you did.”
“What did he say I did?”
I take a deep breath, breathe out, and say, “you tried to kiss him.”
“What?”
“You tried to kiss him. When he wanted to show you his boat. On the trail. On the steps down to the boat. You grabbed him and tried to kiss him! You’ve never given up on him, not ever, in all the years since he dumped you and married me you’ve been after him!” I’m speaking so fast I hardly have time to take a breath. She just sits there shaking her head until I finally run out of words.
“That’s not what happened, Carly.”
“Yes it is! I saw you when he put his hand on your leg! You moved your leg so his hand would slide up under your skirt!”
“Carly, think about it. How could I do that? It’s bloody near impossible! He tried to put his hand up my skirt! And down on the trail, he grabbed me. I can barely tolerate being near him, so I sure as fuck wouldn’t make a pass at him! If I wanted him I wouldn’t have dumped him years ago.”
“He said he broke up with you.”
“So why did he keep calling me? He was practically stalking me, remember? It was on one of those unannounced visits that he somehow convinced you to go out with him.”
“He seemed so lost. When he broke up with you, he was alone here. No family even.”
“As if he ever gave a shit about his family! What a manipulator!”
“He said he was falling in love with me.”
“I’m not saying that’s impossible, Carly, you are very loveable. But he’s a pig! I warned you about him.”
“I thought it was just because, well, like he said, you were put out because he dumped you.”
“Pffft! He dumped me? What an ass! I couldn’t believe it when he got you pregnant right away so you’d marry him. You seemed happy so I didn’t say anything but I think it was deliberate. What did he say, ‘I’ve been around enough to know what to do, it doesn’t feel good to wear a condom’, correct?”
My head spins. How could she possibly know about that? “How did you…”
“He tried to talk me out of taking the pill. Concern for my health because there might be a link to breast cancer or some other ridiculous reason. Concern for my health, my ass. I think he might even have stolen my pills when I refused. I know they were gone. Remember I asked you if you knew where they were?”
“Um, no I don’t remember that.”
“You do remember I ended up going for the injections, right? And right after that, I dumped him.”
“I guess I remember that.”
“Anyway, I would never have come to your place for dinner if it wasn’t for the fact it was the only way I could see you, since you never want to meet for lunch, or a girl’s night out, or anything. You, not Derek! Although he never gives us a minute alone. It’s astonishing he’s left the two of us here now!”
“But…” I glance out the window and see Derek and Nullah on the back deck of the boat. Derek is looking directly at us, his face creased in a frown. Lita follows my gaze and draws a quick breath. I lean away to put more distance between us.
She says, “you look so serious. Smile, honey. Pretend we’re sharing a joke!” She starts with a fake little laugh and goes cross-eyed as she looks at me. In a heartbeat we’re both genuinely laughing.
When we see the men climb out of the boat and start toward the door, Lita says, “we need to talk some more, Carly. From now on, answer my texts.”
“I can’t really text on my new phone,” I tell her. “And Derek wouldn’t like it.”
“So don’t tell him,” she advises. “But you wanted to meet with us now. Is it because of Nullah’s company?”
I fiddle with my napkin-wrapped cutlery, and quietly admit it. “Yes.”
“And what do you mean, Derek wouldn’t like you calling me? He doesn’t want you calling me?”
“No.”
She blows out a long breath and says, “but he doesn’t have to know about it. Call when you can.”
“What if he checks my phone to see who I’ve called?”
“Use your landline.”
“We don’t have a landline anymore.”
“Oh? Well, then, delete your recents.”
“I don’t know how!”
“If you can’t figure it out, then tell him you’re checking to see if there’s any news from Nullah. And there’s always email.”
“I don’t… I can’t email. I don’t have a computer. And all my phone does is, er, phone.”
“Call when you can, then.”
