by K NICOLE
A heard a big thud and then someone climbing up the stairs. I was too weak to even stand up. Drained. This drained me. It was taking all of my energy.
“Diah.”
The sound of his voice so close to me made me turn up my nose in disgust. I wished he would leave and never come back. Just leave me and the kids alone. What else didn’t I know about my husband?
“Go away,” I said, but it came out more like a croak.
“What do I need to do to fix this? You’re throwing all of my shit out like I don’t pay the bills here. As if it wasn’t my money that brought this place!” he said softly and arrogantly.
I stood, looked him in those brown eyes and said, “Then I’ll leave and I’m taking the kids with me.”
“We can work this out,” sighed Roman, reaching for me. I pulled back from him.
I laughed a deep laugh that came deep from within my belly. This nigga. Fucked around and now he thinks we can work this shit out. I refused to be that woman. I refused to be married to a man that cheated and thought because he apologized that everything would be okay and fixed.
Lightheaded, I trekked past him and into the room we once shared. I dug out my Louis Vuitton suitcase, and began to pack my shit. If he wasn’t leaving, then I was.
“What the fuck are you doing, Diah? You’re not leaving me bruh!”
Roman grabbed the suitcase and I reached for it, but he was too quick. I ended up losing my balance and falling onto my face and stomach.
“Damn baby,” He said, rushing to my aid.
Ignoring that he was touching me, there was something wrong. I felt a gush between my legs and looked down at my cotton shorts. I was bleeding.
__________
The baby was gone. I didn’t know whether to cry or be happy that I wasn’t attached to Roman anymore. No tears would shed. I was just zoned out. My mom had called and I spoke with her briefly. Roman was having a fit because I wouldn’t allow him back here with me even though he drove me here. If he didn’t get it back at the house, he’ll get it now. I didn’t want anything to do with him. We can work out a schedule for the kids, but as far as that goes, that was it.
Good thing the kids didn’t know about this new baby because the older kids would have been sad about me losing him or her. Damn. What if it was another boy? Poor Rome, he was just going to have to deal with being the only boy unless his nasty ass father had more kids .
My phone rang and I glanced at it. It was Lyric. For her, I picked up. I needed to vent. I needed to get all this shit that was weighing me down, out of my system.
“Hey friend,” she spoke when I answered .
I tried my best to respond but instead, I started bawling like a baby.
“Oh my gosh, Diah! Are you okay! Bitch talk! Breath Diah and tell me what is wrong!” Lyric screamed into the phone, scared.
“Come home,” was all I could get out.
“I’m coming.”
PERRI
“Why are you making me do this?” I asked him, lips quivering. This baby had me emotional as hell because I wasn’t scared of nobody’s mama, but Zeus was doing too much. Now his ass wanted me to go over to his mama’s so we could tell her about the baby. I also heard him on the phone with her. Something was going on over at Diah and Roman’s and Zeus refused to go over there.
“Listen. My mama doesn't need to hear about this from anyone but us. You ain’t gotta worry about shit, Perri. I’m not gon let her disrespect you, aight?” Zeus told me, keeping his eyes on the road. It ain’t like I had a choice whether to go or not. I was already in the car with him and he was headed to his mom. My mom didn’t even know about the baby. I would stop by and drop the bomb on her tomorrow if I felt up to it.
Sighing, I just waved Zeus away with my hand. I just wanted to get this over with so I could go back to my house and get in my bed. That way when I was in my own shit, Zeus couldn’t force me to do anything. Everything was moving so fast. Us being together and now a baby. It felt like the world was spinning so fast and it caused my head to hurt.
His mama was out on the porch with a moo moo on and her hands on her hips. She wore a mug and I wasn’t sure how this encounter was going to go. She could be understanding and it goes smoothie, or she could go left and and it’ll be some back and forth going on because ain’t nobody was gon handle me any kind of way. I wish I could call Wes right now, but I still hadn’t told him about me being pregnant. Right now, I had to pull up my big girl panties and handle my own.