The men come through the door. I give Lita a quick nod of agreement just as they rejoin our table. As Derek sits and pulls his chair up to the table he looks at me and says, “you gals sure had your heads together. What were you talking about? Looked like it must have been funny.”
“Girl talk,” I tell him.
Derek frowns and says, “since when are menstrual cramps funny?”
“Pfft! You think that’s all women have to talk about?” Lita asks. “I was telling her Nullah had never heard me fart. He still wouldn’t have, except one night when we were getting out of the hot tub, I bent over to get my croc out from under the step and with no warning, just ripped one.”
I’m taken aback but force a smile. Derek frowns.
Nullah chuckles and says, “I was facing her way, too. It was an impressive fart, went on for several minutes, and the smell was enough to gag a maggot.”
“Don’t lie,” Lita says, “my farts smell delicious. Like chili.”
“Maybe the chili you make,” he says.
I draw a quick breath. He’s obviously exaggerating. No fart could go on for minutes, but I would have been hurt and insulted by that chili comment. Lita shrugs, obviously not offended.
Derek forces an awkward chuckle. I know I’m going to hear more about this later. I’m sure he’ll have an opinion about me laughing at something so vulgar.
Lita says, “hey, have you guys started surfing the net with your TV? I didn’t know you could do that. Nullah has ours all set up. Very nice, especially for YouTube.”
I feel a jolt of interest. I could use the TV to get on the internet? “Can we do that, Derek?”
“No. We don’t have a Smart TV.
“You don’t?” Lita asks. “I thought you had the latest and best of everything.”
I don’t miss the sarcasm. From the look Nullah gives her, he doesn’t either. “You don’t need to ditch a perfectly good tv to upgrade. There’s a gadget that makes any TV smart,” he says. “Just get a TV box. Costs about fifty bucks.”
“If I thought I needed a smart TV I’d buy one. I wouldn’t piss around with a box,” Derek says.
The server brings our food and we’re quiet as we all dig in to our meals. I slice open my fish so it can cool and discover it’s soggy and doughy, but I don’t say anything. My mind is abuzz. I could surf the net on the TV? And what about Lita’s shocking allegation about Derek’s lies? I think she might be right. Derek kept coming around for weeks after they weren’t seeing each other any more. It could have been because he was falling in love with me, like he said, but then didn’t he always ask for Lita?
Whatever. I no longer think it will be possible to get the two of them together. Not just because she seems to be telling the truth about how she feels about Derek, but, well, Nullah. He’s obviously successful, looks at her as if she’s the sun and the moon, and she’s looking back the same way. Who could blame her?
From the looks he’s been giving Nullah and the lie about his boat, I’d say Derek finds him threatening. Between mouthfuls, he’s telling Nullah about all the exams he took to get admitted to the bar in Canada, how difficult they were and how he doubts any of his colleagues could have passed them.
“We know you’re very well qualified,” Nullah tells him. “We’re looking seriously at your CV.”
; “Taking long enough,” Derek says.
“I know, waiting’s hard. We want to be sure it’s a good fit because we want to foster a long-term relationship.”
“Sure,” Derek grumbles, and stabs his steak sandwich.
I look at him and realize that he’s a liar, not just about what he’s talking about today, but about so many other things. I’ve known it for a while, but buried it in the back of my mind. He’s also lied to me. Many times. And now he’s lying to impress Nullah. I know he wants to buddy up to him. He’s brought it up often since he first came up with the idea, and now there’s an edge of desperation in his voice even I can’t miss.
Lita is watching me with a perplexed expression. She says, “so, Carly, let’s get together for lunch sometime next week, okay? Just us girls. So we can catch up.”
I nod.
“I’m going to hold you to that,” she insists.
***
“WHERE ON EARTH did she dig up that asshole,” Derek wonders. We’ve just left the pub. While we watch the passenger ferry approach, Nullah and Lita on their big boat slip away from the wharf and Lita waves. Derek smiles and waves back, then says, “he looks like a fuckin’ illegal alien. Is he Mexican? How’d he wind up here, and where’d he get the money for a boat like that? And he owns fitness clubs? Wonder if he’s a drug dealer.”
“How could he be a drug dealer?”
“How else could a wetback own all that?”
“Did he tell you he’s Mexican?”
“Didn’t have to. I grew up in Arizona, remember? I’ve seen enough greasers in my life to know one when I see one.”
“He doesn’t have that kind of an accent, though. I think he sounds more like an Aussie.”
“Maybe he’s part of a cartel,” Derek continues as if I haven’t spoken. “It would explain why he has that boat. Just cruise down the coast outside the US and Canadian territorial waters, fill the hold with cocaine or heroin, and cruise on back to Nanaimo. How else could he get that kind of money?”
“He said he got the North American distributorship for that line of workout equipment when the company was just starting out.”
“Yeah, well, he would say something like that. Make up a cover story. Bet he deals drugs outta those clubs. I think I’ll report him.”
“You mean call the cops and tell them you think he’s dealing drugs, with no proof?”
Derek snorts loudly, shakes his head and frowns at me. “Why do you think the cops have that anonymous tip line, dummy? They’re always looking for tips. They’d send an undercover guy in to make a buy and they’d have the proof. Easy peazy. In fact, the more I think about it, it would carry more weight if they knew it was me, one of the top lawyers in town, tipping them off. There may even be a reward.”
“A reward?”
“Yeah, a reward.”
“But what if you’re right and the cops, er, bust him? If he gets arrested, how will that help you get the retainer for the business?”
“You don’t think Mr. Finnegan is involved in it, do you? He wouldn’t be. He’s got more class than that. I bet he doesn’t even know he’s hooked up with Mexican drug runners. With Nelly out of the way, maybe I just slide in and take his place.”
“You mean, run the fitness clubs? But they’d have others in the company that already know the business—”
“After what they’d owe me for getting him out? Pfft! What do you know? Nothing.”
I draw a quick breath and turn away.
The ferry chugs into its slip, and when the incoming passengers have offloaded, we’re among the few who get on for the return trip to Nanaimo.
We’re in our car heading home, and I think Derek has forgotten about Lita’s fart story until he says, “so, you laugh like a banshee because Lita tells a vulgar story about farting. Something she should be embarrassed about. Instead she acts as if she’s proud of it.”
“No, she just thought it was funny—”
“Well, it’s not funny. And you’re going to meet her for lunch?”
I look straight ahead, wondering what his take on that will be. I know he doesn’t want the two of us together, or even me calling her, so what is he thinking about a girl lunch? Will he want me to cancel? Or maybe he’ll want to go with me?
“That’s good,” he says, nodding vigorously. “It’s good. Keep on laughing. But keep to business.”
“I will,” I assure him.
“If you say anything—and I mean anything—that makes me look bad. Anything that tanks my chances with that big stupid fucker…”
“I won’t!” I swallow hard. “Why would I say anything to make you look bad? I want you to get that assignment as much as you do!”
“It’s not just an assignment,” he scowls. “It’ll mean a lot of assignments. It’s called a retainer.”
“Retainer, then. I want you to get it. I’m sure you’ll get it.”
“You’re sure? Well, that’s just such a fuckin’ comfort. I’ll be sure and pass your opinion along to the boss.”
We ride along in silence until we reach the Cedar Road turnoff, when he asks, “how could you laugh at that fart story? It’s disgusting. And it’s disgusting you laughed.”
“I was, umm, the way she was laughing that was funny. You know laughter is infectious,” I tell him. “I know it’s a good connection for you. I had to go along with it. And you’ll want me to keep, er, being friends with her, right? Keep in touch? You could get to be one of Nullah’s friends. That would be a really good connection. ”
He nods.