Zeus parked and stroked my thigh, trying to mentally assure me that everything was going to be okay. I highly doubted it and when I went smooth off on his mama because the way she was staring right at me through his tinted windows, she was ready to pop off; I hoped Zeus would still want me.
Zeus exited the car first and then rounded the car to help me out because he knew I wasn’t moving on my own. He gave me a sly smile and held a hand out to me. Hesitantly, I took it and he pulled me out of the car and closed the door behind me.
“I take it you never went over to check on your brother and Diah?” his mama spoke, without so much of a hi. I kept my mouth closed because she was already reaching.
“Nah. I told you I wasn’t,” Zeus answered. “Why the hell are you out of the bed?”
“Because I’m feeling better and I feel like it’s healed. Now, what is going on?”
Zeus cleared his throat and I took in a deep breath,
“Roman use to um...date Perri and…”
“Say what now?” his mama interrupted him, cupping her ear as if she didn’t hear him right. She heard him loud and clear. “I know I just didn’t hear what I thought I heard. This girl here a pass around? Is that why you two are at odds!”
“Excuse me?” I frowned, taking a step towards her old, wrinkly ass. Okay, she wasn’t old like that, but still. Zeus held an arm out to keep me from walking up on his mama.
His mama shrugged and spat out, “I’m just telling it like it is. This shit between Zeus and Roman is because of you.” She turned to Zeus while I stood there seething. I knew this was a bad idea. “Why don’t you just eliminate the problem Zeus. It ain’t worth losing your brother behind and poor Diah. She was a sister to you that you never had. How dare you bring her around a woman that was being fast with her husband. I taught you bros before hoes didn’t I?”
Zeus reached out and grabbed my hand. He squeezed and it instantly calmed me just knowing he was on my side. His mama did not have a right to talk about me this way but I guess I had to look at it from her angle. She raised her sons to be close and now they weren’t even speaking because of me. Still, she wasn’t gon to keep on with the insults.
Zeus closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. I could feel his palm beginning to sweat and his breathing was laboring. It was now quiet because we were waiting on him to speak.
“Do not….and I mean this in the most respectful way ma, but do not disrespect Perri again. Being around Diah? She didn’t want to. I kind of forced it on her. Yeah, she fucked with Roman first but that wasn’t shit. He lied and lied to Perri pumping her head up about leaving Diah and even got her pregnant and had her abort them. She’s mine now and I love her. It might be fucked up to some, but I’m gon show her how a real man is supposed to love her. Whether you or anyone else likes it or not. She’s having my baby and nobody gon stress her the fuck out,” Zeus made clear.
That whole speech made my clit throb. To see a man stand up for me was sexy. To hear him let his mama know what it is and what it wasn’t, and to hear him tell someone else that he loves me, was causing butterflies in my stomach.
“She’s...”
Zeus nodded at his mama. “Yes we’re pregnant. Accept it or not.” Squeezing my hand once more, Zeus led me out of the house.
“You know you’re getting your dick sucked real sloppy, right?”
___________
“I’m gon be a god mommy!” Wes squealed, clapping his hands together and then leaned forward to rub on my vi
sible flat stomach. “Girl you are in his bag!”
I started laughing and was going to correct him when I heard his throat clear. Turning around, all the blood drained from my face when I noticed the coldness in Zeus’s stare and the way he was clenching his fists.
“Zeus it’s not like that,” I jumped up, ready to explain. I was going to kill Wes. “He was just talking.”
I reached out to him and he took a step back. I was confused as hell because we’ve been loving on each other and making plans for the future. Zeus should know better. He should know I wasn’t with him for his money. Was it a plus? Hell yeah, it was but I wanted Zeus’s heart. Fuck the bag!
“Was he?” he questioned me, and my mouth dropped.
“That was me just talking. That girl loves you,” Wes tried to explain, but I lifted a manicured finger to stop him.
“You don’t have to explain Wes. He should already know that!” I spat, grilling Zeus, my eyes bouncing from side to side as I stared into his brown orbs. His chiseled jaw was clenching. Why was he this mad over something that did not come out of my mouth? I’ve never shown Zeus that I was a gold digger. Never did I wake up and ask for his black card. He was really tripping right now and I hope this wasn’t the end of us.
ROMAN
“I can’t believe Zeus. The way he talked to me and sided with that hussie,” my mom fussed.
I could have easily gone to a five star hotel and booked a room for two years in advance, but instead I had come to my mama’s and I now regretted it. I was sitting on her sofa with my elbow on the arm of the chair and my face in my palm, damn near falling asleep. It was what she said next that had my soul on fire.
“He said she was pregnant. How do you get a pass around pregnant?” She then pointed at me. “I’m very disappointed in you, Roman. Diah is a good woman. Mother of your kids and you go and cheat on her. Now you have lost your family.”
My mama kept repeating the same shit as if I didn’t already know all of this. I know I’ve lost Diah. I fucked up. Zeus was a whole snitch telling my mama about me getting Perri pregnant and making her get an abortion. I sat back and ran both hands down my face and let out an exasperated sigh. Today was draining. It took me at least two hours to pick up all of my shit on the lawn that Diah had thrown out. I decided to be the one to leave because I didn’t want her taking my kids out of the house where they were comfortable.
“I know you hear me!”
“Can’t help but hear you. You keep saying the same shit over and over,” I frowned. I ain’t never talked to my mama like that and I felt bad. “My bad, ma. I’m gon grab a room tonight. I’ll pick up my clothes tomorrow. I already have an overnight bag in my truck.” I pecked her cheek and left the house.
My stomach was empty. I hadn’t even thought about eating. Seeing Diah tore up like that. Not being home with her and the kids was eating me up right now. I not only hurt my wife, but I hurt my kids too. Not being there with them and knowing she didn’t have help with the kids at the house had me feeling like shit.
I ended up at the Hilton. Once I checked in, I immediately rolled up and smoked on my balcony. Nothing could take this pain I was feeling away, but this potent ass weed would help temporarily.
__________
My kids were playing in my mama’s yard when I pulled up to pick up my shit that I had over there. She didn’t even bother to tell me she had the kids. Diah’s SUV wasn’t parked in the driveway. As I parked, my mama slowly walked out of the house with a broom in her hand. She had a little limp from the fall, but it was good to see her moving around.
“Daddy!” The kids ran over to me screaming. I embraced all three of them.
“Where is Celeste?” I asked my oldest daughter.
“With mama,” she replied.
“And where is mama?”
She shrugged and they all took off running. I sauntered over to the front door where my mama was sweeping. I took the broom from her and finished it for her.
“Where is Diah?” I asked.
My mama sighed and mumbled, “To see your lawyer about a divorce.”
My body froze and went numb. A divorce? I eased down and sat in the other chair my mama had on her porch as she sat down on the other one.
“Cheating on your wife or husband is a big deal son. You broke your vows. Some people cannot get past something like that. Diah is broken. You broke her. How long had you been cheating on her with Perri?”
“Seven months,” I mumbled and she gasped.
“Seven whole months and not one time did you feel like you were fucking up? What else have you done for that girl? I want to hear it,” my mama pressed on.
“Put her in a house, bought her a car, and gave her access to a bank account Diah had no idea I had,” I truthfully spoke. My mama’s eyes were so wide, I thought they would pop out of their sockets.
“Did… did you love this girl? Is that why you are so mad behind this, you’re not speaking to Zeus? You… you loved this girl.”
Instead of speaking, I nodded. I did love Perri, but I loved my wife even more. If I could go back in time, I would have never fucked Perri in that bathroom. I would have never been able to feel her pussy clench my dick where it fogged my thinking.
“Is Perri the only one you cheated on Diah with?”
“No, but the other ones ain’t mean shit to me. It’s usually when I go to Miami on business.”