“I’m going to need the car on Friday, Derek. Maybe I should have my own now. We could go buy one today. Not a new one, just something inexpensive and reliable. Maybe one of those they have out in front of the tire shop with the For Sale signs in the window. We’ll be driving right past it anyway.”
“Today? Don’t be stupid. I can’t afford it and it’s not a purchase I would rush into, even if I thought you actually needed a vehicle. She can drive you.”
“I can’t ask her to come all the way out to our place to pick me up.”
“You can walk over to the café and meet her there, then.”
“Still, that’s at least a twenty-minute drive from her office. She wouldn’t have a long enough lunch break.”
“Take a cab. You’re a lousy driver anyway, and a cab makes more sense. No cash outlay to buy a car. No payments. No insurance. No gas or maintenance. Just call a cab when you need one. Way more cost effective than buying a car. I’ll set up an account with the taxi company so you can just sign a chit. You don’t even have to pay them.” He hums for another few minutes before continuing, “now that I think about it, it’s a great idea. You can take a cab when you shop for groceries, too.” He grins and nods as he thinks it through. “That’ll really free up my weekends. No more waiting for you at the store. I can take Jennifer where she wants to go. I’ll join the golf club. I can go to the gym without wasting time at the grocery store and you can get your groceries whenever.”
“You don’t need to go to the grocery store with me, Derek. You never did before. And I don’t know why you don’t let me shop in the evenings.”
“In the evening is when they have all the shit stuff out. You don’t want to buy lettuce and stuff that’s been out all day!”
“I don’t think…”
“That’s right, you don’t think. And you only shopped without me when Jennifer was with you. When you took Jennifer to swimming. So you didn’t dilly dally around in the store for hours.”
“I don’t stay in the store for hours. I can shop by myself.”
“Sure, and you’ll buy all sorts of crap we don’t need. I can’t afford the grocery bills if you’re left to buy whatever.”
“So that’ll be different if I take a cab?”
“We’ll give it a try. If you bring home a bunch of useless crap…”
“Useless crap?”
“Useless groceries. Five kinds of flour comes to mind. Not just groceries, eithe
r. Cookbooks and magazines. And knickknacks! We need more cat ornaments? More little potted plants?”
I shake my head slowly. “I guess not.”
A song he likes comes on the radio and he turns up the volume. He hums along, then suddenly turns the volume down again and says, “I’m going to need a new boat.”
“A new boat? But you just got a new boat.”
“You think I want to go boating with Nelly and his friends in a cuddy cabin? What kind of impression would that make?”
“But that’s months away. Next spring, or summer. If you get him arrested…”
“Those things take time. Maybe years, even, if they want to take down the whole ring. I’ll be buddying up to him in the meantime. Might even get more inside info for the cops that way.”
Now he’s going to be an informant? “But that’s dangerous!”
“I know how to handle myself.” He squirms in his seat as if to sit taller and I realize he’s picturing himself as some kind of 007. And buying a big boat when just minutes ago, he said he couldn’t afford a used car? “I’ll get at least a forty-footer,” he says with a nod.
“But the expense! You were complaining about how much we owe on credit cards, and how expensive it is to have Jennifer in that school. And our house payments and payments on this SUV! How can we afford another new boat?”
“It’s not another boat, dummy,” he scowls. “I’ll trade in the one I already have. And remortgage the house.”
“But remortgage our house? I thought we were thinking of selling it and buying something more affordable.”
“When was that, five years ago? I can’t live in a vinyl box in a subdivision! I need to live in a house as good as Jackson’s. Well, maybe not Jackson’s, but Duffy’s for sure.” He scowls and shakes his head. “I won’t have to remortgage. I’ll get a second mortgage. And I have a line of credit. And Jennifer can start going to public school.”
“But Derek, you wanted Jennifer in that school because Mr. Jackson’s kids go there. And you wouldn’t really make her change schools, would you? Leave all her friends? And the band? You know how much she’s looking forward to the trip to Ottawa for the band competition!”
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