I was being real honest with my mama. It felt good to get all this shit off my chest, but still, she wasn’t the person I owed all this honesty to. Diah wouldn’t be able to handle all of this anyway. Now she had lost the baby because of me. Losing a kid wasn’t easy, even when they weren’t outside of the stomach. That hit me right in the heart when the doctor told us that there wasn’t a heart beat and had my wife deliver the baby. Diah wouldn’t allow me back there with her to even help her get through this. I was just a reminder of where all the hurt and pain started from.
“Jesus, Roman. I just don’t know,” my mama huffed. “I just don’t know how you’re going to fix this because it might not be fixable. Diah dropped the kids off because she wants a divorce. I guess the best thing to do is give her some space and co-parent the best way y’all can.”
“And watch another man love my wife? Nah, I’m getting my wife back. You trippin’.”
Anxiety was taking over me. I pulled out my weed and started to roll up not caring where I was and who was around me. My heart was beating too damn fast and I needed to calm my nerves down. Reality hit me like a muthafucka. Once Diah divorces me, she’s going to move on to the next man and that shit had me seeing red. I’ll kill each and every one of them niggas too.
My mama didn’t fuss and bother me about smoking weed on her porch around her. She probably felt pity on me, shit.
“You need to leave before Diah gets back. I don’t want no fuckin’ drama in my neighborhood and you need to give the woman some space. Don;t force her to talk to you. The kids are good. If you need to relay a damn message, let me know and I’ll be the damn mediator.”
I coughed after pulling on the blunt and stared at my mama. I slowly blew the smoke out and said, “We’re both grown as adults who can at least get along and talk about the kids.”
My mama threw her hands in the air and they came down, slapping her thighs. “Nigga’s just don’t listen,” she muttered.
DIAH
I had dropped the older three kids off with Roman’s mama and kept Celeste because she was still healing. My parents had gone out of town on a mini vacation and they deserved it. They were always there for me and kept their grands whenever I needed them to. They weren’t aware of what I was dealing with right now because I just didn’t want to bother them with it.
When his mama asked where I was going, I told her. To see our lawyer because I wanted a divorce. I wasn’t staying with someone who didn’t cherish or love me like they say they did. Folks always say people can still love you and cheat, and I didn’t believe that shit one bit. If they love
d you, they wouldn’t put you through bullshit. If they loved you, they wouldn’t entertain someone else while with you. Fuck all that.
“Are you sure you want to grow through with this, Mrs. Baker? Did you want to attempt counseling first?” our lawyer, Jake Ditz asked me, and I cocked my head at him.
“If your wife cheated on you… had a side piece of a man for months, maybe years, would you want counseling Jake?” I spewed out.
“Um… I … I…. No, I wouldn’t. I would want to divorce here,” he said, truthfully.
“Okay so I don’t care how much money Roman pays you, but I’m divorcing his ass and that’s that!”
“Yes maam. I’ll get started on the paperwork. Was there anything that you wanted me to include?”
I shook my head, “No. I don’t want the house or cars if it’s going to cause a headache. I just want the divorce,” I replied, sighing.
Jake leaned back in his seat and eyed me. I don’t know if he thought the longer I sat across from him that I would change my mind but my mind was set.
“Alrighty!” he exclaimed. “If you want to come by my office tomorrow afternoon, I will have the papers ready to be signed.” Jake picked up his pen and started nervously tapping on his desk. “You know Roman isn’t going to sign without a fight. He loves…”
I hopped up with Celeste still sleeping in my arms.
“That would be all Jake. Have a wonderful rest of your day,” I spoke, interrupting the bullshit he was about to speak.
“You too,” he responded, but I was already hauling my ass out of his cold office.
After securing my daughter in her carseat, I flopped down behind the wheel and angrily hit it. How could he do this to me? To us? I thought. It is what it is because cheating wasn’t something I tolerated. If I would have let him get a pass with that, he would have thought it was cool to keep cheating because I’ll continue to give him passes. People only do what you allow and that shit was a no go for me. A fucking deal breaker.